


And They Were Cellmates

by BoStarsky, StartingWithTheRidingCrop



Series: Assorted Kylux [28]
Category: Crash Pad (2017), Logan Lucky (2017), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anxiety, Cinnamon rolls in love, Coming out of the Closet, Crying, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Insecurity, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mellie is a good sister, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, PTSD, Prison AU, Slow Burn, So is clyde, Stensland is a cinnamon roll, bad prison food, neither of them know what they're doing, so many tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-03-19 20:43:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 115,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18978004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoStarsky/pseuds/BoStarsky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StartingWithTheRidingCrop/pseuds/StartingWithTheRidingCrop
Summary: The first time Clyde meets Stensland he’s crying. He’s been on his own so far in this sad, grey, cinder block cell so the introduction of a cellmate would likely happen eventually, he knew that. What he wasn’t prepared for was that cellmate being a tall ginger with snot dripping down his chin and wet, bloodshot eyes. So far he’s been lucky in this cauliflower scheme of Jimmy’s, now he gets the feeling that that luck might be coming to an end with the arrival of his new cellmate.Or the one in which Stensland ends up in prison with Clyde and they slow burn their way to heaven.





	1. A Prison What now?

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, at long last! The RP that ended up becoming a fucking book. It was a lot of fun to write and now it's time to share.
> 
> Enjoy!

The first time Clyde meets Stensland he’s crying. He’s been on his own so far in this sad, grey, cinder block cell so the introduction of a cellmate would likely happen eventually, he knew that. What he wasn’t prepared for was that cellmate being a tall ginger with snot dripping down his chin and wet, bloodshot eyes. So far he’s been lucky in this cauliflower scheme of Jimmy’s, now he gets the feeling that that luck might be coming to an end with the arrival of his new cellmate.  

 

The door closes with a bang, the lock buzzing back into place and his new cellmate keeps crying. Really Clyde would like nothing more than to go back to reading his book, but he was raised better than that and he knows himself what a place like this can be like, especially when you’re not here out of choice. 

 

Marking his page he shoves the worn paperback into the space between his mattress and the wall where it’ll be out of harm's way and gets up to greet the wailing beanpole. The second he’s standing the ginger averts his eyes apologising left and right for doing nothing at all, as much as he’d like some peace and quiet he can understand being scared in a place like this, the least he can do is be one person this guy won’t have to be scared off. 

 

“Clyde Logan,” he tries his best to come across as non-threatening as possible when he offers his hand, though it’s up to his new cellmate to decide if he pulls it off or not and accepts the offered hand. It’s a long few moments before the snivelling man can find his voice but eventually he does, 

 

“Stensland,” he sniffles offering up a weak handshake, his palms are clammy, too soft to belong to someone who does heavy work for a living and clearly someone who will struggle in prison. It’s no good being any modicum of soft in a place like this.

 

“Welcome to Monroe,” it doesn’t feel like much of a conversation and that’s fine by Clyde and he’s thinking they should leave it there for now. Socialising has never been his strong suit despite his chosen occupation, but he can’t keep from wondering how somebody like Stensland ended up in a prison down south when he looks like a stiff breeze would blow him over. 

 

Stensland keeps blubbering for a while longer, standing just inside the door looking like a red faced wraith in his striped uniform. When he does calm down it’s short lived, he looks down and Clyde would make one guess as to what he’s noticed when he startles away and into the single shelf bolted to the wall. 

 

The metallic clang of the impact pulls a flinch out of him, that must have hurt, but Stensland seems too distracted by his missing hand to notice beyond a whimper. It’s taken him a long time to come to terms with that initial judgement most people have, life hasn’t given him much choice in the matter, you either adapt or you lose and Clyde has lost enough. At least Stensland looks more scared than disgusted, he still hides the stump behind his back trying not to let his hurt show. 

 

“What, uh, which bed is mine?” Stensland fumbles out rubbing the back of his head wincing occasionally, the image of the lost arm fresh in his mind wondering what horrific incident caused that to happen, hundreds of scenarios running through his head.

 

“Take the top one, I don’t like being high up,” Clyde purposely neglects to mention that he sometimes has nightmares and is more scared of falling out of the bunk than the height itself. It’s probably something he should mention, but until it becomes relevant it can wait. Hopefully Stensland won’t be here anymore the next time he has one of his episodes. 

 

Stensland eagerly clambers up into the top bunk and out of the way, finding it feels a little like a sanctuary in this hell on Earth as he can partly hide. Curling up under the thin, scratchy blanket feels a little better still. This is not someplace he ever thought he’d end up and he’s still not sure why, the last few days a blur of police officers that started with a Muumuu knock on his door and ended with him in this cell.

 

“It’s okay to be scared,” Clyde mutters from below him in that deep rumble. Easy for him to say with all his muscles and tallness, someone like that probably flourishes in a place like this. He’s probably in here for something horrible too, like murder or rape, something brutal. With his specific brand of luck he’ll be Clyde’s next victim, thrown around like a toy. How he’s ever going to survive this is beyond him, there’s being scared and then there’s pure terror and Stensland feels he’s way past the former when he can’t even muster a reply so he remains there hidden under the blanket until he’s forced to move.

 

Dinner time couldn’t come soon enough, Clyde’s pretty sure he hasn’t been privy to this much crying since that fox ran off with Sadie’s pet rabbit when she was three. The electronic buzz of the dinner bell is the sound of salvation. Or it was until Stensland shuffled out behind him following him all the way down to the cafeteria like a trembling shadow, Joe Bang spares them a glance as they line up with their trays, apparently amused by Clyde's new extension.

 

Stensland had figured if he just walked really quietly behind his cellmate, he wouldn’t be noticed that much and maybe people wouldn’t bother him, not that he wants to be close to anyone, but Clyde seems intimidating enough that others will leave Stens be. So he grips his tray tightly, standing right behind Clyde the edge of it almost digging into the man's back. He’s still shaking as he follows him over to the table too, sitting next to him and glancing around like a nervous little animal in a cage of lions.

 

Prison food isn't much to brag about, it’s slop for a lack of a better word, ambiguously coloured and made with mystery ingredients that they're all better off not knowing but you either eat it or you starve. The bread isn't much better, rubbery, tasteless, and somehow both too dry and too moist at the same time. He's eaten worse things, barely. It's a matter of getting used to the misery, that and motivating himself with what's to come in a few weeks time.

 

Stensland picked at the food, almost gagging at the taste and hoping that it isn’t always like this or he was going to starve to death, if he didn’t get murdered by someone first. He kept his eyes down when someone else sat at the table, trying desperately not to burst into tears again as they spoke, the grin audible in his voice. “Look at that, some fresh meat.”

 

"Back off, he's mine," Clyde growls not thinking it through before it's too late, he doesn't like posturing, prefers keeping to himself and out of trouble. It's danged stupid of him, but he's not going to sit around while the more morally grey inmates tear Stensland apart, skinny little thing like that with his bold colouring is a prize to be had in a place like this. That's not a fate anyone deserves.

 

The other prisoner holds up his hands with a sneer, they’ll respect the claim for now. “Whoa, lucky you got first dibs, well if you get bored let me know.” He gave a predatory smile as Stensland sat and trembled next to Clyde. When the other man was gone he let out another shaky breath, 

 

“Th-thank you I... you were just helping right?”

 

He takes in his his new friend, his red rimmed eyes wide in nervous expectation and Clyde realises he's looking at an open door and has a choice to make. Stensland is pretty in a waifish way underneath the dried tear tracks and cold sweat, cute almost, he could take advantage of this if he wanted, gain himself some experience. As soon as the thought passes disgust at himself rises in his gut, he's not like that, he's not going to let prison turn him into that. He's dug himself a hole now and he might as well stay in it and act as a shield until his ninety days are up, not like he has anything better to do in here. 

 

"I'll keep you out of trouble when I can," It's a compromise he figures, best not to get attached, if Stensland goes and finds trouble when Clyde isn't around it won't be his problem to fix. 

 

Stensland gives an eager little nod, if he keeps quiet and stays by Clyde he’ll be relatively safe, or as safe as he can be in such an institute. He was glad he had a cellmate he wouldn’t be that scared to sleep around, it seemed at least the man was very... heterosexual.

 

And that's how Clyde found himself with a pretend prison bitch, how he's going to handle this he has yet to figure out. Six months in juvie hardly counts as any kind of preparation for something like this, a bunch of delinquent kids no comparison to the people in here who are just as likely to shiv you as look at you. He's managed to keep out of the way the two weeks he's been in here and his size has luckily kept him safe from other things, that and the fact that he's damaged goods. Nobody wants an amputee unless the pickings are real slim. Now that he has a pretty redhead to his name he'll stop being invisible and that could cause trouble for them both.

 

Stensland was at least quiet, picking at his food and following Clyde like a shadow until they had to go back to their cell. It wasn’t until his complete fear sort of settled down that he eventually spoke of his own accord, voice still shaking slightly. 

 

“Thanks, you know for, for earlier. You you didn’t have to do that.” He climbed up to the top bunk, curling up and closing his eyes but unable to settle. Still thinking about how this would change everything, he won’t be able to find another shitty job after this, he’ll probably end up on the streets or something.  _ This is it,  _ he thinks with a sob.

 

When the guards call lights out they're plunged into darkness and the part of prison life Clyde likes least of all wakes up, it's not every night he hears  _ it _ , tonight isn't one of them. He's grateful for small mercies like that, grateful for Stensland too that he doesn't have to listen to what Clyde is protecting him from on his first night in. No, tonight is as peaceful as it ever gets at Monroe, distant chatter, guards patrolling, and the new addition of muffled sobs from above him. 

 

Stensland couldn’t stop, he’s too upset, he shouldn’t be here, he should have listened to his old roommate, he shouldn’t have been so dependant on the only thing that could make him relax and forget. Stens only finally stopped crying when he had exhausted himself from it and promptly fell asleep on the hard bed curled right up under the blanket.

 

Clyde is usually up before the lights get switched on and today is no different, Stensland is still asleep above him and when he takes a peek as he gets up the ginger looks almost peaceful. There's no point in changing his routine around his cellmate, he figures, and goes about his morning, relieving himself and combing his hair into some semblance of decent that he'll fix later in the showers. He's on his second set of one armed push ups when the lights flicker on sweat starting to form at his brow.

 

The loud buzz of the lights coming on gives Stensland a sudden fright, pulling him from sleep and making him shudder and open his eyes slowly. They were completely reddened and puffy from the crying and lack of proper sleep, it takes him a while to rub them and wake up enough to move over and peer down off the side of the bed. He watches Clyde quietly for a little while and chews his lip, he was so strong and... big, and Stensland wasn’t sure how he truly felt about it but he knew somewhere he kind of liked it. He wasn’t exactly bad to look at either but the fear was strong enough to stop him even thinking about that, scared Clyde would somehow know what he was thinking and hurt him for it. 

 

"Mornin'," Clyde grumbles when he switches over to situps only to find Stensland watching him from the top bunk, "They'll let us out soon." He pays his cellmate no mind used to being watched, people impressed that a cripple like him can still exercise. Soon they'll buzz the doors open and Clyde can slip off for a shower before the majority gets up, it's the closest thing you can get to privacy here, get there before everyone else does and scrub off as fast as you can before anyone gets any ideas.

 

Stensland just hung over the top bunk, still quietly watching after muttering the smallest good morning. At least this was something, if he got to see this every morning things might be a tiny bit easier because he could self indulge, quietly and without thinking about it too much of course.

 

“What do you do when they, uh, let you out?” It was probably the most he had willingly spoke that wasn’t dotted with sobs, Stensland trying to hold himself together for now.

 

"Well, I wash up, eat, do any assigned work," survive, he leaves off that part, not wanting to scare Stensland even more. "There are clubs you could join if you're into that." Maybe he can get the kid off his back for a while, dump him in some creative therapy club where the worst that'll happen is someone shoving a paintbrush up your nose for lack of more effective weapons.

 

“They have clubs?” Stensland frowned, giving a small nod. “Maybe I should do that.” Any distraction would help as he waits indefinitely for his trial date not sure when it could possibly be, he doesn’t know anything about this process at all. He makes the decision to follow Clyde to the showers when he finished working out, he wanted to stay as safe as possible and he’ll just have to force himself not to look at Clyde too much. Surely he would survive if he could do that. “What kinda clubs?”

 

"All kinds, I do woodwork and carpentry, but I don't think you’d like that." All the burly men are in woodwork, the kind of guys Stensland should avoid at all cost. "How about art?" he suggests as they file out into the corridor and head off to the showers. 

 

Stensland holds his towel like it was a lifeline as he followed Clyde, he gave a little nod because while he was pretty terrible at... anything at all really, at least art sounds fun. 

 

“I think art would be nice, how, uh, how do I ask for that? Am I allowed to be in the clubs if I’m still waiting for my trial?”

 

"So long as you're in here you can join anything you'd like," Just like he predicted there's only a few other guys in the showers when they get there, all early risers Clyde knows use the same strategy as him. "Just walk up to the instructor and ask to join." He sheds the itchy jumpsuit, dumping it into the laundry trolley and finds himself a free shower a ways away from the others so he won't have to wash his stump in plan view if he can avoid it. Clyde is copied by stensland, doing the same and standing in the cubicle right next to him. 

 

“Will you tell me who the instructor is?” There was only basic waist height separators between the showers and stensland had to stop him repeatedly looking at Clyde. He was so toned and damn wide...it took all of his willpower not to look at more, knowing it would be too much of a risk especially if anyone else saw him looking, he would be eaten alive, even Clyde might just kill him.

 

"I think it's some old lady, I've never been to that club." He throws a glance over at Stensland, mentally admonishing himself for doing even that much, it's rude to stare no matter how pretty the view is.

 

“Yeah, I can do that.” Stensland knew he had to do something at least and that seemed simple enough, without getting himself into trouble that was.

 

"I'll walk you there after breakfast." There's a sense of relief that he'll get some time apart from his new acquaintance, that and Stensland will be safe in art therapy. As safe as you can be in prison outside of solitary. Stens gave a small nod, hearing more people start to come into the shower and he quickly rinsed off so he could get dressed again. He would rather not have all those others looking at him at all and he loitered awkwardly as he waited for Clyde, not wanting to be too far from him.

 

The increase in noise signals it's time to go so he rinses the cheap soap out of his hair thinking about how Mellie will kill him for the extended abuse to her good work and he'd let her too, what he wouldn't give for some conditioner. Stensland is shy from the looks of it, even more than himself, standing awkwardly nearby covering himself with his hands, it's adorable almost. He contemplates being deliberately slow, but decides against it as he'd rather not get caught up in the morning rush either.

 

As soon as Clyde is done Stensland is back at his side like his shadow, keeping close and mainly keeping his eyes to the floor. He did make quite the convincing prison bitch in all fairness, the right disposition except he was lucky enough that Clyde didn’t do... all of that to him. Though he wouldn’t mind if something nice were to perhaps happen, Stensland chose to ignore that thought completely, nothing nice was going to happen in this place. He was also pretty sure Clyde was one of the straightest people ever, he probably had a redneck wife or something waiting for him or even loads of girlfriends. 

 

Back in a clean, overly starched onesie Clyde feels much better about things, Stensland seems to share the sentiment if the relief in his posture is anything to go by. Next on the agenda is breakfast which is no better than any other meal with its rubbery eggs and cheap bread, but it goes down all the same. Thinking about all the good food waiting for him outside is a good motivator, can't enjoy that if he starves to death before his time is up so he best shut up and eat what he can. Woodwork is what fills out the rest of his morning, plans to further his effort in making a little toy rocking horse for Sadie, it's unlikely it'll turn out good, but it keeps him occupied. On the way there they detour to the art room where he'll finally be able to park Stensland for a few hours.

 

Stensland is twitchy and nervous, like a kid on their first day at a new school so he’s even more timid as Clyde ushers him into the room. He managed a little thank you to Clyde, not wanting to embarrass him so he didn’t wave like he wanted to, Clyde was already acting as babysitter and Stens couldn’t embarrass him even more, instead he went over to the lady who seemed to run this club.

 

It was only a short conversation before she was asking stensland to sit down and welcoming him, he decided he liked her already. She was kind and had warm eyes, something he desperately needed while he was here where everything felt cold despite the sun outside. Though he was also sure she could hold her own since she did work in a prison after all.

 

Clyde lingers long enough to make sure Stensland talks to the teacher before making his way to the workshop where his limping rocking horse is waiting, ready to fill his mind with other things for a while. He manages for a good chunk of the morning, long enough for the horse to lose its limp and become ready for sanding which requires a lot less thinking causing his mind to fill in the gaps with that shy, little smile Stensland gave him. It's an evil thought like a buzzing wasp, he'd like nothing more than to crush it yet it keeps evading him, staying just out of reach.

 

Stensland manages at the art club, he’s terrible, really, really terrible but he enjoys it and he likes talking to the therapist because she treats him like an equal human instead of a piece of meat as the other prisoners were. He gets some stares in the club but that’s okay it’s not too distracting, he knows he had Clyde to look after him in some way so he manages to ignore them for now and focus on trying to draw very basic images which of course are terrible.

 

Usually when he's approached by Joe Bang it's in relation to the heist, today it's about Stensland, or more specifically, his bitch. Thinking of anyone like that makes something inside Clyde crawl, treating people like toys. Joe's been in here long enough that he understands why he's like that, doesn't make him feel any less awful hearing it said out loud. 

 

“You ain’t been here two weeks and you got yourself a bitch.” Is how he chooses to start the conversation.

 

"Don't call him that," Clyde snaps, sanding paper crumpling in his fist.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

 

"Just calling it like it is, Logan,' Joe states.                                                                                                                                                                                                        

 

"I ain't like that," he's not, he's done his damn hardest not to be and this won't change that, he won’t let Joe get to him even as he follows him out of the workshop to continue this ill advised conversation.

 

Stensland has been the last to leave the class, he felt semi safe there with the therapist and the general peace, but finally he had to leave knowing it would be lunch time soon and he would have to force himself to eat something that would inevitably taste of cardboard. If he was lucky it would have a texture that wasn’t gag inducing.

 

As Stens was going around the corner though he saw Clyde, relief going through him at the sight of someone who was reluctantly looking out for him, though he hesitated walking over after seeing him talking to someone else. It was the man he had seen before in the cafeteria, watching the confrontation that had led to Clyde staking his claim, he looked horrible and Stensland kind of paused in the middle of the corridor not sure what to do, hesitating with which way to step. 

 

"Look at that, there's your bitch now, Logan," Joe crows landing a heavy slap on Clyde's shoulder, it's times like these that Clyde wishes he wasn't as soft hearted as he is, if he'd left Stensland to the dogs he wouldn't be in this situation. 

 

"I ain't no fucking faggot, Joe," Clyde knows that in a fight Joe would be an equal, that Joe fight's dirty, that picking any kind of fight at all is damned stupid. It's his own pride that does it, that constant need to prove himself as anything other than what he is. Joe might have a hinge or two loose in that brilliant brain of his, but there's enough sense left to back down. They both know they shouldn't be fighting anyway, tensions are high enough as it is with what they're trying to pull off. "Just leave it." He walks away sure that if he stays any longer there really will be a fight. 

 

Stensland had walked a bit closer, still hesitant but close enough to hear what Clyde finished the conversation with and it... honestly it hurt. He felt completely pathetic, it physically hurt his chest to know that Clyde thought of people like that, he truly thought the man might be different in the way he at least wouldn’t be attacked by Clyde if he figured out he wasn’t straight.

 

His face fell and he tried so desperately not to cry, someone seeing him cry now would only make things so much more worse, so seeing Clyde about to walk over he found himself walking away quickly before he really did get upset and start crying again.

Stensland had no idea what he was doing or where he was going, he figured he could just go and wait near the canteen anywhere away from Clyde at the moment. He stood with his back to a wall, his head down avoiding eye contact and trying to be as invisible as he could despite his bright hair and the clear impression that he was new here with how he trembled when any prisoner got too close. 

 

Clyde had been surprised, to say the least, when Stensland had practically bolted when he'd seen him, a little hurt even. He'd thought they'd been getting along well enough, maybe something had gone wrong in the art class, maybe someone had done something. Anger bubbles in his chest at the thought that somebody might have hurt Stensland and he tries to recall who he'd seen in the classroom that could be responsible, his opinion on fights still stands, however he made a promise to keep Stens safe and by god if he wasn’t going to keep that promise even if it meant trouble for himself. Though that way of thinking was already going to be trouble enough.

 

Stensland somehow manages to avoid any attention until lunch, his stomach roiling with anxiety as he walked into the canteen on his own. It seemed so loud and overwhelming, he felt like everyone was staring at him, that the air was thick with tension just from him walking in. 

 

His hands were shaking as he picked up a tray, keeping his head down as he was served his crap food. Then came the worst part, finding somewhere to sit without Clyde there, he didn’t want the man to end up hating him and since he seemed to hate gay people Stens made the choice to avoid him until they went back to their cell and he could steel himself for pretending he wasn’t who he was during his time here. 

 

You wouldn't think locating a tall, skinny, coppertop would be so difficult, Clyde's been just about everywhere trying to catch a glimpse of orange. He's worried enough that he forgets about lunch figuring Stensland would avoid a crowd if he could. The library is empty, the yard is too risky, the gym deserted, his mind immediately going to all the worst scenarios when he isn't in their cell either.

 

Stensland finds an empty space at the corner of a table where there’s no one too close, sitting down and forcing himself to eat which is a greater challenge than he had anticipated. He also assumes the man who sits opposite him simply had the same thought but when he stupidly risks a glance up its clear they had something else in mind. A grin was on the man's face as he kept watching stensland, finally reaching out and taking the rest of his lunch by casually pulling the tray over to himself. 

 

“I’m sure a skinny thing like you won’t need all of that.” Stensland wasn’t about to put up a fight or even respond for half a crap sandwich and some juice so instead he moved to get up and leave, avoiding confrontation was the best thing he could do, But life had never been kind to Stensland and the man grabbed his wrist hard enough to make stens whimper, knowing it would bruise like a peach. “I didn’t say you could leave bitch.”

 

In the end Clyde is forced to admit that either Stensland has vanished into thin air or gone to lunch where he'll pretty much be wearing a neon sign asking for trouble. The second one is more likely and Clyde can only hope Stens has somehow managed to fly under the radar, yet things aren’t always so easy.

Stensland could barely breathe as he sat back down very slowly, he didn’t want to make a scene right now. He was also too terrified to try and pull away, trembling like a little scared mouse as he looked down at the table which amused the other man to no end. 

 

“Is the little bitch going to cry? Scared of the big bad men? You should be you know, a thing like you that looks just enough like a woman to get the desperate ones to flock around you, have their way with you.”

 

“P-please stop. I don’t, I don’t want any trouble.” Stens was looking anywhere but at the other prisoner, if he did he was sure he actually would cry and just prove a point. That is until he speaks again and this time Stensland actually gets a little angry or at least angry enough to respond with something he immediately regrets saying in response to the awful prisoner. 

 

“Not that they’re all godforsaken faggots but hey I’m sure fucking your pussy is better than nothing in this place.” Stensland’s face twitched and he got back up quicker this time so he couldn’t be grabbed. 

 

“I belong to Clyde!”

 

Clyde can already tell he's chosen a bad time to set foot in the cafeteria when all eyes in the room turn to him, at least he's found Stensland. It's easy to tell something's happened and safe to assume he's now involved by proxy. He's never much liked having an audience of any kind, skin crawling under the attention as he stalks across the room, grabs Stens' skinny wrist and pulls him out of the cafeteria as fast as he can without looking as scared as he feels. 

 

"What did you do?" his voice comes out a lot more panicked and high pitched than he'd like, betraying his own fear at the current situation. 

 

Stensland stuttered as Clyde still had a firm grip on his wrist, feeling like it was a repeat of the cafeteria all over again. He managed to stumble over what happened, telling Clyde what the man had said and then telling the man what he had said in response through fresh tears.

 

It's not often Clyde finds it necessary to curse outside of the more polite words, this is one of those few times. "Fuck.” It's not particularly eloquent, but it sums up the situation fairly well.

 

Stensland has gone and painted a target on his back, intentional or not. So far he's managed to stay away from any of the less savory things happening in here, staying invisible and hiding as best as he can, that's going to change now. Now, every horny bastard in here that isn't already set up is going to come for him when they want a part of Stens. Clyde really doesn't want that kind of attention.

 

“I’m s-sorry! I’m sorry.” Stensland tried to tug his sore wrist away, already at the point of ugly crying. “I’m n-not a faggot I, I don’t I don’t want you to hate me! I w-won’t, I will stay out of your way!”

 

"I don't," Clyde jumps to reassure him a little niggling thought at the back of his head hinting that maybe Stens had overheard his fight with Joe and assumed the worst, that maybe Clyde had been the one who hurt him. "I said I'd look out for you and I will, Just don't say shit like that." He grabs Stensland's arm again, gentler this time, steering him back towards their cellblock. 

 

"I didn't mean what I said to Joe like that, I ain't, but I won't hurt you if you are," That'll have to be good enough, saying even that much feels like he's doing something wrong. 

 

Stensland goes to climb up onto the bed as soon as he was let go, so he could press back against the wall and hide from Clyde in the only way he could. Stensland didn’t believe him at all, that he didn’t mean what he said, it hurt and he couldn’t exactly admit to Clyde that he wasn’t exactly straight so he just hid under the covers.

 

“I’m not a fucking faggot...”

 

"Well, I won't hurt you either way." He decides taking the risk to leave Stens alone in their cell is worth it, it'll do them both some good, besides the guards might take offence to him being shadowed while he mops his share of the floors. He'd rather avoid causing more trouble than they already have.

 

Stensland was both glad and upset when Clyde decided to leave, he wanted the company but perhaps Clyde knew better and he should be alone for a while. He didn’t mean to push him away but he was just so scared, he was frightened that he had now made them both a target and he was scared he had messed up his chance of making some semblance of a friend in this hell hole. Thinking of it all has Stensland crying again, small sobs leaving him until he settled down to sniffles, eventually falling asleep for lack of anything better to do on top of the emotional exhaustion of the past 24 hours. 

 

Clyde is not at all fond of the searching looks he get from few other inmates as he mops his assigned hall while Stensland remains in the cell; doesn't like the feel of the whole thing at all. For the briefest moment he wishes he could go back to being someone not worth a lick in here, then he remembers the fear in Stensland's eyes. 

 

He's still mad about it and he reckons he will be for a while. It won't be easy settling into this new level of attention, might even be painful if he's not careful. There are men in here capable of truly horrendous things, that have been here for years already and will be for many more, it was stupid to think that his semi relation to Joe could keep him safe the entire 90 days of his sentence. He'll have to fend for himself now and that's a truly terrifying thought. Especially with someone else to look after now.

 

Stensland wakes up at the call for dinner with Clyde still gone but doesn’t move, he doesn’t feel hungry at all and there’s no point going to force down something horrible for the sake of it. Instead he stays in the bed, hoping Clyde will be okay for all the mess stensland has made just by existing. He also hopes Clyde goes to eat, there’s not point in both of them starving, just because Stensland can’t cope with being in here already causing trouble for others.

 

"Where's your bitch, Logan?" Second time today he's been asked that, only this time it's not in good humor. "How about renting him out for a while, got something for him to choke on." 

 

Clyde doesn't know the guy sat across him, doesn't want to either.

 

"He ain't for sale." The interaction leaves him with a sour taste on his tongue and no appetite, his mood only darkening as he drops off the uneaten half of his dinner with the dish washer who eyes him with the look of someone making plans and hopes Stens is still safe in their cell. It’s truly as if everyone is suddenly out to get them both, to test them.

 

Stensland himself had only moved slightly when someone came into the cell, assuming it was Clyde and he wanted to get up and apologise again, at least make an effort, though he’s sure it won’t mean much at all when he’s already caused so much trouble. He froze when he saw it wasn’t actually Clyde at all, another prisoner he hadn’t even seen but it seemed like word got around quick in this prison as the man stepped into the cell with a dark smile on his face.

 

“I hear you’re going to end up making the rounds little bitch.” Stensland kept on his bunk though it wasn’t exactly going to make a difference. He really had fucked everything up and now he was being cornered by someone who was much bigger than him, and he had no way out. Stens couldn’t fight, he couldn’t even attempt to and he had never felt so physically sick with fear before.

 

“N-no I’m not, please get out I’m... I’m not one of those gays...” He was beyond scared and he knew even saying that wasn’t going to work, he was sure all of the men in here were adamant they were straight but they took what they could get when they were locked up. It just so happened that Stensland seemed to be everyone’s next target. Fresh meat. The prisoner stepped forward and grabbed his wrists trying to pull him down from the bed.

 

“No! No please! STOP!” Stensland tried to pull back but trying was all he could do, the grip strong enough to truly hurt and bring tears back to his eyes as he was pulled to the edge of the bunk with ease. 

 


	2. Is it a Tree or a Bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Shouting isn't unusual to come across in Monroe, if it's not the prisoners it's the guards, Clyde thinks nothing of it until he realises the noise grows the closer he gets to their cell. When he hears that unmistakable Irish lilt his stomach drops and his step quickens into a jog. Please let it sound worse than it actually is.

Clyde knows straight away that he's about to do something very stupid when he sees someone else in their cell, specifically someone forcing themselves on his ginger. He knows that breaking someone's nose is going to put him in solitary so throwing the first punch isn't an option. The guard on their block watches with little interest or care, probably putting them in a tight spot on purpose, looking for an excuse to use his baton on any one of them or just looking for a bit of entertainment. 

Having no other option than to risk solitary Clyde grabs the back of the man's jumpsuit, bodily hauling him out of the cell and away from Stensland. Now that it’s physical the guard steps up just late enough that Clyde ends up with what'll likely become a black eye and a ringing in his ears that'll last him a few hours. He doesn't fight back though, he simply steps out of the way while the guard does the rest of the work for him.

Stensland cries out when he sees Clyde get hit, almost falling down from the top bunk in a rush to go over to the man to see if he’s okay, even though he very clearly isn’t. He probably wants nothing to do with him, probably doesn’t even want to look at Stensland but he can’t help wanting to try and help; this was his fault, he mentally scolds himself as he guides Clyde to sit down on his bed.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, you should... you should have let him take me I... it’s not worth you getting hurt at all.”

"Yes it is," Clyde protests, it's damn well worth it. What that man had planned he wouldn't wish on anyone, least of all someone like Stensland who somehow still manages to radiate innocence in a pit like this. He pushes Stensland's prodding fingers away from his swelling eye, the concern is touching, but he'd rather not sustain any further damage today. 

Stensland gets the message, stepping back and feeling almost sick with the way he had let Clyde down yet again, he simply wasn’t cut out for this at all and wishes he hadn’t got such a decent man hurt. Stensland didn’t think that it was worth him getting hurt at all, guilt pooling and settling heavy in his stomach as he climbed back into his bunk to stare at the ceiling until it got dark, sleep evading him.

Clyde in contrast is tired after the events of the day and sleep comes deceptively easy, luring him into the soft darkness only only to jerk him back out with lingering memories and a searing pain where his arm used to be. He gasps in the stale silence of the cell, muffling his choked noises of pain in his thin pillow until it fades into a dull throb and his skin is soaked with sweat. For a while he just listens to the white noise around him, trying to force his heart to slow and his lungs to expand, praying that he's gone unnoticed.

Stensland slept lightly that night when he did finally get to that point, still scared something would happen despite their cell being locked, he was also admittedly scared of Clyde now he knew what he thought of... people like him. He still wanted to be his friend though and his brain was going haywire, only stilling when he heard Clyde under him. It sounded like he was really hurt, or something had happened and stensland could only wonder what might be wrong. He was fairly sure that Clyde wouldn’t want to be asked if he was okay or even spoken too, Stensland had caused too much trouble already without bothering him to ask if there was something wrong. Instead he kept quiet and hoped Clyde went back to sleep, knowing he probably wouldn’t sleep himself.

Sleep won't come easy to either of them after that, the image of Clyde’s hand crushed beneath the heavy metal of the transport burned into the forefront of his mind. To distract himself in any way he can he goes over Jimmy's plan again, mapping out every detail he knows, when that's exhausted he returns to the mantra he took on whenever this happens; a simple and straightforward "I am not in Iraq, I'm safe," It's mostly pointless, but whispering it to himself helps erase the static in his mind. It's an alternative to counting sheep, distracting himself away from the desert and into his mother's kitchen, the tire swing in the oak tree, sundaes at the diner, home. It's unlikely to put him to sleep, it's never worked that way, then again neither has leaving himself to his panic so why shouldn't he do what he can.

Stensland is fighting with himself when he hears the soft whispering, he wants to check on Clyde, he wants to make sure he man is okay but he knows he’s not wanted. He should have never even spoke to him, should have just left himself to his fate so he lay quietly, only falling asleep when his body decided it couldn’t stay awake any longer in the very early hours of the morning. 

When the time comes after the sun has rose Clyde doesn't feel much like working out, his eye swollen shut, phantom pain still needling in his arm, he forces himself to anyway. The simplest routine he has feels like too much at the moment. He's barely broken a sweat when the lights flicker on turning his ongoing headache into something truly horrible. Stensland peers over the side of the bed cautiously when the lights come on, Clyde looks like a mess. He feels terribly guilty so keeps quiet, moving back and pretending he doesn’t exist. It’s easier that way, when the cells open Stensland doesn’t go and shower, instead he stays there.

He doesn’t want to embarrass Clyde any more by being seen with him, hoping the man will be okay. It’s only by breakfast that he finally finds the strength to go and get something to eat, keeping his own head down and trying to stay out of the way, of both the other prisoners and Clyde.

By the time breakfast rolls around Clyde is in no mood to eat, he goes anyway not liking the thought of leaving Stensland on his own for too long. Rubbery eggs and toast done with he shifts his energy to glaring at anyone who even looks in their direction, Looking like he's ready to kill seems to have some deterring effect. He can however feel that Stens would rather be on his own, that heavy silence sitting thick between them. 

The oppressive silence stays until he's walked Stensland to the art club and then turns back into that cotton stuffed feeling of a splitting headache. Just the thought of spending hours in the workshop makes his teeth ache as well, he chooses to detour instead, making his way to the infirmary to request a painkiller of any sort if only to take the edge off. After that the library is always quiet, he could easily while away the morning there until it's time to find Stensland again.

Stensland in a way is happy to be away from Clyde when he reaches the art club the atmosphere between the two of them almost too much, things felt so tense it made him feel sick and he only managed to choke down a bit of breakfast. When he was in the art group though he spilled his guts to the art therapy teacher when they sat and chatted, while Stensland continued to draw terribly in a sketchbook.

He even asked how to say sorry with more than just words since it was like Clyde didn’t truly believe them. It was only as he asked did he have an idea, his drawings weren’t very good but he tried his best to draw some semblance of a tree outside and clutched it close to his chest all the way back to the cell. He then proceeded to put it on clydes bed for him, doubting for a moment, perhaps it’s too childish, a too stupid and confusing gesture, but he leaves it there anyway and goes to the library for the sake of something to do.

People falling asleep in the library is nothing new since it's just about the only place in Monroe where everyone respects the quiet and there's a couch to be found, up until now Clyde's never been one of those people, that role usually reserved for the older inmates. He suspects it's a combination of the painkillers and the dull plot of the crap romance serial he's picked up that does him in, leaving him sprawled out in the reading nook like a geriatric uncle at the family picnic.

Stensland wanders in, asking the person behind the desk how to take out and return books properly to avoid trouble before he even goes to look around. If he’s to be here for a while he may as well start reading, it passes the time, it will give him something to focus on and he starts to walk around to explore the shelves.

Before he can figure out what books to even start with he spots Clyde, only this time the man is fast asleep and still holding an open book in his one hand. Stens panics for a moment, he doesn’t know what to do. Worried if he disturbs him but it doesn’t look comfortable and he didn’t want Clyde to hurt any more, so after a few minutes battling in his own mind and quite possibly looking rather mad as he stands and dithers around; he finally walks over and gently nudges Clyde's shoulder. Clyde startles awake to a crick in his neck and someone's hand on his shoulder, disorientation has him forgetting where he is for a second and he drops his book in favour of lazily waving off whoever's woken him. 

"What did I miss?" Typically when he falls asleep like this its during one of Mellie's boring dramas or babysitting Sadie and being forced to watch Disney movies on end until his eyeballs dry out and all he can cry is dust. This time, however, what comes into focus is ginger, fluffy, and looks like the softest thing on earth and he'd like nothing more than to pet it.

“C-clyde? You, you fell asleep reading.” Stensland gave a small smile, trying to stay in his good graces as he stepped back slowly. It was surprisingly adorable the way the man had woke up, Stensland couldn’t figure out how he could look so cute on top of being so damn handsome but there it was. 

"Sorry," seems like the thing to say even if no one is at fault for his falling asleep, arguably the nurse, if anyone.

“I, uh, just thought you might want to go to the cell instead of sleeping there... it didn’t look very comfortable.” Stensland stepped back again, feeling like his existence alone might annoy Clyde.

"Is it lunchtime yet?" is a more important question his stomach thinks, rumbling forlornly in protest of his earlier neglect. Rubbing at his neck relieves some of the tension gathered there and he sighs in relief before stretching and finally setting his eyes on Stensland proper. He looks not much different than he did the last time Clyde saw him, he takes that as a good sign that no one's bothered him today, aside from himself by the looks of it. Not for the first time does he wish Stens wasn't so danged scared of him. It's a matter of building trust, he supposes, and so far he hasn't done a whole lot to earn that trust, mad as he's been. Still is.

“In fifteen minutes.” Stensland stepped back again, hesitating awkwardly about what to do before he just chews his lips. “Uh... bye then.” He scampers off between the shelves, going to look for the books now even more desperate for a distraction. Stensland is also considering going to lunch so he can skip dinner, knowing it will always be busier at dinner time.

He watches Stensland disappear between the shelves wondering if he should follow, he decides not to in the end ambling back to their cell to drop off the new book he picked up. His initial reaction to the drawing laid out on his pillow is to crumple it up and throw it into a corner of their cell, regret creeps in almost immediately, but he forces himself to leave it. 

His resolve lasts for all of five minutes of staring at the sad ball of paper in the drab, grey corner. When it's smoothed back out he takes the time to actually look at it. With a little bit of imagination you can tell it's a tree, it's not much better than anything Sadie has drawn him over the years, but it warms his heart all the same, the thought that Stens made him something letting in a little ray of hope. Folding the drawing carefully he tucks it under his mattress where it'll be safe and Stensland won't know he kept it before heading off to lunch feeling a little lighter.

Stensland had went a bit over the top choosing books perhaps trying to distract his busy mind, having to get one of the library aids to help him narrow it down to two before he took them to the cell. He had decided he would definitely go to lunch then spend the rest of the day in the cell if he could, staying out of the way and reading. As he dropped the books off he saw the drawing he had left was gone. He didn’t know what Clyde had done with it or if the man even cared but for once he wasn’t put off. He at least wanted to make peace between them and knew he would simply leave another one there tomorrow. 

Lunch is no less awful than it always is, but it eases Clyde’s worries a little more when Stensland finds his way into the chair next to him before too long. Maybe there's hope for them yet.

When he sat Stensland was quiet, he didn’t want to sit somewhere else because even he knew that would look too weird and open a whole other can of worms. So instead he kept silent and sat next to Clyde, his head down as he forced down a terrible sandwich and thankfully some juice that wasn’t too horrific just watered down. 

If they'd been anywhere else Clyde might have tried to start a conversation, but the feeling of being watched hints that he shouldn't. No need to draw even more attention to them by apologising to his bitch in front of everyone. No, that'll have to wait until they're alone again.

As soon as he had managed to eat Stensland got up, going to leave his tray on the rack to be washed. He didn’t know if he should wait for Clyde, not sure if there was weird rules he had to follow to keep up this front. After a moment though he decided it would be okay to just leave the canteen and head back to the cell, he could at least start reading and make use of his time.

After lunch comes the chores, this week he's on floors since the guards apparently think him incapable of doing anything other than cleaning just because of his arm. If it's one thing Clyde hates it's being treated like a cripple and in here ableism runs rampant alongside homophobia and chauvinism, prison is hell. Though for all the bad things there are other prisoners like him and Stens, people that just want to be left alone, people who are innocent, and people who are guilty of insignificant things. Now there's a question, what is Stensland in for? He can't imagine the guy being capable of violence so it can't be too bad. Doesn't change the fact that he's here for a reason, he'll just have to have faith that it's not a weird sex thing.

Stensland himself ends up falling asleep as Clyde is doing his chores, the book practically on his face and one arm hanging off the bed. He was just so tired of this entire place it seemed that sleeping rather than reading was simply the best escape. He only hoped that eventually he would find a friend in Clyde, once he was forgiven, if he ever would be.

Coming back to the cell is the closest thing Clyde has to going home in this place. He's tired, mood dampened by menial chores and his own mind. Finding Stensland asleep tickles something deep inside him, the word cute springs forth and he crushes it as well as he can. 

He can't think like that, he'll get ideas. It's best he keep those things to himself, hidden away where no one can find them. Besides Stensland isn't like that. Doesn't stop him staring though, studying the slope of his nose and the pale freckles he finds there, the ginger stubble peeking through, and those pink lips that look so soft. Why did they have to put Stensland with him? 

A heavy sigh finds its way out his nose, the likelihood he'll ever learn to not want someone is abysmal and he has to live with that no matter how much it hurts. Plucking the book off of Stensland he marks the page and sticks it under the edge of his pillow before slumping down into his own bunk. All he can do is try to ignore his own feelings like he always has, he owes Stens that much at least.

Stensland mumbles when the pillow is slightly disturbed, making a small sound that resembles Clyde’s name before he settles back down with soft, baby snores. He doesn’t wake until it’s growing dark, getting a fright for a moment and gasping before remembering he had been reading and he sits up with his legs hanging over the edge of the bunk as he rubs his eyes.

"I'm sorry I got mad at you," Clyde blurts out when Stensland stirs above him. 

Stensland in return paused, frowning a little bit before climbing down from the bunk not too gracefully. He stood by Clyde's bed and looked down, biting his lip. “You had every right I I’m sorry you, I’m sorry you got put with me. It’s, I didn’t mean to do this, I’m sorry.”

"Stop apologising so much, none of this was your fault," Clyde's not sure if he's ever met someone as self deprecating as Stensland before and he wishes he could lend some of his own meager confidence to him. "And I made the choice to protect you so if anything this is on me," he gestures at his black eye planning to keep up this conversation for as long as it takes, they can't keep this tension between them forever. Stensland looked like a kicked puppy as he looked at his eyes, looking back down and biting his lip.

“I never wanted you to get hurt, you shouldn’t have to protect me... I don’t want to be a burden.” Stensland already was, he was useless and he knew that. He was no good. No prospects and definitely nothing ahead of him.

"You know why I'm in here? I drove my car through a corner SaveMart, I ain't cut out for this anymore than you. But I got something you don't, size, how I use that is up to me and I want to use it to protect you. So you just stop apologising so danged much and let me do something I'm good at," making speeches has never been Clyde's forte and he just hopes that his fumbled words get through somehow. 

Stensland fell quiet, he had expected something so much... worse. Clyde was just as out of his depth here, he let out a slow breath and gave a little nod. 

“It... it doesn’t mean I’ll stop feeling guilty for you getting hurt,” he gave a little sigh. “They think I’m a drug dealer.” Stensland gave a pathetic laugh that turned into something more like a sob. “I only smoked it for myself, I didn’t grow it I just, I- it was the only thing that helped with my shitty life.”

That Stensland is a pothead makes immediate sense, if he wasn't scared the paranoia would aggravate his PTSD he'd probably be smoking it himself. 

"I wouldn't worry about it, I've been hurt worse, at least this'll heal," It feels like they've reached a spot of common ground, now they have to build on that. "Where you from?" is as good a place to start as any.

Stensland gave a small nod, moving to carefully sit on the very edge of Clyde’s bed so they could have a sort of conversation. He told him about Richmond where he’s been since coming to America and the story of how he ended up getting arrested.

“I just don’t know why they put me here...”

"Capacity I reckon," it happens from time to time, what's strange about it is Stensland ending up down here. Stens has been lucky in a way, there are way worse places he could have been dumped, Monroe isn't good by any measure of the word, but at last it's not in Texas. "I come from just an hour away from here, lived here my whole life, only time I left was for boot camp and then Iraq." He braves a smile thinking maybe if he looks less sullen Stens will warm up to him faster. 

Stensland was sure he had a small heart attack at that smile, oh fuck... no he couldn’t go there and tried to ignore the way his stomach flipped and put it down to hunger. 

“Iraq? In the army, that must have been so scary.”

"Wasn't so bad most of the time, did two tours before I lost my arm to a roadside mine. The army was just something to do since I wasn't much cut out for college," that's not something he likes to admit even to himself, that his jealousy of Jimmy's sporting success and Mellie's endless creativity drove him to sign up in search of a little glory for himself, something his folks could be proud off if they’d been alive to see it.

“Oh, I’m, I’m sorry that must have been hard. I’ve just not done... anything really. I’m not cut out for much, I’m not smart, I’m not strong I guess I’m just... there.”

"Then you just haven't found what you're good at yet, that's what my ma used to tell me," reassuring people is something he's even worse at then just talking in general, the tough love he's been taught not fitting in this time. 

Stensland smiled at that sentiment, “I suppose, I mean I’m good at rolling joints?” he laughs, looking back down at his hands.

"There you have it, better than nothing at all," Clyde smiles back, heart fluttering in his chest like something out of a cheap romance serial.

“I guess you’re right, not really a life skill though.” He still managed another small smile, looking at clyde and pushing back his own messy hair. “How long have you been here?”

"Couple of weeks, I only got ninety days on account of my service," Just enough to make Jimmy's plan work, three weeks from now he'll be rich and no one will be the wiser and isn't that a thought. "What do you do for a job?" Realistically imagining Stensland working anywhere is more difficult than it probably should be, but he has to have done something at some point.

“I well I used to work at an antiques shop, then a furniture store. Now I just, I dunno what I’ll do.” Sadness crosses his face again, looking at Clyde for a moment before forcing on a smile. “It’s good you only got 90 days, I, I don’t know how long I will be here.”

"With a good attorney you won't be here too long, convince them you wasn't dealing and you'll get less than a year," Clyde won't pretend he knows a whole lot about the penal system, but from what he knows through gossip at the bar and that one legal book he read Stensland won't be a whole lot worse off than him in the end. "They got some legal books in the library if you want to study up,"

“I suppose I will have to, they said I even have to wait for a trial date in here so I guess... I dunno. I, would you maybe help? Just for a little while?”

"Sure, I'll help you," finally he can be a little more useful in here instead of just twiddling his thumb until it's time to break out, maybe he'll learn something useful too.

“Thank you, Clyde, honestly it means a lot. I just. I don’t know what to do.” He looked back down at the floor, giving a small shrug.

"You're welcome, now let's go eat," Clyde stands offering his hand to Stensland, a thinly veiled excuse to touch. 

Stensland looked up at his cellmate, staring at him like he was completely mad for asking him that... he was a bit hungry though. He was going to avoid dinner but maybe… Stensland put on a smile, taking Clyde’s hand, it was warm and he enjoyed touching it for all of two seconds.

\--

Clyde's familiarised himself with the library at Monroe quite well he should think, he's got a pretty good handle on where everything is from drama and romance to law and philosophy. It's not a big library, no bigger than the one in his high school was, but it's rich in information, hopefully including something that'll help Stensland. Still he finds himself distracted by the brief moment Stensland held his hand yesterday. Logically something that small and insignificant should remain so, just a blip on the radar, he's held hands with people before, like his poor homecoming date he couldn't even bring himself to kiss, for some reason this struck him deeper. It's not something he's ever felt before and he'd like nothing more than for it to stop so he can go back to pretending he's normal and forget how soft Stens' hand was. Some part of him doesn't want that, he pushes that part away, it's for the best if he forgets.

Stensland felt lighter that afternoon too, going to the library with Clyde but before they left he still left another drawing on the mattress for him. He still felt like he needed to apologise and to him that gesture was enough, because the drawings left a lot to be desired. Either way it was the thought behind the terribly drawn bird that truly mattered, feeling like they could actually be something near enough friends when it really came down to it. He was also very distracted by Clyde's hand as they sat and went through the very boring law books. Those long fingers and the way his grip looked so strong yet stensland knew he could be gentle... the way his fingers moved to turn a page and then stensland noticed the way he pushed back his hair, the way he pouted slightly when he read and oh god Stensland was well and truly screwed.

Clyde’s own lack of academic prowess haunts him in this moment, the words are starting to blur and fail to stick to his brain. It's times like these when he wishes he had his siblings nearby to help. Reading is one of his favourite things to do, born out of a need to be alone, but if he has to do much more of this it might change his mind. It's for Stensland, he tells himself, regardless what happens Stens is going to still be here when Clyde's let out and if there’s any way he can shorten the time Stens spends unprotected he'll find it. 

Stensland has admittedly spent more time watching Clyde than anything else, it’s only when he reads a section about the cost for a criminal defence lawyer does he have an idea. The only issue is trying to get a number.

“Clyde, how would I find a specific lawyers number?”

"I could ask my brother to find them for you next time he stops by." It's the best he can do, he himself only had the lawyer that was assigned to him since his was an open and shut case. Stensland could probably benefit from better help.

“I would really like that.” Stensland wrote down his name, hoping to god after everything he had been through that this favour was going to hold up. There was no way he could afford him otherwise, which means he really would be screwed without help. “Thank you for helping me so much, I really appreciate it. You’re, you’re a good person.”

Clyde sticks the note in his pocket making a plan to call Jimmy tomorrow. How hard can it be tracking down this Grady person? 

"He a friend?" Bowing his head back down into the book to hide his blush at the compliment Clyde tries to steer the conversation away from anything that might give him away.

“Uh...” Stensland couldn’t help but laugh and he rubbed his face. “I, I, uh, had sex with his wife... then he lived with me for a bit after threatening to kill me,” he cleared his throat, shaking his head at just how ridiculous that sounded, he hadn’t even thought about it all in a succinct way and it really did sound stupid. “Uh... it was interesting I guess...”

Interesting and good news as far as Clyde is concerned, though it feels less than so. Stens is straight, that's good, it'll make it easier to quash his little crush for good. He never had a chance to begin with, even if he was one of those open gays a guy like Stensland wouldn't want a cripple like him in any situation. No one has before and that's just as well. Though he can't help but be disappointed.

"Sounds like a right mess, I'm glad I've never had to deal with something like that." He'd never even made another attempt after homecoming when Mary Lou left him in a corner to go dance with Luke Colter instead. If Stensland had been there he'd have been a lot more inclined to have a go at the dancefloor.

“I mean it was the only interesting thing to ever happen to me, I’m just boring I guess. Saying that I guess... this is interesting,” Stensland smiled, giving a soft laugh. “I got to meet you though, that’s good, you’re good.” Stensland felt like an idiot again, he certainly sounded like one that’s for sure.

"I don't think you're boring." A strategic shake of Clyde’s head loosens his hair, a curtain to hide behind, "I like you.” A blush immediately burns his ears when he realises what he's just said, "I like that you're different," he quickly corrects while his blush spreads to cover his face in boiling heat, making him feel like he's standing out like a beacon, if he got any deeper into his book they'd merge so all he can do is pray Stensland doesn't notice.

Stensland stomach flipped as Clyde said that, he felt like an idiot for thinking for just a second that Clyde actually ‘liked’ him before realising he meant just as a friend. He still smiled wide though, looking at Clyde and wondering why he was flushed but he was just happy that the man didn’t hate him.

“I like you too, I’m glad I got to share a cell with the nicest person in here.” 

At this rate Clyde's head might just burst open from the blood collecting there. Nice isn't an unfamiliar word to him, he's a bartender so of course people call him nice lest he spit in their drink should they insult him, more common words are simple, quiet, polite, but those are people who don't know him past a family association, he's even been called dumb a few times. He likes nice because it can mean so many things and it's hardly negative in tone. Nice makes him feel like he's human and not just a hulking veteran or that one armed bartender. That Stensland thinks he's nice is the equivalent of a friendly hug, it warms him from the inside out and he can't keep himself from smiling until his cheeks hurt.

Stensland loved the way Cyde’s face lit up, he couldn’t help staring at the way his smile dimpled his cheeks and his eyes crinkled. He was in deeper than he ever would have thought, he still couldn’t help but smile in return out of sheer pleasure.

"Joe's pretty nice too so long as you don't insult chemistry or explosives," it's a dumb way to shift the focus away from himself, but he's not sure he could take another compliment or that glowing smile directed at him any longer without having an aneurysm. "He's the best there is at blowing vaults," Joe's past isn't much of a secret to anyone, but those words catch up to Clyde almost as soon as they left his mouth, he shouldn't have said that. What if that little throwaway comment let's Stensland in on the plan slowly unfolding around him? Damn.

Stensland rose a brow, “Oh, I guess that’s why he’s in here?” he chuckles, “I suppose that’s a bit more exciting than smoking weed or driving violations.”

"I suppose so, he's a bit of a legend round these parts," Joe's as close to a celebrity they've ever had in Boone county, if you want to blow something sky high he's the man to ask. "He can look out for you after I'm let out," Clyde feels he should be owed that much at least for the opportunity Jimmy's given him. It's not everyday you get the chance to blow a vault and walk away a rich man with an ironclad alibi. Stens'll be safe with him.

“He, he would? I don’t think he, uh, likes me very much. I can’t imagine he would stop thinking I’m a-” he pauses, looking around for anyone listening in, “a faggot.” Stensland rubbed his face, he hated this, every time he said the word he felt sick. He felt like he was lying to himself and it hurt, out of here he would have no issue about people knowing but here it just wasn’t safe. “Especially after what I said I, I fucked it all up for you as well.”

"He don't mind that, I think, I don't either, it's just how it is in here. Joe's a good guy, a few bolts short, but he wouldn't hurt you like that." If Joe won't do it he'll find someone who will, there's no way in Hell's scorched pastures that he'll leave Stensland unprotected in here.

“Oh... you don’t? I just, I just thought you hated them when I mean when I heard what you said it, it sounded like you were angry about people being gay and I, I just assumed...” Stensland shook his head and cleared his throat, “never mind I’m just glad you would do that for me. You’ve done so much and I don’t know how I could repay you.”

"I think people should just be who they are, it's just how things are around these parts, supporting is almost as bad as being one of them." Something in the way Stensland relaxes makes him want to come out to someone for the first time in his life, to share that painful secret that's bred hatred for himself since he realised what he was. He never wanted to be like this, but he's lived long enough to know nothing he does is going to change that. He tried so hard for so long, homecoming, Sandra who kissed him the summer after, a girl so nice that he though maybe she could fix him so he let her try, let her kiss him down by the swimming hole, he though maybe she had until she tried to wriggle her hand down his shorts. He hasn't tried again since and he never told a soul about his inclinations out of a need to seem normal, even more so in the last couple of years since he lost his hand. Stensland makes a small part of him want to change that if he had the courage.

“I wish it wasn’t like that, that people could just be themselves... the world would be a better place.” He watched Clyde closely, the man looking like he was battling his own mind and he wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand but knew it would be one of the dumbest things he could do. Instead he just offered a small smile, “I suppose we’re just a bit nicer than others.”

"I suppose we are," Maybe someday he'll find the courage to confess, it's not likely to happen soon, but someday. Stensland gave a little nod, looking back up and chewing his lip. 

“Are you going to go have dinner? I Uh, I was going to avoid it really I didn’t want to cause any trouble so I might just wait for breakfast.”

"I know the food ain't great, but you should eat," in Clyde's opinion Stens is way too skinny not to eat, though he can't fault him for not being too keen on what's being served. "If you don't wanna go in the cafeteria I'm sure I could sneak you something."

“Oh no I, I don’t want to get you into more trouble. I’ll go, I just feel like I’ve been more drama than I’m worth.”

"It's alright, you'll get used to being in here soon, don't worry about me." While they put away the books Clyde makes sure to note where they are thinking they'll probably be back tomorrow for another round of studying. Stensland watched Clyde mark the pages, following him out and fighting back the strongest urge to take the man's hand. He wanted to know what it would be like to have his fingers linked with Clyde’s, to be able to even lie next to him in a bed and he was very sure his cheeks were pink thanks to his indecent thoughts as they walked out of the library.

Having Stensland at his side draws more attention in the cafeteria than he'd have liked, people stealing glances at them, some even staring right out. Clyde glares right back, uses what he learned in the service to lay down a glare so mean it ought to make anyone think twice. It won't be long before they start loosing interest, some other poor fool coming around to grab all the attention, until then he's going to face this thing head on and make sure no one else lays a hand on Stensland with ill intentions. Letting him get hurt is simply not an option. Clyde can take a few hits, he's ugly enough that no one is likely not notice a broken nose or a scar, Stensland is too pretty for that. He couldn't let something damage that pretty face and walk away with a clear conscience. 

Stensland on the other hand felt so uncomfortable with the glares, feeling the back of his neck prickle until he sat down next to Clyde and let out a slow breath. “I hate this...” he tried not to look around too much, focusing down on his tray so he also avoided staring at Clyde.

"At least ain’t my Pop's cooking, wouldn't throw away anything, even roadkill. Pretty sure I found a tooth in my soup once. He kept saying his food was what made me get so big cause Mellie and Jimmy was almost done growing by the time Ma died and Pop had to take over," It's a bit of a pointless story, but hopefully it'll distract Stensland a bit. "I never told him we'd go to our neighbour down the road almost every day while he was at work, we nearly ate that poor woman out of her house, but soul food was heaps better than whatever had turned up at the side of the road that day.”

“He was trying to be uh... cost effective?” Stens managed a small laugh, “I’ve just lived off noodles and ready meals for a few years, I guess. It’s amazing how much pasta you can get for a few dollars,” he admits sheepishly, “And it was still better than this.”

"I just learned to cook cause I was sick of eating army food and roadkill, though I still stop by for dinner with Granny Martha from time to time since she's too stubborn to move into the old folks home and her kid moved out to California soon as she could, us Logans stuck by her figuring it was only fair we look after her like she did for us," He'll have to make a visit soon as he can and trust that she's well cared for in his absence. Maybe he'll take Stensland there if the irishman is so inclined since it's unlikely he'll have someplace to stay or money to travel once he's let out.

“Yeah... you really should. It seems like she’s done so much for you.” Stensland sighed, he wished he could have that kind of relationship with someone. Even to share a family with Clyde... he pushed the thought from his mind and tried to force the horrible food into his mouth.

"How about you, got anyone waiting for you outside?" a stray selfish part of Clyde hopes not, that'll he might be able to keep this friendship though it's unlikely, someone like Stensland probably has people waiting for him.

Stenslands laugh this time was kind of pathetic, he really was lonely. Sure all that drama had happened but after a short while he was alone once again. He didn’t even talk to his own flatmate anymore and he gave a small shake of his head.

“No, it’s just me...” he realised how pathetically sad it sounded so he tried to change the subject and probably just sounded even more weird. “I bet you have a pretty girl and family waiting for you huh?”

"Me? No, I got a bar to run and my family, I still live with my brother, but he's planning on moving further south to be closer to his daughter so he's selling the house and I'm gonna stay with Mellie for a while." His life outside is nothing special, it's quiet and peaceful which suits him just fine and with a little extra money to his name he might just build himself somewhere to live outside of town. 

That's the real dream, having a place where he can relax into his own skin for a change, not worry if he looks a little too long at a man on the tv or online and keep as many romance novels as he'd like. Somewhere he can decorate without worrying if he's hurting someone's fragile masculinity, where he can have pink walls if that's what he wants.

“It must be lovely to have family, and a job that sounds pretty cool.” Stensland smiled softly, trying not to dwell on the way he was almost glad Clyde didn’t have anyone on the outside. He knew it would never work though, for a start Clyde was clearly straight, and big and strong and handsome so why would he even consider someone like Stensland even if he was gay. He just resigned himself to a little bit of daydreaming, thinking about things being different.

Clyde watches Stensland space out, enjoying the opportunity to study him a little closer. He needs a shave so Clyde probably does too, ginger stubble showing through making his cheeks look peachy. It's cute. 

Stensland manages to actually eat most of his food when he’s off in his own mind, not too focused on the taste or texture. Instead it’s just another motion as he tries to push back the thought his mind has provided him with, of what Clyde's growing stubble would feel like on his neck and the inside of his thighs.

No, now’s not the time for that. Derailing that line of thought he turns his focus back on the food, forcing the rest of it down so they can go back to their cell.

Their cell is still the same drab, grey place it was this morning though a bright spot of colour rests on Clyde’s pillow like the day before. It's a bird, he thinks, what kind he couldn't say. He hides a smile, putting it aside for later, not sure if Stensland wants him to acknowledge this or not, if it's supposed to be one of those unspoken things.


	3. They Hold Hands in This one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a bunch of dumbasses
> 
> Enjoy!

The next day is very much the same, Stensland makes a bad drawing but it’s for Clyde so it’s special and he leaves it on his pillow before they go to the library.

 

Thankfully lunch and dinner follow the same pattern, there’s the awful glances and stares but it’s uneventful. Stensland is glad for that at least, now things seemed to have settled down its like he can really focus on what to do about his trial.

 

After that a drawing shows up on Clyde’s pillow every day and when he's finished the rocking horse for Sadie he sets out to make something for Stens in return, trying his hand at something a little harder, the condor is likely to end up a little rough around the edges, but it's the thought that counts and if Stens isn't bothered by his own lack of skill why should Clyde be? 

 

The afternoons go by in the library for the most part, excusing the days where they have chores, it's quickly become his favourite part of the day. Sitting there in comfortable silence together, their own little respite from the rest of Monroe. He even gets a call from Jimmy before he has to chance to phone himself, they have to move the plan up a week because shit happens like it says on Jimmy's robbery to do list. The change is both an inconvenience and a blessing, the biggest race of the year and they'll be walking away with more money than they accounted for. It leaves him with a lot to think about, so much so that he almost forgets to ask Jimmy to track down Stensland's lawyer friend. He remembers just in time and hopes this Grady fella can be of good help to his ginger.

 

It’s a few days later Stensland gets the number, calling Grady and for once in his life things work out properly and the man takes on his case. He’s almost glad all that shit happened just for this one favour, it means more than he can explain. When he’s finished the call he quickly goes to Clyde, grinning wide.

 

“I could hug you right now! Grady agreed to help me out and he’s looking into it right away.”

Clyde isn't much of a hugger, but that big grin on Stensland's face does him in quick as a flash and before he knows it he's lifting Stensland off the ground cheering this victory. What he's just done catches up to him while Stens is still in the air, his warmth flush against Clyde chest for the few seconds he holds on before letting go again. Stens is back on the ground, but the heat stays in a burning blush he's sure could rival a tomato. 

 

"Sorry," he blurts out putting some space between them. He shouldn't have done that. Now he knows what Stensland smells like, how light he is, the feel of his hair brushing against his skin, and he's not sure how he'll ever stop thinking about that.

 

Stensland didn’t stop smiling, he was completely taken aback by the strong hug and he had loved it more than he probably should have. That one hug was one of the best things to happen to him in a long time.

 

“Please don’t apologise,” he couldn’t exactly say outright he liked it, how it was so welcoming and now he couldn’t stop thinking about how good Clyde smelled. “Thank you Clyde, for everything... Including the hug.”

 

"You're welcome," If nothing else politeness is always safe to fall back on. "I'm just glad things are working out for you, you'll be out before you know it."

 

“I mean straight away would be nice.” He gave a small laugh, “but I trust Grady.” Stensland went to sit on the edge of Clyde’s bed, chewing his lip for a little while and if anything he had made a friend so there was nothing to lose right?

 

“Clyde... when you get out and when I do maybe... if I do, can we stay in touch? I can call you from in here if that’s okay?” 

 

Oh, he didn't expect that, didn't think Stensland would want anything to do with him on the outside, he'd hoped, of course, just never thought he'd actually be wanted. "I'd like that," he smiles, happy to have made a friend lest something happens between now and then. 

 

Stensland let out a breath of relief followed by a weirdly nervous giggle, “Honestly I thought you were going to tell me to fuck off.”

 

"I thought you'd do the same," Clyde admits with a wry smile. "I don't got enough friend to justify turning one away." He thinks of the growing stack of drawings under his mattress and wonders how he ever thought he'd be able to let Stensland go. This friendship of theirs has grown somewhere nice things tend to avoid and is stronger for it, that's not something he wants to give up on.

 

“Well I guess you get to be my only real friend... that sounds a bit sad,” Stensland laughed softly, looking down at his hands. “How long is it before you leave?”

 

"About two months," Provided the heist doesn't go sideways landing them all in here for years to come. 

 

Stensland smiles faintly, he felt good about that for Clyde but at the same time was so jealous. He didn’t know how long he would be here. “I bet you can’t wait huh? I just have to wait for Grady to come and visit me to find anything out.”

 

"I'm in no rush now that I got good company in here, mostly looking forward to the food," He'll be out for a day in two weeks anyway, a little taste of freedom to keep him motivated. "I'm sure your lawyer friend'll sort this mess right out."

 

“Hey, you should be excited, you don’t have to even think about me when you get out.” Stensland put on a small smile, trying his best to be positive. “What are you gonna eat first?”

 

"A big plate of chicken fried steak and a whole pie for dessert." Good homemade cooking, he's going to eat himself into a coma and get buzzed on beer as often as he can get away with. "And in the morning I'm gonna go on a run to work it all off before repeating with burgers." 

 

Stensland laughed at the response, craving some good food himself. “That sounds amazing, I’ve never had chicken fried steak. Or a really good burger for that matter,” he smiled wide, his stomach ready to rumble and shook his head. “Better stop thinking about that, don’t wanna end up grumpy because I’m hungry.”

 

Making Stensland laugh has become his favourite thing recently, every time lifting his spirits just that little bit more. He loves that laugh more than what a friendship would dictate and he tries not to think too hard about that when in reality he could listen to Stensland for hours on end. 

 

"I'll make you some when you get out if you'd like."

 

“That better be a promise.” Perhaps Stensland says a little more with his look than he intends, hoping that Clyde either doesn’t notice or just brushes it off, either way he’s glad to have someone he can see when he gets out whenever that may be.

 

"I promise, scouts honor." Clyde does little salute, already making plans for a candlelit dinner of chicken fried steak at Duck Tape while it's closed, if he's very lucky he might get Stensland to look at him like that again and if he does he'd rather they be alone cause he just might say something stupid.

 

Stensland returns the little salute, looking more like a Boy Scout than Clyde ever did, rubbing his stomach a little in anticipation. “I’m actually hungry now.”

 

"Then let's go eat and pretend we know what it is," he's actually pretty glad he's never been put on kitchen duty, it's doubtful he'd eat anything at all if he knew what actually went into the food. 

 

Stensland had to fight not to take Clyde’s hand when they got up again, instead just following behind him already knowing he was going to miss the man dearly when he left.

 

If only he could arrange a candle lit dinner for Stens in here, find some actually food that isn't cheap ramen or mystery mush. He decides then and there that since he's going outside soon anyway he might as well smuggle a candy bar or two back inside. Finding out what Stens likes without raising suspicion is easy enough and then he'll just have to ask Mellie to get it while they're down in the tunnels. A giddy surge of excitement rises in his chest at his new plan, his own mini heist as it were.

 

Stensland enjoys his dinner much more when he’s with Clyde and thinking about them meeting up and going for food when he gets out.  _ If _ he gets out... he tries not to dwell on that and focus on the fact Grady would be coming soon to go over his case so he could get out and spend time with his friend. 

 

That night Clyde is restless again, twisting and turning in his bunk, plagued by his own memories twisted by fear and pain. It's always a slightly different retelling of that roadside mine, the cast switching between people from back home, his fellow soldiers, and sometimes both. This time he's seated across from a ginger with green eyes, radiating happiness because they're going home, they're almost there. Time slows just long enough when they hit the mine to let him see that happiness erased by fear. Clyde clutches tight to his assault rifle as they go over into a blur of sound and movement, pain finding him before anything else. When he finally has focus he's met with the face that had just been smiling covered in blood.                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

 

"No!" the scream rips out of him pulling him to consciousness in the cold darkness of their cell. He's ok, he's not in Iraq anymore, it's safe here, Stensland is ok. Forcing his aching lungs to cooperate he gulps in air like there isn't enough oxygen in the world, trying his hardest to wrestle his heart rate down to something manageable that doesn't leave him feeling like his ribs will break. He's safe here, Clyde repeats, they both are.

 

Stensland jumps at the shout, his heart suddenly racing with the sudden wake up and he realises it’s still pitch black in the cell. He knew Clyde had nightmares but this seemed worse, stumbling slightly with his worry and sleepy state he got down from the bunk and sat down on the edge of Clyde’s bed. He felt completely ridiculous doing this, he didn’t know how to comfort anyone but this was his friend now and he wanted to help in his sleep addled state. 

 

“Clyde? Clyde...” His touch was tentative as he reached out and gently squeezed his shoulder. “A-are you okay?”

 

"Shit," there goes hoping Stensland was asleep. "I'm fine, they usually ain't that bad," he studiously forgoes mentioning Stens' presence in his nightmare, he doesn't need to know that. Heart still racing he tries to focus in on Stensland, a bright spot in the darkness, telling himself he's not looking for blood, that he's just looking.                                     

                                                                                                                                                                The nightmare has left him clammy with sweat and tears that he tries to wipe off with his left hand only to remember and switch to his right. "Don't worry about me and go back to sleep," no one should have to deal with him like this, especially not Stens who's stressed enough by being in prison.

 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to try and act like you’re okay just because I’m here.” Stensland moved to sit on the bed properly, “You don’t have to talk about it either, I’m not gonna ask you what happened but I know how shit it is to have scary dreams sometimes.” Stensland was trying to do what he could. He didn’t want to just ignore Clyde and not try and help even if it just meant sitting there with him and talking rubbish.

 

"You were there," Clyde quietly admits at last. "You died right in front of me and I couldn't stop it," It's embarrassing how his voice breaks and he forces himself to keep it together. "Sometimes it's Jimmy, or Mellie, but this time it was you.” 

 

Stensland chewed his lips, he never thought he would feature in anyone’s mind as they slept and he didn’t know how to take it. It was like Clyde was worried about him but friends worried right?

 

“Perhaps it’s just with the stuff that’s uh been going on? Maybe your mind was just worrying about everything. But we’re both safe, it’s okay...”

 

"It ain't got rhyme or reason I know that, I usually don't have them this often, but I reckon the circumstance is what's to blame there." Prison is stressful, there's no way around it. "I'm sorry for waking you, you shouldn't have to deal with this." Pushing Stensland away is hard when all he really wants is to cling to him in search of comfort.

 

“You don’t have to be sorry at all, you’re my friend, I want to help you if, I mean if I can and if you’ll let me?” Stensland stood back up, keeping his voice soft and quiet so they didn’t get into trouble. “If not I just, try and get some more sleep.”

 

"Thank you, you're a good friend." In a moment of weakness he catches Stensland's hand before he can climb back up. It's not much, but that one little point of contact helps chase the nightmare further away and soothes his phantom pains. If only he was brave enough to tell Stensland how much he's come to mean to him in the short time they've known each other. That he's become a spot of normality in his grey existence, someone warm and safe. Stensland pauses, looking down and slowly sitting back down hoping that Clyde didn’t let go of his hand. 

 

“Will you let me sit here until you go back to sleep? I just, I want to make sure you’re okay.” Stensland felt warmer than he had in a long time just from this, the small amount of contact and knowing he could help Clyde in someway.

 

"I'd like that," Now that he's first taken hold letting go feels impossible and he doubts he'll ever be able to. Stensland is the softest person Clyde's ever known, a stark contrast to the kind of affection he grew up with. This is what he needs, not a glass of water and a question if he's ok, he doubts Jimmy would hold his hand like this if he asked.

 

Stensland moves so he can rest his back against the wall, sitting comfortably but making sure he can still reach Clyde's hand. He’s doing this for his friend, to comfort him but he also knows he’s being selfish and wanting the contact for himself too.

 

Feeling the warmth of Stensland next to him chases away the remnants of his fear, the knowledge that he's alive and safe right next to him easing the path back to sleep. This is dangerous, he thinks, but nothing could make him let go now. 

 

Stensland waited for Clyde to fall asleep, he was true to his word but he also felt terrible for what he done. As Clyde was sleeping he gently rubbed his knuckles, holding his hand a little longer. When he got back up to go to bed he went over and brushed the man's hair back from his face, watching him sleep for a moment before climbing back to his own bunk feeling guilty for being so self indulgent. 

 

Clyde’s nightmares usually leave him shook for a few days, but when he wakes back up it's merely a shadow at the back of his mind allowing him to go on with his usual routine. This time in the showers he even takes a minute extra of just standing under the hot water, letting the steam soften what little tension remains. Goatee trimmed and hair combed it's almost like nothing at all happened, but for the memory of it and the lingering feel of Stensland's soft hand in his. 

 

Stensland is pensive in the showers that morning, he tells himself the fact he stroked back Clyde's hair and took a moment longer to hold his hand wasn’t that bad but he feels awful for it. Like he used the man, so he’s lost in his own thoughts as he showers quickly and leaves his hair to dry in its usual half curly mess.

 

That morning after their showers and breakfast Clyde makes good progress on the condor for Stensland, carving a somewhat more defined shape out of the piece of wood while quietly going over the plan with Joe. He should be paying more attention, he knows that and chides himself for it later when his knife slips and leaves a cut in his finger. Blood beads on his skin and a stray, irrational part of him wonders if Stensland would kiss it better for him. Thought securely tamped down he washes the blood off and sticks a band-aid on the cut, he has to stop thinking like that.

 

Stensland still makes another little drawing for Clyde, mainly out of guilt, and he draws some semblance of an orange Fox with an attempt at green plants and foliage around it. He leaves it on the pillow again and doesn’t wait for Clyde before he skips lunch and goes to the library. He just needs to try and talk himself around from feeling like this, the man is straight and certainly not interested anyway. He’s just a friend. Just a friend. 

 

Lunch done away with Clyde detours through their cell in case Stensland is waiting for him there, he's not, but another drawing is. Stens has gotten better since the first one, more of a style showing through in the blobs of colour. This time he can tell what it is right away. The fox goes tucked under his mattress with all the rest, his secret stash that he hope Stensland will never find. Stens though, he finds easily in the library surrounded by the books they've been sifting through for what feels like eternity. Clyde hates how perfect he looks sat on the couch, messy hair lit up by the afternoon sun streaming in through the gaps they try to pass off as windows, he's glowing. It must be an anomaly he decides, Logans don't get to be this lucky.

 

Stensland looks up when he hears the footsteps moving closer, despite the guilt he felt for perhaps being weird he can’t help but smile honestly up at Clyde. He didn’t know why he had been avoiding him because as soon as he’s close Stensland feels lighter again and is already forgetting his guilt. 

 

“Hey, how you feeling?” He is genuinely concerned, but also slightly worried that Clyde will call him out for being a bit creepy around him.

 

"Mostly alright." It's strange having his trauma acknowledged outside of the moment, that it didn't just get swept under the carpet as it were. Stensland seems genuinely concerned despite the fact that Clyde admitted to having dreamt about him and then clung to his hand like a little kid. Stens softened his smile, patting the seat next to him. 

 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, I know how terrible bad dreams can be.”

 

"You get them too?" he knows he has no right to pry like this, but he's curious, maybe Stensland can understand him better than anyone else has so far. Sinking into the couch he picks up a book trying to pretend he's not dying to know.

 

“Yeah well sometimes, I guess they’re a bit different to what yours are.” He gave a little shrug.

 

"Mine are usually about the IED or waking up to this." he gestures to what's left of his arm, he remembers that day all too clearly and nothing has come close to the pain and misery he experienced then. "It's been two years, but I still forget sometimes." Problem is you never really forget what it's like to have both hands and every time he reaches for something with his left he has to deal with knowing he's not complete anymore.

 

Stensland looked truly sad for Clyde but not in a way that was patronising, he cared for the man and didn’t like knowing he still struggled like that.

 

“Does it ever still hurt? Like do you feel pain?” Stensland wanted to reach out, to gently rub the top of the missing arm as a sign of comfort but decided it would be too weird. It would also be more trouble than it's worth if someone were to see them.

 

"Not as often as it used to." The first few months he felt nothing but pain, could barely look at his arm without crying, now he's used to it. As used to it as he'll ever get, he reckons. Now the pain mostly follows his nightmares and other episodes, the burning hot agony of a limb crushed beyond repair. He thinks he should spare Stensland the grisly details, shouldn't tell him about how he lay trapped and bleeding while the soldiers in the Humvee behind them worked to dig them out of the wreck, or about the few who weren't as lucky. Those are the kind of things you can't walk away from and he doesn't want Stensland to hear a first hand account of it.

 

“I’m glad it doesn’t any more.” He wanted to reach out and hold him, to comfort Clyde in a way that was physical and he had to fight to hold himself back. Instead Stens looked back to his book, he didn’t even need to continue doing the research but it gave them both something to do.

 

Mostly Clyde is just staring at the book in his hand, skimming over the same page again and again barely paying attention to the words. Stensland is a distraction next to him, keeping his eyes to himself is an ongoing battle and he's on the losing side. It's ridiculous that someone like Stensland can make him feel so safe and small, like he could crawl into his lap, rest his head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. In reality, if he did that he'd probably crush Stens like a twig under him, but something tells him Stensland probably wouldn't mind.

 

The afternoon passes slowly with Stensland resisting the urge to hold Clyde and Clyde fighting the constant urge to stare, in a sick way Stensland was hoping he would have another nightmare just for an excuse to be able to touch him. When it came to dinner time he couldn’t resist any more and reached out to gently squeeze Clyde’s shoulder in what hopefully came across as a friendly gesture.

 

“Should we go and eat?”

 

"I could eat," he leans into the brief touch a little to much, pulling back before he tips over. 

 

Stensland smiles, as usual wanting to take Clyde's hand but instead he puts the books away for them and waits for Clyde to lead the way. He always felt a bit safer walking just behind him as they went into the canteen, managing to get a lot better at ignoring the looks, now a bit more used to the prickle on the back of his neck. 

 

It feels nice to slip right back into their now familiar routine, Stensland acting as his shadow, always just a step behind. Clyde's always thought himself too big so it's nice to be able to use his size for something helpful for once. He'll gladly plow the way if it makes Stens feel safer.

 

It’s not until two days later, them both following their routine, that things change a little. Stensland is informed he has a visitor and when he sees Grady he wants to cry with relief. He knows he won’t be let out any time soon but it’s a relief to see the man looking at least hopeful regarding stensland’s case. When he goes back to the cell and sees Clyde he has a smile on his face, looking truly positive as he sits on the edge of the bed. 

 

“Grady says they can’t charge me for dealing as there wasn’t over one kilo.” Clyde puts away the book he'd been reading in favour of giving Stensland and that danged smile all his attention. 

 

"That's great news," Stens will be out of here before too long, free to go on his way and hopefully detour through Clyde so he can fulfill his promise of dinner, maybe even convince him to stay a while.

 

“I mean, he went over some technical things I didn’t really understand but it seems I should only get first time offence for possession. I don’t even know how long that will be or when my trial actually is but that’s good right?” He smiled wide again, “maybe if I’m not here for too long you can make me that dinner sooner than we thought!”

 

"Hey, what's your favourite candy," if he's ever going to ask now would be as good a time as any. "I know some guys that are smuggling stuff in next week and thought we could celebrate," he tacks on as a cheap excuse hoping Stensland will buy it.

 

“Smuggling....” Stensland looked down and chewed his lip. “What if they get caught or if we do? I don’t, I don’t wanna get into trouble.”

 

"They do it all the time, a few of the guards are in on it and warden Burns is in denial about the whole thing," hopefully he won't have to spin this lie much further, there's only so much he knows about the smuggling going on at Monroe. "It comes in with the food so you don't have to worry about it coming from someplace else." 

 

Stensland glanced around for a moment, “Only if you’re sure...” he thought about it for a moment, it was rare he got to have candy of any form so why not right?  “Uh, I guess my favourites are Reese’s and any kind of lollipop.” 

 

That'll be easy enough to sneak in in his pockets, it's unlikely anyone will notice anyway since as far as they'll know him and Joe will be caught in the lockdown. 

 

"I like them lollipops too," Clyde smiles, "They'll rot your teeth out, but damn if they ain't good." Sadie is the one to blame for it really, trying to be a good uncle involves bribery of the sweet kind, at least until her mother comes after him for it.

 

“I never have them often enough for that really. I know they aren’t expensive but I just never bothered.” Stens gave a little smile in return, “It would mean a lot if you got me one.”

 

"Then that's what I'll do," Making Stensland happy brings with it butterflies that Clyde tries to deny the cause of. It's not fair of him to nurse a crush on someone so far out of his league, it's pointless and can only lead to them both getting hurt should anyone find out about it

.

Stensland was preoccupied with looking forward to hearing back from Grady, to getting out, and even for Clyde getting out so the man could go and enjoy his life. In a way though it was bittersweet, he didn’t want to leave because that meant not being with Clyde, someone he truly enjoyed to be around. Clyde made him feel warm in a way he had never felt before, he was handsome and so strong and there went being distracted from his crush for a moment. Stensland had to stop before his face gave anything away. 

  
  



	4. All This Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's heist day!
> 
> Enjoy!

The day of the heist eventually arrives and all goes according to plan, soon enough Monroe is in lockdown due to the staged riot and him and Joe are making their escape hiding in the belly of the delivery truck. Unpleasant is a fitting word for what being stuck in a cramped space hanging a foot above to road feels like, the thought of money and how happy Stensland will be when Clyde brings him back his favourite sweets is good motivation to put up with it. 

 

It doesn't stop him from worrying at the same time, he knows Stens will be safe wherever he is, but he'll likely be scared, which hurts to know. 

Mellie is also surprisingly amenable to running his little errand only rolling her eyes in response to Joe joyfully gossiping about his bitch and presents him with two peanut butter cups and a few lollipops when she drops them off at the fire station. The whole thing goes almost suspiciously well and he can't help fearing that they'll be waiting for him back inside.

 

There's no sign of anything amiss while Joe sneaks back into his bed and Clyde waits for the lockdown to be let up, all he wants is to go to sleep after a long day of not believing in their luck, to be able to listen to the steadfast presence of Stensland breathing above him.

  
  


As soon as the riot started Stensland ran for his cell, he was terrified and he didn’t know where Clyde was. He wanted Clyde to be there because he didn’t feel safe at all, he was upset and terrified to the point it actually made him do something incredibly stupid. Stensland was scared enough and stupid enough to go looking for Clyde in the middle of the riot, which only earned him an trip to the medical bay just before the lockdown.

 

He couldn’t stop crying as the nurse closed his split eyebrow with butterfly stitches and put ice on his bruised jaw and grazed chin. Stensland was sore and sad he still couldn’t find Clyde, being escorted back to the cell and seeing the man still wasn’t there made him climb to the top and curl up into a small ball purposefully avoiding the mirror. He tried to tell himself as soon as the full lockdown was lifted Clyde would come back... he was just stuck somewhere else, he had to be okay, so Stensland does what he does best and cries as he waits. 

 

To say it was entirely unexpected to find Stensland crying in their cell would be a lie, he'd hoped that maybe he'd been safe and out of harm's way, but the stitch on his brow tells another story. Guilt finds its way into his chest, settling about as smoothly as a brick, this is his fault. Technically he knows he couldn't have been there to protect Stens, still, he should have made sure he was safe, warned him somehow, despite what Jimmy would say. Stens never should have gotten hurt.

 

Appearances be damned he strokes the back of his hand down one tearstained cheek, 

 

"Hey," he whispers as if a lower volume will make it less real, turn down the glare on the hidden part of him that's peeking through. Stensland jumps slightly at the touch, looking at Clyde with bloodshot eyes and a small sniff. 

 

“Where -where were you?” He lifted his head slightly, the bruise along his jaw coming out in all of its glory and the graze still angry and red.“I tried to look for you...”

 

"I got caught up in the lockdown, I was in one of the shut off corridors," he lies and hates himself for it. "What happened to you?" the injuries are clearly not the result of Stens tripping over himself as he's prone to do.

 

“I, well I Uh I looked for you and I walked into someone’s back and they well they hit me...” He gave a little shrug, wiping his eyes carefully. “I’m okay I just, I was scared something had happened to you.”

 

"Who was it?" He's already broken one nose today, what's one more.

 

“I, I don’t know. I’m not sure I wasn’t really intent on staying to find out.” Stensland looked back down, “I think it was the most scared I’ve ever been...”

 

"You point him out to me next time you see him, he can't get away with shit like this," the bruise on Stensland's jaw is warm to the touch, still fresh and red, purpling along the edges. Whoever did this is going to pay for it.

 

“I can’t remember what he looks like Clyde. It doesn’t matter,” Stensland sounded angry and he felt pathetic for doing so, he was sad that Clyde had been somewhere else and he was terrified. He needed to get out as soon as possible though that inevitably meant losing touch with Clyde no matter their promises.

 

"I'm sorry for getting mad, I just don't want you getting hurt and I oughta been there to protect you," Forcing himself to pull back Clyde rests his crossed arms on the edge of Stens' bunk trying his hardest to reign in his anger. It wouldn't do to scare him any more than he already has. Stensland sighed softly at the reaction, he didn’t want to be mad at Clyde when he knew it was just one of those things that happened yet he still couldn’t help it.

 

“I know it’s not your fault, I’m sorry, I just, I shouldn’t rely on you so much when I know you’ll be going soon.”

 

"I still got two months," truth of it is he doesn't want to leave until Stensland does, he wouldn't even be opposed to extending his own sentence just to keep him safe. Shifting his stance draws a crinkle out of his pocket and he smiles. "Got you this." dumping his little treasure on the mattress he picks up one of the suckers peeling the wrapper off with his teeth. Stensland frowned for a moment, wincing when it tugged at the cut. 

 

“Is that why you got stuck? Because you went to the kitchen to get the candy?” 

 

That's as good a cover as any, better than the truth anyway, then again, maybe... "No, I went to a Nascar race," he makes sure to say it in good humour, if he's lucky Stensland will take it as a joke, if not, well, that just remains to be seen. Stensland managed a small smile at that, looking back down at the candy on his bed. 

 

“Thank you...” He didn’t want to be upset with Clyde he knew the man was doing everything he could for Stensland, the riot wasn’t Clyde’s fault and it couldn’t be helped.

 

"Is it the right kind?" Being choosy isn't really on the table when you're robbing a vault.

 

“Yeah, yeah it’s great. Thank you Clyde. I didn’t mean to get upset with you I was just scared. I was worried you had been hurt.”

 

"Well, I'm fine, not my first time in a war zone. You're the one who got hurt." He sticks the lollipop in his mouth, the syrupy, sweet cherry flavour feels like more of a reward than the money waiting for him. "Lord, I been missing these things," he groans. Maybe he should think up some cocktails based on lollipops, Stensland would probably like that.

 

Stensland didn’t open one of his, instead moving them under his pillow and picking at one of the chocolate cups. He did feel really strange, he couldn’t quite put his finger on why though but he tried to just focus on the fact he would have a hearing soon, it had been a stressful day after all. 

 

"Any news today?" he asks around the candy, pulling it out to lick the side like Sadie taught him,  _ 'No, you lick it, like this,' _ she'd been five and thoroughly offended at the way Clyde would just bite them to pieces. 

 

Stensland watched Clyde lick over the lolly and his own lips parted for a moment, he was completely transfixed and he had noticed his mouth before but only now realised how amazing it was. Clyde's lips were all plump and his tongue…

 

“Uh... oh yeah I, I should get a hearing date tomorrow maybe... then I’ll find out when my trial is.”

 

"That lawyer friend of yours is pretty good, huh?" No, he much prefers crunching his lollipops, slow is nice when it comes to certain things, his sweet tooth not being one of them. The sugar breaks satisfyingly, splitting into pieces that are much easier and less messy to eat. 

 

Stensland kept watching him laughing as Clyde bit into the lolly, “You’re not meant to eat them like that.” He offered a small smile, “But yeah Grady is really good I’m just glad he owed me so he’s doing this pro bono.”

 

"My niece says the same thing, but if I lick them they get into my moustache." Having a sticky upper lip is always unpleasant. "Imagine if I were to kiss somebody with half a sucker stuck on my face," He's a piss poor flirt, through work he's heard more than enough pickup lines and most of them stupid; though, the amount of success they bring is surprising, he can imagine something like that working on Stensland in the right situation. Like a private dinner. 

 

"At least I'd taste nice," and that's a way bigger leap than he ever intended to make, but it's out there now and he can't take it back.

 

“I’m sure you would taste nice anyway.” Stensland giggled before realising what he had just said and his face went completely crimson. “I-I’m I mean you, you know what I meant...” He didn’t want to scare Clyde, hinting something like that when it might make him hate Stensland. “I’m sorry...” 

 

Clyde laughs at the raging blush that takes over Stensland's face, "Don't apologise, I started it," for once in his life. "I wouldn't know anyway seeing as I haven't kissed anybody since I was 18," 

 

Stensland’s mouth hung open in shock at that, his eyes widening.  “What... I’m I mean why? Surely there would be people lining up to kiss you...”

 

"I guess I just haven't found the right person yet, I don't like it when it's wrong," he really ought to shut up now, ought to lay down in his own bunk and go to sleep before he makes an even bigger fool of himself. His parents must be turning in their graves at this.

 

“Oh... I get that. I suppose you, uh, you kind of know when you wanna really kiss someone.” Stenslands cheeks were still tearstained and bright red as he stared at Clyde and fought the urge to look back down at his lips.

 

"I guess I do." There's only one person he does want to kiss and he's right there in front of him, yet so far out of reach. He'd never put something like that on Stensland, he should try harder to be normal instead. It won't do him any good to lose the one true friend he has in here. 

 

Stensland so desperately wanted to ask, to find out if Clyde would ever want to kiss him but it would be too strange, too weird and he would lose the only friend he had. Instead he gave a little nod in agreement, “I suppose I do too.”

 

"Problem is I do want to kiss somebody, but I can't for any number of reasons," Clyde smiles sadly, hoping he doesn't look too much like he's pining before dropping down into his own bunk lest Stensland see straight through him. "Goodnight, Stens," Artificial cherry lingers on his tongue and he can't help wondering if Stensland tastes as sweet as he looks.

 

Stensland sighs when Clyde moves, he knew there would be someone out there for Clyde and it made his heart ache. He felt so pathetic, needing this man, he just wanted to lie next to him, to be held and kissed… He also didn’t want to stop talking to Clyde, he didn’t think he could sleep right now anyway. 

 

“Tell me about them.”

 

"They're funny, and kind," He'll have to tread carefully here, "Have the most beautiful smile, hair that glows in the sunlight, when I make him laugh it's the best feeling in the world," as soon as it's left his mouth Clyde notices the slip up. 

 

_ Damn. _

 


	5. Putting the ass in Assassin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thiccens
> 
> Enjoy!

"Shit." Stensland won't notice, right? Oh no, of course he will. "You didn't hear that," his voice comes out choked with pleading and anxiety, he's really fucked it up this time. Everyone will know by morning and before too long Jimmy will call and tell him he'd just as well not bother with coming home.

 

“Him?” Stensland thought he was about to have a heart attack, of course he was sure he still had no chance but maybe… No, it was stupid to think that Stensland had a chance when he heard that description.“Whoever they are, they are lucky to have someone like you who would want to be with them.” He wondered if the reason Clyde seemed uptight about all of this was that he simply couldn’t let people know, he was from the south after all. “Clyde... I won’t tell anyone. I promise, but they, they sound lovely,” saying that actually hurt Stensland, made his chest clench and left him feeling pathetically lovelorn.

 

"Thank you, if anyone found out..." he could kiss his life goodbye.

 

“I won’t say a word Clyde but maybe when... when you get out I think you should go and tell them, whoever they are.” Stensland curled up on his side, his heart aching and he let out a soft sigh.“Goodnight.” 

 

Maybe he should, if he can gather the courage to tell Stens how his eyes look like the ocean, bright green and clear blue at the same time, so deep Clyde wants to drown in them. "I promise I'll go see him every week," as often as he can. Stensland might connect the dots before they get that far, figure him out so Clyde won't have to say it himself. Just maybe his luck hasn't run out yet. 

 

Stensland smiled to himself, the feeling was bittersweet, but if Clyde could really be happy then Stensland would be too.

 

In the morning Clyde wakes feeling paranoid, he knows Stensland hasn't told anyone during the night, and logically nobody else will have found out, though, knowing doesn't stop him being scared. He's so tense you could probably use him as a table, should the need arise, not even a hot shower helps. His mind keeps taking him places he doesn't want to be so he keeps his eyes on the ground, but down there Stens' long legs keep distracting him, and if he looks further up he'll light up like a flare letting everyone know on his own. Above that again there's too much pale skin, yet if he were to look to the top he'd find those eyes he can't look away from. Stensland knowing has given him unfounded hope in something he can never have and it's something he'll have to adjust to one way or another before this goes too far.

 

Stensland can feel how tense Clyde is beside him after last night, he wants to tell him it’s okay, that he’s safe here and nothing else will happen. He can’t though, not when they are out of the cell, where they have to be careful. Instead he goes to his art class and colours in a rainbow, keeping it well hidden until he gets to the cell and leaves it face down on Clydes bed. It’s stenslands own way of saying everything is alright, that it’s okay to like a guy. He tries to do what he can because no matter what Clyde is his friend and he wants him to be happy.

 

Clyde, however, is no less paranoid in the workshop, so he distracts himself with tidying up the condor and trying to find the courage to leave it for Stens. No matter how deep he looks he just can't find it today and it leaves him wondering how he could walk into a firefight, but not give someone he likes a gift. He's a coward is what he is.

 

Stensland is brave enough to go to lunch on his own while Clyde tries to work through what he needs to, hoping Clyde will be okay as he sits down to eat a dry sandwich followed by some water. He starts to worrying about the drawing he left now, wondering if it was too much too soon.

 

Not being sure if Stens wants to continue spending their afternoons in the library Clyde eventually wanders back to their cell to wait there. The condor he left behind in the workshop weighs heavy on him, such a ridiculous thing to be scared about, his heart skips a beat at seeing the sheet of paper left on his bed, upon turning it over his eyes sting with tears.

 

Stensland eats slow, keeping his head down before he can’t take it any longer and he slowly walks back to their cell nerves filling him. He is both hoping Clyde will be and won’t be there every other second, it’s a strange feeling and he’s unsure about it all. Things feel different now, he just puts it down to his own mind and overreacting to finding out Clyde likes a man, a man that most certainly can’t be him. He finally gets there after much overthinking and still smiles when he sees the large shape of Clyde. 

 

“Hey...”

 

Clyde freezes at the sound of Stensland's voice ashamed to be caught like this, as if Stens hasn't seen how broken he is already, and now he gets to see him cry as well. He rarely cries, mostly out of sheer stubbornness and a will to not seem weaker than he already is, but sometimes things pile up and the damn breaks. Most times he can feel it coming, giving him time to sequester himself away somewhere he can be emotional in peace, other times it happens without warning. That one little rainbow with it's uneven lines and smudges was the last drop he could take.

 

Stensland sees his shoulders tense immediately, the line of Clyde’s back freezing and he lets out a slow breath. 

 

“I’m, I’m sorry do you, do you want me to leave?” He tries to look around subtly, seeing that Clyde is holding the bit of paper which is no doubt his drawing and Stensland’s stomach sinks. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have I mean I went too far maybe, I just, I wanted to make you happy... you’re the only person I have.” Stensland feels like the little prison bitch he’s pretending to be when his eyes water yet again, he’s done so much crying, it’s all he seems to do now. He tries to fight the tears as he turns and walks as quickly as he can toward the library.

 

"Wait..," too slow, Stensland is already gone, he's pathetic enough already Clyde reasons when he goes to follow Stens, scrubbing the tears from his face as best he can. It's a small relief that they end up at the library where he can corner Stensland in between the shelves for a modicum of privacy. 

 

By the time he catches up to him Clyde has left most of good reason behind him, barely sparing it a thought when he wraps his arms around Stensland in a crushing hug from behind. 

 

Stensland almost screams in shock before realising it’s a hug, that he’s not being hurt and that Clyde is hugging him... that Clyde is holding him and he could sob as he leans back into it, his heart racing.

 

“I thought you hated me for, for leaving that...”

 

"I never told anyone before, I've never had a rainbow on anything 'cause they were too girly," he smiles into the back of Stensland's head, breathing in the smell of cheap soap and the musk hiding beneath it. "Thank you," when his eyes well up again he's grateful for his face being hidden, not wanting Stens to see the effect he has.

 

“You don’t... don’t hate it I thought it would show I was, that I support you cause you’re my friend.” He brought his hands up and held Clyde’s arms, glad they had some kind of privacy, enough to indulge himself in something he shouldn’t be taking.

 

"No, I love it," the initial courage Clyde found to grab Stensland like this is waning, embarrassment taking its place, still he doesn't want to let go. He's not fool enough to think he can get away with holding Stens like this more often. "I love it so much," his voice comes out wet sounding and he'd cringe at it if he were in a different state of mind, as it is there's nothing he can do about it other than letting it run its course.

 

Stensland rubbed over Clyde's arm, he couldn’t help it, telling himself it was for comfort but this... it was more and he felt bad for taking advantage again. He also wanted to turn around, to press his face to Clyde's chest but instead he slowly moved away.  

 

“I’m honestly glad you love it so much.” When Stensland starts moving away it takes nearly all of Clyde’s willpower to not pull him back in and hold on for dear life. It's for the best, he tells himself. However, his tears are more determined this time, new ones escaping when he rubs off those already there wishing his body would cooperate just this once.

 

Stensland turns around slowly, looking at Clyde and reaching up to wipe away the tears without a second thought this time. “You’re okay, I’m gonna be here for you, and you can, uh, you can get in touch with me when you get out if you want to.”

 

Not trusting his voice Clyde just nods, there's no way he's letting this friendship go now. They've barely known each other three weeks and already Stensland knows him better than his own family. 

 

Stens gave a warm smile, this time he couldn’t help himself and Stensland told himself he was doing this to comfort his friend. He moved forward and gave Clyde another firm hug, pressing his cheek to clyde's shoulder and it felt so nice, nicer than it ought to.

 

Clyde welcomes the hug tucking his face back into Stens' hair. In the aftermath of it all it feels like a giant weight has been lifted off his back. It'll take a while before he's comfortable with it, but the relief of having just one person he can trust is immense. 

 

Stensland is glad the hug lasts and that Clyde doesn’t push him away. He’s not even sure how long they’ve stood there when he had to pull back again, this time just so no one ended up coming across them embracing like that wishing he could be held like that at night as well.

 

After pushing those thoughts right to the back of his mind and locking them away, Stens moved to sit down in the reading nook. He didn’t really want to read but it filled part of the day.

 

Reading is something Clyde loves, a little escape into a different world, most days you couldn't pull him away from his books, but today he can't concentrate. He's tired from fretting all night and day, plus barely eating, a nap is much more tempting. It makes him feel like an old man to lean back into the couch and letting himself drift until he finally nods off.

 

Stensland finally gives up on his reading turning to watch Clyde as he sleeps, amazed at how this man hadn’t just gone and ran off with the man he seemed to care for very deeply. Then again Stensland didn’t know what it was like to have a family he might put first, it seemed that Clyde was far too worried about being disowned in someway. It was fair enough to worry about that, it was a big deal to Clyde after all yet still so heartbreaking.

 

Stens couldn’t bear to disturb Clyde until dinner time when Stensland went over and gently shook his shoulder. “Hey, come on. We need to go and eat.”

 

With a bit of sleep to bolster him dinner seems much more doable though no less appetizing, today's dish being overcooked pork chops you could possibly build a house with. "I think I actually prefer roadkill," the meat makes an alarmingly solid noise when Clyde taps it with his fork.

 

“I guess it’s better than starving...” Stensland winces at the sound but makes an effort to try and eat what he can.

 

"It's a good jaw work out," trying to make light of it hardly improves the food, but it's something.

 

“I’m gonna have the strongest jaw ever when I finally get out.” Stensland manages a laugh, finally giving up after eating what he can. 

 

In hindsight Clyde probably should have gone a different direction when trying to make Stens laugh, now he's stuck thinking about Stensland's jaw and mouth, and what he could do with those. He might never have gotten that far in real life, but he's had the internet since the late 90's, which is where he got his unfortunate education on sexual things related to him. All of that might not be accurate, still he knows of the things you do with your mouth and now that he's thinking about Stens' it's hard to quit.

 

Stens eventually looked at Clyde, tilting his head to the side and giving a little frown as the man seemed a bit distant. He assumed he still wasn’t feeling the best and just gave a small smile, “Wanna head back to the cell?”

 

"Sure." Being spoken to snaps him out of it, for now, tough he knows he'll be missing the ability to have five minutes of total privacy behind a lockable door more than ever. That's a problem for later, before that time they might think up something more innocent to distract them until lights out.

 

Stensland tries to stay positive, getting up and for once leading the way back to the cell though he made sure Clyde was very close behind him. When they got back to the cell Stensland had to fight the strongest urge to turn and kiss him, instead he made himself sit on the bottom bunk and looked down at his hands. “Do you want me to stay on my bunk? I, I dunno if you want to be sort of on your own any more.”

 

"Stay wherever you'd like, can't really be on my own in here anyway, 'sides I like spending time with you." When he drove his car through that corner store he'd already resigned himself to what was on its way, but unexpected things happen and now he can, with honesty, say he's having a pretty good time in prison.

 

Stensland just nods, the last comment made him feel warm but he still thought Clyde maybe wanted to be alone. He sat back on the bed, leaning against the cold stone wall and keeping his eyes on the floor. “I can always go to the Rec area? You can have the cell to yourself for a little while.”

 

"It's up to you, just stay safe if that's what you'd like to do." The idea of Stensland wandering off on his own makes him nervous considering what happened during the riot. Interest has been waning and the rec room is mostly safe, people more occupied with watching tv and playing cards than gunning for fights, still he doesn't like the thought of Stens being in the midst of that unprotected. Stens getting hurt again isn't worth the opportunity to jerk off, there are more important things in life, if he absolutely has to he can live with rubbing one out in the toilets as quiet as he can so no one tries to invite him to make use of the gloryholes.

 

“I would rather stay with you.” Stensland smiles, “I just wasn’t sure if you needed some time or anything, I would always rather spend time with you if I can.”

 

"The entertainment in this here cell is limited if you got any suggestions." Clyde is glad Stensland would rather be with him. he'd rather sit here and be dazzled by that smile than worry if anyone was feeling like picking fights today.

 

“I do actually! Did you ever play word games? I used to when I had my roommate,” Stensland beams, it would pass the time, and he was more than happy to spend time with Clyde in any way.

 

"Not since I was a kid." He's heard Sadie play those with other kids through the years and never understood a thing of it.

 

“Well there’s the alphabet game, or 20 questions? Two truths one lie?” Stensland offers with a smile, he just wanted Clyde to have a little bit of fun if he could.

 

"20 questions' the only one I heard about, how do the others go?" This could either be good fun, an opportunity to get to know each other better, or a complete disaster. Clyde’s hoping it'll be the former.

 

“Well two truths one lie is good, so if I went first I would tell you two things that are true about me and one lie, you then have to figure out which is the lie.”

 

"I think I can do that," Can't be too hard, right? Apart from the whole slept with a man's wife thing, Stens’ life can't possibly have been that crazy.

 

“Uh so, my favourite show is Dawson’s creek... I’ve drank beer from a hobo’s shoe and uh my favourite animal is a red panda.”

 

"How in the hell did you end up drinking beer from that? I don't believe you." Who would agree to that? Clyde has been witness to a lot of weird shit coming through Duck Tape, but nothing quite that dumb yet. 

 

Stensland gave a laugh, shaking his head and chewing his lip, “I did actually do that... it was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever done. My favourite animal is actually a condor.” 

 

A jolt of excitement strikes through Clyde at that, how serendipitous. 

 

"Well, you got me beat on drinking achievements."

 

“Honestly I would be happy to never drink that much again, I don’t know how people do it,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “It was actually Grady’s fault.”

 

"I got a feeling this Grady fella was a bucketful of trouble." People that make you drink out of a dirty old boot is the kind of people Clyde wants to avoid, the man better be as good a lawyer as Stensland claims.

 

“Oh he was but it all worked out and I’m grateful for it, I would be lost without him right now. I’m glad he can help me.” 

 

"So am I." He better be good so Clyde can live up to his promises.

 

“Go on then! You have to tell me two truths and a lie.”

 

"Well, I got a purple heart, I know a pageant routine by heart, and I got a bad tattoo on my left buttcheek that I let one of my squad mates do while I was drunk." His small town life hasn't been anywhere near as exciting as anyone's from a big city would be, but he has a few things up his sleeve. 

 

“Hmmm that is a tough one.” Stensland frowned, he had tried to get a glance at Clydes ass in the shower and hadn’t noticed any tattoos but then again he wasn’t exactly observant in that state of mind. “I can imagine you having a Purple Heart, for sure,” Stensland gave a little laugh. “I find it hard to believe you would have a bad tattoo from being drunk if you consider drinking from a hobo’s shoe worse... but I think the pageant routine is a lie.”

 

"You're right, Sadie tried to teach me one of her routines, but I got two left feet." He's never been much of a dancer and no amount of practice can change that. "The tattoo is a poorly done smiley face courtesy of our artillery man, he was nice enough to put it where it's not easily seen so I don't have to look at it every day." It'll be a surprise of undecided reaction to whoever gets that intimate with him someday in the future, if anyone at all. 

 

Stensland couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Why don’t you get it covered over?” He really wanted to ask to see it but with what has went on he thinks, well knows, it would be totally inappropriate.

 

"'Cause I don't want a stranger putting their face in my backside, ‘sides, it don't bother me that much, figure it'll be a nice surprise for whoever finds it." He's sorely tempted to show Stens the three little lines that make up the dumbest thing he's ever agreed to while drunk, but that would be crossing a line he's not ready to cross yet.

 

“I’m sure they will find it charming,” He laughed again but Stens feels a little sad, it’s a stupid tattoo on someone’s ass yes, but he’s a bit sad he won’t get to see it. All he can think is that this person outside for Clyde sounds lovely, the lucky one to see the tattoo and it’s bittersweet but if Stensland can make Clyde happy as a friend until he goes home to his love then that’s okay too.

 

"I hope he does if he's so inclined." Clyde melts just a little when Stens laughs, even if it's at him. "Your turn."

 

“Uhhhh right, so one of my favourite singers is Billy Ocean, one of my first crushes was actually, uh, on marlon Brando and I've never been on a proper holiday.”

 

"Now, Marlon Brando I can believe, and I thought you were Irish? So I suppose you’ve visited family. Billy Ocean it is." It's the logical one to Clyde.

 

“Actually marlon Brando was a lie, he was my second crush.” Stensland gave a little laugh, “I guess maybe certain people don’t think he was super attractive but I genuinely used to fancy Mario Lanza. I think it was his singing...” Stensland was laughing at himself, feeling so much more comfortable now he wasn’t too scared to be honest. “I actually tried singing lessons because of him, it didn’t go too well, I can hardly sing nessun dorma. As for a holiday, there's no one there to visit so I never got to really travel much.”

 

"I think my first crush was Kris Kristofferson in that there movie Convoy, of course I didn't realise at the time." This is starting to feel like catching up on all the things he missed out on in high school, how Jimmy had his football team, and Mellie her girlfriends. He didn't have any of that, until now. 

 

Stensland felt ridiculous for being sad Clyde clearly had a type, well it was no wonder that such a big handsome man would like those as equally as big and gorgeous. He smiled regardless though, “I’m not surprised you like the big beardy types.” He laughed softly and looked down at his hands. “I didn’t realise mine were crushes until it was just told to me. My ma’ knew before I did.”

 

"I wish I'd had someone like that growing up." It would have changed a lot if even one person told him it was ok to be different. He also wishes he had the guts to say he prefers the skinny gingers, someone he can pick up and carry around, someone by the name of Stensland.

 

“We couldn’t tell anyone though because of where I grew up in Ireland... think here in the south but even more religious. My mam was an angel, though, she knew and didn’t tell anyone, helped me hide it while she could.”

 

"I'm sorry to hear that, bet you're glad you got out." If Clyde had known a better option he would have done the same, instead he went from one close minded place to another.

 

“Yeah, it was sad why I had to leave but I got past it and came to the states to have my own loser life.” His laugh this time was forced and laced with sadness, his posture changing to something more withdrawn. “I’ve not had a real friend since then until I met you.”

 

"Then I'm glad we met." Clyde leans over to knock their shoulders together, "And I'm sure your ma is right proud of you." Stensland leans against Clyde properly and he can already feel himself welling up again, tears stinging his eyes. 

 

“I don’t think she would be, I’ve done nothing but end up in prison like my father. Is it... is it silly that I don’t want her to be watching over me so she isn’t disappointed?”

 

"I'd be proud of you, you just hit a snag in the road is all." Stensland has got to be around the same age as him, lots of time left to live and no sure way to live it. You just have to do the best you can. "When you get back out you just write a list on what you want and get to work, one thing at a time." That's how he learned to live with just the one hand, one thing at a time.

 

“Yeah... I know for sure I’m never smoking weed again.” He offered another little smile, this time an honest one because Clyde was helping enough just by being there. “Can I write down visiting you for my steak dinner as one of them?”

 

"Sure, that's on my list too." Clyde might just write down coming out as well, even if his family can't accept him he won't be alone so long as he has Stensland as his friend.

 

“You know I’ve never even truly thought about what I’d honestly like to do,” Stensland hummed to himself. “Working in the shop was okay, but since I found out I loved smoking weed I kind of haven’t even had any hobbies.”

 

"You'll find something, I never planned to own a bar I just sorta fell into it." By death and familial connections, he's happy with where he is in that sense. "You could always come work for me while you figure it out, if you want." There's one of those lines he probably shouldn't have crossed, Stens will think he's clingy now. Not that that isn't the truth.

  
  


Stensland smiled wide at that, he could have the chance to move again, start fresh and while he would definitely be pining for Clyde for a long time he would eventually be happy for him. “Honestly, if you really mean it I would love to. I’ve never worked a bar but I can learn! I swear.”

 

"It'd be great to have you around." Painful too, but you have to take the bad with the good and he'd much rather see Stensland every day than never again. Have a friend nearby he can call on when he needs the comfort and return the favour when Stens needs him.

 

“Thank you, honestly I’ll never know how I can repay you, you’ve done so much for me.”

 

"I'm just trying to be a good friend," and a selfish man not willing to let his crush move on.

 

“You’re a great friend and a good man Clyde, for helping me so much. It’s like I got sent my own personal guardian angel,” Stens smiled wide, he would happily leave his pathetic life behind for the sake of one person. One friend he could really rely on.

 

It pains him that he can't lean down and kiss Stensland right then and there as that smile light up their drab surroundings. Jimmy really was right with that to do list of his, shit happens and this is the result of that he supposes. The Logan family curse strikes him a second time by not only making him queer, but giving him someone he can't have to fall for. If he had the energy left he'd cry again. 

 

This time Stens could sense a small change, his smile slowly vanishing as he looked at Clyde and reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay? I didn’t, I didn’t upset you saying that did I?”

 

"No, I was just thinking and fell into a bit of a ditch." Bringing up the Logan curse will likely erase any miniscule chance he might have with Stensland effective immediately, everyone is tired of hearing about it anyway. Doesn't matter if it's true and he's a living example of it along with Jimmy's bad leg and a myriad of other things as far back as he's been able to dig.

 

“You can talk to me if you want, if not you wanna try playing something else?” Stensland offered a smile, giving Clyde’s shoulder another squeeze.

 

"There ain't much to tell," Maybe someday he'll talk Stensland's ear off about his theories, but that can wait until Stens has the option of running away or getting drunk of his rocker to get through it all. "What other games you got?"

 

“I like the alphabet game, not too hard but I like it, it passes the time. So uh we go from A to Z after picking a category but we do one each. So if you picked animals I could say ant then you could say albatross.” He realised how sad that sounded when he said it and he rubbed his face. “We don’t have to though.”

 

"We could do that, I never done it before, but let's give it a go." If Stensland likes it, he's sure he'll like it too.

 

“Well so it’s maybe easier why don’t you pick a kind of broad category? Cause sometimes it can get really difficult.” He gave a grin, wishing he could just casually lean over and kiss Clyde, even on the cheek.

 

"How about movies? I know a few of those." He's seen plenty on the television, enough to get by a little while at least.

 

“Sure! I’m not massively great at that but that sounds good.” Stensland was alright to start with but struggled a little toward the end, he was impressed at how good Clyde was though and when he very clearly thrashed him with the last few he gave a massive grin. “You’re really good at that!”

 

"Watched a lot of TV in the hospital when I wasn't crying or knocked out," It was better than staring at the ceiling anyway.

 

“Well I think it’s really cool that you know all of that.” Stensland leaned his head back carefully against the wall, looking at the boring opposite wall with no interest. “I am sorry you know, I’ve been a pain and I’m not that interesting or exciting, I just wanna make you feel a bit better until you get out of here.”

 

"I think you're plenty interesting." Clyde slouches back until he's more or less aligned with Stens, stealing glances from beneath his hair. "In fact, you're the most interesting person in my life." Fiddling with a loose thread on his jumpsuit helps him keep his wandering eyes to himself and his hand occupied so he won't reach out again, if anyone is being a pain it's him with his broken body and mind. Stensland finds his cheeks warming up at that, he flicks his eyes to the side to steal a look at Clyde before he lets out a slow breath. 

 

“That means a lot coming from you.” Perhaps it would be too far, perhaps Clyde would push him away but Stensland found himself leaning to the side against Clyde until he very carefully let his head rest on his shoulder. 

 

Clyde tries his best to hide the smile that blooms across his face in response, slumping just that little bit further so Stens can settle fully against him. He could stay here for hours like this, just leaning against each other. In a warm moment of weakness Clyde lets his own head rest against Stens feeling like he's taking advantage of the situation.

 

Stensland smiles softly, he likes this, he loves it in fact. Clyde is warm and solid beside him, the only thing he truly wished he could do was take his hand, to link their fingers together but that really was a silly little dream. Instead he closed his eyes, glad that Clyde is at least offering him this comfort.

 

The urge to put his arms around Stens is nearly all consuming, a deep need to hold him properly again, so warm and soft. To discourage himself he thinks of all the reasons why he can't, why Stens doesn't want him like that, what people would say if they knew Clyde Logan was a fag. It hurts nearly too much. Instead he thinks about Stensland's laugh, his smile, the way he smells and closes his eyes to the outside world just for a moment. 

 

Stensland ends up falling asleep slowly in this position, it’s not actually the most comfortable position to sleep in but it’s comforting in a different way; to Stensland it’s as good as the softest bed and fluffiest pillows and he snores softly as he leans against Clyde.

 

When Stensland falls asleep against him Clyde knows for sure he's too far gone, there's no coming back from this. Damn it all to hell, he thinks as he slowly wriggles them into a somewhat horizontal position. It wouldn't do either of them any good to wake up stiff and sore with cold feet from the concrete floor. It's a faint stroke of luck he supposes that Stens stays asleep through it until he's trapped between Clyde and the wall and Clyde follows suit into the vast darkness of sleep. 

 

When Stensland does eventually wake up he wakes clinging to Clyde, his arms around him as if he was Stensland’s own giant teddy. It had been so warm and comfortable, he didn’t even know when they had moved but for a few sleepy moments stens felt truly happy. It wasn’t until the harsh reality set back in did it quickly fade, Stensland wriggled away and let out a slow breath. This was his fault, he shouldn’t have fell asleep and Clyde was as ever too much of a damn gentleman to wake Stensland up. Now he had the knowledge of holding Clyde and morning wood because of it to boot.

 

Clyde wakes disappointingly on his own, his side cold and empty. Too good to be true really, that Stens would put up with sleeping next to him like that. He can't blame him Stens knowing what he knows about the things that sometimes haunt him at night, he could get hurt if Clyde were to have an episode. Forcing it from his mind is a challenging task, not even pushing himself as far as he can with his morning workout quite finishes the job, it stays there lurking in the far corners of his memories making him miss the feel of having a warm body next to him for the first time in his life.

 

Stensland had tried to relax on his own bunk after moving away but his body wouldn’t exactly calm down. Hearing Clyde waking up and starting to work out only made it worse because Stensland was stupid enough to roll over and watch. He didn’t know what to do so just tried to think of anything completely disgusting to tamper down his arousal enough for him to actually function.

 

By the end of Clyde’s workout his lungs are burning and muscles pleasantly sore, a bead of sweat drips off his nose. His feelings for Stensland are no less muted than they were before, settling in his chest like a tingling presence he doesn't want. It's a little later than when he usually goes for a shower, but today he can't leave it unless he wants to smell like a wet dog. 

 

"You coming?" Clyde both hopes and doesn't hope Stens will come with, too afraid he won't be able to keep his eyes to himself as well as reluctant to be on his own in case the others somehow got wind of his inclinations. 

 

Stensland wants to whimper with embarrassment at being asked if he’s moving but the prison pants are also too big on him that they might just hide it if he shifts in his boxers. 

 

“Give me a second.” He adjusted himself as casually as he could and tried to act perfectly normal when he climbed down and gave a smile. “Come on then.” Stensland was hoping the sheer mortification would tamper down the erection as they made their way to the shower.

It still isn't crowded, but there's definitely more people than they're both used to. 

 

Clyde sheds his jumpsuit feeling like a blaring neon sign with his faint blush, he can do this, it's just a shower and he's done it every day for years. He reckons it's more his imagination that people are staring than the actual truth. Maybe he should start covering up like Stens does, one hand wouldn't completely do it, still it would be something.

 

Stensland almost falls over with the speed of getting into the shower and making sure he was under it when it’s freezing cold before it warms up slightly. It seems to do the trick and all he feels is complete relief, thankful he wasn’t going to make an idiot of himself and he sets about washing quickly and trying to avoid looking at Clyde incase it just sets him off again.

 

If Clyde also takes a considerably colder shower than usual no one notices, he tries to think about anything else while he's naked, like how he can't wait to have Mellie wax off his scraggly chest hair that never grows quite right, another point of failure next to Jimmy who can grow an entire rug. At this rate all he's got going for himself is that he's taller than most people.

 

Stensland finally calms down as he showers in the next cubicle, his body cooperating with him as he rinses off the horrible soap they have the pleasure of washing with. This time he does glance over but only to see if Clyde's finished so they can go and eat their horrible prison breakfast together.

 

Clyde’s also nearly done when what one would consider the worst possible thing in this situation happens. He drops the soap. It's all too easy to drop the thing when you only have one hand, Clyde is no stranger to it, neither has he any fear about picking it back up. What he fears more about it is accidentally giving someone an eyeful which is a minor problem really, not like he's planning on reaching back to reveal that little smiley to any and all who want a look. Cheap soap back in hand he finishes off the remaining parts left to wash thinking no more off it.

 

Some might consider it luck getting a complete eyeful of someone you truly fancy when they drop the soap but right now Stensland thinks it’s the worst thing in the world because his body betrays him with another strong reaction. In his scramble to turn the shower cold he slips on the stupid tiles, bashing his head off the wall as he falls and crumpling into a heap.

  
  



	6. Lollipop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the drama
> 
> Enjoy!

While it really hurt it was almost a blessing for it certainly killed any arousal, that and the now freezing water pouring on him as he comes back around and tries to get back up. Stensland is blinking something warm out of his eye and he realises he’s reopened the cut on his brow and more than likely made it worse, knowing he will have a lovely shiny black eye to go with it. 

****

When Stensland slips next to him time slows like molasses for Clyde and stops entirely when he sees the blood oozing from his brow. "Shit, Stens!" decency be damned Clyde kneels down next to him and washes off as much of the blood as he can, but it just keeps coming and coming, like that dream. Oh fuck, now's not the time. Stens is hurt, he can wait to freak out. "Come on, I'm taking you to the infirmary." He hauls them both up, the urgency hammering in his chest giving him the ability to ignore Stensland's naked body next to him as well as the people watching.

****

“Clyde...” Stensland held onto him, he almost wanted to laugh because this wasn’t exactly how he imagined being naked next to Clyde but right now he had to calm the man down. Stensland wasn’t freaking out as much as he should have been, more concerned with not causing a scene and he flushed, looking down at the blood dripping on the tile making him feel slightly woozy. “We need to dry off, we need clothes.”

****

"Right." If Stensland hadn't said it he'd have been likely to run out of there without bothering with clothes or anything at all really much more concerned about his friend. 

****

Stensland had been the one to hurt himself yet he tried to calm Clyde down as the man panicked. “Can you get me my towel? I can get dried off and dressed okay, honestly it looks like a lot of blood but it’s fine.” 

****

Logically Clyde knows that, knows that head wounds bleed a lot and Stens isn't likely to keel over and die anytime soon, Knowing doesn't stop the irrational part of him from worrying. While he's grabbing a towel the guard posted by the door approaches them, "What the fuck happened to him." He waves a hand at Stensland and the blood smeared between them, his tone not exactly caring.                                                                

****

"He slipped, cracked his head on the wall," Clyde fumbles out itching to get back over to Stens.                                                                                           

****

"Better take him to the doc, son," The guard returns to his post, leaning up against the wall like nothing out of the ordinary is happening. It makes Clyde angry how the guards can care so little, doing the bare minimum to keep the peace. When he returns the bleeding has become more sluggish, but no less concerning and he mops at it with the spare towel he brought.

****

Stens lets Clyde hold the towel to the cut as he somehow manages to dry off decently and put the trousers on at least, he didn’t care about a top right now because embarrassment was setting in and he wanted to leave immediately.

****

“Come on, we better go to the infirmary.” He was also angry at how the guards simply didn’t care, it could have been due to a fight or an attack and all they could do was sent them to medical. 

****

Clothes, right, clothes would be a good idea. Yanking a pair of bottoms that looks about the right size out of the clothing pile Clyde pulls them on and grabs a couple of shirts to save a pointless few seconds in getting Stensland to a medical professional, he's smeared with blood anyway, no point in making more laundry than needed. They must be a right sight ambling down the hall like they are, half dressed and covered in blood.

****

On the way only one guards asks them where they are going and just nods as they tell him, Stensland hasn’t even noticed until now how uncaring they actually seem about the people in here. He supposed most prisoners were very horrible, but they were still humans… ethics aside he was glad when they got to the nurse because he was feeling a tiny bit dizzy and was very glad to sit down.

****

Clyde hovers while the nurse tends to Stensland, struggling to find enough calm to at least sit. He's damn near paced a trench into the floor when the nurse gives him a sharp, knowing look that sets his face aflame. If he's being that obvious he really needs to calm down.

****

Stensland finally starts to feel the pain when the nurse is cleaning up the reopened cut, wincing when they say it needs stitches. It wasn’t exactly going to tickle and Stens wasn’t the most hardy of people in any way, he wishes he could hold Clyde’s hand but knows it would be too much of a risk no matter the circumstances.

****

When Stensland looks downright scared at the prospect of stitches Clyde sits himself down on the table next to him and offers up his hand while glaring at the nurse, daring her to say something. She doesn't, she just shakes her head and rolls her eyes, no doubt thinking him a coward, either that or a sinner, whichever it is Clyde couldn't care less at the moment. He can be calm for this little bit, for Stensland. Right?

****

Stensland could truly cry when Clyde offers his hand, if it’s his choice he will gladly take it and he holds it tight as needle punctures skin. He manages to keep mainly quiet as the nurse patches him up, only squeezing Clyde’s hand a few times when it really hurt. 

****

Sitting here like this is a far stretch from what Clyde imagined his first time interacting with someone while naked would lead to, he'd hoped for something far less triggering and painful, preferably with no injuries at all. He can't help feeling as if this was his fault somehow. Cold, wet, and miserable would be the way to describe this whole mess, not to mention the wet part has him looking like a drowned donkey with his big ears sticking out. 

****

Holding hands ends up functioning as an anchor for both of them, comfort that goes both ways. His heart is still hammering in his chest, but watching their hands locked together takes the edge off. He can see why Stens seems to like hand holding so much.

****

Stensland doesn’t even let go of Clyde’s hand when it’s done, he’s still sore and he needs comfort, almost wishing they could just go back to the cell and hide out for the rest of the day. Instead he finally looks at Clyde and moves his hand back as slow as he can, savouring their fingers brushing together.  “We should probably go and get some breakfast.”

****

"You oughta get some rest instead." Eating is the last thing on his mind at the moment, tired and stressed out as he is, he can only imagine how Stensland must feel. That and he's yet to wash off the remainder of the blood. "Here, best keep warm," Handing over one of the shirts he's been dragging around he watches Stensland cover up while rubbing at a dried smear of blood on his own chest, eager to return to their cell where he can wash it off in the little, brushed steel sink. "'Sides, I think we missed breakfast,"

****

“I’m so glad you said that, I, I just wanted to go back to the cell.” Stensland looked sheepish as he stood up, tugging on the shirt and wondering if Clyde would let him sleep next to him again... it was a long shot but he kind of desperately needed it.

****

There's a different kind of atmosphere between them today, the last two days having set the course of their friendship in a direction neither of them could have seen coming. Clyde hasn't decided if he likes it or not yet. Back in the cell he makes a beeline for their little sink/toilet combo and starts scrubbing at every single spot of blood he can find until his skin is pink and raw. Desperate to clean the memory of warm blood off his skin, too many demons encroaching on his mind as a result.

****

Stensland watches and feels terrible, he realises that seeing the blood like that... the worry... he finally connects the dots. That Clyde is going back to somewhere he doesn’t want to be and he feels terrible for it.

****

“I’m, I’m sorry.” Stensland is once again reminded he’s nothing but trouble, completely useless and not worth it for what he’s done. He’s got Clyde hurt physically on top of it so Stensland climbs onto his top bunk and turns to face the wall, curling up as far away from the edge as he can possibly get so he’s out of the way. Clyde looks up from his frantic scrubbing to watch Stensland close off and hide himself away. 

****

"Don't say that, this ain't your fault." All traces of blood gone from his skin he finally pulls the overly starched shirt over his head, "It just reminded me of that dream is all." the dream where the outcome wasn't nearly as favourable as this. "I thought you were dying, I knew you weren’t, but my mind wouldn’t let me believe it." he quietly admits. 

****

Stensland curls up into a smaller ball, he feels guilty, and stupid, and he wants to say why it happened but he can’t. He just can’t. “I just slipped... I didn’t mean to I’m, I’m clumsy I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be upset.”

****

"I ain't upset, I just," finding the right words to say is difficult when he feels like it'll just make things worse no matter what. "Sometimes I see things that ain't there, I got scared and panicked when it was you who was hurting and needing help, I should be the one apologizing."

****

“No... no you shouldn’t. You can’t help that, I just never want you to worry like that. I, I understand why you panic and why you have nightmares.”

****

"That's still no excuse for behaving like I did." for clinging to Stensland like that.

****

Stensland couldn’t stop himself from rolling over, ignoring the pounding in his head as he did. “Clyde, please. You don’t have to be sorry, it’s fine, we’re fine... right?”

****

"Just, what if I'd’ve hurt you worse?" What if in his panic he'd done more damage than what's already there, would Stens have pushed him away? Or would he have been to indulgent with him?

****

“I, I don’t know what you mean? Why would you have done that?” Stensland didn’t try moving again, his head hurting too much to do so.

****

"When that happens I don't always know where I am, or who. What if I'd hurt you," The thought of that happening is the worst possible thing he can imagine, he's punched people before, people who were trying to help, nurses, friends. It's a rarity, most people not wanting to get up close to him when he's like that, but Stensland is fearless and so driven to comfort those around him. Just what if one day things go wrong.

****

“Well if that happens then it happens, I won’t distance myself from you just because of a risk like that. People get hurt all the time, it’s not something that can really be helped. I just, I trust you, and I know you would never hurt me intentionally and that’s the main thing.”

****

"I broke two of Jimmy's ribs once 'cause he woke me up and he's a pretty solid guy, imagine what I could do to you." If reasoning doesn't work he'll have to scare a bit of distance between them, he needs Stensland to understand how dangerous being his friend could be. "But I doubt you'll listen, so, in the future you should wake me up from a safe distance."

****

“If I need to wake you up, I’ll do it how I want to, I don’t care about getting hurt if I’m doing it helping you.” Stensland didn’t want to back down at all, Clyde was way more to him than the man could imagine and he hated how he was being pushed away.

****

"I've killed people!" the outburst takes them both by surprise, Clyde isn't the kind of man that takes to shouting easily and he can never quite see it coming. He takes a deep breath, "Stens, I've killed people.”

****

Stensland actually gave a little shout of surprise at Clyde raising his voice, he had tried not to but he couldn’t stop the flinch which made his head pound. He knew what happened when you were in the army, he knew Clyde would have done some bad things but he wasn’t bothered about that. If anything right now Stensland was more scared from the shout and he pulled the thin blanket over him just to hide his hands that were trembling slightly.

****

“Well I’m sorry for believing in you.”

****

"If I'm capable of something like that, Stens, what if one day I lose control, forget where I am. I've hurt enough people and I don't want you to become one of them," I love you too much. It's touching how persistent Stensland is, refusing to keep at a safe distance and it's his damn own fault really for letting him in when he should have kept away.

****

“If you want me to stay out of your way then I will. I’ve already offered.” Stensland felt... he didn’t even know how he felt. Hurt physically for sure, but he also felt like he was already being pushed away completely, that they had got too close and he understood it. Stensland was never going to be good enough for Clyde that was true and he let out a slow breath. “I’m going to try and rest.” It was a pathetic excuse to stop talking but he was tired of trying to be good when it wasn’t getting him anywhere.

****

"I want you to stay, but I ain’t sure that’s the best idea," Clyde slumps down into his own bunk staring at the grey wall opposite. "I've never had anyone care like you and that scares me." It's difficult to say, but it needs to be said even if Stensland is listening or not. 

****

Stensland bites his lip, he didn’t understand... he didn’t understand that at all. “But, but don’t you have family? Other friends? The person you like? I’m sure they care just as much.”

****

"They don't know me like you do. They likely wouldn't care at all if they did." If they find out,  _ when _ they find out, he'll be left on his own while everything around him crumbles because no one wants to associate with a fag like him. When that happens, Stensland will be all he has left.

****

Stensland didn’t know what to say, admittedly Clyde probably knew him better than anyone now too, so perhaps it was the same. Yet it seemed like Clyde still had friends on the outside where Stensland didn’t truly have anyone. “Well I do care and I, well, I want to be there for you, but I also don’t want to be in your way if you think I would be.”

****

"You'd never be in my way, Stens," Clyde sighs, "Now, I can't tell you what to do and I'll respect you no matter what you choose, but I wouldn't be able to live with it if you got hurt 'cause of me." 

****

Stensland wants to tell Clyde again that his ass is the reason he split his head open again but he bit his lip. He didn’t want to lose this at all, he couldn’t risk this friendship no matter what. 

****

“If you have a bad dream do I leave you or wake you up?”

****

"You can wake me so long as you're out of reach." Safe from him. "Stand in the corner and shout, throw something at me," he suggests, a few bruises he can live with, better that than his fist making contact with Stens in any capacity. "Hell, you could even drop a rock on my head and I wouldn't mind so long as you stay in one piece."

****

“You’re too selfless sometimes.” Stens sighed softly, “but okay, from a distance. What if, what if it’s like when we were in the showers? What should I do? I just, I want to know so I can help if I can.”

****

"I don't know, just whatever you do don't grab me unless I say it's alright." God he hopes they won't ever have a repeat of today. "Or you could ask the guards to taser me I suppose," if nothing else it would knock him out. "You shouldn't worry though, it usually don't get that bad unless something sends me back like a lot of blood or loud noises."

****

“Oh...” Stensland still felt guilty regardless, he felt like a creep for looking and he felt even worse for sending Clyde into that state. He also wanted to apologise again but decided against it, not wanting to annoy Clyde even more.

****

"Why don't you get some rest now and I'll wake you for lunch." He'll also go get that condor as a way of apologising and hope Stens might connect some strings and realise he's behaving like he is because he's too weak for those green eyes.

****

“Yeah, I will. Tha-Thank you Clyde,” Stens lets out a slow breath, closing his eyes and trying to settle down so the gentle thumping pain in his head would pass. 

****

Clyde sits quietly on his bunk until it sounds like Stensland is asleep before getting up to leave. For a little while he stops and stares, watches the lump under the thin blanket and the mop of ginger hair sticking out the top, what on earth has he gotten himself into? He should have kept Stensland at arms length since day one, but he doesn't regret letting him in no matter what he should or shouldn't have done. Sometimes it has to be allowed to be an idiot. 

****

As a small gesture of goodwill and affection he drapes his own blanket over Stens as well, briefly touching a bony shoulder before taking his leave.

****

Stensland doesn’t even register the soft touch, far too exhausted. He does dream however, he dreams what it would be like if things were different, if they met under normal circumstances, if Clyde didn’t want someone else and if Stensland was brave enough to say something.

****

The workshop is loud and grating, rubbing his still fragile calm raw, but he's here for a reason, a quick pick up, that's all. The condor sits waiting for him amongst all the other projects, a little lopsided and rough. Picking it up he makes a split decision that could either make for a laugh or go south should Stensland find it. Procuring a knife he wedges the bird tight between his knees and with a few small nicks sticks a smiley face under its tail, on the left of course, before sanding the edges smooth.

****

Stensland remains asleep in the cell thankfully unbothered as most prisoners are in their groups or in the Rec hall. He doesn’t even move until he hears movement in the cell again and grumbles softly, “Clyde?”

****

"Yeah," Clyde shuffles awkwardly by the door feeling like he's intruding with his dumb gift. Would Stensland even want his amateur wood carving?

****

“Is it lunch time?” Stensland stretches out his legs a little and the dull throb is still there in his head but thankfully it doesn’t hurt as much as it did.

****

"Almost." He rubs his thumb across the wood, feeling the smooth finish on the condor's back. "Made this, thought you might like it." He can't bring himself to look up from the floor as he places the figurine on the cot, his face warm. 

****

Stensland pulls himself together enough to lift his head, looking at the wooden figure and it takes him barely a moment to recognise it. “Clyde... you made this... for me?” He moved to sit on the edge of the top bunk, his legs dangling down so he could hold the figure in his hands and rub his fingers over it. “Wow... holy shit, Clyde.” Stensland has to bite his lip to stop himself welling up, reaching out to grip the man's shoulder so he could carefully jump down from the bed and pull him into a firm hug.

****

Stens' reaction is overwhelming, Clyde didn't expect it would mean that much to him at all. "Have to do something while I'm there, thought I might as well." He leans into the hug as much as he dares, careful to avoid Stensland's injuries while also playing it as cool as he can.

****

“You’re amazing.” Stensland couldn’t bring himself to let go right now, condor still in his hand he held onto Clyde, feeling particularly emotional. “No ones ever made something for me like this.... I love it so much.” 

****

It will never cease to amaze Clyde how trusting Stensland is, holding on to him so tightly despite the things he has said to push him away. "I'm sorry for yelling earlier," He mumbles into that mop of orange hair he loves so much, breathing in deep unsure of when he'll get to be this close next.

****

“It’s okay, it’s okay I just got a fright is all,” Stensland’s voice is soft as he hides against Clyde's shoulder, making this linger for as long as he can get away with it. “And I’m sorry for pushing so much.”

****

As difficult as it's been to admit to a few things he's also grateful for Stens' pushing in a roundabout way, forced to acknowledge things he hasn't spoken about since his initial therapy went it was all still so raw. It's his own fault that he's ended up like this, left his wounds to heal awkwardly by refusing further help, Stensland not wanting to give up on him has reopened some of them, given him a chance to heal properly. 

****

"Don't be."

****

“I just don’t want to hurt you, I just want to help.” Stensland finally lets go, he thinks it’s been long enough and doesn’t want Clyde to feel awkward. Especially if the man was to figure out how he felt. 

****

Clyde ducks his head to hide a smile, forgetting the pointless effort of it since Stens is shorter than him anyway. "Let's get some food," he suggests, a weak excuse to turn his back for a little while.

****

“Yeah.” Stensland tried not to sigh, he just wants to help the man but for now he’s not going to push again. Instead he places the condor very carefully on his pillow, smiling softly at the sentiment behind it and he knew he was going to keep it forever. 

****

Lunch is uneventful, dry and tasteless as ever as Stensland remains by clyde's side but keeps quiet, he’s not sure what he can even say with what’s went on in the past few days, it’s certainly been eventful for sure. But he doesn’t want to rock the boat again so they have lunch in silence and then go back to the cell so Stensland can lie down again.

****

"Your lawyer friend'll be here tomorrow, right," Clyde settles down, digging his current book out from behind his mattress flipping it open to the dog eared page.

****

“Yeah, he’s going to the initial hearing on my behalf in the morning. I will find out the trial date, and, uh, what’s going on really.” Stensland had actually forgot about it with what had went on in the prison, knowing that he would hear news tomorrow was actually scary.

****

"It'll be good news, I'm sure," has to be with Stensland's aura of innocence and expensive lawyer. Maybe he'll get out sooner than they both hope so Clyde can make him that dinner.

****

“I hope so, Grady said that if I get sentenced they take the time I’m here until the trial off that, so maybe I will get out after the trial. Maybe...” Stensland leans over to look down at Clyde, “If things go wrong... will you take the condor and keep a hold of it for me until I get out? Then you can make that dinner for me.”

****

"I will, but with a fancy lawyer like that you'll be alright." He has to be. "I know the judge here, he's a good man too." Good enough to let him of easy despite his suspended license on top of the corner store that quite obviously wasn't an accident. Stens'll be alright, he's sure of it.

****

“Still, promise me. I want you to take it with you when you get out.” He trusted Clyde to keep it safe and it was almost an insurance that if Clyde had it, when Stensland got out he would have to go and see him to at least get it back.

****

"I promise, It'll be safe with me, I'll keep it at the bar so you can come get it when you want." He's already picturing the condor sitting on the liquor shelves behind the bar, a little piece of Stensland to watch over him.

****

“And a nice drink,” Stensland managed a small laugh, leaning back to close his eyes again he wasn’t going to sleep, just attempt resting so his head would feel somewhat better.

****

"I'll make you something special." Something sweet and fruity, fun and colourful like he usually doesn't get to make for his redneck clientele. Something so gay and flirty Stensland won't be able to miss it.

****

“Will it have a little umbrella?” Stensland smiled to himself, he would be happy to uproot everything he knew to move down here to be near Clyde. He didn’t have anything back “home”, he wasn’t keen on the view of gay men here but perhaps it would be okay if he has Clyde.

****

"As many as will fit," It'll end up near impossible to drink, but if that's what makes Stens happy, that’s what he'll make. "With a curly straw,"

****

“Perfect.” Stensland couldn’t stop smiling now, as long as he knew they were okay then he would be happy. They spend the rest of the day in much the same way, chatting lightly trying to work past the awkward blanket Clyde laid over them, they even revisit some of those word games and learn a few thing about each other along the way. It's pleasant, slow and quiet, just how he likes it.

****

\--

****

The next day Stensland ends up being a nervous wreck in the morning, unable to keep calm knowing he will find something out. He almost doesn’t want to go when he gets called to the visitor centre, looking up at Clyde and only managing a small smile before he’s escorted off to see Grady.

****

Clyde is nervous for Stensland too, this could change a lot. He spends his time in the workshop hacking away at a piece of wood not really expecting anything to come out of it when he's not in the mindset to focus on much at all. In the end he's left with something vaguely heart shaped that he goes to throw out before changing his mind, he could probably turn it into something or other. A paperweight for his office perhaps, not that he really needs one in the glorified closet where he keeps a desk and all his files.

****

When Stensland eventually returns he’s beyond happy but also scared, he knows Clyde will be leaving soon, before his trial date and it means he will have to be alone in Monroe for a short while. He wants to be brave but he’s terrified, despite that though he’s already agreed to plead to possession knowing Grady will get him the best possible deal. He’s ready to tell all of this to Clyde but as soon as he gets back all he can do is move in for a hug, he needs the comfort if only for a moment.

****

Stensland's freedom with hugs is one of Clyde's favourite things about him, so when Stens returns with a bright smile and open arms Clyde picks him up off the ground in a crushing hug. Good news, is what this means. Hopefully Stens won't have to stay in here for much longer than him. For now though, they might as well make the best of the time they have together before the law gets between them. 

****

Stensland is glad for the returned affections, holding on to Clyde for as long as he can before letting go. “Ten weeks until the trial, Grady thinks I will be able to leave shortly after.” He manages a small smile and tried not to betray how scared he will feel when he’s alone.

****

"But that's after I get out." That means Clyde won't be there to greet him and be exited with him when he comes back with a good verdict. He'll have to go to the trial then, be there for Stens in any way he can.

****

“Yeah... yeah it’s okay though. I will be okay.” Stensland offered another smile, he had to be brave. “I’m going to plead, then I will be able to come for that drink sooner than you know. You just need to tell me where your bar is.” He gave a soft laugh, fighting the urge to hug him again.

****

"Off the i19 in Boone County, called Duck Tape 'cause that's what kept it together when I got the place," Clyde smiles, Stens will be okay without him here, he'll make sure of it. If Joe won't keep an eye on him he'll find somebody who will because if he comes back to find any marks there'll be hell to pay for those responsible.

****

“I can’t wait.” He smiled wider, he could easily wait it out, keep to himself and perhaps read a lot of books as he waited. It wasn’t that long, just a small blip before he could get out and actually start a new life for himself.

****

"Well, you'll have to," Clyde's heart flutter at that smile, a pleasant tingling settling down at the thought of Stensland being eager to see him again. "I'll make sure to visit you every week." A promise he can keep, that he'll have to keep no matter what.

****

“You will? Really visit me?” Stensland couldn’t really believe Clyde would go out of his way to visit him, especially coming back to this place when he would be free himself.

****

"I'm a man of my word." And he really did promise Stensland he'd go see his crush every week.

****

Stensland hugged him again while still missing the connotations of Clyde’s promise, he couldn’t help himself being so physically affectionate when he actually had the chance to, only now realising how touch starved he really was.

****

Stensland practically glows with affection and Clyde wonders how he ever though he'd be able to resist his charms. How could anyone with a smile like that directed at them. Cupid is afoot and Clyde is convinced he must have loaded up his entire quiver and aimed it at his ass because he's madly in love and there's no denying it. Fucking shit, it's a bad idea, but what can he do other than push it aside in favour of keeping a friendship he's not willing to give up. Why couldn't he have been stuck with some asshole instead of a literal angel in disguise?

****

When Stens pulls back he feels a lot more relaxed, he knows he will have someone for sure. He knows he will at least have a friend when he leaves this place and perhaps he can really get that fresh start. He can work in the bar, be with Clyde all of the time and he was sure he would get over the way he felt someday. He might even try and go on a date with someone else.

****

Clyde is at a loss, stunned by his revelation while Stensland is thinking of his own future, and wishes he could tuck his face away in Stensland's shoulder again, though he doubts he'd find any answers there. Instead he fishes around under his mattress until he can produce his last two lollipops, if there ever was a time for them it's now.

****

Stensland smiled softly, watching Clyde get the last couple of his own sweets, but he caught a little glimpse of paper under there too. He frowned deeply in confusion, looking back up as he asks though he found it amazingly hard to believe. “Clyde... are those... are those my drawings?” 

****

For a single breath Clyde’s heart stops, Stensland wasn't supposed to know about that, "Yup," no point in denying it now, nothing else it could be. It's embarrassing, if Stens doesn't see right through him now he must be blind. 

****

Stensland’s face breaks into the widest smile, looking at Clyde with mostly disbelief. “I... at the start I thought you would have thrown them out. Then, I dunno I mean they aren’t good or anything I just... I’m happy. Honestly it might not seem like much but it means a lot you kept them.” Stensland could very nearly believe that there could be something deeper between them but he had to keep reminding himself Clyde would have someone else. That Stensland would never be good enough for him, but it’s sweet nonetheless.

****

"They mean a lot to me." That Stensland spends his every morning making him something means more to him than he can put into words. He wants to say how happy it makes him every time he sees a drawing waiting there on his bed, how it makes the world seem just a little brighter. If only he could.

****

“They do?” Now that did confuse him a little, perhaps Clyde was simply very sentimental about gifts and it was a very sweet thought. “I might get better one day, give you something you could actually frame.”

****

"Of course they do." How could Stens believe anything else? "And if you think I won't frame every single one and put them in my office you need to think again." Turning his tiny, little office into a queer safe space for him is the best idea he's had in awhile, nobody goes in there, but him so it’s someplace he can keep all the little things that give him up as a fruit. Then when he finally has his own place he can hang them up there instead so he gets to look at them every day. 

****

Stensland’s face turned deep red at the suggestion, it was so sweet but a little embarrassing knowing Clyde wanted to display every bad drawing. To try and stave off the embarrassment he let out a slow breath and sat on the edge of the bottom bed. 

****

“I know I’ve asked a lot of you, but would you do me one more favour? When you get out will you try and find a flat, or something, I don’t care if it’s rubbish, or even a room in someone’s house. I’ll have to have somewhere to live and I won’t have much money.”

****

"I can do that." He'll find someplace safe with somebody he trusts. "Mel could probably put you up a while, and I think Earl might have a spare room, there's also the boarding house, but that ain't much," he wants to suggest Stensland come and live with him, but that's a line to cross some other day. "Even Granny oughta let you stay if you don't mind old folks,"

****

“Honestly I kind of love old people, they are awesome to talk to,” Stens smiled softly, “I don’t mind staying wherever, I don’t... I don’t have many things and I won’t get in the way.”

****

"You won't have to worry about things like that down here, you'll never go hungry, or alone," so long as you fit in, that is, "Just be careful about your interests." If Stens wanted to live with him they wouldn't have to worry about things like that, they could watch shows like Dawson's Creek and get excited about it too. Offering up the two suckers for Stens to choose one Clyde makes himself comfortable down on the cot as well.

****

Stensland goes for the red, always his favourite and holds it in his hands for a few moments, just twirling it around. “I’m not sure I could do that. I mean I’ve never had to worry about being me, I never realised how lucky I was for it too so I’m not really sure I could hide it well enough.” Stensland chewed his lips, distracting himself with opening the candy before he spoke again. “Maybe it would be best if I just went back, I don’t wanna cause trouble.”

****

"You could stay with me," Clyde blurts before he has a chance to really think about the consequences.  _ He's really stepped in it now.  _

****

Not wanting to see Stens' reaction he takes to pulling at the wrapper of his lollipop with his teeth, plastic crinkling awkwardly while he stews in his own embarrassment. 

****

To Stensland it’s not awkward or strange, if anything it’s an incredibly welcome invitation. He would love that, being with someone he knew would be so much better and he smiled wide again. Clyde was such a gentleman and despite the way he waits nervously Stensland is obviously very pleased with the offer. “I would really like that, I really would. I can help out around the place and clean and stuff until I have enough money to help pay rent.”

****

"You sure you'd want to live with me after this whole mess?" Their time together in this cell has more or less been a trial period for something like that and he wouldn't blame Stensland for changing his mind.

****

“I don’t understand? This whole mess? I can’t think of anyone I would rather stay with, you’ve done more for me than anyone has in a very long time. I would really like to live with you, even if it’s just for a while.”

****

"You know what I mean." In here he can't turn to his usual coping mechanisms, living in the same house Stens would have to put up with all his other oddities on top of it all, It's not fair of him to put that on anyone. Although, he supposes he could confine himself to his own room instead of wandering the house or garden until he calms down, provided he can find them someplace with walls thick enough to blot out any noise he might make.

****

“Well maybe I could stay for a couple of nights? Until I find somewhere cheap enough?” Stensland felt blessed Clyde had offered but he still didn’t want to get in his way.

****

"You shouldn't have to, I'll just find us someplace with thick walls so you won't have to listen to me screaming all the time." He sticks the lollipop in his mouth so he can't say anything stupid; lemon, he thinks as he sucks on the sweet.

****

Stensland turns so he’s sitting facing Clyde, sucking on the lolly as he tried to think of his next words carefully and instead went for flat out simple, if he didn’t get an answer there was no harm done. “Screaming all of the time?” 

****

"They're my nightmares, they get loud, and it's not fair of me having you deal with it too on top of everything else." Stensland looks so earnest where he's sat next to him and Clyde's guilt about his broken mind grows. "We'll just have to make sure I won't wake you if I get one of the really bad ones," specifically the ones where he relives the moment he saw what was left of his hand, blood and broken bones, and the pain hit him for the first time.

****

“I don’t care if it wakes me up Clyde, honestly I don’t. The most I can do is at least be there for you when that happens, if you need to just talk or something. I would rather be there.”

****

"I appreciate that." The sucker cracks with little pressure from his teeth, "I just can't feel good about putting something like that on you." He knocks their knees together gently in lieu of reaching over to grab Stensland's hand.

****

“Well you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all, I’ve said it’s okay,” Stens smiles at the little gesture, he just wants to reassure Clyde that it will be okay. He would rather be close and help than Clyde worrying about disturbing him with his dreams. “I’ll read you bedtime stories if it will help?” he gives a teasing smile, nudging Clyde’s leg again, his eyes playful. 

****

A snort escapes him, "Ain't nobody read me anything since I could read on my own." At this point he thinks that maybe he should just accept Stensland wanting to be there for him no matter what and stop trying to push him away. Getting Stens to back off is like pushing porridge uphill and he's getting tired of it, actually letting somebody look after him might be nice. "Got any Irish ones?" Clyde nudges back.

****

"Actually yeah, I uh, somehow I remember all of the tales my mam used to tell me, mostly Irish folklore," Stensland smiled, it would actually be really nice to share them with somebody, to share a bit of his heritage. "If she was here she would sit you down and tell you all of them, she was such a good story teller."

****

"I'd rather have you." With no offence to Stensland's mother of course, but he'd much rather have that comforting lilt tell him stories about Ireland late at night.

Stensland's mind provided him with a very different meaning to that reply and he tried to fight his basic response but couldn't stop the soft blush coming up on his cheeks. He looked down and busied himself with the candy for a moment, repeatedly telling himself that Clyde was simply talking about the stories and nothing more.

****

"Well I can tell you all of the ones I remember."

****

"I'd like that," Clyde notices the flush taking over Stens and wonders if he said something wrong. Then it hits him and a matching blush blooms on him.

****

"So, so would I." Stensland falls quiet, slowly working his way through the candy for a distraction from what he was starting to think again, he really needed to get this under control or he was going to make a complete fool of himself especially if he was to stay with Clyde.

****

Clyde watches Stensland suck on his lollipop, thoughts he'd rather not have flooding him, making him feel guilty as if Stens somehow knows the things he's thinking about that damnably soft mouth. Things he isn't even sure they actually do outside the pornos. He could probably ask about it, but Stens already knows he hasn't kissed somebody in over a decade so he should probably keep his other shortcomings to himself.

****

Stensland hates the silence at first while Clyde is lost in thought but soon slowly settles into it, leaning back and finishing off the candy eventually. He feels more comfortable now, not feeling the need to fill the quiet with pointless chatter, he is however mentally counting the days until Clyde is released.


	7. Hello From the Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I've run out of things to say...
> 
> Enjoy!

He's stuck on it now that he's first had the thought, it stays with him the whole day until he's laying in the dark staring at the bottom of Stens' bunk and thinking about logistics and cleanliness why anyone would put their mouth there in the first place. He opens his mouth to ask a few times, taking a breath and losing the courage between inhale and exhale. 

 

Stensland is nice, he probably wouldn't care that Clyde never got past the kissing, still he's turning thirty in a few months and it feels a little pathetic to admit to such things at his age when Stens likely has plenty of experience in such matters. 

 

Stensland can hear Clyde sighing softly, he knows he’s not sleeping, he knows when he’s sleeping now and he moved to lean over the side of the bed peering through the dark with little luck as he can only make out a vague shape. “Hey... can’t sleep?”

 

"Nope, my mind is running laps." Even if it's not the conversation he's been thinking about it might just work as a distraction until he falls asleep.

 

“Oh, would talking about it help? Or are you just eager to get out of here, I bet you are.”

 

"Something like that," he's eager alright, in a way he hasn't been since he was young and horny, full of questions he couldn't ask in his abstinence is key sex ed class.

 

“Something like that...” Stensland sighed and rolled over onto his back, closing his eyes again and playing with the edge of the blanket. “If you don’t wanna talk then we can just try and sleep.”

 

"What kinda sex ed did you get at your school?" Might as well dive in head first, he has questions and Stens has answers, still he's ever grateful for the dark hiding his boiling face. "I just got to thinking about some things and all they taught us was the regular kind along with abstinence." Clyde might just die from lack of blood flow if he can't relax about it. It's just sex, he reassures himself, everyone does it. Except for him of course.

 

“Oh... I… well...” Stensland really was shocked by the question, he hadn’t been expecting anything like that and he just gave a sudden laugh. “Oh we got the same, sex is for making babies and you will burn in hell if you have sex before you’re married, or are gay of course... honestly the education wasn’t good at all... most of the stuff I know is from online.”

 

"Yeah, me too." And that's what bothers him, porn isn't real, what those actors do can't possibly be things regular people engage in as well. He knows about the regular butt stuff and blow jobs, that he believes from overhearing the other boys in high school, the straight boys. "Couldn't exactly ask about the queer stuff back then."

 

“Yeah... far too dangerous back then, and now still, I suppose, in some places,” he sighed softly, biting his lip as he kept his eyes closed. “I just kind of researched it when I could, porn is... it does nothing for me. It’s too ridiculous, so I just read about it I guess like those blog articles and regular people writing about it.”

 

"I could never get away with any queer books, too scared they'd be found. Still got a few, but nothing that couldn't have been bought on accident," books with sappy love scenes that make about as much sense to him as porn does, that's not to say he hasn't gotten off to it. When you have to hide you make do with sports catalogues and poorly written smut because it’s all you can get, along with a limited imagination. 

 

“Oh not books, just information. I guess... it makes me sound really boring but I, uh, I wanted to know what to do and how for when I met someone you know? Like, I had this idea in my head that I would fall in love and sex would follow, that they were connected.”

 

"They ain't?" To Clyde it's always seemed wrong to have sex all willy nilly with strangers, friends, and anyone else interested.

 

“I’m not sure anymore... it seems like most people don’t think they are. I mean people sleep with each other all the time and I don’t, Well I’ve... so I’ve been with someone once and to them it was nothing. I guess it hurt more than I thought, so I wouldn’t sleep around and would just want to wait for someone special.” Like Clyde, Stensland thinks. 

 

What a fool that woman is, if Clyde ever got lucky enough to get Stensland in his bed he'd never let go. "I've never," he confesses quietly to the wall, bolstered by the thought that Stens hasn't had a string of lovers.

 

“When you do, make sure it’s someone you care about, someone who cares about you... otherwise it’s just, you know.” Stensland would have shrugged if Clyde could see him. “I wish it had been special... I honestly regret it now.” Stensland had no issue that Clyde had no experience, it wasn’t something that was any issue to him as he was hardly an expert himself. 

 

If Clyde has his way it'll be Stensland who gets to take him to bed, but he doubts he'd be good enough for something like that. How anyone could want to have sex with a mess like him seems like a fairytale concept. Clyde knows he isn't exactly ugly in the grand scheme of things, he's no Fish or Sam Bang, yet he's still lower on that scale for a whole host of other things. He's not all that clever, or well off, he's quiet and awkward, riddled with trauma, not a person anyone should want in their bed. Chances are he'll never get that far unless by some miracle Stensland in interested in him like that. 

 

Stensland wondered if he had said too much, made Clyde feel awkward due to his silence. If Clyde didn’t want to continue the conversation then Stens wasn’t going to push it, there was no point since Clyde was apparently in his own little world so Stens settled back down on his bed and drifts off to sleep.

 

Sleep doesn't come easy to Clyde that night however, and when a dream inevitably catches up to him it's far from what usually plagues him at night. He wakes sporting the hard on from hell, an erection with such determination that nothing he runs through his mind will kill it no matter how disgusting or mundane. It's a new problem for him, one he'd consider somewhat worse than anxiety in that he needs to fix it while his libido's inspiration is sleeping about four feet above him.           

                                                                                                                                                          He can be quiet, he's spent his whole life learning to get off as quickly and quietly as possible, it's not ideal in any way, but what other option dose he have, not like he can sneak off. They're locked in here together and by the time he can run off he won't be able to do so without an audience and that's even less ideal.

 

Cursing softly he worms his hand down his pants, curling up to offer a spot of space under the grey blanket to mask any movement, Clyde proceeds to frantically jerk off before Stensland wakes up, and prays to any and all gods that he'll make it and have enough time to get rid of the evidence after. 

 

Thankfully Stensland doesn’t hear a thing, instead sleeping soundly as it took him so long to finally get into a deep sleep. He had been mostly confused, especially about the way Clyde had asked him a question like that, it certainly was interesting that was for sure and he tried to mull it over but tiredness had won out. His dreams were none existent, or he simply couldn’t remember them, but either way he slept as well as one can when you’re in prison and your cellmate is getting off beneath you.

 

To say the next few days were anything but awkward for Clyde would be telling a lie, he can't so much as look at Stensland without flushing in shame at the memory of what he'd done. He's a grown man and he shouldn't be acting like a horny bastard while others are sleeping in the same room, he's moved past that, not having dared to try it again since Jimmy almost caught him that one time. Stensland deserves better than that which is why he decides that for any future endeavors, if necessary, he'll keep it to the shared toilets if needs must.

 

Stensland did notice something was off this time though, Clyde seemed to be... awkward around him and he kept wondering if it was the quiet conversation they had lying in the dark and the man simply found it very embarrassing. It went on for a few days before Stensland had to stop Clyde in their cell, standing in front of him and chewing his lip before he built up the nerve to speak. “Have I said or done something wrong?” 

 

Stens has both said and done a lot of things, none of them wrong from Clyde's point of view, still he can't find it in him to add this to his growing pile of confessions dropped at Stensland's feet, if nothing else he's done has scared him off surely the knowledge that his friend got off just a few feet away thinking about green eyes and copper hair might just do it.

 

"No." Short and simple, he finds, is the best way to go with such delicate matters.

 

“Oh, I just, I mean you seemed distant. I, Okay.” He sighed softly, moving out of the way and climbing up to sit on his bed and pick up the sketch book and pencil he had been allowed in the cell. 

 

Clyde winces, maybe short and simple wasn't the best idea.  "I ain't mad at you, 'm just thinking a lot." There, that's better, less harsh.

 

“Yeah.” Stensland just scribbled on the paper, not really drawing anything still feeling like he's done something wrong. “I didn’t want to pry I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

 

"I'm okay," more or less a lie, but what Stens doesn't know and all that. "What you drawing?" crossing his arms on top of Stensland's bunk Clyde sets his chin down on the perch, content to just watch Stens doodling in his little book.

 

“I Uh nothing really... just scribbling.” He turned and looked at Clyde, talking before he could stop himself. “I wish I could draw you.”

 

"You can, if you'd like," Clyde smiles, flattered by the suggestion, "You'd get good practice with noses and ears." He just can't help himself making a cheap joke in a vain attempt to see if Stensland dislikes his overgrown features as much as he. 

 

Stensland flushes and looks down, shaking his head. “I don’t think I would ever be good enough to do you justice.” He tried to play it off like a simple compliment but he couldn’t help it if it may have sounded like something more, Stens knew it was something more and however Clyde took that… so be it.

 

"There ain't much to do justice, sides, you'll only get better if you try," he shrugs, he won't care if it's any good anyway, that's not important. "Gimmie that thing and I'll draw you," Snatching the book away from Stens he scribbles a stick figure with a mop of hair before pushing it back over hoping his own lack of talent will help Stens' confidence. 

 

Stens looks down at it and gives a little giggle, smiling wide at the drawing and deciding he will keep that for himself.  “I think it looks just like me!”

 

"Well, you are just a stick." That little giggle goes straight to his heart and he desperately wants to hear it again. "Along with my artistic talents I can wiggle my ears." Pulling back his hair he demonstrates the little quirk that gave him much joy before people started comparing him to Dumbo for it.

 

“Is there anything you can’t do!?” Stensland laughed again, he found the ears adorable if anything. Unsure how anyone could call Clyde ugly at all, he was so handsome and quirky in a completely endearing way that make Stensland’s chest flutter. 

 

It’s been a long time since anybody has laughed at that party trick in good humour and it bolsters Clyde. "Walk on my hands," he deadpans. "Count to ten, do jazz hands." Might as well make fun of it he supposes, not like it'll grow back, "though I suppose I could do just one jazz hand." 

 

Stensland feels like he should be somehow offended or put off but it only makes him laugh more... fall even harder. He just genuinely enjoys Clyde's company especially his humour and it means a lot that the man is always trying to make him smile. 

 

“Well you can always count to ten on your toes if you struggle.”

 

"Oh, I wouldn't struggle, can put my ankles around my ears if I gotta," It takes a considerable amount of stretching and limbering up, but he's done it before just to see if he could, he'd gladly do it for Stensland, show him that smiley. "Or I could just use yours." Quick as a snake he reaches down to pinch Stens' big toe. 

 

Stensland actually squeaks when his toe is grabbed, half glad for the distraction from thinking about Clyde with his legs akimbo. He gives a loud laugh, pulling his foot back. “You could but I have very ticklish feet....”

 

"That's just a minor inconvenience to my counting, with all our digits I could count all the way to thirty five, that's almost a whole five and a half years 'fore I gotta invest in a calculator to keep track of my age."  If Sens would even stick around that long.

 

“I’ll get you one for your birthday! I mean, you might have to remind me in five years but I’ll make sure it’s a really good calculator,” he giggled, so glad Clyde was filled with humour despite what the man had been through previously. 

 

At that Clyde can't keep it in any longer and bursts out laughing in a way that could be considered ugly, he's always been told he has the kind of laugh you can write. It's been a while since he's laughed like that and damn it feels good. 

 

"I'll do that if you remind me to get you something nice for yours." 

 

Stensland was sure that laugh made him fall completely in love, he felt his heart thump and he would have fell off the bed if he hadn’t been leaning back. The entire place lights up with the laugh, Stensland feels like he could cry with how gorgeous it is and takes him away from the drab, grey cell. 

 

“You can laugh like that again and I’ll be happy...” 

 

A blush overtakes him, is Stensland flirting? It can't be, why would he? He's probably reading into it too much, but it sounds awfully much like what he's heard at the bar, even had directed at himself a few times in search of free drinks. 

 

"Then you got five years to just keep being you." If Stensland sticks around that long Clyde is sure he'll be laughing more than he has in years.

 

“I think I can just about manage that.” He was beaming, he was more than happy to do that, especially for Clyde even if he wasn’t exactly sure what it was he was doing. 

 

"I sure hope so," It's hardly been two months since they met and already Clyde can't imagine life without Stensland.  "Life would be boring without you." Ruffling Stensland's hair seems to be the way to go, it's already a mess so his fingers can't do much damage, he reckons.

 

Stensland knows he’s going to miss Clyde so much when he leaves, his face scrunching up at the ruffling of his hair. He loved it, the way Clyde touched him even if it was something small like that it set off butterflies and he would take all he could get.

 

\----

 

The time comes for Clyde to go, while he’s been promised visits Stensland is still sad. He will miss his friend... his best friend really and he hates to see the tiny things being taken from their cell as he gets ready for release, Stensland’s heart breaks just a little.

 

It's nice having his own clothes back, skinny jeans feeling like the finest of garments compared to the itchy and stained jumpsuits, the worn cotton of his shirt like silk on his skin. Gathering up Stensland's collection of drawings adds up to a lot more than he thought there was with nearly ninety of them, it's a considerable stack that he rolls up and carefully hides in the brown paper bag they gave him

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Goodbye happens in the form of a hug and he holds on for perhaps a little longer than he should, forgetting that he'll see Stens again in a week. Outside Mellie is waiting for him ready to take him back to her house where he plans to set out on finding someplace for him and Stensland to live as soon as he can. 

 

After the quick goodbye Stensland feels completely lost as soon as Clyde is gone, the cell is too quiet, almost deathly quiet and he wonders if he could perhaps get away with being on his own until he leaves. He’s not so lucky, a few days later they bring someone else to his cell but they seemed to be relatively quiet. They don’t speak much at all and while he feels lonely it’s still better with at least another presence there, he just begins his wait to see if Clyde really does come and visit as promised nervous that he will be forgotten as he always is. 

 

The first night out Clyde has a nightmare so bad it sends Mellie running in her dressing gown and slippers, she keeps her distance scared he'll hurt her like he did Jimmy. In that moment Stensland's absence is a black hole in his chest that no amount of warm milk and soft beds can fix while he struggles to remember what he used to do before Stens. Nothing seems to work leaving him put out for a whole day and thrown off for slightly longer.  

 

When the time does finally comes Clyde is up early, showered and dressed, looking as good as he can on a week of poor sleep, waiting patiently in his plastic visitors chair while familiar guards eye him up like they're waiting for him to try and pull something off due to his unexpected return. 

 

Stensland is excited when he’s told he has a visitor, he had of course been doubtful of Clyde’s promise just because he was sure Clyde would get on with his life and there was really no need for Stensland to truly be a part of it. He can’t deny that he also thought as soon as Clyde was realised he didn’t  _ have _ to spend time with Stensland then he would no longer want to after realising how annoying Stens really was, in turn knowing Clyde was here meant a hell of a lot. He went over the contact rules again with another guard to make sure and they were allowed one hug, Stensland couldn’t wait for that small comfort and he almost bounced over to Clyde when he finally got to the visiting room. 

 

“You came!” 

 

When Clyde sees Stensland his heart flutters and his breath catches, it feels like he hasn't seen the ginger beauty in years instead of just one week. Mindful of the guard and cameras watching them he goes into the hug with less enthusiasm than he'd like, wishing he could pick Stens up and swing him around like a movie cliché, wishing he could kiss him right there. 

 

"I promised didn't I?" Taking the opportunity Clyde breaths deep letting the scent of cheap soap and Stensland flood him with a calm he hadn't realised was there until he lost it.

 

“You did.” Stensland’s voice had softened into something more like complete adoration, not that he picked up on that himself. Instead he sat down and kept smiling at Clyde, so happy to have someone to properly talk to, even for an hour. “So tell me all about it, what was the first thing you ate? Did you have a cold beer?” 

 

"Well, Mellie cooked me up some chicken fried steak just like I wanted, Jimmy stiffed me though, up and moved 'fore I got out, sent me a bucket of beers, a balloon, and this here arm," he gestures with his brand new, state of the art, robotic arm, just like he'd been promised, an empty replacement of his brother who didn't show. "Couldn't even call him on account of his cell phone getting shut off," he grumbles running a hand through his newly pampered hair likely undoing Mellie's hard work. "I also got back to work at the bar which was nice, put your condor up with the liquor."

 

“The arm is pretty...” Stensland admires the fact how much easier it will be for Clyde with it but it feels like the man seems slightly wrong somehow with it there when he had grown used to the stump in prison. It’s nothing to dwell on though and instead he focused on the other information. “Do you think he’ll get in touch with you?”

 

"I know he will." When it's safe to get the money, he doubts he'll be seeing Jimmy before then. "How's things in here, Joe keeping you safe?" He better have kept his word. 

 

Stensland just gave a little shrug, “It’s okay, quiet I guess. Someone else is in the cell now but they’re okay, they just don’t bother with me which is fine I suppose.” That's good, Clyde hopes it'll stay that way. 

 

"I brought you the phone number for Mel's house if you ever wanna call," Just in case. He slips the piece of paper across the table under a single peanut butter cup the guards confiscated the wrapper to and cut in half looking for razorblades as if Clyde would be dumb enough to sneak in a big file hidden in a cake like in the cartoons, he knows how easy it is to break out of Monroe and he wouldn't need a file to do it.

 

Stensland face lights up more at the chocolate than anything and he picks it up, the paper safe in his hand as he stuffs one of the halves into his mouth. “You’re the best Clyde, I really mean it. It’s not fair you got stuck here, you’re too good.” 

 

Stens is right about that, it wasn't fair, it was necessary for the plan to work, besides he got to meet his best friend, and hopefully first boyfriend, so it worked out alright in the end. 

 

"Maybe so, but if I hadn't I never would have met you and my life would be a lot less fun," so much so he can't even imagine life without him. "I already put up your drawings in my office and it sure as hell makes three months of paperwork more bearable." 

 

Stensland really blushed at that, he didn’t think Clyde really would, especially on account of how bad they were and it truly warmed his heart in a way he didn’t know was possible. “I’m glad I got moved here too, things could have been a lot worse for me and now I guess I get to have a new beginning.” He smiled warmly, “You still really don’t mind me sleeping on your sofa for a bit?”

 

"The sofa? Like I ain't gonna get us someplace with two rooms." Someplace nice and quiet with a little garden, he's seen a couple of places online already that he'll bring with him next time he visits along with a few more options. "No way I'm letting you go from this place to a couch, I'd give you my own bed before that."

 

“You’re, you’re really going to find us a place together?” Stensland wishes he could just say that Clyde wouldn’t have to give up his own bed... that he would be happy to join him there yet he manages to keep those thoughts to himself on account of well… everything. “I can’t ever say enough how much I appreciate what you’re doing for me.”

 

"I'm already looking around, but most places are made for families, might find something at the trailer park." Which is more crowded than he'd like, he'd much prefer somewhere his nightmares will wake the neighbours as well. "Still, I got some money put away, might as well find a house to settle down in." Not like he doesn't have his army pension and a decent amount of his earnings at Duck Tape put away, enough to make a deposit at least.

 

“I don’t have much now but I can give you what I have if it means finding somewhere a bit nicer.” Stensland would give every penny if it meant being with Clyde, spending more time together and actually having some semblance of a life.

 

"Lots of farms around these parts, doubt we'll find someplace modern so I hope you don't mind a fixer upper kinda thing." With the money from the heist they could renovate a whole house and still have more left over.

 

“Oh, that would be kinda fun really! I mean I guess I will be working a lot to afford it but it sounds lovely.” He smiled wide, he was actually excited and he chewed his lip. “I’ve always kind of wanted a pet too...”

 

"We could do that once it's safe, lots of folks around here giving away animals, what kind you like?" A pet sounds lovely, a little life keeping them company. Clyde's never wanted kids, but a little critter would be perfect for him.

 

“Maybe a dog? I would like that, I’ve always wanted a pet but I couldn’t have any in my rubbish flat, and I wasn’t allowed one as a kid.”

 

"I like a dog, could keep me company while running." He doubts Stensland would be willing to do that, skinny as he is he's clearly never gotten into exercise.

 

“That would be a good idea, maybe a bigger dog that needs exercise more?” Stensland smiled, excited that they were really planning a life and it felt like they were a real couple but he had to push that stupid thought from his mind. Stens just wanted to enjoy his visit and not end up dwelling again on what would never be.

 

"I could ask around some, see if anyone's expecting. Mostly hounds around these parts," that and guard dogs, he's not really picky on the breed so long as it's well tempered and friendly he couldn't care less about size and looks.

 

“I trust your opinion but we can wait for that, I guess you gotta wait and see if you can put up with me first...”

 

"I know I can." He'll put up with anything if it means Stensland will stick around. Even if he starts smoking weed again Clyde won't complain as he can't say something against breaking the law when he himself has robbed a vault for millions of dollars. 

 

Stensland gave a soft smile, still blissfully unaware of anything else that had gone on. “I can’t wait, it’s going to be great. It’ll be nice to be in a house too, I might even learn how to grow plants and stuff! See if I can actually keep them alive.”

 

"Well, your green thumb has gotta be better than mine, I killed a cactus once." How he did it still escapes him, but seeing as it made its home at the bar he has the sneaking suspicion somebody shared a drink or two with it when he wasn't looking. "I'll make sure I find us a house with a nice plot of land so you can experiment." It's an enticing vision, Stens fiddling around in the garden with dirt on his hands and knees, grass in his hair. Clyde could make them lemonade and they'll drink it on the porch together like a proper couple.

 

“I would just be happy with a garden, I’ve never really had one. Even to just sit outside...” he smiled at the thought, it sounded almost too good to be true he only wished that when they were sitting outside on their porch he would be cuddled up to Clyde. He would be able to turn and kiss him whenever he wanted and he ended up giving a dreamy little sigh. 

 

Watching Stensland slip off into his own little fantasy is simply enthralling, how his eyes glaze over as he stares into the distance seeing thing Clyde can only begin to imagine. He just hopes he's part of it. 

 

Stensland does eventually comes back to reality with a little cough, he had really enjoyed that little fantasy and it made him smile even though he knew it would never be. “I’m going to be counting down the days until my trial, I just hope that I don’t get a longer sentence.”

 

"I'm sure you won't, with a fancy lawyer like yours you'll be out in a flash." He'll have to be so Clyde can treat him like he deserves, spoil him with dinners and movies, anything he could want for.

 

“I hope so, I can’t wait. Especially for good food, I call dibs on ordering our first pizza together too.” He have a little laugh, smiling warmly at Clyde.

 

"Deal." 

 

He can't wait to have pizza together lounging about in front of the TV, Stens knows he will eventually get used to being around Clyde as just his friend but it doesn’t stop him imagining sweet kisses between bites of food and being held as they settled down for the evening.

 

The remainder of the visit goes on much the same way, some light planning snuck in amongst the small talk until a guard comes to split them up much to both their reluctance after the hour is up. He knows he’ll be back in a week, but it feels like it will be so much longer waiting to see Stens again, always feeling bad for leaving the redhead on his own in this place.

 

The second week out for Clyde is much like the first only he's taken up running five miles every day to exhaust the encroaching nightmares away, it works most nights, his body too tired to do anything, besides sleep after a shift at the bar. He thinks about calling Stensland while he paces around Mellie's house at night until he remembers he can't and wishes Stens would call him instead but the phone doesn’t ring. His next visit can't come soon enough.                   

 

This time when they walk Stensland into the visitors room he's out of his chair in a flash to draw the man into a hug. 

 

Stensland was so eager to see Clyde, holding him in the crushing hug until they were told to separate by the guards for a little too much contact. As soon as they sat down in the hard seats Stensland started to talk right away, “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I never got to calling I, there was... someone kind of not being nice at the phones. Then I, they told me not to come near them so I’ve been avoiding it.”

 

"Did you tell Joe about it." Hearing that makes him want to get arrested again so he can go back to protecting Stensland which Joe obviously isn't doing half as well as he should. He's too tired for shit like this. Stens looks tired too and he aches to reach out and hold him no matter what the guards say. Stensland looked almost embarrassed, looking down and shaking his head. 

 

“I didn’t want to bother him... I know you asked him to look out for me but I’m sure he doesn’t care all that much. I guess the trial is soon enough too so I can focus on that. Three weeks and I might have good news.”

 

"Well, he's supposed to look after you, he owes me and my brother big." Looks like he'll have to put in a call to Joe after this. "I brought you this," he sighs, no point in getting mad about things, it's a single cookie this week broken apart, but still good. "Wasn't sure what kind you'd like, but Jolene at the bakery says this is the best one."  

 

Stensland appreciates the gesture so much after this week, so much he could actually cry. It’s something so small but it reminds him how much Clyde actually cares about him, even though it could be insignificant to the other man. “Thank you, Clyde, I think you’re looking after me more than enough.”

 

"I like looking after you,"  _ I like you,  _ he thinks. "Makes me happy to see you smile." It's the best gift there is, he'd love a picture of that smile to hang up or even just to keep on his phone for himself. 

 

This time Stensland honestly blushed but it hurt a little, Clyde was being so nice and he knew he couldn’t have what he truly wanted from the man. It broke his heart in a way and he finally asked, he had to just to remind himself this wasn’t going to happen and he let out a soft breath. “So, did you see the person you like? How, how are they?”

 

"He's alright I think, in a bit of a tight spot." Clyde wants to say it, how hard could it be?  _ Stensland, I'm in love with you, _ or maybe a gentler,  _ I like you _ . It's just a few words that have no right being as difficult as they are, "I wish I could help out more," is what he says instead.

 

“Oh, well I’m sure there’s something small you could do? You know being there for someone is usually more than enough,” Stensland smiled sweetly, he wanted to be supportive in some way, it’s the least he could do for Clyde after the man had done so much for him.

 

"I try to be, I just hope it's working." He can't help himself from giving Stens a soft smile that speaks volumes despite his fear of voicing his feelings for the man.

 

“I’m sure it is, you’re a great person and so kind.” Stensland leaned forward slightly, taking half of the cookie and passing the other half to Clyde. “Share it with me.” 

 

Jolene was right about it being the best and Stens wanting to share it with him leaves him feeling a mite guilty for taking something so good for himself, he'll have to bring back some more next week. Maybe even one of those heart shaped ones with the red icing he saw in the display. "I'll bring you some more next week," better make it a promise so he can't back down next time.

 

“Thank you, honestly it was really good. It’s almost a good thing I can’t just go and eat dozens of them or I would actually end up fat,” he giggled, he really had a newfound appreciation for good food after having to deal with the food in there that was for certain.

 

"I doubt that, I could feed you nothing, but cake for months and I doubt you'd gain an ounce," He just can't see Stens as anything but the beanpole he is. Now that the thought is in his head though, he's sure he'd love every soft inch of him. "If there's something special you want just let me know." 

 

Stensland wants to say that Clyde is special enough, that he is exactly what he wants but instead he just smiled warmly both of them unable to say what truly needs to be said. “I would like another cookie if that’s okay?”

 

"I'll get you anything you'd like."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

  
  



	8. Boone Legal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awsedyfukvyjfgu halfway guys
> 
> Enjoy!

The days come and go in a prolonged blur, stretched so far the edges start to dissolve into work, sleep, and not much more. Clyde’s anxiety rises like a flooding river, reaching his ankles, then his knees, by the time he's out buying the cookies, it's lapping at his hips threatening to pull him under. Determination is what keeps him going, what gets him behind the wheel and keeps him walking that last stretch up to the prison. He'll tell him today, he has to. It'll give Stensland time to decide what he wants to do with this, if he wants anything from Clyde at all.

 

Stensland was even more excited for Clyde showing up this time, the morning dragging ridiculously as he waited, mainly due to it only being two weeks until the trial now. Two more visits and he could find out his fate, if it was good he would soon be going home with Clyde and starting a new life despite his reservations about being so close to the man.

 

They started the visit with their usual, and very treasured hug, Stensland holding Clyde close for as long as he can get away with before sitting down. “Please tell me what you had for dinner last night, I barely ate I need to live vicariously through you.”

 

"I ate at the bar last night since I was taking stock all day, had some wings and a burger." fried up and greasy, it had sat heavy in his stomach while he counted liquor bottles and beer kegs in the storage room trying to distract himself away from today's plan.

 

“Uhhhhh, that sounds so good,” Stensland groaned softly, “Did you have loads of cheese on the burger? Was there fries too?” He had a dreamy look in his eyes, he was fairly certain food was what he missed most now, second only to Clyde.

 

"I did double patties with onion rings and lots of cheddar, felt like it might give me a blood clot. Had to run it all off this morning," and every other morning.

 

“Oh I would not run that off, let it give me a heart attack.” He laughed again, “I don’t do running, well I don’t exercise... maybe I should start.”

 

"Not if you don't like it," With a secretive smile Clyde slides the dissected cookies across the table hoping they'll say what he's scared to.

 

“I don’t really like it no... well not that I’ve tried everything, maybe yoga is more my speed.” Stensland reaches for the cookies without thinking, only pausing when he sees the bright icing, the way Clyde has pushed them back together in their heart shapes instead of leaving them in pieces like the others and his brain starts ticking... slowly though, and very cautiously. Stens doesn’t want to get his hopes up, he didn’t want to assume because there could be many other reasons he got them. Maybe they had none left but those, maybe Clyde assumed Stensland would like the flavours.“

 

Clyde, did you, did you get these for me?” For a second Clyde is stumped, bombarded by images of Stensland in yoga pants, long limbs bent into various poses. Blood rushes to his face leaving him with the urge to bang his head into the table in the hopes that it might kill him instantly. 

 

"Who else would they be for?" he stutters out after an embarrassingly long time.

 

“M-maybe they, I mean I know they’re for me but are... is the, are they  _ for me _ ?” Stensland could cry with how awkward he feels, his mind asking him how he would feel if they really were just the last ones in the store, if Clyde just got them because they were there with no true intent behind them. Even if Clyde was the one to make such gestures as a friend, Stensland felt sick with the thought he could have simply been overthinking a damn cookie. “Th-they’re hearts is all and I, I mean you... I don’t know. I’m sorry...”

 

"I promised I'd come see you every week," Clyde starts out hoping it'll be enough to convey his feelings, hoping whatever Stensland replies with will either let him down gently or give him the courage he needs to confess completely. He can't even look at Stensland while he waits, chewing his lip in the ensuing silence.

 

“Yeah? You said you would visit?” Stensland was getting more confused but there was something else, the way Clyde shys away and can’t seem to focus on Stensland at all. He starts really thinking, the way the man went to so much trouble just to get him candy, how he kept every drawing and made him that condor... now Clyde was presenting him with heart shaped cookies and his eyes grew wide. “You, you said you would visit the... the person you l-liked every week...”

 

"I did, and I have," his heart is starting to feel like a jackhammer against his ribs, he'll get rejected, he knows it. At least he got to have Stensland for a little while, got to know what being in love feels like, almost wishing he hadn't now that he'll get put down for it. 

 

Stensland wasn’t entirely sure if he managed to hold the soft little whimper in, he simply can’t believe that this might be happening and he feels like he could actually faint, finding himself holding onto the table just to focus on something solid. 

 

“Do you really think I have a beautiful smile...?” 

 

"The most beautiful in the world." Clyde still can't bring himself to look up feeling like he's been brought before a judge to confess his sins, come clean about his faults and unnatural urges. "I didn't mean too, but somehow I found myself developing certain feelings for you. I'd understand if you'd prefer me leaving you alone, but I'd like to keep seeing you if you'd be amenable." 

 

Stensland wanted to laugh and cry, but mostly he just wished he could hug and kiss Clyde. He wanted to be close and it hurt not being able to at all when he knew that Clyde wanted him in return. His cheeks were also bright red from the compliments and he didn’t know what to say, he wasn’t directly being asked out but now Stensland knew how Clyde felt Stens had to at least show him he felt the same with a simple gesture.

 

“Clyde... share the cookies with me.” Clyde had been so ready for Stensland to turn him away, tell him to fuck off and not come back, than when he doesn't it leaves him struggling to catch up, feelings he can't identify creating a confusing swirl inside him. If he's not being rejected then that must mean... The cookies sit between them on the table, read hearts split up by the guards, the irony doesn't escape him as he picks up a half now finding it difficult to keep his eyes anywhere, but on the blushing ginger across from him. 

 

Stensland picks up his own half, he just wants to hold Clyde now he knows he could in the way he wanted to. It hurts more that’s he’s stuck across the table, unable to touch and he takes a bite of the cookie to give him a little bit longer to think of what to say. 

 

“When- when you, I mean when we have our first dinner together it will be a date right?”

 

"I'd like it to be." He thinks he probably shouldn't tell Stensland about how he's been planning that dinner since it's conception, more of a redneck version of a romantic dinner, but it's all he knows. Next time he'll set it up like on tv with rose petals, red wine, and chocolate covered strawberries.

 

“I would like that too. I would really truly like that Clyde.” Stensland’s heart was still racing, he couldn’t quite believe this and he was so annoyed he was stuck here when he should be at home with Clyde finally being with someone he adores. “Are you going to be at the trial?”

 

"Yup, can't let you go through something like that on your own." Stensland's case is likely going to be just one of several, quickly sorted and put aside, but it's still a defining moment and Clyde wants to be there for his... what does this make them? Agreeing to a date weeks away doesn't exactly constitute a relationship. "What are we now?" He reckons it's better to ask than to sit around and dwell on it.

 

Stensland hadn’t even considered that, he had just seen him and Clyde as one unit and he leaned forward as he thought. “We can be dating... or you can be my, uhm, I mean if you want me too... I would very much like to be your boyfriend if that is okay?”

 

"I'd like that," Clyde whispers to the table careful of the other people in the room. Inside he's lighting up with warmth and pride, he has a boyfriend, a secret one, but a boyfriend nonetheless. "I've never had one before." 

 

“Neither have I, not a proper one.” Stensland bit his lip softly, “I don’t mind that you have to keep it quiet you know, I understand, I do.”

 

"I wish I didn't have to." For Stensland he'd do anything, when the time is right he'll come clean to his family, even if it goes wrong he won't be alone anymore. "I'll tell them, I promise. Not right now, but I will."

 

“You don’t have to, honestly. I can be your friend for as long as you need.” Stensland chewed his lip a little longer, finally letting out a slow breath. “I just, I never thought you would actually like me, I guess I’m still in shock.”

 

"I didn't think you'd like me." What a mess really, to think they could have been together sooner if one of them had fessed up. "And I want to tell them, just not yet." It wouldn't be right to do that to Stensland, he's scared to finally come out as it were, but for Stens it's worth it, he'd like to be able to take him out on dates like other couples, hold hands in public, show him off with pride instead of hiding away as he has all of his life.

 

“Clyde, god! I liked you from the moment you spoke to me... well, I could clearly see how handsome you were,” Stensland giggles, “Then you were just so nice, so kind... Clyde you’re perfect.” 

 

Clyde fights the urge to hide his face at Stensland's compliments, he struggles to believe he could be perfect to anyone, but it must be the truth because he's never known Stens to be a liar, and can’t imagine the man ever could be.

 

"I was so mad at myself for thinking you were pretty, now I'm mad for not saying anything sooner." Still, he's glad he finally did, the joy radiating from his boyfriend was worth every second of the wait. He feels blessed to be here in this moment despite their current situation.

 

“I don’t think anyone has ever found me pretty before,” Stensland laughed softly, he was honestly so flattered. “I really honestly thought I would never have a chance with you, ever. That was even after I found out that you were gay, I just figured you wouldn’t want me in any way.”

 

"It was so hard not staring at you all day, I figured I was probably creeping you out." Right then and there he vows to tell Stensland how beautiful he is every single time they meet, if no one ever said it before then Clyde has a lot of catching up to do. 

 

Stensland can’t keep it in any longer now they are being honest, he hates hiding things as it is and he ends up giving a nervous laugh. “Remember when I uh,.. well of course you do, when I slipped in the shower. It’s cause I, I was trying to turn it on cold and moved too fast cause you dropped the soap. I looked over just when you kind of bent down...” 

 

Clyde laughs, he just can't help it, he's been lethal in many ways, but he's pretty sure he's never taken someone out with his ass before. "Funny, I never thought my backside was all that great," he teases wiping tears of mirth from his eye. "I jerked off while you were sleeping once..." since they're baring it all he might as well, it's a mite worse than taking a peek, but it might make Stensland feel a little bit better about his own indiscretions.

 

Stensland snorted out another laugh, he was both shocked and flattered, and actually amazed. “I, oh god was it... you know did you think about me?” Stensland leaned forward, smiling wide and feeling brave perhaps because right now they couldn’t actually do anything.

 

"Of course I did," Clyde mutters. It had made him feel like a horny teenager with a shared bedroom again only now the consequences of being caught were worse, or maybe not. What would have happened had Stens caught him? Might be they'd have had this conversation sooner. "You're leagues ahead of any fantasies I might have had before." In fact, before Stensland he'd tried his hardest not to think of anyone at all when getting off, scared someone would know if he did.

 

“Well you know next time ... I mean I can help.” Stensland flushed deeply, he shouldn’t be talking about this, especially when he hadn’t even been able to bring himself off. He just couldn’t, not in here and he hadn’t even considered seeking pleasure. 

 

Clyde is sure that if he blushes any more he might pass out from lack of circulation. The answer to that offer is a resounding yes, please, but his voice fails him and all that escapes him is a croak. 

 

Both of them must have looked ridiculous sitting there, blushing furiously and Stensland ate the rest of his cookie just for something to do.

 

"How's the cookie?" Clyde eventually offers up to break the heated silence between them, unsure of where they go from here as it is unfamiliar territory for both of them.

 

“It’s really, really good, and I’m, god I’m so glad you brought them in. That you told me... I was getting scared that I would have to live with you and not be able to be with you.”

 

"I'll take you down to the bakery when you get out, buy you anything you like. I also found a couple places round the county up for sale, I can wait with having a look until you get out if you wanna come with," Stensland should get a say in where they'll live after this since it might be for life, should Clyde be so lucky.

 

“I would like that, and it’s, I mean it’s still okay to stay on the sofa when I get out? Until we find somewhere?” He can’t believe he ended up in prison and eventually he will at some point leave to start a new life with his boyfriend.

 

"My opinion on the couch stays, my bed is big enough for two," barely, but he refuses to make Stensland sleep on the couch, if all else fails it's likely they could at least procure another mattress for one of them.

 

“I just don’t want people to know if you’re not ready, in case someone finds out if that makes sense? I would very much like to sleep next to you but not if it’s a risk.”

 

"I guess we'll just see what happens," He'll have to try to find the courage to tell Mellie, hope that she won't kick him to the curb for it, she's never been much of a romantic, but there's a chance she'd look the other way if he's careful about his words, if he can somehow explain how deep his connection with Stensland runs.

 

“As long as you make sure you’re okay Clyde, I don’t want you to lose anything because of me. I mean it.” Stensland smiled softly, “I care for you.”

 

"I'll be fine, I got you now," Clyde picks at the seam of his jeans wishing he could reach out and take Stensland's hand.

 

“You do.” Stensland sees in Clyde how he feels himself, the need to touch and be close, and the forced separation hurts. Instead he only focused on the good, the good was Stensland’s gaze falling to Clyde’s lips and giving a smile. “I can’t wait to kiss you.”

 

"Me too, I wish we didn't have to wait so long." Too long, it would be so easy to steal a kiss before the guards split them up, so easy to just grab hold and not let go. If only doing so wouldn't risk Stensland's sentence by getting him into trouble with some people in Monroe should anyone see.

 

“It’s not that long.” Stensland was definitely telling himself that and he forced a small smile. “You know I’m going to be so clingy, we might have to have takeout the first night ‘cause I might not let you go long enough to cook.”

 

"I can live with that." Everything comes second to finally getting to hold Stens how he wants, they'll both be clingy and if Clyde has a say in it won't leave bed for two days.

 

“I can’t wait for it, truly.” Stensland heard the call for the end of the visit and he stood back up, feeling far too sad now he knew what was waiting for him. “Only two weeks.”

 

Two weeks, that's all. Two weeks that feel like an eternity where he spends every moment without Stensland fretting himself into the ground. Two weeks of anxiety and not finding it in him to tell Mellie the truth. It gnaws on him every day, a mix of excitement for Stens' verdict and fear of being disowned should he say something. Mellie worries about him, he knows, he can't blame her. Yet, he pretends everything is fine, that he isn't twisting himself into knots over something that'll change his life with no going back.

 

Stensland wasn’t sure he even spoke unless Clyde was visiting the two weeks before the trial, he briefly spoke to Grady trusting him to figure things out. Otherwise he was simply riddled with anxiety, he felt sicker every day until he was donning a crap, ill fitting suit for his trial. Stensland wished he could speak to Clyde, even just a small reassurance but he can’t before he’s being taken to the court in a secure van like some kind of high class criminal when the time comes.

 

\---

 

For the trial Clyde unearths his dress uniform as it's the closest thing he has resembling a suit, It's too much for something so simple and he feels increasingly ridiculous as he sits through the tail end of the trial before Stensland's. In the minutes before Stensland is led out into the courtroom time feels like cold molasses and his heart skips a beat when the door opens at last. 

 

Stensland is led in to the dock, feeling like he was on trial for murder, let alone possession. He sat down and immediately looked to the public gallery, seeing Clyde and it was so comforting to have him there though that uniform is something, he has to look at Grady for a distraction who was waiting for the judge to enter chamber. 

 

Clyde can sympathize with how uncomfortable Stens looks, offering up a supportive smile when their eyes meet in the near empty courtroom. He's never seen a man look more out of place than his boyfriend wearing that ill fitting suit next to an expensive lawyer in a small town courthouse, nor has he seen anyone cuter. It also doesn't escape his notice that this is the first time he's seen Stensland dressed in something other than prison overalls.

 

Stensland himself tries not to fidget but simply can’t help it, not until the judge arrives and he stands up, looking smaller than ever. Perhaps if anything it will help his case, he doesn’t look like he would cause any trouble at all let alone deal drugs and he only hopes it adds to the defence Grady has provided. The opening statement is long and boring, Stensland barely listening, riddled with anxiety until Grady stands and gives his own opening speech. Upon the prosecution only calling the arresting police as a witness, Grady then calls Stensland’s old flatmate.

 

The redhead is more than shocked to see Lyle there but it makes more sense when Grady starts questioning him, all of the testimony pointing to personal use within the flat. He feels a little more confident until Grady speaks again and he ends up confused more than anything.

 

“Your honour, if it is relevant I would also like to call a character witness.” Due to the nature of the case it would be no issue so the judge agrees to the request and Stensland tries to keep his eyes fixed on Grady, but his mouth still falls open a little when the witness is called. “I would like to call Clyde Logan to the stand.”

 

The last thing Clyde expected to happen when he woke up that morning was getting called to the stand. He remembers all too well the last time he was in this room and it's strange to be on the other side of it. He takes his place and swears on the bible. Feeling more ridiculous than ever in his old uniform as he sits in the unforgiving wooden chair and prepares himself to stand up for Stensland as best he can. 

 

Grady gives Stensland a little wink when Clyde sits down, as if this would be the deciding factor and all Stensland could do was simply trust the man. He did trust Clyde and at least that reassured him somewhat. “Is it true that you and Stensland became close during his time in remand? Even good friends shall we say?”

 

"That's true," Clyde answers with confidence.

 

“Would you say you were close enough to have what some people might consider personal conversations?”

 

"I'd say so," he tries to keep a steady tone unsure of where this is going.

 

“Right, Mr. Logan, I believe that if you ended up growing close to Stensland you would have a feel for the man's character. How would you honestly describe him as a person?”

 

"Stensland is a good man, selfless and kind, even when others ain't." He looks past Grady at Stensland wishing he could say so much more. "In the brief time I've known him he's been honest and I'm proud to be his friend." Grady manages to restrict himself to a small smile, feeling the judge’s mood and their need to hurry up so he gets to the main part of his questioning. 

 

“At any point during your sentence did Stensland speak about his convictions?”

 

"He said he wasn't dealing and I honestly believe that."

 

“Is that all he said? What made you believe that the defendant wasn’t dealing?”

 

"I don't think he's the kind of person who would do that, he said it was only for personal use due to personal issues and I have no reason to think he was lying." He's starting to feel like there's something he's forgetting, some little detail. "He also mentioned quitting when he got out."

 

“Is that so? Then perhaps all of this seems to have been worthwhile, that he has already learned his lesson.” Grady gave a small nod to the judge, “No further questions for the character witness, your honour.” Clyde lets out a deep breath, stepping down when prompted and taking his seat back in the gallery.

 

Stensland was still in complete shock as they finished their closing statements and court broke for lunch, the judge also retiring to consider the case. He only wished he could go and spend the time with Clyde, instead he was led back down to the cells, sitting on his own, eventually throwing up just because of the sheer anxiety, and his poor attempt at eating another horrible lunch. Stensland’s fate rested on one judge, a man he didn't know and it was making him ill as he sat there alone and let his mind wander to the worst case scenario.

 

During lunch Mellie finally shows with an armful of squirming puppy Clyde hopes he'll get a chance to introduce Stensland to today. The pup is no more calm in his arms, sniffing his uniform, which despite his best efforts still smells a little like mothballs from being at the back of a closet for two years. 

 

"How's your friend." She levels him with that same look she always gives him when Stensland is involved, It makes him think she might know, but how could she? He's been careful as he possibly could be, though Mellie is Mellie and he wouldn’t be shocked if she just knew. 

 

"He's alright," Clyde mumbles affecting a calm he doesn't have. The dog squirms some more, sticking her snout in his ribbons as he waits to see how this pivotal day will play out.

 

Stensland can’t do anything more than sit there, his mind racing, and for some reason he hopes Clyde is okay, but why wouldn’t he be? He feels ridiculous for it and when he’s called back up to court he almost faints. It hasn’t been long at all and it scares Stensland how quickly the judge has made their decision on the case, it is either going to be great or incredibly bad news. By the time he’s back in the dock he’s pale and shaking with nerves, on the verge of tears as the judge clears his throat to announce the outcome.

 

Clyde waits anxiously too while the court gathers, distracting himself by picking nonexistent lint from his jacket and feeling the neatly embroidered stitch of his sergeant stripes, thread silky and smooth. Stens looks worse off than he feels and he'd like to walk up there and take his hand, offer his support in any way he can. 

 

Stensland looks over when he feels Clyde’s gaze, seeing Clyde helps somewhat and he takes a deep breath as the judge starts to speak.

 

“As the lead judge, I find the defendant guilty of marijuana possession. However, I find the defendant not guilty of intent to supply, and distribution of a schedule one drug. I don’t believe this young man would follow such a route and has already learned his lesson about the use of recreational drugs.” This time Stensland does cry, tears of relief flooding his eyes. Grady had done it, he had done it and he could kiss the man right now. 

 

The release of tension in the room is immense, they'll be alright, thank the lord. Seems like that fancy lawyer was good for something after all. 

 

Stens is still nervous though, there’s a chance he would have to wait longer for the sentencing but Stensland is sure his mother is looking down on him when the judge calls for immediate sentencing to finish the case then and there.

 

“The defendant has already spent 15 weeks in a secure prison in remand, In lieu of a fine or further time to be served I will accept the time already served as an appropriate sentence and he may be released with immediate effect.”

 

Stensland is free to go. Stensland is free. The words repeat themselves in his head time and time again trying to catch hold so Clyde can process it. He's free. Soon he'll be able to hold Stens as long as he wants, kiss him, touch him, hear his voice every day again. He's not sure what to do with the overwhelming emotions surging through him so he just smiles until his face hurts.

 

Stensland himself has to ask if he can sit down in the dock after that, letting out slow breaths and wiping the tears from his face as he thanked the judge from where he sat to save his shaky legs. He was free to go, he could leave and all he had to do was go back to the prison the day after to officially be dismissed and collect his clothes. The judge even asked if he had anywhere to stay or if he needed help with accommodation but Stensland was so happy to say he definitely had somewhere to go.

 

Clyde waits outside the courthouse, unsure if Stens will actually be leaving with him today. Mellie watches him pace from where she sits on the hood of her old Nova, puppy slumbering against her chest. He fiddles while he waits, rubbing at spots only he can see on the black carbon fiber of his arm. Not knowing what to expect.

 

Stensland took a bit longer having to sign a bit of paperwork before he can be released, and getting information on how to collect his belongings from the prison, but then he is able to go and give Grady the biggest hug. He only laughs as he is pushed off, giving the biggest smile, “There’s someone I need to go and see.” As soon as Stensland is outside he spots Clyde, belting toward him and jumping into his arms without a second thought.

 

No one had bothered to warn Clyde about airborne gingers in the courthouse parking lot, not that he minds. He's all too happy to catch Stens when he comes flying at him full speed with that bright smile.

 

"Hey there," he can't stop smiling when Stens wraps those long legs around him, hanging onto him like a giant sloth, "Let you go I see." Trying to keep their reunion within the bounds of friendship is hard when all he wants is to kiss that huge grin that's blinding him with love.

 

“They did!” Stensland finally lets go when he sees someone behind Clyde, feeling completely embarrassed and he looks down at the floor feeling like he’s already fucked up. “I’m sorry...”

 

"Aw hell," is what comes before what might be the dumbest thing Clyde’s done yet, but he knows it's not one he'll regret. Sailing on a spike of adrenaline he does what he's wanted to do for a long time. Stens' lips are just as soft as he'd imagined them to be.

 


	9. Cauliflower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Stensland’s eyes go wide as they can, Clyde is kissing him, right outside the courthouse. Clyde is kissing him.... he’s kissing him! He’s almost overcome with every sensation known to man and has to hold onto the man’s shoulders as his eyes finally close and he leans into it. Clyde’s lips feel so good, so warm and Stensland feels tears filling his eyes again as he’s fairly certain he’s feeling more love than he had ever felt. 

****

It feels like jumping off a cliff knowing that right now anyone could see them, that Mellie is right there. In the moment he couldn't care less, happy to finally have this with someone he wants. For the first time in his life it feels right to kiss someone. Though for the sake of everyone Clyde breaks it off before the police come after them for public indecency, it wouldn't do to land them right back in a jail cell. Heart hammering in his chest he looks back at his sister who's sitting there with an egg sucking grin on her face.

****

"Whatever you hafta say get it over with," Clyde doesn't want to wait for any dressing down she might have for him. 

****

"Clyde, I've known you were gay since high school," is all she offers up and he's not entirely sure what to do about that. 

****

Stensland is just standing there, staring at her as she speaks and while he feels relief he’s still shocked as hell. Stensland’s cheeks are flaming red and not just because of the heat, Clyde had just kissed him... and it was okay. Who he assumed was Clyde’s sister was okay with it and he actually didn’t even register that there was a puppy there with everything that had been going on.

****

"Stensland, this is Mellie, my sister." Might as well get the introductions over with, "We'll be staying with her a little while," Mellie stands and gives a little wave. "And this little girl don't have a name yet." Taking the puppy from his sister, much to the hound's sleepy protest, Clyde hands her over to his stunned boyfriend. 

****

Stensland managed to say hello to mellie, he’s still shocked then suddenly there’s a squirming, excitable puppy being put in his arms. “She’s... ours?”

****

"Yup, picked her up today." He gives the pup a scratch behind the ears finding himself unable to take his eyes off Stens as he holds the wrinkled lump that is the newest member of their little family.

****

“We, we have a puppy?” Stensland voice is getting higher and he’s on the verge of crying again. His eyes even watering slightly as he cuddles the puppy close to his chest.

****

"We do." When he sees Stens' eyes watering he wants so badly to reach out, for a moment forgetting that he actually can. "You alright, darling?" Reaching out he cups Stensland's face, rubbing his thumb over a cheekbone and marveling at how soft the skin is, how he's allowed to do this now.

****

“I just... I feel like suddenly I have a- an actual life...” He sniffled and gave a little smile, “You must think I’m ridiculous.”

****

"No, I don't, I'm thinking you're gorgeous and how lucky I am to have you," Clyde can't keep himself for being a little cheesy, he should be allowed seeing as this is his first relationship and he didn't get the chance to burn the cutesy flirting out during his teen years. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Mellie rolling her eyes at them and he wants to tell her to shove off, but he can't since she's their ride home. 

****

Stensland was even more of a mess after that and he ended up giving an embarrassed laugh, “I think I need to have a bit of a proper cry... maybe not standing out here though.”

****

"Let’s go home then." For the ride back to Mellie's house they manage to just about cram themselves into the backseat of the Nova so he won't have to let go of Stensland quite so soon. It feels good getting to hold onto someone like this and know he doesn't need to worry about it, he worries all the same, it being so well hammered in after years of doing it.  

Mellie's house isn't big, but it's big enough for all four of them, for now, and he leads Stensland into the guestroom after letting the pup loose in the fenced off kitchen. The room is cramped, but far ahead of what their cell was, with it's homey décor and spare bits and bobs that have no proper place anywhere else. Not to mention the double bed where he hopes he'll get to sleep next to Stens tonight. 

****

Stensland is already walking over to the bed, sitting on it before flopping back with a sigh. “It’s so comfortable, it’s really nice here. It’s so much nicer than my crap flat.”

****

"Well, we'll have our own house soon," Clyde remarks as he carefully pulls off his prosthetic so he can start the chore of getting out of his uniform.

****

“We’ll have a home.” Stensland sits back up, moving over and biting his lip as he stands in front of Clyde and slowly unbuttons the jacket. “I don’t even have any of my things... have you got a shirt or something I can borrow for now? Maybe Mellie has some sweatpants?”

****

"We should have a few things, found this here uniform in Mel's closet so I can't rightly say what she does and don't have." Out of the three of them Mellie is the one most likely to hoard things, he himself sees little value in holding onto useless things of the past. Then again despite what he thought he did have use of this uniform once more and if he's very lucky he might need it again. His blue jacket goes carefully draped over the bed while Clyde pulls his tie off, Stens hesitates briefly before starting in on his shirt as well, gently picking the buttons open.

****

“Yeah, I kind of don’t wanna be stuck in this horrible suit.” Stensland looks over at Clyde,  openly staring as he pulls apart the shirt since now he can indulge. “It’s not creepy if I watch is it?”

****

"No, so long as you don't mind a few scars." Another leftover of the mine, shrapnel he didn't even notice in the mess of it all, leaving him with a few neat scars near his shoulder where the vest couldn't protect him. "And please stay on your feet this time," he teases. 

****

Stensland flushed, giving a little nod. “I, it’s nice being able to look without coming across as too weird. You’re really handsome....” 

****

Clyde doesn't know what to say to that, not used to compliments of that sort so he just smiles bashfully while Stens plucks out his cufflinks and helps pull his shirt off. It goes the way of the jacket and tie draped over the comforter with more care than needed given to a piece of fabric like that. His shoes go next and he gives Stens a wary glance before pulling his belt open. 

****

Stensland is fairly certain he’s the colour of a beet by now, watching Clyde like that and really starting to feel like a creep even though now they were actually together and able to enjoy each other in a way they never thought they could. 

****

“I Uh... I should go find some clothes for myself...” 

****

Stensland becoming flustered at something so little when they've showered together before is charming beyond words and Clyde almost asks him to stay before rethinking, "Just go ask her, unless you'd like me to do it."

****

“No, I, I can,” he gave a little smile wanting to take a moment as all he could actually think about right now was touching every damn inch of Clyde, and seeing him unfasten the belt made it considerably more intense in his mind. His eyes flicked down to the belt again and his cheeks are well and truly flushed as he goes to find Mellie so he can get some clothes.

****

With Stens out of the room Clyde lets himself have a quiet laugh, grateful that he's not the only one out of his element here. It feels good to finally get the stuffy uniform off, he's never much liked it, but he still gives it the care it deserves while putting it back onto the hanger, smoothing the wrinkles and picking off stray dog hair. The last thing he does is pluck off the purple heart wiping it clean of imaginary smudges and hating the reason he got it.

****

Stensland is still out of his comfort zone as he finds Mellie in the kitchen, immediately leaning down to pick up their new pup for a cuddle as he asks her if she has any spare clothes. He feels good about this, he’s still out of his element and he doesn’t know exactly what he’s going to do from here on out, but for now... it’s good.

****

The uniform goes back into Mellie's closet, the medal dumped on the dresser next to it so his sister can do whatever she wants with the glorified lump of gilded brass. He spends perhaps a little longer than necessary digging through his own drawers for something to wear, a part of him wanting Stensland to come back while he's still undressed with no clear plan of what would happen if he did. To see if either of them would take any tentative steps forward now they could explore their relationship openly.

****

Stensland let Mellie go and get him something to wear, reluctantly putting the pup down as he took some fitted sweatpants and t-shirts. He carried the bundle in his arms back into the room, walking into the side of one of the dressers when he saw Clyde in his underwear rummaging around in the drawers. 

****

The sound of impact and a pained groan alerts him to Stens' presence and he laughs at the near repeat of previous events thinking maybe he should keep his pants on for now. He yanks a pair of cargo shorts and a worn Johnny Cash t-shirt out of the dresser with a smile,

****

"Careful now," he teases intending to never let the shower incident go as long as he's alive.

****

Stensland bites his lip and honestly cannot stop staring at Clyde, he’s so... so gorgeous. “It’s not my fault you’re so distracting.” He moves over and puts the clothes on the bed, finally taking off the awful jacket and tie before turning back to Clyde. His boyfriend, his actual boyfriend, Clyde. “Can I, uh, can I touch you?” He so desperately wants to put his hand on Clyde’s chest and stomach, to see if they were as hard as they looked and if the skin seemed as soft as it looked.

****

"I suppose so," he tries not to sound too eager at the prospect of Stensland's hands on him. He's nervous, feeling self conscious under the appreciative stare thinking about how this'll be the first time someone'll touch him with something other than friendly intentions. 

****

Stensland didn’t exactly like the way Clyde sounded unsure for now though and he held his hands back. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to, I guess I, it’s a bit soon?”

****

"No, it's okay if you want to, I don't mind," he takes an encouraging step closer to Stensland. A glance at the door reassures him that it's closed, that no one, but them is going to know. It doesn't matter that Mellie knows and is okay with it, he still feels like he's doing something he shouldn't be. 

****

Stensland bites his lip, moving forward and finally reaching out to let his fingers brush over Clyde’s chest. He strokes slowly, finally pressing his palm flat and sighing at how firm it really is.

****

Clyde takes a shuddering breath at the contact, Stensland's hand warm against his chest, burning like a brand. It's nice being touched like this, addicting. He forces himself to relax into it which comes easier than expected, it really is different when it's someone he cares about doing the touching. Reaching up he covers Stens' hand with his own smiling at how good it feels to be wanted. Stensland moves forward and softly kisses Clyde, his thumb rubbing over the skin where his hand is covered. 

****

“You’re so gorgeous...” his cheeks are pink and he truly wants to touch Clyde everywhere but for now this is perfect.

****

"Not like you are." He's all too aware of his missing hand as he puts his arms around Stensland's waist wishing he could wrap his fingers around a bony hip and just hold on. Stensland sighs softly at the touch regardless, leaning his cheek against Clyde’s shoulder with a smile. 

****

“You’re amazing.” Clyde smiles to himself, pressing a brief kiss to Stensland's forehead nosing his way into that mess of ginger hair. 

****

Stensland ends up putting his arms firmly around Clyde’s waist in return, holding onto him tight. He honestly wants to tell Clyde how he really feels but he’s learnt the hard way to keep it to himself for a long while before the moment is right.

****

"Boys!" They jump apart at the sudden intrusion, "Quit making out, food's here."                                                                                                                                     

****

"I asked Mellie to order some take out," Clyde explains once his heart stops racing, pulling his clothes on, and offering Stens his hand. 

****

Stensland was sure he would have thrown up from the sudden fright if Clyde wasn’t there, his heart racing as he scrambles to change into the clothes he has with a nervous laugh. He hesitates for a moment but finally takes Clyde’s hand to go into the kitchen.

****

"Mellie's a bit intense, but she means well." She's always been the rowdiest of the three of them, born with a foot of lead and more attitude than him and Jimmy combined. She's head first in the fridge when they step over the puppy gate into the kitchen wordlessly holding out three bottles of beer forcing him to let go of Stensland's hand so he can stuff them in the crook of his arm and twist the caps off. 

****

"Food's right over there if you wanna help yourselves." She emerges at last with an armful of various condiments to go with the veritable feast of junk stacked on the kitchen counter. Stensland can’t quite get over how much food there is and he finds himself holding the beer and just staring. 

****

“You, you should help yourself first.” He gives Clyde a pleading look, urging him to take the lead. 

****

Understanding Stens' discomfort Clyde pulls down plates for them from the cupboard and piles his high with enough food to last a smaller person for the whole day, still not over the fact that now he can eat as much as he needs without risking digestion issues or other side effects of prison food. 

****

The dining table they sit at is probably the most solid thing in this whole house, a left over from their parents that insisted on family dinners, a tradition they've kept out of habit whenever two or more of them are together. It's made of wood scuffed by years of use and heavier than sin, a behemoth of a table that they're too attached to to replace. A more modern touch has been afforded the chairs and Clyde never realised how much he'd miss padded dining chairs until he had to be without them, settling into one now gives him the feeling of home, and he hopes eventually Stens'll find that too.

****

Stensland waits until Clyde is sitting down, finally going over and taking what he thinks he can handle. He doesn’t want to get too much incase he wastes any, not knowing how his stomach will react after the food in prison, and he sits right next to Clyde.

****

"So, you're the man that finally dazzled my brother?" Mellie drops into her chair on the other side of the table, "I was starting to think he wasn't ever gonna come out of that closet he's been hiding in for twenty nine years." Oh no, she'll go off now and scare Stensland away. "Yeah I pretty much figured he was gay when my old magazines started vanishing when he was fifteen, and he picked up on Baywatch with me and my girlfriends," she rambles on much to Clyde's embarrassment.

****

“I, uh, I’m not sure I dazzled him, but I’m so lucky he wanted me in any way...” Stensland flushed, “And you really don’t care he’s gay?”

****

"Hell no, he's the only man I've ever waxed a square inch of without a whole lot of moaning about how manly they are, he just shuts up and takes it." The grin on her face can only be described as gleeful as she takes the rare opportunity to embarrass him within an inch of his life. "I done his chest just last week so you can grope all you'd like," she winks and Clyde considers walking out into oncoming traffic next chance he gets. 

****

Stensland’s mouth drops open at the comment before he snorts out a laugh, “At least he can grow hair! I have the smoothest chest ever and I don’t even wax.”

****

"If you want a slip guard I'm sure I got some of those nipple pasties someplace so you don't slide right off him," she mumbles around a mouthful of fried chicken. "And if you need him waxed anywhere else let me know." Mellie likes Stensland, he can tell.                                                                               

****

"Mellie," Clyde warns with a sharp look, why can't his sister just dig up old pictures of him instead like a normal relative would? 

****

Stensland finds himself snorting out another laugh at her comment and he gives a little grin. “Oh I will let you know.” 

****

Despite the fact that it's at his expense Clyde can appreciate her making his boyfriend laugh and bringing a little normality into the day, they both need it to relieve some stress.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

****

"Look how red his face is," she crows and Clyde ducks his head with a grumble busying himself with the food on his plate so he can avoid looking at anyone, until he's met with a droopy pair of soulful eyes trained on his chicken. He's always been a sucker for a look like that, not so stealthily sneaking off a fry and some meat to the begging hound. 

****

Stensland gives Clyde a gentle kick under the table when he sees him feeding the dog. “Hey, you’re not meant to do that or it means they learn to beg.” Though he’s sure he will end up doing the same. 

****

Well then, if he can't give it to the dog he might as well give the second fry he has lined up to Stensland. "You're right, you need it more." Across the table Mellie snorts behind her hand as Clyde offers the fry to Stens instead much to the pup's disappointment. 

****

Stensland rolled his eyes, “I have plenty on my plate.” He also looked down at her little face, looking so sad she wasn’t getting the fry and he gave a little huff of defeat. “Give her the fry but no more okay.” 

****

Clyde smiles at the minor victory even though he know Stens is right and he shouldn't be rewarding the pup's begging. To avoid further temptation he polishes off what's left of the diminishing mountain on his plate already thinking of all the exercise he'll need to squeeze in to burn off all the excess. 

****

Stensland is a lot slower with his food, still quite a bit left by the time Clyde is finished and he leans back. “I might have to keep that for later, I’m too full already.”

****

"Take as long as you'd like, ain't no one here going to yell at you." Stealing a fry off of Stens' plate Clyde settles in considering going back for seconds if it'll make his boyfriend more comfortable. 

****

Stensland gives a little nod, pushing his plate away for now, knowing he will eat later, he just doesn’t have the stomach for a lot of food in one go. So he looks up at Mellie, giving a shy little smile. “Thank you for letting me stay, if there’s anything I can do just let me know.”

****

"You're welcome, honey, don't worry about it, I ain't exactly scared you'll eat me out of the house," she smiles before giving Clyde a pointed look, "That's Clyde's job,  _ little _ brother my ass." 

****

Stensland gives another soft little laugh, he likes her a lot. It feels nice that he would get along with at least one member of Clyde’s family. “I do want to help out if I can though, it’s the least I can do.”

****

"I'll keep you in mind next time I need help." It's mostly an empty offer, Clyde is well aware that he'll get the brunt of the chores anyway. "And you can let me cut that hair." 

****

Stensland reaches up to touch the ginger mop, he’s become quite fond of his hair, but he supposes it does need a trim.

****

“Just a little cut?”

****

"Just fixing it up after four months of prison soap, Clyde can bring you by the salon." She stands taking their plates with her and starts digging tupperware or of the cupboards.

****

“Salon?” Stensland looked surprised at that, he’d never actually had his hair done in a salon or done properly at all and he smiled wide. “I’d like that a lot.”

****

"Mel's a hairdresser," Clyde fills in, standing up to get a good stretch in before bending down and scooping the pup up intending to take her out into the back yard. "Bring the lemonade," in lieu of a free hand he tips his head towards the fridge waiting by the back door for Stens to catch up. 

****

Stensland grabbed the lemonade and carried it carefully to the porch, it was almost exactly as they had dreamed about and he was smiling wide as he followed clyde out.

****

With the dog loose on the lawn he's free to drop into one of the garden chairs, silently lamenting the lack of a couch. As Stens pours them each a glass of lemonade he has an epiphany. Unsure of how to phrase it he settles for patting his thigh and waving Stensland over, they can do this here the backyard, being fenced in and all. 

****

Stensland walked over, biting his lip for a moment and holding his glass carefully as he sat on Clyde’s lap. “It feels so weird being able to actually do this...”

****

"It's nice," Clyde mumbles hooking an arm around Stensland's waist and pulling him closer. It really is too warm to sit cuddled up like this in the afternoon sun, but at the moment he couldn't care less. What's a little extra sweat when he can have this, and they can shower any time they want now?

****

Stensland relaxes a little into the hold, leaning back slightly and sipping his drink, glad for how cold it is as they sit outside. 

****

Clyde contents himself with alternating between watching the puppy and Stensland, taking occasional sips of his lemonade. "She needs a name," he says after watching the bloodhound stick her nose in the flowerbed and come up with a sneeze.

****

“Sookie,” Stensland grins, he had thought of the name as soon as he’d seen her. It just worked for some reason, he got off Clyde’s lap when he got a bit too hot and sat down on the grass. The pup bounced over, going a bit too fast and falling over before reaching Stensland, making him laugh and pick her up for a cuddle.

****

"I like that, suits her." Watching Stensland play with their puppy unlocks something in his heart and almost trips him into saying those three little words he's been convincing himself it's too early for.

****

“It does, she’s so gorgeous too.” Stensland kisses her face, getting a lick in return, he grins wide while he looks up at Clyde. “Thank you, for all of this, for everything.”

****

"Feels good to finally have a life," he's so in love it hurts, "And somebody to share it with."

****

“I’m so glad it’s me... I really am.” Stensland can’t stop smiling, earning a lick to his teeth for it and he gave a little laugh. He feels so good, unaware of the way the fair skin on his nose and arms was already starting to burn. 

****

Stensland's happiness is infectious enough that Clyde puts aside his lemonade, slips down to the grass, shuffles himself up next to his two priceless treasures, and steals a kiss from both of them. Stensland leans in for one more kiss from him, leaning against his shoulder and closing his eyes for a moment. “I never thought I would get to be this happy... I guess I never used to think I deserved it.”

****

"You deserve it more than anyone I know, darling." It's hard to believe he could ever be this happy when he's been walking against the current his whole life. That after all the bullshit life has thrown at him he gets to sit here like this in the afternoon sun and be happy. 

****

Stensland wanted to protest that comment but instead he let himself sit pleasantly with the thought Clyde thought him special enough to deserve all of this happiness. He ended up lying on the grass, Sookie climbing onto his chest and playing for a little while as the sun started to slowly set.

****

Clyde's always heard about the romantic aspects of watching the sunset with your partner, but he's never quite understood it before now. And now that he's had it he's not sure he'll ever be able to give it up. This love thing is addictive. 

****

Stensland fetches them some more lemonade to drink as the sun goes down, the sky slowly changing hues as he leans against Clyde’s shoulder and lets out a slow breath. “I’ve never watched a sunset...”

****

"I've seen plenty, but I think this one's my new favourite." The old one being in Iraq, watching the sun light the desert on fire is something truly spectacular. That brilliant heat, and ombre sky had no right being as beautiful as it was when everything below was part of a warzone. This sunset might pale in visual comparison, but watching it with Stensland puts it in a league of its own.

****

“It’s beautiful.” Stensland sighed softly, turning to look at Clyde in the now orange light. “This is one of the best days ever... it’s been perfect coming back to you.” 

****

Clyde just smiles, restraining himself from more cheesy dialogue than he's spouted already. "We oughta go back inside 'fore it gets cold out here. 'Sides I reckon you'll be wanting a shower before bed," He's familiar with the joy of being able to shower in peace and not have his ass on display for all to see, and thinks Stens would probably enjoy the same after a long day like this.

****

“I would like that a lot,” Stensland smiled broadly, forcing himself to get up, almost forgetting it could cool down at night with how hot he was feeling. “I might go and shower now actually is that okay? I won’t be long.”

****

"Take as long as you'd like." Clyde scoops Sookie up again, the pup squirming where she's dangling from his hand, "I'll show you where the towels are." Leading the way back inside he talks Stens through where to find everything he'd need, ending the quick tour at the bathroom before making his way back to their room to turn down the bed, and cram a few more of his stray books into the overflowing bookshelf. 

****

Stensland was happy to feel the perfect temperature of the water, just how he liked it. His face was a little tender as he washed, seeing the way his forearms had turned red and he felt silly for getting sunburnt so easily, forgetting about his sensitive skin when he had so many things distracting him. When he was clean and mostly dry he went into the bedroom, the towel around his waist.  “Uh... do you think Mellie has any cream? I’m a little bit burnt.” 

****

Clyde had thought Stens couldn't possibly get any cuter, then he just had to walk in wearing nothing but a towel and a sunburn, he almost feels bad for the little laugh he chokes back. "I got this," he offers up the aloe he uses on his stump to soothe the irritation his prosthetic can cause. 

****

Stensland gives a little nod but laughs feeling completely stupid. “That would help. I didn’t even think about it, I literally forgot I can get sunburn...”

****

"You forget a lot of things after weeks of nothing but grey walls." He hands the tube of aloe over figuring it best he not get involved with the mechanics of doing it one handed and risk getting it everywhere. He'd like to think he can do most things fine that way, but with Stens present it makes him somewhat self-conscious of his shortcomings.

****

“I suppose, I’m lucky it wasn’t years though. It could have been.” Stensland wasn’t even sure it had sunk in properly as he sat on the edge of the bed and carefully rubbed in the gel to his arms and face. “I’m going to get the rest of my food, there’s plenty there if you want some more?”

****

"I could eat," He's not really hungry, but he'll eat again so Stens won't have to go on his own, he could always limit himself to nibbling slowly on something, or just having another beer. 

****

Stens gave a little nod and dressed again in some borrowed clothes, he really needed to organise something or at least get to a store and buy some boxers with his last few dollars. He tries not to dwell on it, instead leading Clyde into the kitchen so he can go and scavenge the rest of the food.

****

While Stensland builds himself a plate Clyde sits at the table, content with a beer and just keeping his boyfriend company while he eats. Well, that and openly staring at Stens' perky ass in Mellie's sweatpants, silently thanking his sister and God equally for the fact that it's the ones with  _ 'juicy' _ stamped on the back in glittery, pink letters.

****

Stensland finally joins Clyde, having already felt his stare. “Enjoying the view?” He feels so much more comfortable saying such things now and he gives a warm smile that reaches his eyes, making them crinkle in the corners.

****

"Yup," Clyde admits shamelessly, "You got a great behind." Mellie must have noticed too otherwise she never would have lent those pants to anyone. "It's only right that it gets admired."

****

“I’m glad someone is admiring it.” Stensland laughs, his cheeks flushing but it meant a lot that Clyde found him attractive in many ways.

****

"I'm glad it's me." It really is an amazing circumstance that they met at all, so many things could have altered their paths yet here they are brought together by the police of all things.

****

“I’m glad it’s you too... I’m glad it’s you that I was lucky enough to share a dingy cell with.” He can laugh about it now, smiling as he dove into more proper food.

****

"I suppose Jimmy's the one you oughta thank seeing as I wouldn't have been in there in the first place if it wasn't for him." Really the plan couldn't have worked out any better. Jimmy got his money and Clyde got to fall in love with the prettiest man in West Virginia.

****

“I thought it was a car thing? How was it his fault?” Stens frowned deeply, looking a bit confused. He didn’t need to know if it was complicated car things, he probably wouldn’t understand it anyway.

****

"It was part of a Cauliflower plan." Right now he could come clean, he could spill the beans as it were, he won't lie to Stensland so all he needs is to ask the right questions. "He asked me to put my car through that window so I did."

****

“A... a what plan? Why would you drive your car into a window for someone? That’s... a bit crazy.” Stensland stopped eating, looking up at Clyde properly, his appetite suddenly waning.

****

"A Cauliflower plan, last time we did one I ended up in juvie, I was thirteen. And I did it 'cause we needed somebody on the inside."

****

“I’m sorry I don’t understand... you, you’ve been in juvenile? And you done it on  _ purpose _ ?”

****

"Juvie was an accident, I was the lookout and the only one that got caught." He's still not entirely forgiven Jimmy for letting him take the fall. "This time we needed somebody to get Joe out and I was the only one who could." God he hopes this won't come back and bite him in the ass. 

****

Stensland cleared his throat, trying to get his head around all of this. “You... got yourself put in prison, to try and get somebody out?”

****

"I did," so far so good, "And I got us back in." He takes a moment to evaluate the atmosphere before deciding to take it just a little further and come clean. "Remember when I said I went to a NASCAR race during the riot? Well, we did."

****

_ “WHAT? _ ” Stensland feels bad for screaming like that but he’s also feeling so many things he can’t control his volume. He’s worried, anxious, scared, and now he feels himself doubting all of the trust he had in Clyde. 

****

Clyde flinches at the volume leaning away from the table just in case, "It was all Jimmy's idea and it ain't like anybody knows we snuck out," he defends himself, shrinking back as far as the chair will let him. "Joe's the only one who could blow the vault and someone had to get him there.”

****

“ _ The vault? _ What fucking vault?” Stensland rubs his face, looking at Clyde and narrowing his eyes. “I was terrified when you weren’t there, I got bashed in the face trying to find you because I was frightened. You were off doing something that if you had got caught you would have spent so much longer than ninety bloody days in prison.”

****

"The vault at the Charlotte Motor Speedway."  _ Shit _ , he's really fucked this up now, should have kept his mouth shut. "I'm sorry you got hurt, I should have told you before, but I wasn't supposed to tell nobody."

****

“You weren’t supposed to tell anyone, of course, I mean I’m sure if I was in the middle of a heist I wouldn’t want everyone to know where I was!” Stensland can’t actually understand why he’s so angry, it could be because he cares so much about Clyde the thought of the man getting into such trouble hurts him, but he also feels betrayed, he fell for Clyde because of his honesty and kindness. “Honestly Clyde, being hit in the face like that hurts nothing compared to finding out what you did, knowing you lied to me for so long when I praised you for your honesty.” He looks down, perhaps he’s overreacting but it’s not like there is a manual for this kind of situation; Stens struggles to trust at the best of times and he had put all of his faith in Clyde. What else should he expect from someone he met in prison though? He should have known better.

****

"I'm sorry, if it helps I was gonna spend my take on our house," He's grabbing at straws at this point. "But, I'd understand if you want nothing more to do with me. Just let me say I didn't want to do it in the first place, but Jimmy needed the money and he's my brother so I had to help, Cauliflower is our way of saying it needs to be done, it's a last resort." He was even planning on using it if anyone had taken offence to him and Stensland.

****

“I’ve been on the bones of my arse Clyde and I never thought about pulling off a heist! I just tried to work it out, like a normal human.” He rubbed his face, the food completely ignored now and he shook his head slowly. “Organised Crime is not a last resort, asking for help is.”

****

"Sometimes asking for help don't work and you gotta take it into your own hands. Now, I ain't proud of what we did, but I don't regret it 'cause if we hadn't I never would have gotten to fall in love with you." Standing up Clyde takes his beer with him and slinks away so he can sulk in peace, mourn the death of this relationship that he knew was too good to be true. He should have learned by now that people like him don't get to be happy as Stensland sits in silence after all he had just found out.


	10. The Really Sappy one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Stensland sits in shock for god knows how long before he’s suddenly running after Clyde, not having to go far before he’s grabbing his shoulder as hard as he can. Stensland really was blinded by love, knowing he could so easily forgive all of that because Clyde loved him and he loved Clyde. It was perhaps pathetic, the way Stensland was willing to overlook organised crime because he was so desperate to be loved and love in return, the way he could move past what he had learned just for a chance at a proper life with Clyde despite any consequences.

****

“Fall in love with me?”

****

"I know it's too soon to say something like that, but I won't lie to you," Clyde does a cursory look around to make sure they don't have an audience, Mellie seems to have done a disappearing act between now and dinner because the house is quiet around them. "I really am sorry for what I took part in."

****

“I don’t want to be angry. I just, It was so dangerous Clyde you could have been hurt or you could have never came back... I was scared and I’m still scared that there’ll be more lies. I won’t pretend I’m perfect myself, I fall too easily and I’m fairly certain I loved you from the start but you have to understand how hard this is for me to process.”  

****

In that moment everything stops, Stensland loves him? He's not sure how to process this, too many emotions hitting him at once, the weight of it all enough to make him seek out the couch lest he fall down. "You did?" he swallows back all the other words that want to come tumbling out of him needing to keep this as simple as he can while his mind catches up and he's sorted the whirlwind happening inside him.

****

“I did, I do.” Stensland feels too warm, not just because of the sunburn and he’s breathing slowly just to comprehend what he has told Clyde, the truth he’s finally let go of. 

****

Speechless is what Clyde is while Stens stands and worries, people have loved him before, but never like this and if he had finagled himself into a relationship before now he's sure they never would have looked past the things Stens has, would have left him behind the second they were faced with his cocktail of traumas and anxieties. Not Stensland, no, he's stayed and fallen in love with him despite it all. If he didn't know for sure it would be crossing a line he'd ask Stens to marry him right then and there because he's never going to find anyone better. 

****

Stensland himself keeps taking deep breaths, he was aware Clyde had admitted how he felt but now he was doubting himself in returning the sentiment. The silence seemed to last far too long and it was almost painful as he just stood there in front of Clyde, filled with nerves of what Clyde was going to eventually say and almost wanting to scream with the silence.

****

“Will... will you please say something...”

****

"How did I get so lucky?" Clyde's not entirely sure who the question is for, nor is he sure there exists an answer. "I was never supposed to get to have something like this." No, he was supposed to burn in hell with all the other fags something no amount of devotion to his country could fix, a set fate. Misery is what he was supposed to have for being programmed wrong, then Stensland just had to come dancing along and shatter that bleak future.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Taking a few deep breaths he finally looks up at his own personal angel wrapping his arms around those lovely hips and resting his head against a soft stomach. 

****

Stensland’s mouth hangs open as he looks down at Clyde, he doesn’t understand how the man can genuinely seem to love him so much especially with the way Stensland reacts to pretty much anything. A fragile little thing that can barely look after himself but here he is, loved and with a chance to be really happy if he can get over the past.

****

“Neither was I...” He brought a hand up to stroke slowly through Clyde's hair, smiling to himself because if he didn’t Stensland knew he might cry. 

****

At the soft touch the dam breaks for Clyde, leaning into it as much as he dares he lets the tears fall. He can be vulnerable like this here, lay himself open to it all and not have to fear being attacked for showing emotion. To him Stensland is the safest place in the world. 

****

Clyde’s honest tears are a surprise, the way he clings to Stensland and lets everything out is something Stens never would have expected yet it’s not unwelcome. It just reminds him that they are both human as he stands there and gently strokes Clyde’s gorgeous hair, unable to find the correct words of comfort so he settles for soft touches. 

****

He's so grateful to Stensland for putting up with him, almost feeling greedy by taking all he's given, but right now it's too much to think of so he just holds on and cries until his eyes dry up and the weight on his shoulders feels that little bit lighter. All he wants is to go to bed after this roller-coaster of a day and hold onto Stens for as long as he's allowed. 

****

Stensland does have to break the silence though, his appetite was now long gone again and he felt drained, emotionally exhausted after what he had to process, now wanting to do nothing more than rest.

****

“Can we go to bed? I’m not sure I could eat anymore.” 

****

Not trusting his voice to reply Clyde just nods leading them back to their room with his eyes on the floor, not wanting Stens to see his tear tracked face and red eyes. Climbing into bed he scoots over until there's plenty of room for them both and slips under the covers to wait.

****

Stensland nips to the bathroom first, using the loo and heading back in with some tissues. He doesn’t say anything but sits next to Clyde and wipes away what’s left off the tears, lying down and opening his arms. “Come here.” 

****

Settling into Stensland arms is exactly what he needs, It's likely it'll get too warm in the night, but he couldn't care less now that he finally gets to cuddle up next to Stens and go to sleep like he's been dreaming about for weeks. It feels just as good and better than he expected having a steady heartbeat in his ear and the rise and fall of Stens' chest to lull him to sleep knowing that tomorrow will be better.

****

“I need you to know I’m upset and still angry but I’m not going to leave you, I could never give you up.” Stensland strokes through Clyde’s hair again and even moves to kiss his forehead with a soft sigh. “We can talk tomorrow.” 

****

Clyde has a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day as well, more paperwork and a round of shopping where he suspects they'll run into at least twenty nosy people that know him and are thirsty for gossip when they see him with a stranger. But that's then, for now they can relax, recharge for the conversation they need to have. 

****

Silence hung between them as Stensland waited for some sort of reply, when he didn’t get one he stopped moving his hand through Clyde’s hair and made an attempt to relax and sleep perhaps things would be different in the morning. Being in a nice bed in a quiet room did help, though he was still worried about what tomorrow would bring.

****

Waking up next to someone is a new experience for Clyde one he truly enjoys, in more ways than one apparently. "Shit," he groans softly brain not really processing much of anything yet, though for the sake of courtesy he angles his hips away as much as he can so Stens won't have to wake up to him practically humping his leg on his second day out of prison.

****

Having avoided the dreaded fate of prison rape Clyde is pretty sure his boyfriend wouldn't like to wake up in close contact with any dicks at all, that and it also protects himself from even more awkwardness. So being a decent boyfriend he wriggles half way onto his back and waits until the alarm clock catches up to him with it's shrill beeping.

****

Stensland gets a small fright when the alarm goes off, jumping awake after having taken so long to eventually get to sleep. He had been exhausted but his mind simply wouldn’t shut up and now he’s really not wanting to get up. He rubbed at his eyes and finally looked at Clyde, “So will you be talking to me today?”

****

"I don't know what to say without making it worse." No excuse can really justify what they did, not only did they rob a NASCAR race it was the Coca Cola 500, which in these parts is practically blasphemy. Jimmy needed the money, that's true, and they gave about half of it back, but that doesn't change that there's a minor fortune buried up in the landfill waiting for them once the FBI backs off, doesn't change that him and Joe staged a riot and broke out of prison, that Stensland got hurt because of him. "I don't know what you want me to say." Clyde thinks maybe he should have stayed pressed up against Stensland and this conversation could have been postponed for another fifteen minutes.

****

“I just want you to talk, I just don’t... I can’t stand the silence. It hurts to know you would rather be quiet than even try to talk to me, I still can’t really understand why you did it but I don’t want to lose you because of it.”

****

"No matter what I say I can't excuse what I done and I can't tell you all the details, but there were no guns, nobody got hurt, ain't even anybody that seen us there. We walked right in and left the same way, Jimmy even gave back most of the money. He only did it so he could afford moving down to Lynchburg to be with his daughter." Which he did without a word to anyone. He'll show back up when it's time to get the money, but until then it's anybody's guess what his brother is up to. "If I could go back and say no, knowing I'd meet you anyway I would."

****

“I don’t want excuses and I don’t even want to know the details. I just want to know you will never do anything so stupid again... if you did I think it would break my heart.”

****

"Of course I ain't gonna do it again." Up until the Cauliflower plan that landed him in juvie the worst he's stolen is the yearly watermelon from their neighbor's field.

****

“You have to understand that I can’t just believe you so easily though, this has happened before. I really do want to believe it, I do but it might just take some time.”

****

"I promise I won't." With Jimmy gone it's unlikely the word cauliflower will be uttered with any illegal intention again. At least he can honestly promise he'll never steal again, though he thinks maybe he should keep the molotov cocktail he threw at Max Chilblain's car to himself, even if that one was justified revenge.

****

“I just don’t know what I would do if you were taken away from me.” Maybe it was mostly selfish reasoning right now but he pulled Clyde over and held onto him tight.

****

"I ain't going nowhere, darling," Morning breath be damned he steals a quick kiss, running his fingers through ginger hair and untangling a few knots along the way. He'd never do anything to jeopardize this, no amount of money would be worth that.

****

Stensland nods, he needed the small touch because to him it was a reassurance, and a promise that Clyde thought he would be more important than any amount of money. He moved to tuck his head under Clyde's chin, “I don’t want to go back, I know it’s paperwork and I need my crappy clothes and wallet but I don’t want to go.”

****

"I'll be there with you." Neither of them really want to set foot in Monroe ever again, "We'll be as quick as we can then I'll take you to the bakery and buy you anything you'd like." And then a few other shops for some clothes and other errands, but they'll handle that when they get there. 

****

Stensland gave a little nod in response though he couldn’t really be seen, “When do we have to leave?”

****

"Well, I was gonna go for a run first, then I thought we might have breakfast so if you'd like to sleep a while longer you can. Monroe's about a forty minute drive from here so I reckon we'll be alright if we leave in about two hours." That'll give them plenty of time to prepare for the day ahead.

****

“Are you sure you don’t mind if I sleep longer? Can... can Sookie come and lie with me? Please?” Stensland pleads, moving to rub Clyde’s shoulder.

****

"Sure, but if she pees on the bed it's your fault." To get out of the bed he has to climb over Stensland which results in some thoughts he scolds himself for having out of habit and his cheeks turn pink in the brief moment he's more or less straddling his boyfriend. By the time he's switched shorts and pulled on his prosthetic he feels a lot more awake and ready to face the day. A quick detour through the kitchen to get the pup and a brief kiss later he's hitting the road in the direction of the park thinking he might cut down on distance today so he'll have more time with Stens later.

****

Stensland finds himself still thinking of Clyde, his cheeks slightly red at the thoughts as Sookie cuddles up to him. He tried to ignore it though, it’s something they also needed to talk about properly. For now he cuddles the pup, both of them falling asleep again, curled up in a mess of blankets.

****

Clyde runs until his shirt clings to him and his hair is damp with sweat, returning home eager to get in the shower before he starts smelling like an old gym sock. The sight that greets him in their bedroom fills him with affection, he could gladly stand here forever just watching the two of them sleep, and he does until he catches a whiff of himself, settling for snapping a picture with his phone instead. 

****

A good, long shower is exactly what he needs and if he does jerk off thinking about the pretty redhead in his bed no one needs to know that. 

****

Stensland wakes up slowly when he hears the shower, turning over, Sookie climbing onto his chest and licking his face in greeting. Thanks to her being adamant it was time to get up now Stensland managed to at least sit up, the little bloodhound in his lap while he properly wakes up. 

****

Clyde allows himself a groan when he finishes, the chances of anyone else being awake are low enough that he's willing to risk it. After he feels a little guilty about it like he always does, a feeling that's become part of his routine. It gets pushed aside while he towels off, forgotten when he twists his hair into a terry cloth turban and shaves off his stubble.

****

When Stensland does hear the groan he bites his lip, wondering if it was just a noise or if Clyde has... he can’t really think about it now though, it’s really something they should discuss like adults before they jump into anything after the strange way their relationship had started. He’s also pleasantly distracted and gives a small laugh when Clyde returns with the turban on his head and a towel around his waist. 

****

“That’s certainly a look....”

****

"It takes forever to dry if I leave it loose." The downside of thick hair he supposes, "You oughta start getting ready too." Modesty has never been much of a concern to him and he discards his towel with little thought when he's dug up a pair of underpants to replace it.

****

“It’s cute.” Stensland loses all train of thought when Clyde drops the towel, of course he shouldn’t have to cover himself. They were together and there should be no shame but it now meant Stensland was open mouthed and staring, looking at Clyde properly now he had a real chance to.

****

"You ain't gonna pass out if I bend down, are you?" Clyde teases as he pulls on his boxers very much aware he's being looked at.

****

“I didn’t pass out! I slipped.” Stensland protests biting his lip, watching Clyde, and oh lord he did have a perfect body. He was one of those men so handsome that he could easily forgive everything but he didn’t want things to fester. They truly did need to talk but it didn’t mean Stensland couldn’t admire his new boyfriend.

****

"If you say so." Since Stens is already ogling him Clyde doesn't even try to hide how he looks him over in return, loving how he's almost dainty compared to himself, thin after months of awful food. That's something that needs fixing and breakfast is where to start. "Now get yourself ready and I'll get breakfast started."

****

 Stensland was confused and tilted his head to the side. “But there was quite a bit of food left from last night, can’t we just have that.” He would never have thrown out or wasted takeout, it was always something to be eaten at some point but that was usually since he couldn’t really afford to waste anything.

****

"Not for breakfast, you ain't had a home cooked meal in months, we can eat the leftovers later." Right now he has his mind set on bacon, and cheese omelets, good food made from scratch, a proper breakfast. 

****

Stensland nodded, Sookie in his arms as he yawned and tried to pull himself around. “Do you want me to help with anything? Or should I just get ready?”

****

"Take your time," Clyde smiles.

****

 After threading on a new pair of skinny jeans he sets out for the kitchen running into Mellie in the hallway who looks like death warmed over like she does every morning. When learning to do things one handed Cooking had been one of the biggest pains, at least now with his new arm he can grip things again which makes the process of chopping onions and grating cheese that much easier. The bacon sizzles deliciously when it hits the pan, the smell of frying grease permeating the air and making his mouth water, when they're cooked he leaves a few pieces for himself in the pan until they're perfectly burnt just how he likes it. 

****

Stensland finally managed to get out of bed while Clyde was cooking, pulling on the first things he could find, and going into the kitchen with the pup in his arms. “It smells amazing...” 

****

When Stens finally wanders into the kitchen Clyde dishes up the omelets he has ready to go, piling on a good side of bacon when he's reminded of just how skinny his boyfriend is. "Eat up." 

****

His own plate contains about double the amount of Stens' when he brings them over to the table not intending to wait for his sister to join them, which she does when they're about halfway through immediately commencing to inhale the remaining omelet and chug some coffee before taking off at a time where everyone else would be considered late.

****

Stensland watches her and when she’s gone turns back to Clyde, “Has she never been a morning person?” Stensland eats all of his omelette and shares a slice of bacon with sookie, feeling nearly too full and he leans back to close his eyes.

****

"Jimmy's the only one of us that could be considered that." Mellie is a night owl by nature while he is one by profession, it's difficult to get up early when you routinely work until past three am.

****

“I guess I’m not much of one either... you know you’ve never actually told me what you do for work you know, like an actual job or do you just own the bar.” He chewed his lip, wondering if that had been something of a lie as well, hoping that it wasn’t or he didn’t really know how he would react.

****

"I run the Duck Tape bar, that part was true, but I'm also behind the bar most nights and you still got a job waiting for you there if you want it." Having Stensland at the bar with him is going to be a distraction, a nice one, but a distraction nonetheless. There's no way the whole county won't know in less than a week what their exact relationship is, surprisingly Clyde finds he's okay with that, he's scared of it, but he's sick of hiding who he is, If he loses a few customers for being gay he can live with that. Drunks are always thirsty, and truckers hungry so it's not like he'll go bankrupt.

****

“I just... I’m sorry. I guess that maybe you ran the bar and done something else. I didn’t mean to assume that you did other things...” Stensland knew what he meant but he was scared Clyde would take offence to his mistrust now he knew what had really happened when they had been locked away. “I’d still like to work there if it’s okay, I would understand if you don't want me too though.”

****

"Of course I want you there, you'll just have to let me know if you'd like to be behind the bar with me or in the kitchen." He can't blame Stensland for wanting to ask a few questions and maybe assuming some things, Clyde would want to do the same if someone he trusts told him they'd robbed a vault.

****

“I’m no good at food... maybe the bar would be best. I can learn to make drinks, though I guess the most you get around here is a whiskey and coke.”

****

"Yeah, there ain't much call for cocktails, but I make them anyway 'cause I like experimenting." He's already concocted two different recipes for Stensland. "I think you'd do alright behind the bar, it's safer there too." That way he can keep an eye on his boyfriend as well as the more inbred patrons that take offence to most everything.

****

“Yeah I suppose it is, and when Sookie is older she can come with me.” Stensland smiles, realising he was going to have to do a lot of reading on how to train a puppy.

****

"She'll make a good guard dog." Picking up their dishes Clyde leaves them in the sink for now, it's lazy of him, but he's eager to get their last visit to Monroe over and done with. Eager enough that he can be bothered to blow dry his hair the last bit settling for running a comb through it and clipping it back with a stray butterfly hair clip left on the counter, people have seen him looking worse before. Full of nervous energy they pile into his old Pontiac and set off for a little piece of hell on earth.

****

Stensland finds he quite likes Clyde's hair clipped back, telling him that he should wear it like that more often. He also feels bad for leaving Sookie in the house for a short while but she has food and water plus some toys and her puppy pad but he still feels like an anxious parent when they set off. “Thank you for driving me...” 

****

Clyde drives like a little old lady, or so he's been told, he tries not to listen, having been in the passenger seat often enough while Mellie racks up another speeding ticket and it would be prudent not to join that particular family tradition today. "I wasn't expecting you to walk, 'sides I took the day off so I ain't got nowheres to be." If he trusted himself enough to drive with his robotic arm he'd reach over and offer his hand to hold, but he's not quite there yet, still unused to the way his upgrade feels and handles.

****

“So does that mean I can come to the bar tomorrow?” Stensland offers a small smile, his eyes hopeful.

****

"Of course you can, I got closing shift so if you get tired you can nap on the break room couch." Staying up until three am on a weekday mopping beer off the floor isn't exactly a fun activity, but if Stens wants to come with him right away he's more than welcome. His presence might even make it fun.

****

“I think maybe quickly learning to do things and helping out would be good. And I can help close up if there’s things I’m able to do? It might be quicker the two of us.”

****

"Well, you're more enthusiastic than most of my staff." Which consists mostly of eighteen year olds just out of high school and a few old dogs that were there long before he took over, letting them go seemed wrong at the time.

****

“I guess I just want to work, I don’t wanna be useless like I was... I mean I did think I would need to earn money and save but it doesn’t seem I have to do that anymore.”

****

"I ain't gon stop working even if I could, I like running the bar, keeps me busy," and it's exhausting enough to keep the worst of his nightmares at bay most of the time; excluding the times when people disobey the unmissable signs banning firearms from the premise and leave him remembering things he'd rather forget. Fact is no matter where in the world you choose to stay there's always going to be a few assholes around.

****

“Well I hope I can help a bit at least.” Stensland went back to twiddling his thumbs, looking down at his hands and chewing his lip as they got closer to the prison. As a precaution he parks a little distance away, wouldn't do to let any officer of the law see him driving. 

****

"My license is still suspended," Clyde sheepishly explains when Stens gives him a questioning look. Really speeding tickets are the least of his worries. 

****

Stensland clenches his hands and genuinely has to bite back anger, letting out a slow breath. “Why was it suspended and if it is suspended why are you even driving?”

****

"It was suspended two years ago on account of how I kept driving while on painkillers and didn't get the chance to fix it before the heist, now I gotta wait another six months 'fore I can get it back, and I'm still driving 'cause I need to get around, mostly just back and forth to work and for any shopping I can't carry." He always makes sure to drive according to the law and then some, not wanting to give anyone any reason to pull him over.

****

“Oh.” Stensland left it there, he guessed Clyde had reasons and he felt ridiculous for the way he was feeling about Clyde. He did love the man, as confusing as that was to start with he also had to deal with how he felt about the heist and fighting the feeling there could be so many other things the man had been hiding from him.

****

"I ain't mad at you for asking questions you have a right to know the answer to." Now that his hands are free he can lean over and take Stensland's hand, raising it up to kiss his knuckles. "But I promise you, my life of crime is over." And he really means it this time around.

****

Stensland just nods a little bit, pulling his hand back. “Someone might see.” His voice was soft and he quickly unbuckled his belt to get out of the car. 

****

_ ‘Then let them see’ _ , Clyde wants to say, but the words fail him. Stens is right anyway here is a very dangerous place to walk in hand in hand. "You alright?" He follows Stens out of the car, catching up to him on the sidewalk so they can at least walk next to each other. 

****

Stensland manages to look up, at least he put some sunscreen on today, and gives a little shrug. “Just don’t wanna go back in even though I know it’s the end of it. I also don’t know how I’m gonna get my stuff from mine.”

****

"How about that friend of yours?" Clyde would be more than willing to drive them there and back if that's what's needed, no matter how bad of an idea that would be before he can get his license back. "I can pay for anything you need shipped over."

****

“I don’t think he would be overly bothered about helping me.” Stensland sighed softly, “If I could get a flight it would be easier, I can pack my stuff and ship one box down and bring the rest in a case.”

****

"We could sort that." He can afford a couple of plane tickets. If he can he'd like to go with, if Stensland would want him to, if it's not an attempt to let him down gently, to fly off and leave him behind in his small town world. "You just let me know when you want to leave and I'll get you the ticket." Even if it means goodbye.

****

“Soon preferably, I just want to get my things and leave it behind.” Stensland shrugs again, “If the tickets are cheap enough... will you come with me? Some company would be nice, I think being alone would be weird now.”

****

"I'd like that, never really been to a big city." It'll take some rearranging in the work roster, but with a few peeved employees they could be taking off in a weeks time. "I could hold your hand there," he muses quietly.

****

“I guess they aren’t that amazing but it’s safer to be yourself that’s true.” Stensland did want to be closer to Clyde, to hold his hand and to put his arm around the man's waist but he still felt a little strange right now. “I don’t have many things either, it won’t take long to pack at all. We can go look around the city for a day if you want?”

****

"It's a date.”

****

The gates of Monroe are just as drab and grey as they were the last time Clyde saw them, stepping through is unpleasant. It'll be over soon, they'll both be free to leave this chapter of their lives behind with something new and better to spur them on. 

****

Stensland has to take a few deep breaths before he can go inside, he knows he’s only going to go in and collect his measly personal items. He managed to do it with Clyde there though, filling in his details and signing some papers before he’s given a rubbish paper bag with his things in, more like they were giving him trash.

****

Once back outside tough they can finally breathe easy, glad to know they can walk away for good this time. The stretch of road outside is quiet and empty giving the entire area a feeling of limbo, like somewhere they're not supposed to be. "Would it be okay if I kissed you?" It's best to ask, Clyde figures, in the event that Stens wouldn't be comfortable kissing him in public.

****

“I... is, do you think it’s okay? Someone might pass.” Stensland is admittedly a little scared, he’s scared that there will be trouble, that Clyde wouldn’t like it, that he needs to do well to keep this hidden for Clyde's sake.

****

"Ain't nobody here." Even if someone did see them he'd gladly stand up for them both.

****

Stensland nods, if Clyde wants to then it’s okay, Stens only hoped he could eventually move past all of this awkwardness in such a small town. “Then I would like it if you kissed me.” 

****

It feels a little awkward discussing it like this first, but it's better to ask consent than do something unwanted. With a shy smile Clyde leans in, acutely aware of how little practice he's had with this, and tries to hide as much of Stens as he can from the world outside. 

****

Stensland likes the way he has to tilt his head up slightly to receive the kiss, and how he can carefully rest his hands on Clyde’s waist. It does feel so right to be kissing the man and to Stensland it's a small reassurance that everything will be okay despite the way they both feel so exposed out there.

****

Clyde is pretty sure he'll never get tired of kissing Stensland, if they had been somewhere else he could have kept going for hours, just enjoying the feel of him in his arms. Alas, they are still standing on a stretch of road in view of whoever happens to pass by and he wouldn't want to push Stens too far, so he breaks it off before his hand develops notions of its own about what should be happening. Still, he fits in a quick grope before stepping back. 

****

Stensland is fairly certain he’s flushed, but the previous day’s sunburn thankfully hides it, following Clyde back to the car and feeling slightly more comfortable than he did previously though he knew they still needed to talk. 

****

For the trip back into town Clyde tunes in on whatever station his outdated radio can find ending up with an ambling stream of country classics to keep them company for the drive. 

****

"Look, it's my favourite parking spot," Clyde can't help but point out the SaveMart that started it all as they pass by. 

****

Stensland glances over, it's already been all repaired and no one would ever know what happened, it was just another thing people would forget about. He wanted to be able to laugh about it, he would if it had genuinely been the only reason but he couldn’t bring himself to be amused about it at all. Instead he started thinking about his mother, what she would have said if she knew where Stensland was now and who he was with, falling deep into thought.

****

Life in town is just starting to pick up when they get there, a steady stream of people trickling down the main drag. Clothes are the top priority, no matter how flattering Mellie's sweatpants are he can't expect Stens to be dressed like that forever, so he finds them a parking spot near one end of the street where they can wander all they'd like. 

****

Stensland stops and turns to look at Clyde before they get out of the car, shoving all other thoughts to the back of his mind for now. “Are you sure you want to get me some clothes? I can manage until we get my things? I don’t want you to waste the money.”

****

"I had plenty of it before 'cause I never spend on anything." Now that he has someone to spoil he'd like to. "I'd like to spoil you as much as you'd let me." Within reason, of course, wouldn't do to draw undue attention to himself by suddenly flinging money around.

****

“Only if you’re sure... I would like some clothes that, I mean that looked nice.” He looked down, “I’ve never really been bought stuff like that I’m sorry for being so awkward.”

****

"I get that." Clyde's not used to that kind of treatment himself. "'Sides I'm sure there's nothing you wouldn't look good in."

****

“I don’t think I would look very nice in high vis vests?” Stensland says, not knowing where he pulled that from but the image made him smile. “I should maybe get some shorts and things with it being warm down here.”

****

"You'd look good in that too, make it easier for me to find you." Clyde doesn't care if it's cheesy that he nips around the car and opens the door for Stens before the man has a chance to do it himself, he can be as damn cheesy as he wants. "We'll stop by the pharmacy for some sunscreen too." 

****

Stensland smiles bashfully, “Might be an idea getting a big bottle...” He gets out of the car with a small thank you, glancing around and already feeling like he was getting a few looks as someone people didn’t recognise.

****

Clyde was also right about nosey acquaintances, several people he knows vaguely from the bar and a few other distant relations somehow finding them everywhere they go. He wants so badly to introduce Stens as his boyfriend, to just take the plunge while he still has the bravado, but it wouldn't be fair of him to do something like that without consulting Stens about it first. 

****

Stensland still hates it more and more every time Clyde introduces him as a friend, he doesn’t like the way they have to keep apart when he just wants to be close. He still puts on a smile though as they get things they need.

****

"When do I get to start calling you my boyfriend?" Clyde finally asks as they drop off their shopping at the car. He wants so badly to reach out and touch, the urge more painful than ever now that he knows what it's like to hold Stens close. 

****

Stensland’s lips part as he looks confused, “When you want to? I just thought you didn’t want people to know.”

****

"Good, 'cause I'm tired of being scared all the time and lying to people about who you are." It's only been a day, but Clyde has had enough of lying for a lifetime. He’s sick of seeing all the people he grew up with walking around with their spouses and kids, bragging about it to anyone who has half a mind to listen, he'd like to do that too. They shouldn't have to be afraid of holding hands in public like every other couple around.

****

“I don’t care who knows Clyde, I just hate having to pretend you’re just my friend. It hurts because I thought that’s all you would ever be, before you left prison I was even trying to figure out how to get over you.”

****

"Then let me show you off." Offering his hand Clyde wriggles his fingers a little in invitation.

****

“You really don’t mind it?” Sten bit his lip, taking Clyde's hand and giving a small smile, glad they were both biting the bullet in this small town.

****

"No." His anxiety says different, but he won't let that rule him any longer, if Mellie can accept him like this why can't everyone else, it's not like it changes who he is. Stens' hand is warm and soft in his, a steady anchor to calm him down as he leads them off in the direction of the bakery for one last errand.


	11. About Fucking Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking finally!
> 
> Enjoy

Stensland finds himself rubbing his thumb over Clyde's hand just because he could, but mainly feeling like he had to calm the man down as this really was a massive step for both of them. Especially in such a town like this and he can already feel people staring at them as they walk down the street. 

****

Clyde feels a little safer inside the bakery, surrounded by the smell of whatever Jolene has going in the kitchen today, the steady pattern of Stens' thumb stroking across his knuckles giving him some amount of calm. "Go on, pick what you like," he encourages, tipping his head at the bursting display. 

****

Stensland tugs Clyde forward with him, looking at the display behind the glass and he was completely spoiled for choice. There was so much to choose from and he felt a little overwhelmed, “What’s your favourite Clyde?”

****

"I like them red velvet cupcakes best, but everything Jolene makes is good so you can't go wrong." They can always come back later as well, any time Stens would like to.

****

"I take it this here's that sweetheart of yours, Clyde." Jolene sidles up to them behind the counter, ready with a smile like always. She looks about the same she always has which is something Clyde's always liked about her, the constant stability when everything else keeps changing.

****

"That's right," and damn if that doesn't feel good to say it out loud, even better when Jolene's smile doesn’t waver one bit. 

****

Stensland looks up, struggling to make eye contact at first but soon smiling softly as she seemed okay with them both and even happy for Clyde. “He mentioned me?”

****

"Not by name, but I got a keen eye for things like that. I could tell Clyde was head over heels the second he walked in the door to buy you those cookies," she laughs and Clyde wonders why everyone seems to take such delight in embarrassing him. "And I know for sure he ain't never looked at a girl like that as long as I've known him." Which would be since he was six and started school a few years after her. 

****

Stensland gave a warm smile, looking at Clyde and squeezing his hand. “Seems like most people knew before you did.”

****

"I thought I hid it better than that." He really had, every hint of queer burned out of his life and avoided with carefully selected interests, every attempted set up politely declined. Has he really been worrying all his life for no reason?

****

“Now you don’t have to.” Stensland smiled, “I would like to try the red velvet cupcake, and can I get another chocolate chip cookie? They really are amazing.”

****

"Sure thing, hon." Clyde can't stop staring at Stens while Jolene boxes up the order, watching his smile, the way his eyes crinkle in the corners. When he gets the chance he's going to kiss every inch of that gorgeous face. 

****

"I guess I don't," he mumbles at long last with a smile of his own. 

****

Stensland takes the box with his other hand, giving Jolene a charming smile. “It has been nice to meet you, I’m sure I will see you again soon.”

****

"Bye boys!" the bell over the door jingles as they step out onto the street again, it's more crowded now, a group of high school kids giggling across the street, people running errands. It's nice to see the world moving on after admitting to what he is. With the exception of a few dirty looks, most people don't pay them any mind, which is a pleasant surprise. 

****

"You got anything else you need to do?" Clyde almost doesn't want to go home now that he's gotten over the initial fear of being queer in public, wanting to show Stensland off as much as he’s allowed to. 

****

“Well we got what we needed so I guess not, we should go back to Sookie I bet she’s feeling lonely. We could maybe start some training with her and I’d like you to tell me about the bar and stuff?”

****

"I reckon we can find stuff on dogs on the internet, but you'll have to do the Google 'cause I ain't too good with computers." Bad enough that he's completely wasted on his smartphone.

****

“Sure, I thought you would be alright with things like that for some reason.” Stensland gave a little shrug, “But I want her to be decently trained at least, don’t want her crapping all over...”

****

"We'll figure it out." If nothing else they could probably find something in the bookstore on raising puppies. "Gotta make sure she can look after you when I can't." 

****

The trip home was uneventful, Sookie greeting them excitedly in the kitchen with the kind of drama only a dog can. Stensland seemed to be as dramatic as the dog, getting down on the floor and kissing her head talking to her in a high pitched voice with a wide grin. “How’s my baby girl!? Your daddies are back now, yay!”

****

Clyde blushes at the sound of that word, him and Stensland as daddies seems like an absurd thing, yet here they are, their baby a little wrinkly bloodhound. He hides his smile by sticking his head in the fridge for some scavenging, rooting through the drawers and shelves until he comes across an opportunity that might put him in the dog house as it were. 

****

"Hey, Stens," he waits until he has his boyfriend's attention, forcing all emotion from his face. From the depths of the fridge he pulls a vegetable, "Cauliflower," he deadpans. 

****

Stensland’s immediate reaction is to grab the nearest thing to him, which just so happens to be a sturdy dog toy and throws it hard at Clyde’s leg which Sookie then chases after. “I’m banning that stupid fucking thing completely.” 

****

An ugly, snorting laugh is about the best Clyde can answer with, jumping back and not quite succeeding at avoiding Stens' chosen weapon, feeling pretty sure he'll have a nice bruise on his shin in not too long. Then again it's not too bad, he didn't get banned from the bed. 

****

That laugh however is brilliant to Stens, he loves the way it makes Clyde look free and uncaring and it’s just about enough to stop him from going in a huff. He watches him for a moment, love in his eyes. “Hey, will you get me a drink, please?” 

****

It's the least Clyde could do, he has an entire arsenal of shitty jokes Stens' is likely to be the victim of. Pouring them both a glass of lemonade he folds himself down onto the floor to join Stens and Sookie for some family bonding time. 

****

Stensland takes out his crap old phone, he can barely even connect to the internet on it so he simply sighs, and puts it away. “Is there a laptop or something I can use later? Just to do a bit of research.” He holds onto a piece of rope as sookie tugs the other end, looking over at Clyde.

****

"Sure, you could use Mellie's, I'll go get it for you." Clyde finds the laptop where it always is, balancing precariously on the edge of a bedside table and brings it back to the kitchen making sure it's out of reach of the pup. It boots up without complaint and he slowly types in Mellie's password smiling when he's met with a picture of Sadie with her big crown and trophy, having just won the pageant on the night they pulled the heist. 

****

Stensland goes over, looking at the picture and tilting his head to the side. “Sadie?”

****

"Yup," Clyde figures he should probably leave out when the picture was taken, "She done a lot of them pageants for a while." Clyde takes a moment to look Stensland over from head to toe, "I reckon you'd look good in a tiara too,"  _ and nothing else _ . 

****

Stensland couldn’t help but laugh softly, “Get me one and I might wear it then.” To start with he looks up some basic puppy training, wanting to get it started young so she was a good girl for the both of them, of course not having her shitting on the floor, and chewing the furniture would be the ideal since she seemed like a natural troublemaker regardless. 

****

"I might just do that." Clyde could even borrow one of Sadie's, that thought gets immediately squashed when his previous fantasy returns. No, if Stens is getting a tiara it needs to be one bought for him and him alone. "Want something to eat?" It's a good idea, he reckons, to turn away before Stens catches wind of his growing problem and Clyde can't help but wonder if this is what it was like for every straight boy in the nation when they hit puberty, he's had more erections since he met Stens than ever before and it's starting to become a problem.

****

“I was just actually going to have a cupcake, we still have all those leftovers for later don’t we?” Stensland looked around and gave a smile, just taking a moment to appreciate Clyde.

****

"Don't want to save them for dessert?" Clyde asked through a mouthful of cold chicken.

****

“Sure if you want.” Stensland shrugs, instead just sipping his lemonade. “Just have something yourself then I’m not really hungry at the minute.” 

****

Hungry or not hungry, Stens should eat so Clyde makes them both a sandwich out of leftover chicken and egg salad. It's not exactly gourmet, but it's something. He even sneaks Sookie a piece of meat when she aims those big, droopy eyes at him. 

****

Stensland sighed again when the food is put in front of him, he really does appreciate the gesture but he simply doesn’t eat that much. “I really won’t be able to eat until much later now, but thank you.”

****

"Have a few bites then, and I'll eat the rest." Clyde nudges the plate a little closer before starting in on his own lunch, more or less inhaling the sandwich. 

****

Stensland nods, sharing a piece with sookie and letting Clyde have the rest. He does get really hungry at times but he’s never one for eating square meals during the day. 

****

"Find anything useful on the google?" Clyde's phone rings in his pocket before he can finish his question, it's one of his newer employees probably, with some inane question they could ask just about anyone else who works there. "I gotta take this," excusing himself to the living room he picks up only to find out it's exactly what he thought it would be, making him have to explain step by step where the new timecards are in his office which is something everybody knows. 

****

Stensland is just about to answer Clyde but he lets him take the call, listening to him from the kitchen and trying not to laugh at how annoyed he seems about it. Instead he looks over the web pages and saves what he needs, he should really save up his wages and get a new phone at some point, not wanting to ask Clyde knowing he would feel awkward handling the money.

****

"Didn't know you had kids, boss?" Jason says down the line with the tone of someone looking for an in, and for a second it flies right by him before he remembers the drawings. 

****

"I don't," he really should move those timecards somewhere else, "My boyfriend drew them." He tacks on more as a precaution, a lot of assumptions can be made about those drawing and it's not likely to be the truth. "Now get your damn time card and get to work." Jason is a good kid, fresh out of college and looking for something bigger and better which Clyde hopes to god he'll find because there isn't much practical in that boy's head. 

****

When Clyde returns Stens cheeks are pink and he’s smiling softly, “You really did put them all up huh?” He also loved hearing himself being called boyfriend and he couldn’t move the smile from his face.

****

"I said I would," and Clyde always keeps his word. "I got the rainbow right in front of my desk." Leaning in for a quick kiss he retakes his place at the table tossing his phone aside with more force than he probably should. 

****

Stensland was smiling even wider at that, watching him for a moment. “Right so it says that the main thing we need to do is toilet training with her. Then basic commands.”

****

"Right, and how do we do that?" Sookie sniffs around the floor, occasionally tripping on her ears, not exactly a shining example of intelligence. She'll learn though, he's sure of that.

****

“Well, we use rewards, no punishment though. I don’t, I couldn’t do that.” Stensland sighed softly looking at her little face. “So we reward her with love and treats when she goes to the toilet outside, until it’s second nature for her.”

****

"I can do that." Affection is Clyde’s favourite thing to give, he has a lot of it backed up and ready to go. "Let's take her outside." Outside it's hot and humid, sweat beading within minutes. The parasol by the chairs provides some relief, but the whole thing makes him miss running through the sprinkler when they were kids. 

****

Stensland also makes sure he is well in the shade, sitting and sipping from a bottle of water because he knew he didn’t fare well in heat like this. He would have to get used to it though. “How are you even meant to keep cool when it’s like this?”

****

"You don't, you just suffer and take cool showers." Clyde contemplates the garden hose, but he doubts Stens would forgive him for doing that without warning, "I could hose you down, if you'd like?" 

****

Stensland actually considers it and ends up giving a small nod, “Well just a bit for my face and arms should do, I’m not built for this heat at all.” 

****

For the first time Clyde is thankful to Mellie for maintaining her gardening equipment, and that they have a fairly new hose with no leaks in it, the water comes easy and rust free as he lets it run for a while to get past the sun warmed dregs hiding in it's loops. To set an example he drenches himself first, relishing in the cold water on his heated skin before turning the hose on Stens, holding it above his head more akin to a shower. 

****

Stens is happy to go and stand under the cool spray, groaning in content before it turns into a laugh as Sookie comes to join them, trying to catch the water in her mouth.

Frolicking is the best word Clyde can come up with for what they end up doing, he hasn't had this much fun in a long time. Even when they're trudging back inside soaked to the bone he can't keep the smile off his face. 

****

Neither of them can’t stop grinning as Stensland leads Clyde to the bathroom so they can get out of the damp clothes and dry off. This time he doesn’t think twice about stripping off, dropping the clothes into the bathtub and standing in nothing but his slightly soaked boxers with goosebumps on his skin.

****

Following Stens' example Clyde flings everything into the tub before venturing back out for some towels before he can get too distracted. He'd thought the towels might help, he was wrong, with so much pale skin on display there isn't much else he wants to look at. Forcing himself to not get caught up in it requires some creative thinking that only half works, he tells himself it'll be fine as long as he keeps his eyes above the waist when it comes time to peel off his soaked underpants and quickly replace them with the towel before Stens notices anything. Tomorrow's shower can't come soon enough.

****

Clyde is showing a lot more self control than Stensland is, he just cannot help but look at the man in front of him. The way the towel hangs low on his hips and he can see a peak of hair above it... Stensland is sure he’s almost drooling, admiring someone who for some mad reason actually wants to be with him in return, but he also knows Clyde wants to take things as slow as possible. So instead of saying or doing anything, even so much as stealing a kiss he dries off with his own towel and wraps it around his waist. 

****

“We should get dressed...”

****

"Yup," Clyde won't protest, he won't do anything until Stens says the word even if he'd like to. He'd rather jerk off until he's chafing than do something Stensland doesn't want him to.

****

Stensland just nodded, heading into the bedroom and getting dressed quickly into something comfortable. Perhaps they needed to talk about that, about when, or if, they would get intimate. Stensland has little to no experience himself but at least he was comfortable with who he was, he just didn’t want to scare Clyde off since the man was so insecure.

****

Clyde is almost glad they didn't start anything when ten minutes later Mellie comes home effectively taking away their privacy. She even makes Clyde feel a little self-conscious about forgoing a shirt, what if she thinks they were doing something? By logic it really is too warm to wear a shirt, if he'd been on his own he'd have likely stripped further, but he knows what it might look like and as understanding as Mellie is he's scared that won't extend to the more grown up part of this.

****

Stensland doesn’t think any more of it, Clyde without a shirt is not exactly as distracting but it’s certainly nice to stare at when he can so he won’t complain. Instead he goes to see Mellie, he really wants to make an effort for Clyde's family to like him so he wants to actually get to know her and thank her again for letting him stay. 

****

It's nice, Clyde thinks, to see Stens make an effort with Mellie, to see that he cares about Clyde's family and not just him. He decides to give them some space and get started on dinner, firing up the grill and retreating to the backyard when all the prep is done.

****

Stensland ends up chatting with Mellie quite a bit, seems they share a few interests mainly TV shows and music which he really appreciates. He has no idea how much time has passed but he does eventually go to take Sookie out to the garden so she can pee, seeing Clyde he goes over and plonks himself into his lap. 

****

“I really like Mellie.”

****

"Good, Mel likes you too from what I know." Next to him the burgers are sizzling on the grill, and with Stens in his lap everything feels just about right. He's finally here and it's been a long time coming, it's nice after years of being subjected to his siblings' dating lives to know now they have to put up with his. "I just hope Jimmy'll be nice to you too," less of a chance of that, his brother being a big part in why he's been so scared to be himself.

****

“If he’s not it doesn’t matter, I know I’m not... I mean I’m kind of pathetic but I can hold my own if it means sticking up for what I am. I’m sorry, I mean, I know you love him, but you don’t need anyone in your life that won’t accept you for you.”

****

"I ain't afraid to kick his ass if I have to." Clyde states, Jimmy's not much cop in a fight anyway, he can tackle you like a freight train, but that's about it. "And don't say things like that about yourself, I thought you didn't lie?" If Stens tries to put himself down he won't have it.

****

“I didn’t lie?” Stensland didn’t even know which bit he was on about, wondering if Clyde thought he couldn’t actually stick up for himself.

****

"You said you're pathetic, that ain't true." Clyde has no doubt that if he had to Stens could defend himself, but he shouldn't have to, neither of them should. "You're the strongest man I know. Being scared is something else, but it ain't pathetic."

****

“I guess I don’t mind being scared so much it’s just... I mean like I didn’t amount to much as a person. Maybe I will now, with you.”

****

"Well, I like you plenty the way you are," Clyde smiles, "Love you, in fact." A soft kiss seems to be the way to go until the smell of burning hits his nose and he has to pull away and flip the burgers before they become even more burnt. 

****

Stensland laughs as they very nearly ruined their dinner, he still felt bad about all the leftovers that are hanging around in the fridge, but he told himself Clyde would probably finish it off tonight. 

****

“Want me to do anything?”

****

"Sit here and look pretty?" Clyde suggests even though he knows keeping Stens on his lap for too long might not end well for him and his overactive libido. Oh well, there are worse things, Stens would understand, he's sure. 

****

“I think I can manage that,” Stensland smiled broadly, moving to kiss over Clyde’s jaw. He liked the small amount of beard, how it sometimes tickled his cheek. “It’s amazing being able to do this.”

****

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of it." Clyde is almost one-hundred percent positive, some truly earth shattering things would need to happen for that to become reality. Stens is like a gift from the gods, their meeting orchestrated by fate herself. There can be no other explanation than some cosmic apology to the both of them for heaping too much shit on their respective lives.

****

“I know I certainly won’t.” Stensland’s smile softened, his eyes filled with adoration as he looked at Clyde and brushed his fingers through his thick hair, easily one of Stens’ favourite things to do now. “But for now we should probably keep an eye on those burgers.”

****

"I reckon you're right." The burgers are faring better now, a little crispy on one side, but still good. Mellie joins them before too long with the fixings and the fries, a ravenous look in her eyes as she loads her plate and settles in at the rickety plastic table. 

****

Stensland wishes he has the appetite of Clyde while they sit down to eat, an appetite that seems to run in the family, but instead he settles for one burger and a handful of fries, smiling as they are all sitting together and chatting quietly.

****

Dinner done away with there's nothing else to do, but laze in front of the TV where it’s cooler watching reruns until it's dark outside, and Clyde's hungry again so he can polish off the leftovers before going to bed with the comforting knowledge that they won't have to get up early in the morning. 

****

Stensland feels better about getting close to Clyde that night, happy to hold him close as humanly possible and kiss his forehead. “Today has been amazing...”

****

"And tomorrow's gonna be better." Every day from here on out is going to be better than the last, a new adventure. Clyde happily snuggles up close to Stens, sticking his nose into a sweat sticky collarbone, they'll get too warm soon enough, but until then he's going to enjoy every second of it.

****

“Does that mean tomorrow we’re going to stay in bed and kiss all day?”

****

"We can until eight pm at least, then we gotta go to work." Clyde almost wishes they didn't have to when given the option of just making out all day.

****

“I mean that sounds pretty perfect,” Stensland grins, “If anything we can spend the morning in bed right? Will Mellie let sookie out for a pee?”

****

"She will, she knows we ain't getting up early." Clyde punctuates with a kiss to that sharp collarbone, thinking that it might come across as more flirtatious than he intended it. Not that that would be bad, mind, just maybe too soon for them both. They probably should talk about that at some point. 

****

The kiss only makes Stensland smile, letting out a soft little breath as he started to gently stroke the back of Clyde’s neck. He was hoping that perhaps soft and slow touches might comfort him and encourage him to be more intimate.

****

One of the things Clyde really loves about Stensland is his hands, how those long, slender fingers rake through his hair or leave soft touches on his skin, little spots of heat blooming in their path. He's had a thing about hands since he lost his, learning to appreciate them more instead of being jealous of everyone with two of them. It used to be he was so mad about it all, mad at the world and himself, still is sometimes, Stens makes it easier to forget that anger and to accept things as they are. 

****

Right now he's caught between the twin desires of wanting to hide his face in Stens' chest and pushing back into that gentle touch, a difficult choice to make. In the end he decides to lean into the petting. 

****

Stensland loves the way Clyde seems eager to be touched like that, how he seems to crave it as if he’s catching up on everything he’s missed out on. Stensland doesn’t let himself stop, he doesn’t want to and instead moves to kiss his forehead again treasuring every second. “I love you Clyde Logan.”

****

"I love you too." Just hearing someone say that and being able to say it back sends a huge surge of joy through him. It used to be so hard to believe someone would care about him like this, that he could have it without hiding and denial. Stensland smiles so brightly at hm, still rubbing over Clyde’s neck and hair as he shuffles down a little so they can be face to face again. 

****

“Tell me again...”

****

"I love you," a kiss on the brow, "I love you," on the nose, "I really, really, really love you," on the lips. Clyde can't even bring himself to be embarrassed about how much like a hallmark movie he sounds. 

****

Stens also doesn’t care how cheesy it is, smiling so wide he can barely return the kiss. He gives a soft little laugh when they part, rubbing over Clyde's waist, “It’s still amazing hearing you say that.”

****

"Well, I like saying it." Stens' little laugh alone could fuel him for life, Clyde doubts he'll ever need anything else now. Nothing could ever top this. God could descend from the heavens and offer him the whole world and then some, and he'd say no because he has all he needs right here in this bed. 

****

Stensland settles back down, his hand moving now to stroke at the skin of Clyde’s back. He wants to move his hand lower, to see how the man would react, but all he can do for now is stroke across the bottom of his spine. He would never want to make Clyde uncomfortable but he’s sure the time will come.

****

“Goodnight my love.”

****

"Good night, darling." Clyde wants that hand to go lower, for Stens to make the first move for he knows he won't be able to. He's just too shy and all around worried he'll do something wrong in his inexperience, but for now they should rest, there'll always be time for more later. A soft sigh escapes him when those fingers trace his spine all the way down to the waistband of his shorts and back up, the soothing gesture helping to lull him to sleep. 

****

Waking up hard has become second nature since he met Stens and his libido caught him unawares, it's not something easily ignored or hidden under the thin sheets making him resort to lying on his front and waiting for it to subside enough that he can sneak away without it becoming immediately obvious what he's doing. Problem is by stretching out on his stomach he puts pressure on it which arguably makes it worse, trapping him in place for longer. 

****

Stensland feels Clyde move, opening one eye to look at him before moving closer again. “You trying to escape?” He gave a long yawn, nuzzling against Clyde’s shoulder and kissing the skin.

****

"Nope." It's not exactly a lie since he was planning on sneaking back in after he'd fixed the current issue, "Just getting comfortable." Also not really a lie as he reckons it would be a lot more comfortable for Stens if he stays on his front like this. 

****

Stensland just hummed, none the wiser, running his fingers down Clyde’s spine and rubbing at his lower back. He smiled softly, pressing another kiss to Clyde’s shoulder. “Love you.”

****

Well shit, if Stens keeps touching him like that he'll be here for a long time. "Love you too." Clydee ducks his head, ashamed at what such a simple touch is doing to him, at the effort it takes him not to grind down into the bed. 

****

Stensland snuggles a bit closer, he can feel something is a bit... off, he’s just not sure what, or perhaps he’s just overthinking as he tends to do. “Are you alright? Do you, do you want me to stop?” It doesn’t hurt to ask.

****

Yes, no, Clyde's not sure. 

****

"'m fine," he settles on before pushing his burning face back into the pillow. "Morning wood, sorry." The down and cotton absorbs most of the sound, but he hopes enough of it comes through that Stens can connect the dots and not misunderstand the situation.

****

“Oh...” Stensland flushed slightly, moving down the bed and putting his arm around Clyde’s waist. “Just morning wood? Or... or something that you would, uhm, like to deal with?” He was hardly seductive but he didn’t want to let this go, Clyde shouldn’t be embarrassed about it, they were boyfriends now.

****

"You don't have to, I can take care of it in the shower." He could, but he doesn't really want to, the idea of someone touching him like that appealing for the first time in his life. Question is, how does this work in real life? What exactly is he supposed to do without coming off as an asshole? 

****

This time it’s Stensland who just had to bite the bullet, they’ve already pussy footed around each other for too long before admitting how they felt, and he didn’t want to wait forever if it meant he could touch Clyde now. So instead of letting it go, or hunting or being subtle he just looked at his boyfriend.

****

“I know I don’t  _ have _ to, but I want to. I want to touch my boyfriend if he is comfortable to let me do so.” Clyde doesn't know what to say to that so he doesn't, he just shifts onto his side in quiet permission, letting Stens take the lead on this one. 

****

Stensland moves down so he can kiss Clyde soft and slow, pulling back and giving an encouraging smile. “Tell me you want this, it’s only if you’re comfortable Clyde.”

****

"Please." Just thinking about what's on offer has made this something that needs relieving no matter who does the work, the thought of those hands touching him places no one has spurring Clyde on past the point of no return. He hopes he's not being too forward when he shuffles closer until he's pressed up against Stens.

****

All Stensland can do right now is bite his lip, Clyde is pressed against him and he has to control his breathing so he can actually function and do what he wants to. Once he is under control Stens moves his hand down to Clyde’s hip, stroking over it slowly before teasing at the edge of the waistband. Clyde holds back a breath, letting it go in a sigh when Stens' fingers run along his hip and stomach. This is it, it's really happening.

****

Neither of them have much experience, but Stensland has been more open with himself when it comes to this. Just touching shouldn’t be too difficult, he knows what he likes and can transfer that. When stens has talked himself around he’s finally able to slip his fingers beneath the band of Clyde’s boxers and he can only think one thing;  _ Big. _

****

Clyde freezes at the first touch, melting only seconds later, relaxing into it, safe in the knowledge that Stens won't hurt him. He tries to not be ashamed of how he pushes into the touch, seeking more. 

****

Stensland is trying to move as slow as possible, just exploring the way Clyde feels so Clyde himself feels more at ease. Both of them were clearly nervous, but Stensland settled his own nerves with a slow kiss, they loved each other so they should be able to explore each other without any shame.

****

It's slightly unexpected how gentle Stens is with him, a sharp contrast to his own frantic pace when getting off, always scared he'll get caught. Right now they're alone and free to take their time, it feels amazing. Amazing enough that he dares to reach out and touch in return, carefully exploring the slope of Stens' back, and lower, looking for any sign that he's going too far. 

****

Stensland can only let out a soft sigh of content, closing his eyes at the touch and biting his lip as he considers his next soft words. “Will you take your pants off?” Truly it would be easier, but Stensland also wants to feel and see Clyde with no barriers, he wants to admire his gorgeous boyfriend entirely. 

****

Clyde just nods, pulling his hand back and shuffling the shorts off, hardly even thinking about the fact that no one's ever seen him naked and hard before. It shouldn't make much of a difference, it's not like Stens hasn't seen all of him before, yet that one little addition of a hard on makes it feels completely different. Way more intimate.

****

Stens makes sure the blanket is pushed back too so he can really look at Clyde, his own cheeks flushing as he questioned what he done to end up with someone so handsome. He gave a smile as Clyde lay there in all of his glory, finally reaching out and touching him again.

****

In all his years this is the most vulnerable he's ever felt and it feels good. It feels freeing to have Stens' hands on him, knowing he's wanted, a high like nothing else. This time he wastes no time dallying, wrapping both his arms around Stens and pulling until he's sprawled halfway on top of him, hand questing for more bare skin to explore.

****

Stensland moves over with a little grunt, hooking his leg over Clyde’s and finding he’s in just the perfect position to press against his hip. It draws a little moan from Stens as he properly wraps his fingers around that thick length.

****

That little moan from Stensland electrifies him, starting an addiction he'll never be able to quit. Wanting to hear more Clyde finally lets his hand slip below the band of Stens' boxers to feel that cute butt without any barriers, a perfect handful, he thinks, rolling his hips up into the warm grip on him. 

****

Stensland has never considered himself overly loud, until now, for some reason he can’t seem to control his own voice and is letting out soft moans and whimpers like a desperate whore. He’s sure it’s because he’s finally feeling the man he loves for the first time, that they are being truly intimate but it still gives him an embarrassed flush when another whimper leaves him.

****

"Shit, I love hearing you," Clyde groans, hiding his face in Stens' shoulder to cover his own flush and possibly suck a mark into the pale skin there. If he were braver he might leave a hickey or two further up, but he figures he'll save that for another time. 

****

Knowing Clyde loves the sounds still doesn’t completely stave off the embarrassment and he’s still red faced as he feels Clyde’s lips on his skin, Stensland pushing his hips forward and rocking against him. It was still all so unsure and it was soft but laced with how desperate they really were for each other, Stensland now slowly stroking Clyde as he would himself when he jerked off.

****

"Go a little tighter." Clyde can't believe how different it feels to have someone else's hand on him when really it shouldn't. Still, there's just something about it that's infinitely better than his own, all the little things like the weight of a body against him, the hardness pressed into his hip, the encouraging soundtrack of Stensland's voice. He won't last long like this. 

****

Stensland nodded, he wanted to do so much more than this but he told himself they had time to explore, not wanting to drag this out as neither of them would really last so long anyway. So he tightened his fingers slightly, rubbing his thumb experimentally over the glans wanting to draw it out as much as he could within reason at least. 

****

“Like this?”

****

"Perfect," it comes out sounding more like a strained grunt than anything else, he'll never get enough of this. He's so damn close, but he'd be happy to have this last forever. 

****

Stensland smiles with the response, he’s proud he can make clyde feel this good and he kisses his shoulder softly. “I love you so much, I love you.” 

****

It's all it takes to tip him over the edge with a choked off groan, shame flooding him for coming so easy. He knows that'll change with practice, but it doesn't help his insecurities in this exact moment. "Shit, sorry," Clyde mumbles into Stens' neck when he's caught his breath again.

****

“No, don’t be sorry, don’t be,” Stensland insists, placing soft kisses on Clyde’s shoulder. “You’re so gorgeous.” He can’t get over how amazing it was to see Clyde climax like that and he sounded so perfect as he did so.

****

"Let me," Stens is still hard against his hip and he doesn't want to be even more of a lackluster lover than he already is, the least he can do is properly return the favour. Maybe he'll be better at this part of it. 

****

Stensland does want to protest, he knows it might be a bit much for Clyde, but the thought of his large hand on him... he simply cannot refuse, and he only gives a little nod and shifts to get his boxers off so they aren’t in the way, kicking them off the edge of the bed. 

****

Touching Stensland is so different from himself, the angle and size is all weird to begin with. Soon enough he falls into a rhythm, attempting to copy what Stens did to him earlier on the assumption that that's how he likes it done.

****

Stensland’s hips move with Clyde’s hand, he realises now why people wait for it to be with someone they love because it truly feels amazing and so, so different. He gets louder, kissing Clyde almost desperately when he gets closer, only pulling back to mutter he is going to finish, at least giving the man a fair warning.

****

Watching Stensland come is possibly the most euphoric experience Clyde has ever had, easily knocking out any competition. And the noises, every little whimper and moan making his dick twitch forlornly in interest. Holy shit. Waiting as long as he has for his has been worth it when he kisses Stens and can practically taste the satisfaction on his tongue, he can't wait until next time, all the things they could do together now that they've finally opened this door in their relationship.

****

Stens wastes no time pulling Clyde into his arms, holding onto him, and while he was physically satisfied he was so happy on an almost spiritual level. He couldn’t let go of Clyde if his life depended on it right now, holding on and kissing his cheek a few times. For a while they just cling to each other, until the cooling mess between them begins to dry. 

****

Not wanting to leave it until it starts chafing Clyde nudges them apart and climbs out of bed, taking a brief glance out in the hallway on the off chance they're not alone before waving Stens along to the bathroom next door. Stensland pads after him, not even feeling shy right now. If anything he feels amazing and can’t stop smiling softly as they head into the bathroom. 

****

“Are you feeling okay? I know, I know that was new...”

****

"I thought I was horny before, now I don't know what to think." It’s reached unprecedented levels now that he has the option of getting off together with someone. "But that was amazing and I'm glad I waited 'til you showed up to do it." He can't even imagine how demotivational it would have been had he let that sweet girl into his pants down by the swimming hole, that's one aspect of his cover he's glad he never forced himself into.

****

“I’m glad I got to do it with you, I want you to feel comfortable with me,” Stensland smiled softly, giving him a kiss before moving to turn the shower on for both of them. “I’m just glad you felt comfortable enough with me to do this.”

****

"I'm happy somebody wants me at all, people tend to get put off when they notice my hand." He's had more than enough people flirting with him at the bar only to stop when they notice what's missing. 

****

Stensland is quick to shake his head, “It’s their own fault for being so damn shallow, why should it matter? But then again I’m happy no one else got to snap you up, or I wouldn’t get to call you my boyfriend.”

****

"Well, I only got girls flirting with me before, now I got you to chase them away." From what he knows it's become somewhat of a challenge to see who can flirt a free drink out of him, no one's done it yet, he won't give them the satisfaction. Stens on the other hand, he'd give an entire bottle for free if he fluttered those ginger lashes at him.

****

“I would have to fight them off, I don’t wanna share you with anyone.” Stensland tested the water, pulling Clyde under with him and smiling up at the man. “I love you, and I would like to keep you all to myself.”

****

"I ain't going nowheres." Clyde can say with absolute certainty, there is nothing in this world that could lure him away from Stens. Stensland nodded and wrapped his arms firmly around Clyde’s waist, pressing his cheek to his shoulder with a soft happy sigh. 

****

“Good.”

****

The water is nice and warm where it's raining down on his back, Jimmy would accuse them of wasting for just standing around like this, Clyde couldn't care less, too busy enjoying the feel of Stens pressed up against him. Being almost up a height means he gets to feel everything and had he been five years younger they'd be in the middle of round two by now, though if they stay like this much longer they just might anyway. 

****

Stensland also can’t seem to let Clyde go, knowing that Clyde feels the same as they just stand there and really enjoy the moment. It’s precious things like this that Stensland wants to treasure, every second where it’s peaceful, and all he knows is Clyde and his love for the man.

****

"Not that I mind, but if you keep leaning on me like that you'll get me excited again," Clyde figures it's fair to give a warning just in case, it's the polite thing to do as his body is already struggling valiantly to show its interest in Stens. 

****

Stensland wants to keep doing it just to see if Clyde is really telling the truth, because it makes him feel amazing to know he’s so wanted. He does pull back though, knowing they should go and at least eat something and see to Sookie.

****

“Perhaps later...”

****

"That a promise?" Clyde fiddles around behind him on the shelf, trying to find the right bottles without having to look away from Stensland. He eventually comes away with something or another that likely belongs to Mellie going by the colour of the bottle, It'll do.

****

“If you want it to be,” He smiles up with a little glint in his eyes, kissing Clyde’s chest before stepping back and taking the bottle from Clyde to actually get the man’s own shower gel. “I’d rather you smell like... well you.”

****

"No going to work smelling like a field of daisies?" Or whatever that soap was.

****

“I mean I’m happy to but I like the one you use.” Stensland smiled wide, “It’s nice.” 

****

It's generic is what it is, but if Stens likes it he'll be happy to keep using it. He's never put much thought into how he smells other than the smell of alcohol clinging to his clothes after a shift at the bar, so long as it's affordable and doesn't stink Clyde is happy to use just about anything to keep from smelling like an alcoholic. His hair is another matter, every product that goes in it dictated by his sister 'cause,  _ 'If you're gonna have long hair, Clyde, you gotta take care of it. _ ' He doesn't even know what half the stuff even is, just uses it according to the instructions given to him and hopes it doesn't make his hair fall out.

****

Stensland stands back when Clyde picks up his usual gel, he’s happy to use whatever though so uses the one Clyde had in his hand previously. As he washes down it’s so hard to think he was scared to react to Clyde naked and now they were showering together completely comfortably, and Stensland isn’t falling over and bashing his head. 

****

Porn and romance novels have always led Clyde to believe showering together like this would be a lot sexier when in real life it's mostly trying to share the water in a way that won't lead to injury while scrubbing down as per usual. Mostly the same as in prison only here he can look all he wants without having to worry about getting shanked with a toothbrush. Despite the lack of sexy his libido is still determined and all he can do to stop it is keep a running stream of uninteresting thoughts, like the paperwork waiting in his office. It only works half way, but he figures he can get around that easy enough.

****

Stensland is sure he will also get told off by Mellie for being lax in his hair washing compared to Clyde but he doesn’t care right now. He’s simply enjoying their closeness too much and he finally rinses off and steps back to let Clyde use the water properly.

****

After various rounds of shampoo and conditioning for his own hair Clyde steps out of the tub to begin toweling off which is a process on its own with only one hand, but he gets it done, next is the oil followed by the turban to dry it out. If he wasn't so dependent on his hair covering his ears he'd consider cutting it shorter, but he just looks plain wrong with nothing to offset his features. Besides Stens likes it.

****

Stensland dries off a lot quicker, barely giving his own hair a rub before brushing his fingers through it and leaving it at that. When he’s done, and while Clyde is brushing his teeth he goes to stand behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing over the back of his shoulders. 

****

“I’m looking forward to tonight.”

****

"Me too," Clyde mumbles around a mouthful of toothpaste, "It'll be nice with a little company." Anything to stave off unwanted conversation. Though, he suspects they'll be getting a lot of questions, gossip spreads fast in this town and it's likely just about everyone's heard about their display in town yesterday.

****

“It will, though if people know about us you might have more people in the bar to serve. Silver linings.” Stensland gave a small laugh, kissing Clyde again before brushing his own teeth. 

****

Sookie greets them in the kitchen, hopping around and yipping in her excitement for attention, Clyde stoops to pet her, receiving a few licks for his trouble. Seems everybody wants to kiss him these days. "You like pancakes, Stens?" He'd like to spoil his boyfriend with as much food as he can, and he hasn't met many people who don't like pancakes yet.

****

“Yeah, yeah I do.” Stensland happily picks up his girl and cuddled her. “I could make coffee for us? I feel like you’re doing a lot more for me,” he suggests.

****

"If you want, coffee's in there." Clyde points out the right cupboard while digging what he needs out of the fridge and setting it on the counter. 

****

Stensland nods, he wants to help and even though it’s something small he’s doing something. He puts out Sookie’s food first and sets about getting familiar with the coffee machine, which hopefully he shouldn’t mess up too bad.

****

Pancakes are one of those things Clyde has made so many times the recipe is ingrained in his soul, he could probably do it in his sleep. It feels so domestic standing here like this mixing batter while Stens sorts out the coffee machine, They'll have to start shopping around for that house once they've been and gotten Stensland's things from the city. 

****

Stensland finally fixes their two mugs, taking Clyde’s over so it’s beside him to sip from as he cooks. “So do we actually have plans for the day, before we head to the bar?”

****

"Nope, whatever you'd like." He'd sit and stare at his boyfriend all day if that’s what Stensland wanted to do. "We could take Sookie out for a walk nearby, or drop by the salon so Mellie can accost your hair," he suggests between sips of too warm coffee that he's added a liberal amount of milk and sugar to.

****

“Oh I think a haircut might be really nice.” A warm smile pulls at Stensland’s cheeks as he waits to drink his own coffee knowing it would be far too warm at the moment. “We can take our baby girl for a walk this evening before we go to work?”

****

"I'd suggest taking her with, but my office ain't big enough and we'd trip on her behind the bar." The first pancake goes in the pan, batter thick and bubbly. "I'm sure Mel will be happy to see you in her chair."

****

“I’m looking forward to it, I can’t remember the last time I had a proper haircut... do you think I would suit it much shorter?”

****

"I like your hair any length, but it's nice to have something I can run my fingers through," something to hold onto even.

****

“Oh I wouldn’t get it too short I think... I think I’d look silly. I’m just gonna trust Mellie’s decision.”

****

"That's a good idea," Mellie knows what she's doing. In a bid to show off Clyde flips the pancake in the air, that, and it's easier than maneuvering the spatula with his prosthetic, or so he tells himself. "I can promise you'll still look hot after," he says with a smile. 

****

Stensland flushes between being amazed by the flip, knowing he couldn’t do that. “I wouldn’t say I was hot...”

****

"How about gorgeous, that better?" Clyde teases, "Or maybe you prefer sexy?" He could go all day like this, just throwing out complements Stens really needs to hear. 

****

Stensland was bright red by the time Clyde decided to stop and he gave a little laugh. “I dunno why you think that, but I can’t complain, especially when someone so hot wants me.”

****

"Together we'll burn the house down," Clyde laughs deciding now isn't the time for modesty. He flips another pancake, almost ready to add it to the growing stack next to him. 

****

"How many you want?"

****

“Oh just two, I don’t wanna overeat.” Stensland still has to be careful, feeling sick because he’s eaten too much is never how he wants to feel. 

****

Making up a plate Clyde brings it over with the butter and syrup before stacking up five more for himself while Stens eats. "Just promise me you'll eat some more later, could always get you food at the bar too if you get hungry."

****

“I promise Clyde, I just can’t eat too much at once or it makes me feel awful.” He hates that the man seems to worry too much so Stensland gives a small smile. “I would rather only eat smaller portions is all.”

****

"Well, that's fine so long as you eat." Stealing a syrupy kiss Clyde settles in with his own breakfast thinking he really needs to go on a run to work it all off.

****

“Of course I will, just little bits through the day, I’m sure you don’t want me feeling sick.” Stensland smiles, happily eating his smaller serving of breakfast.

****

"No, wouldn't want that," Clyde agrees, Stens being uncomfortable in any way is the last thing he wants. 

****

Stensland gave a little nod, smiling before finishing off the rest of his breakfast and sitting back. He was starting to get a bit excited to start this new life, that they would soon have their own home and he knew they wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off each other. Both of them completely in love and looking forward to a future they would be sharing together.


	12. COCKtails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance if something goes wrong with this chapter as I’m posting from my phone. I’m on holiday in England and the WiFi at my Airbnb won’t cooperate.
> 
> Enjoy!

The salon is nearly empty when they get there, only Purple Lady, their steadfast customer in to get her roots done, and gush about purple as usual. Clyde's thankful it's quiet, but if the whole of Boone Country doesn't know bout him and Stens already they will now that Purple Lady has seen them holding hands and treated them to a venomous glare for it. He's starting to feel less guilty about using her as a distraction for the highway patrol during the heist.

 

Stensland just gives her a big smile which seems to shock the woman into looking away, he also fancies winding her up too so when he sees Mellie he gives her a little hug and asks to sit right next to the woman.

 

“Oh also, Mellie I trust you to, uh, just do what you think.” He rubbed over his very slightly stubbled chin. “Should I shave too?”

 

"I like your stubble," Clyde pipes in, stroking his hand down Stens' cheek to feel the texture of it, he could easily imagine the feel of that elsewhere on his body. Stensland leans into the soft touch, watching their reflection in the mirror. 

 

“Okay that stays then.” He looks at mellie in the mirror, “It’s up to you.” After that Stensland tries not to look at his hair being cut, instead turning slightly to the sour faced woman and talking at her until she relents. He even eventually gets her talking and by the end of it smiling.

 

His boyfriend is truly a miracle in a thin disguise as he somehow charms Purple Lady into having something of a conversation with him, if he can turn a stubborn old lady to his side he'll be raking in the tips at the bar. Hell, Clyde himself would tip him just for being cute. 

 

"Hey, Clyde, you can actually see your boy's cute face now," Mellie remarks, spinning Stens' chair around to face him where he's loitering in the waiting area. She's right, the ginger mane tamed into something more manageable that shows off all of Stensland's beautiful face. The difference is astounding. 

 

Stensland watches Clyde's reaction carefully and feels himself blushing wondering how different he really looks. “Is is it nice?” He hasn’t seen it properly himself but he can feel how short it is and it makes him a little bit nervous about how-- light his head feels. 

 

"You look great, darling. I reckon the girls'll start flirting with you for free drinks instead of me." Stens really is gorgeous, more so than ever, though he finds he'll miss the mop of bedhead too.

 

“If it makes you feel better I wouldn’t even notice if they were.” He gave a laugh and finally turned to look in the mirror and his mouth hung open. “I don’t even look like me...”

 

"Oh, I don't know, I reckon you just ain't used to seeing that pretty face of yours." Behind them Mellie pulls a face at the flirting, Purple Lady offering up a frown at all the blatant homosexuality happening in her vicinity despite the way Stensland had charmed her. 

 

"Keep it in your pants, Clyde, this is a family friendly establishment," she's right, even if it is teasing designed to rile him up. Him being single all this time has left her with a lot of teasing to catch up on. 

 

Stensland could only blush and turned to look at them, feeling like the adult in the situation. “Both of you stop it.” He stood up and went to Mellie giving her another hug after one more glance in the mirror, “It’s perfect, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?”

 

"On the house, I don't charge family." Clyde knows for a fact that money isn't the currency in question here, much more likely to be a pie or something along those lines.

 

“Mellie, you really don’t have to do that.” Stensland felt almost embarrassed, he didn’t exactly like getting so many things given to him because he simply wasn’t used to it. He was getting too much at once and it was difficult to know how to properly react to it all.

 

"Then Clyde can make me a pie, how about that?" There it is, better go grocery shopping then. 

 

Stensland just sighed knowing he was going to get nowhere at all with this so gave a nod, “Okay, okay thank you again. Honestly I appreciate it so much.”

 

"You got a family now, honey, us Logans look out for each other." She claps Stensland on the shoulder before leaning in to whisper conspiratorially but loud enough to hear, "I think you better get your man out of here before this thing becomes x-rated." Clyde reckons she might be right, he can't wait to get his fingers into that hair and mess up all of his sister's hard work.

 

Stensland really wishes they would stop making him blush so much in public, he blushes at the fact he has a family again and at the fact it’s clear Clyde wants him so much. All he can do is nod and give a little wave goodbye before taking Clyde’s hand, “So, you really really like it?”

 

"Love it." Stens has never looked better with his pink cheeks and freshly cut hair glowing in the sunlight like a copper halo. "Love you," Clyde pulls them to a stop by the car so he can help himself to a long, slow kiss. 

 

Stensland barely has the time to return the sentiment before he’s being kissed so perfectly, so sweetly and he sighs against Clyde's lips. When they part he’s smiling broadly, pulling Clyde into a hard hug.  “I’m so lucky.”

 

"We both are," really and truly, to think how little it would have taken to ensure they never met at all. 

 

“Now come on, let’s head back so I can snog you a bit more and then take our baby out for a walk.”

 

"I like how you think," Clyde couldn't possible get behind the wheel fast enough and drive them safely back home as quick as the law, and Stensland will allow. 

 

Stensland himself is incredibly happy to get back, going to take another look in the mirror to admire his new hair feeling quite vain for doing so. “I feel kinda different too...” 

 

Clyde can relate to that, hair can make heaps of difference, he remembers feeling the same when all traces of his buzzcut were gone at long last. "You look great," stepping up behind Stens he pulls him into a loose hug, resting his chin on a bony shoulder so they can be level. 

 

Stensland looks at Clyde’s reflection and he can’t help but smile, “You and mellie are really amazing you know, you’ve done so much for me.” Clyde just smiles, nuzzling into the crook of Stensland neck to place a kiss there, one of many to come. 

 

"I think she's happy I finally found somebody so she won't have to put up with me no more." It's partially a joke, but he can't blame his sister for getting tired of having him invade her house with all his problems.

 

“I think she’s happy you feel comfortable enough to be you.” Stens lets out a soft slow breath, giving a little smile. “You’re so brave, after all of that hiding and denial.”

 

"I had to learn the hard way that don't do any good, thank you for showing me that it don't matter." Without Stens he'd likely have worried himself into an early grave, letting his own denial rot him from the inside out until there's nothing left. There's still plenty of things he has to learn, mountains to climb, and rivers to cross, but once a soldier, always a soldier and he won't go down without a fight. Especially now that he has something to fight for.

 

“I guess I just gave you a small nudge, you done all the rest on your own.” He turned in his arms so he could press a kiss to Clyde’s lips, his eyes filled with warmth and love as he looked at the man. “We both have a ways to go, with how we think about things but I know we’ve done good.”

 

"Sky's the limit," as his mother always used to say. It almost took Jimmy to the NFL, and helped Mellie pursue her dreams, now it'll lead him and Stens to their happiness. He'll get them there no matter the cost. People can tell them to burn in hell all they want, cuss them out and glare to their heart's content and he won't let it change a damn thing, not anymore, he's done with all that.

 

\---

 

A stint in the garden, rolling around in the grass and chasing bugs feels like reverting to childhood for a little while, it's fun and he can’t wait until they have a bigger lawn for things like this. They could play fetch with sookie for hours. Thanks to the said fun Stensland ends up sweaty and grass stained but he can’t stop smiling, if anything it just means he can now have another excuse to share a shower with Clyde which he suggests with flushed cheeks from spending time in the sun, and also what his mind was providing him with. 

 

Clyde too eager to think up a reply other than hurrying them along into the bathroom where he borrows one of Mellie's hair ties to keep his hair from getting wet and starting the shower for them. Had he been any less rational he's sure he would have gotten in boots and all, but the thought of being naked with Stens again has him chucking his clothes in the direction of the laundry bin as quick as he can. 

 

Stensland takes a bit more time to undress, not wanting to nearly fall over as Clyde did when he was taking off his pants. It gave him a small laugh though and he moved to turn the shower on, already feeling so different and considerably more comfortable being naked around Clyde now. 

 

Staring openly, Clyde follows Stens into the shower, laser focused on that ass. Which gives him an idea, "You're allowed to find that smiley now," he hints not so subtly, flushing at the implication of those words. 

 

Stensland almost doesn’t know what Clyde is on about until he remembers the conversation about the tattoo and his face splits in a grin. “Turn around!”

 

Loving Stens' enthusiasm Clyde does as he's bid, turning his back and leaning up against the cool tiles on the wall, waiting nervously with his heart in his throat for Stensland to make the next move.

 

Stens leans down, frowning slightly when he can’t see it straight away and tilting his head to the side. “I thought you said it was on your left cheek?” He sounded a little confused but a hand still reached out to rest just on the curve of Clyde’s ass.

 

"Well, it's on the left side," a little too close for comfort really, but he'd been drunk and in no mind to protest what was happening at the time.

 

Stensland wanted to ask again before he flushed furiously and bit his lip. 

 

“Am I really allowed to look?” This was as intimate as it would get for them at the moment and he finally reached out so he could try and find the little tattoo.

 

"Of course you are, I wouldn't want anybody else to see it," Clyde mumbles to the wall and the rising steam around them, trying not to push back into Stens' touch. 

 

When Stensland finally finds the small black marks a small giggle escapes him, a smiley face looking at him from such an intimate place and when he lets go he presses a kiss to Clyde’s lower back. 

 

“It’s certainly something...”

 

"I've yet to drink that much again," Clyde laughs, heating up at the brush of lips in such a place. Stensland was still kneeling on the tiles, holding Clyde's hips and turning him slightly so he could rest his cheek right on his hip bone. 

 

“I think I’m done with drinking that much. And smoking...”

 

"A drink or to never hurt nobody, you just gotta know when to stop," that really is the trick to it. Reaching down Clyde ruffles Stens' hair, trying not to think too hard about where his face is in relation to specific parts of his anatomy that just don't know when to quit.

 

“That’s true.” Stensland knows he’s should move but this is so cosy, it feels so nice as he runs his hand over Clyde’s thigh. They’re only really started to discover each other that morning though and Stens didn’t want to rush anything at all. He finally pulled himself up and let out a soft breath, giving a small smile.

 

When Stensland is upright again Clyde wraps his arms around him, pulling him close until their chests are pressed together, "Hey there." He figures at least this way Stens can't see his shameful reaction. With a kiss as a distraction he reaches for the soap. 

 

Stensland grabs Clyde’s wrist to stop him, letting out a slow breath. “I didn’t go too far did I?”

 

"No, I'm just trying to not act like a horny teenager." It would be rude of him to do so, in both meanings of the word, if it were up to his libido he'd be bending back over. "If you go too far I'll say so, providing you do the same for me."

 

“Oh, of course, of course Clyde I just thought I might have made you feel uncomfortable.” Stensland stroked up Clyde’s arm and moved to kiss his jaw softly. “I don’t mind you know, if your, if you need more... I didn’t want to start going too far.”

 

"I ain't as young as I used to be, but I think my libido forgot that when it met you. I'm just trying not to be rude about it." It feels nice coming clean like this, knowing Stens won't judge him for being overexcited about anything even slightly indecent. If he thinks about it Stensland is probably just as excited about it as he is.

 

“It’s not rude at all, it’s not. I want you to feel comfortable with me.” Stensland smiled up at him, moving his hands to hold Clyde’s waist. “I want you to feel like you can roll over in bed and press your morning wood against my arse.” 

 

At that Clyde laughs, that's one way of putting things. It might take him a while to get there, though hopefully not too long. 

 

"If I were to expect you to get me off every time you turn me on we wouldn't be doing much else," and that's a fact. "Having said that, I wouldn't mind if you did the same." Just the idea of waking up to his boyfriend rubbing off on his ass is plenty exciting.

 

“I can’t say I would mind too much.” Stensland took a small step forward so he could lean and press their bodies together. “I love you.”

 

"I love you too," he'll never get tired of saying that, the magic in those word going strong even if it’s still their honeymoon phase. Leaning down he presses a kiss to the mark he left of Stens' shoulder that morning, a flower of purple on that pale skin. Seeing it there, knowing he put it there, is an amazing feeling, the caveman part of his brain loving his mark on Stensland's body. He wants to leave more, could spend hours sucking bruises all over his boyfriend.

 

Stensland brings his arms up, letting his hands stroke over all the skin he can on the way up so he can wrap his arms properly around Clyde’s shoulders. 

 

“I really never thought I would ever have something like this.”

 

"And to think you started out as my prison bitch," Clyde chuckles, pressing another soft kiss to Stensland's shoulder before getting distracted by a drop of water following the slope of his neck. In a moment of madness he catches it with his tongue. Stens tastes like salt and freshly cut grass, he could easily grow to love that too. 

 

Stensland’s soft giggle at the comment melts into a gentle surprised moan at the sensation of Clyde’s tongue. He wasn’t expecting it and he really did love it, the way he caught Clyde in moments when he wasn’t so uptight or overly caring. “I like that...”

 

Carefully Clyde tries it again, licking a stripe up from shoulder to jawline, feeling a little ridiculous, but if Stens likes it he can live with a little embarrassment. Stensland gives a little shiver, it feels dirty in a way he completely enjoys and he turns to catch Clyde’s lips in a bit of a desperate kiss. Clyde does his best to keep up, loving the way Stens takes control of the kiss. If this is what he gets for licking his neck he can't wait to find out what'll happen if he tastes other places, like those perky little nipples or even further down.

 

Stensland holds onto Clyde tight and it’s like he suddenly can’t stop, he needs more and he feels amazing. He never thought he would feel like this with anyone and he gives a small moan of content, feeling every inch of Clyde he can from where he is standing. 

 

Those little noises go straight to Clyde’s cock, they're just downright indecent. Perfect even. If they'd been anywhere else he would have picked Stensland up and pushed him into the wall, as it is, he doesn't want to risk it on wet tiles and settles for wedging his thigh between those long legs to alleviate some of the pressure building between them.

 

It’s like they both can’t stop, making the most of now being able to touch as much as they possibly can, and Stensland’s hands can’t keep still. He grabs and feels over every part of Clyde he can reach, now truly feeling like a randy teenager. There's something about this, rutting together like desperate animals, it's intoxicating, the feel of it all. The slick slide of their skin, the taste of their kiss. 

 

It's enough that even Clyde can't keep quiet, doesn't want to, letting out a rumbling groan when a roll of their hips gets him in all the right places.

 

Everything about it is so perfect, they are totally consumed by each other and it feels like barely moments before Stensland is whimpering and telling Clyde he can’t keep going. It’s only moments later he reached his climax, embarrassed with how some simple rutting and kissing got him there.

 

Clyde isn't far behind, the feeling of Stensland twitching between them sending a spark up his spine that puts him over the edge. When he's come back down some he runs his hand between them out of curiosity, feeling the slick mess they've left behind. It's possibly the dirtiest thing he's ever done, maybe next time he'll taste. He can do that, can't he? 

 

Stensland is still breathing hard, not noticing Clyde’s hand and instead just resting against his shoulder with his eyes closed for now. “That felt so good...”

 

"I'll make you feel good any time you like," a cheesy promise, but a promise nonetheless, Clyde thinks as he rinses off his hand as best he can.

 

“If you promise me that, it’s all I will ever want.” Stensland gave a little laugh, turning to kiss him and stepping back so they could actually clean. “Can I... can I wash you?”

 

"Alright," a somewhat unexpected request, but he'd be happy to stand back and let Stensland do the work, explore to his heart’s content. He could always return the favour. 

 

Stens smiled wide moving to grab the gel and the sponge, he just wanted to do something so intimate in a way that wasn’t inherently sexual. He loved feeling Clyde’s body in every way as he started to clean him up thoroughly.

 

Up until that point Clyde had never seen the appeal of getting washed by somebody else, even in the hospital he'd refused it, now, Stens soaping him down with that concentrated look on his face, he realises he's changed his mind. It's good. Stensland makes sure Clyde is spotless having soaped every inch of skin, turning him to rinse him off under the spray and stroking over his shoulders. 

 

“I love you.”

 

In reply Clyde steals a long kiss, pouring all his love out in that way. Taking over the sponge he holds it out for Stens to pour some of the gel on it before starting in on his chest and shoulders, careful of the fading sunburn. Working methodically he makes his way down that long body, leaving nips and kisses on clean skin all the way down to his thighs.  

 

Maneuvering Stensland around Clyde repeats the process on his back until he's crouched right next to that delectable behind. Figuring he could get away with it he plants a firm kiss on a pillowy cheek. Stensland makes a little noise of surprise at the kiss, looking over his shoulder with a small smile. 

 

"You got a great ass, darling," Clyde’s still not entirely past giving compliments like that, glad of the steam keeping him flushed regardless. And what a great ass it is, round, soft, and pink, truly the greatest behind he's ever laid eyes on. Leaving a kiss on the other cheek for good measure he stands back up, pretending he didn't just hear his knees creak. 

 

It might seem a bit strange but those little kisses feel great in a loving way and Stensland turns around to cuddle Clyde under the warm water for another moment. “We should probably get out of the shower...”

 

"Probably," Clyde agrees making no move to do so, even if he knows Mel will kill them if they use all the warm water. 

 

Stensland manages to be the one who pulls away, turning off the water and reaching for a towel so he can dry off. 

 

Letting his hair back down Clyde follows suit, this time keeping his hands to himself thinking Sookie is probably missing them and itching to go outside, and he'd like to get dressed before Mellie comes home and not run the risk of flashing his sister. They might be a close-knit family, but some things are better left unseen. Making quick work of it he slips down the hall into their room to dig up some shorts and a t-shirt for their walk. 

 

Stens is quick to follow, pulling on something comfortable for now as he would have to change again before work.

 

"I reckon she won't be up for going too far, but there's a park a couple of blocks away, got one of them duck ponds." And likely screaming children this time of day, but Sookie might enjoy that. "Ain't we supposed to get her used to that kinda thing?" The leash Clyde finds hanging on the coat rack by the door, one of those retractable ones so she can explore some.

 

“Sure, as long as we’re careful we can socialise her.” Stensland kneeled down, getting her to come over so he could put on her little harness.

 

Stepping outside is like walking through a wall of heat and humidity, a solid force of nature that makes Clyde almost immediately start sweating. He's grateful he thought to bring water as even the short walk to the park feels like slogging through a mist of mosquitos and dense air, this damn heatwave can't end soon enough. At least in the park there are a few clusters of trees that provide shade, a few of the bigger spots taken by families crowding the picnic tables.

 

Stensland is also a wet mess by the time they get there, already glad for his shorter hair and he sits down in the shade of a tree to share a drink of water with Sookie. “Is it always this hot...”

 

"Not usually this bad, gets humid a lot though," Clyde flops down into the grass utilizing Stens' legs as a pillow. "It's supposed to cool down next week according to the weather man."

 

“I hope they’re right, this is a bit much for me...” Stensland looks like he could happily melt into the grass as he leans back against the tree.

 

"Yup, it's warmer than usual alright." Clyde watches Sookie sniff around the tree and nearby grass, her little nose working hard to pick up all the new smells. A little ways away a few kids are tossing around a frisbee that she takes an interest in, watching the brightly coloured disk fly by with bright interest.

 

Stensland loves watching her explore and get used to new things, she doesn’t seem scared of anything at all and he lets the lead extend so she can explore a bit further. 

 

Sookie seems to be faring well in her little adventure so Clyde turns to look up at Stens for a while, happy to just watch his boyfriend glowing in the sun. 

 

Stensland can feel the intense look from Clyde, holding onto the lead in his lap as he turned to smile at his boyfriend. “You seem so happy.” 

 

"I am." sitting up Clyde steals a kiss, savouring the taste of Stens on his tongue until one of the parents at a nearby table starts yelling at them and of course he's the kind that starts preaching about the bible. It's the first proper vocal outrage they've encountered and it hits harder than he'd like it to, like having rocks flung at them for just sitting around enjoying the park like everyone else. 

 

That alone is enough for Stensland, so he stands up taking Sookie with him, feeling like a cute puppy might help, since being with Clyde he’s felt so much more confident. He shouldn’t have to hide who he is no matter where he’s sitting. Scowling he walked over to the man, staring him down.

 

“Sorry, did you mention the bible?” His tone is surprisingly polite, mainly because he had his own secret weapon. He was raised in Ireland in a traditional catholic home and knew that stupid book from cover to cover, word for word.

 

Clyde scrambles to follow, scared Stens'll start a fight when they ought to just ignore what's being shouted. But, if Stensland wants to take a stand he'll stay with him every step of the way. He can see the man is a little deterred when he steps up behind Stens, making sure to look as imposing as he can, still his christian righteousness gives them more courage than he should have in the face of his ginger's wrath, something Clyde knows for a fact is worth avoiding at all cost.

 

Stens just hums in patronising agreement when the man replies and states that homosexuality is disgusting and against the bible’s word.

 

“Can you tell me exactly where it says that?” As soon as Stensland hears the picking and choosing of passages from the Old Testament he could scream with happiness, it’s exactly what he wants to hear and he cuts the man down with a sharp tongue. 

 

“I see your cheap shirt is a cotton polyester blend, that is against leviticus scripture. As is eating shellfish so I do hope you don’t like prawns? Oh, look you have a tattoo which leviticus also forbids. You have no right to preach when in turn you’re a sinner yourself if you follow the scriptures of the Old Testament. The bible isn’t literal, it’s a guide of morals and fables and you’re an idiot for thinking otherwise.” At this point Clyde is struggling to keep his laughter to himself despite the looks the man's wife is giving him, he really couldn't have gotten a better boyfriend.

 

Stensland turns and takes Clyde’s hand after his little rant, looking between the two of them. “The bible ultimately should teach love and I can only hope your horrible soul is saved and you can learn to love thy neighbour as all should be treated equally.” He turned around and led Clyde back over to the tree so they could sit back in the shade as the sun was getting to him again, Sookie still in his arms as he let out a breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, I just can’t let things like that go. People shouldn’t be so ignorant, they act like they know everything about the bible and it’s like they only read the footnotes.”

 

"Embarrassed me? Daring, I just fell in love all over again." Leaning into Stensland's side Clyde smiles brightly, "The way you read that guy," he laughs, not even finding it in him to be shy about it when those people still look so shook at the dressing down they just got.

 

It makes Stensland smile wide that he’s done something Clyde seems proud of, that he’s stood up for who they are and he leans against Clyde in return. “It’s not fair it’s still like this, I just wish I could change things a bit more you know?”

 

"Well, with us being the only gay couple in town things'll change, Boone County ain't never had anyone like us before."

 

“Well maybe it’s about time,” Stens smiled softly, he did want to ask if Clyde would ever consider moving away but he wasn’t sure he would not with the bar and his family here.

 

"If you hadn't come along I'd have never said a word," Clyde muses, it's strange to think how much has changed in such a short time, almost enough to give him whiplash. Three days ago he was still hiding and now he's snuggled up with Stens in the park.

 

“I guess once I moved away from Ireland, London was eye opening for me. I learned to accept who I was, then I moved to the states and it’s very different in the city. I wasn’t as open about it but I felt comfortable about who I liked you know? Being here I guess you’ve always hidden.”

 

"I was just scared of the consequences, thought I'd get disowned so I tried to fix it, first with girls, then the army." If he's honest about it he didn't really come to peace with himself until he met Stens and fell in love despite his efforts not to. "Obviously it didn't work." It just left him with the kind of scars you can't see.

 

“Those consequences would never be your fault though, if people can’t accept it then it’s their own problem.” He took Clyde’s hand and gave his fingers a squeeze. “But if you’re not ready yet to face everyone that’s okay too. It takes time.”

 

"Even if I did want to hide the whole town probably knows by now, Purple Lady has got her fingers all over the grapevine." They'll know for sure at the bar, see how many regulars don't show, how many rude questions they'll get.

 

“Do you think it’ll be dangerous? For everyone to know? I don’t want you to get hurt or anything... I dunno what other people are like round here. Would they get... aggressive?”

 

"Some might, but it's likely they'd be drunk and it ain't like I can't defend myself." Clyde can fight if he has to, they also keep a baseball bat behind the bar should it become necessary; though he personally prefers a good old fashioned molotov should it be appropriate. "It's more likely we'll get a few slurs, rude questions, maybe a broken window." Most people care more about their drink than starting fights. 

 

Stensland sighed softly, he felt terrible again and he looked down and played with the end of the lead in his hand. “I’m sorry, it’s not fair that this is all going to happen because of me.”

 

"I wouldn't have it any other way." And that's the truth, Clyde finds, not realising until it's been said. There's no way, come hell or high water that he'll go back to pretending he's not madly in love with Stens. Let people be mad about it, he's going to be the happiest he's ever been regardless. 

 

“If... if you weren’t so content here with, with family and your bar and everything. I mean, you would like the city, it’s nice.”

 

"Might get too loud for me, I ain't never been to any of the proper big ones so I wouldn't know." It'll be interesting to see how he'll handle it when they go up to Richmond for Stensland's stuff.

 

“It’s not too big, not where I’m from anyway.” Stensland drops the topic there, it was worth suggesting but he would be happy here anyway as long as he was with Clyde.

 

They fall into a comfortable silence, watching Sookie tottering around until she tuckers out spread across their laps. Clyde ends up having to carry her home, he doesn't mind really, not like she weighs a whole lot, but now he has to wash drool and dog hair from his prosthetic before they head to the bar. 

 

Stensland, despite the idiot in the park has had the best day and he goes in and looks up at Clyde, eager to get to the bar. “Is it okay if I have another quick shower? I won’t use much water I promise.”

 

"Have as many as you'd like." This time Clyde figures it's best to leave Stens on his own lest they get distracted again, choosing instead to get dressed in one of his short sleeve button-downs and his work jeans, aka, the beer stained ones that no one is going to see behind the bar anyway. 

 

Stensland is quick himself, just washing away the sweat from the heat and going to change into something semi decent if he’s going to be behind the bar, or at least not sweatpants.

 

Clyde waits for Stens in the kitchen where he's watching Mellie suck down a plate of pancakes made from the leftover batter while moaning about an annoying customer. 

 

Stensland re-emerges after brushing his hair and getting it like it was when they left the salon and giving mellie a wide smile when he stepped into the kitchen. “Hey, How was the rest of your day?”

 

"It was alright, had a customer who thought she knew my job better than me," She mumbled around a mouthful of food before taking up an overdone impression of her customer with all the appropriate faces.

 

“There’s always people who think they know better.” He rolled his eyes in sympathy with her before going to get a can of soda from the fridge.

 

"You going with Clyde to work?" He's yet to tell Mellie about that, Clyde figuring he'd take it one thing at a time so as not to seem too desperate to hold onto the man.

 

“Uh yeah he said that I could go help out behind the bar...” Stensland looked at Clyde confused for a moment before realising it must seem Stensland is a freeloader. “But I’ll still look for another job though if anyone, I mean if anyone would hire me.”

 

"You can, if you want," Clyde butts in, going over to slip an arm around Stens' waist, “But I like having something pretty to look at." Over at the table Mellie rolls her eyes with a poorly hidden smile. 

 

Stensland clears his throat despite the sentiment, “I just, I don’t wanna uh seem like I’m not doing anything for myself is all.”

 

"There's always somebody looking to hire in town." What's most important to him is that Stens is safe, no matter where he is. Maybe Jolene has something at the bakery, or some of the more friendlier folk won't mind the queer part either.

 

“Yeah I don’t think the majority would hire me though, I mean I’ve already caused trouble just turning up and being a stranger, and being gay... then people are probably gonna find out about when I confronted that guy in the park...”

 

"He had it coming." If Stens hadn't been there it's likely Clyde would have let the guy spew his hate and not done a thing, "Not your fault he was an asshole."

 

“I just don’t want to risk people causing trouble is all.” He gave a little shrug, “I’m sorry.”

 

"Don't apologise for being brave, I'd've just let him go on if you hadn't been there." Pressing a kiss to Stensland's brow Clyde leads them out of the kitchen and towards the door in an attempt to get Stens' mind on other things, thinking if they head out now he could cause a distraction by singing along to the radio as poorly as he can manage.

 

Stens could only sigh and nod, giving Mellie a little wave on the way out. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make things miserable there...”

 

"You didn't, and if you want to go look for another job I'll be behind you every step of the way." The old V8 rumbles to life without a hitch and Clyde can't help being grateful to this car for surviving forty years of life and a corner store window with barely a scratch in the paint. It even looks brand new next to Mellie's Nova. The radio is still pretty good too and he tunes it to his favourite country station where he knows the majority of the songs and can serenade his boyfriend with the likes of Cash, Williams, and Waylon in the hopes of bringing a smile back to that face.

 

“I would rather work at the bar, I just don’t want people to think I’m freeloading you know? Like I’m just, sponging off you completely.”

 

"Of course not, you'll be getting a paycheck just like everybody else." Sure, he'd like to be able to provide Stens with anything and everything he could possibly want, but he himself wouldn't be comfortable with someone doing that for him so he can't expect Stensland to be either. It wouldn't be fair in a relationship where they're supposed to be equal.

 

“I know I guess it’s just all new, I wanna be the best I can be for you.”

 

"Then just be you." Daring to take his good hand off the steering wheel for a few seconds he gives Stens' hand a reassuring squeeze. 

 

It puts a smile on his face and he settles back a little more feeling comforted completely by Clyde.  “I love you so much, I really do.”

 

"I love you too." If Clyde didn't have to keep his eyes on the road he's sure he'd be staring at his boyfriend with lovesick puppy dog eyes and end up putting them up a tree. That's not an option so he takes to imitating the baritone of Junior Brown to the best of his ability, which isn't much worth mentioning.

 

If anything it makes Stensland laugh when Clyde attempts the different voices of the country singers on the radio and he thoroughly enjoys being in the car with Clyde. He feels more comfortable about everything, he just needs to get comfortable being in town now. Since it does seem to be his new home. 

 

Duck Tape looks much the same as when he left it a few days ago, the place is still standing and business is picking up with the evening rush. Earl is ever present on the porch, giving his usual grunt in reply to Clyde's greeting. Beyond the door is a wall of sounds, conversations of all kinds mixed with whatever's on the jukebox. Brenda behind the bar visibly relaxes when she sees them, every stool around the horseshoe is taken so she must be glad to have some help on the way. But first, a detour through his office to dig up that employee contract he typed up for Stens weeks ago.

 

Stensland is actually surprised with how busy it is as he follows Clyde into the office. “I thought you said it was usually quiet?” He falls quiet after that, looking up and around at all of the terrible drawings on the walls and he smiled so wide. “You’re too sentimental...”

 

"It will be once the evening rush is over." A quick dip into the filing cabinet and he has the contract, it's nothing special, same as what everyone gets. "That, and it's friday," it's always busy on fridays. Handing the contract over he plucks a pen from the tumbler on his desk, keeping it ready for signing once Stens has read through the paperwork.

 

“Oh... do you not actually want me to do a trial shift first? I don’t wanna sign anything just yet if it’s gonna be a pain in the arse for you to sort out if I’m no good.”

 

"I'm sure you'll do just fine, but I ain't gonna make you sign anything if you don't want to." The contract can wait. "How 'bout we just get to work then and I'll show you around behind the bar?"

 

“I would like that, maybe I can sign later if I think I do good enough,” Stensland smiles, rubbing his hands on his pants for a moment as he tries to fight back the nerves. 

 

Seeing how nervous Stensland is brings on a need to comfort that Clyde delivers in the form of a hug, "I'll be with you the whole time, you can do this." Stensland is a lot braver than he gives himself credit for, Clyde has found. You can't go through prison and come out unscathed without growing balls of steel, now it's up to Stens to realise that himself.

 

Stens gives a firm nod and eventually moves out of the office. The thing he’s scared more about is scaring off Clyde’s business or not being good enough to do much of anything. He sticks very close to his boyfriend as they head behind the bar and he follows him like a lost puppy.

 

"I think you'll remember this guy." Clyde points out the condor sat on the shelf next to the whiskey while showing Stensland where everything is. 

 

That does help Stensland, he smiled wide and feels almost braver knowing that special figure is there watching over them both. “Thank you for keeping him safe for me.”

 

"He's our mascot now." Clyde bumps their shoulders together in place of something more obvious, not wanting to make Stensland uncomfortable. "How about you start with beers until you get the hang of things," probably the easiest job behind the bar, they all go in the same glass it's just a matter of brand.

 

“Yeah uh... isn’t there like a special way to pour them?”

 

"You just tip the glass like this so it don't overflow too easy," Clyde demonstrates by pouring a pint of stout they have on tap, the head rising perfectly to just above the rim of the glass. "You'll get the hang of it pretty quick." He sticks right by Stensland anyway, figuring it'll be easier to lend a hand if he's right nearby, Brenda can handle the rest of the bar a little while longer.

 

Stensland nods, he could do that no problem hopefully. “So uh how do I work the till?”

 

"We keep that in the kitchen, less chance of getting robbed if they can't see it." All they keep behind the bar is a lockbox and a calculator, easy enough to deal with in smaller amounts. "Most people round here keep tabs for the night so you won't have to worry about it so long as you keep count," he gives a quick run through of their system for now, they can deal with the more complicated stuff when its calmer.

 

Stensland follows and bites his lip, just looking at Clyde. “So I guess I should uh start now right?”

 

"I'll be right next to you the whole time, and if I'm not Brenda's been here longer than I have." She'll be going home in an hour, but by that time the traffic through the door will be slowing down again. "You'll do fine," Clyde reassures, stroking Stens' arm for good measure.

 

“I hope so.” Stensland was getting nervous again but he let out a slow breath. He steeled himself, shooting a glare at the look they got from a patron as Clyde stroked his arm. That helped Stensland compose himself and he tried to settle behind the bar.

 

He was right Stensland does just fine for that first hour, pouring beers like a pro and earning  tips for his friendly demeanor. Clyde couldn't be more proud. Then Brenda goes home, and it's just them and the late night kitchen staff that'll be closing at midnight. 

 

Stensland takes a little breath and leans against the bar for a moment after working the busy hour, he can’t believe how well that went. He can’t help the grin as he looks at Clyde before he steps over. “Is it okay if I get a soda?”

 

"Sure, I can even make you something if you'd like," Clyde offers, he has a few drinks thought up that he's sure Stens would appreciate, another few that might be better saved for later.

 

“Oh, I would like that, I would like that a lot if you don’t mind?”

 

"What you like?" Clyde makes a gesture at the wall of liquor behind them hoping Stensland will pick something fun to make.

 

“I mean I’m not sure I only really drank whatever was cheap, can you make cocktails?” He looked up at the shelves, not sure what to choose at all. “Not too strong though...”

 

"I can make you a Shirley Temple, or I got some watermelon liqueur that ain't too strong," looking over the selection an idea pops into his head, "I think I know just the thing." It's a cocktail they don't get often, but he's made it enough to know what goes in it, cutting back on the Jaeger since they're at work.

 

He can barely contain his smile as he sets it down in front of Stensland, sticking a strawberry on the rim and adding a little paper umbrella. 

 

"Redheaded Slut," he announces with a giggle.

 

Stensland’s mouth hangs open at the name before he gives a laugh, looking up at Clyde with a little grin and lowering his voice slightly. “Let’s hope the redheaded slut tastes as good as it looks.”

 

"I'm sure he does." Clyde makes no effort to hide how he appraises Stensland from head to toe. It takes effort to turn away and mix his own drink and he's as quick about it as he can be setting the little shot glass down next to the colourful drink. "Cock Sucking Cowboy," he leans in to whisper it in Stensland's ear, leaving behind a kiss on the cheek as he pulls back.

 

Stensland giggles again, licking his lips and looking up at Clyde trying to be somewhat sexy and sure he’s failing miserably. 

 

“Maybe later.” He gave a little wink, moving to take the shot and finding it surprisingly nice. There would be no way to cover the burning blush that takes him over at the implications of those two words. Downing his own shot Clyde pours them each a club soda, distracting him away from his gorgeous boyfriend before the entire bar gets treated to a show that's likely to either get them killed or bring in some good tips.

 

Stensland still can’t really believe what he just promised and he’s blushing himself as he sips at the drink. It’s like something about Clyde makes him so needy, wanting way more than he thought possible.

 

"You hungry?" He asks, watching Earl finally join them inside now that there's more room and he's sucked in enough nicotine to last him a few hours. The mechanic moseys up to the bar with a twinkle in his eye and Clyde pours him a pint of his regular beer.

 

Stensland isn’t really hungry but he doesn’t think Clyde would take that so well, “I could have a snack?”

 

"I'll get us some onion rings." Leaving Stensland alone behind the bar is a bit of a risk, but the kitchen isn't far and he can still keep an eye on things from the doorway. "Earl'll keep you company." The man in question smiles, Earl is the kind of guy you just can't help, but like, his ambling demeanor and ever present twinkle making him an inviting personality.

 

Stensland gives a little nod, heading over to stand by the man with his drink as the rest of the bar is quiet. He introduces himself to Earl, surely the man already knows but he tells him he’s Clyde’s boyfriend anyway with a proud smile.

 

Earl isn't the most talkative guy Clyde knows and watching him chat with Stensland is nothing short of a miracle, his boyfriend must have some magic in him to be able to charm everyone like that. Onion rings are quick to fry up and it's not long before he's bringing over a basket of them along with the dipping sauces, enough to keep them from starving for now. 

 

"I like your missus, Clyde," Earl calls out as soon as he's within hearing range, the entire bar must have heard that yet, no riot breaks out. Casting a wary glance over the room reveals they do indeed have an audience, but it's more curiosity than hate fueling their interest. Truly a miracle.

 

Stensland actually laughs at being called his missus, he doesn’t mind it at all really and he offers an onion ring to the man who gladly takes one. Perhaps the people around here aren’t all as bad as they both assumed, or perhaps something was simply brewing, when more people knew there might be trouble but for now Stensland was happy. 

 

"Good, 'cause I ain't planning to let him go anytime soon," Clyde smiles, wrapping his free arm around Stensland's waist while his other is busy ferrying onion rings into his mouth.

 

Stensland only had a few, hoping Clyde wouldn’t notice too much and he went back to sipping his drink. When it was time for Earl’s next drink Stensland had remembered which one Clyde poured and he went to get this one, bringing it over with a smile. He could honestly get used to this.

 

Clyde makes note of how little Stensland eats and figures he'll ask about favourites soon so he can get Stens whatever he'd like in the hopes that he'll eat more. He might even recruit Granny, come to think of it, if anyone can make you eat yourself into a coma it would be her. Business goes on as usual, games of pool played, and countless beers drunk as the friday night crowd slowly thins out over time.

Stensland gets a bit more confident behind the bar, thankfully it seems everyone just orders beer, for now at least. Once it comes to closing time Stensland gives a small little yawn but it’s followed by a smile. “I really enjoyed tonight.”

 

"Contract is in the office if you want to sign it," Clyde hints while scrubbing at a particularly sticky beer stain on one of the tables.

 

Stensland only has to think about it for a few moments, he can also get another little job elsewhere for a little bit more money if he wants to be more independent so he gives a nod. “I wanna sign it, if you think I’m good enough to work here that is.”

 

"I think you did great tonight." And it's true, with a bit of practice Stens could be a great bartender with his odd charm and blinding smile. "And I'd love to have you on my staff."

 

“In that case I would love to sign.” Stensland can’t stop smiling, despite fighting back another small yawn he follows Clyde into the office and this time taking the papers so he can look over them. While Stensland reads over the contract Clyde drops down into his desk chair with a groan.

 

Stens is quick to sign it, placing it back on the desk before moving around the small space and perching his bum on the edge of the desk so he can look at Clyde. “Is there anything you need to do before we leave?”

 

"No, I'm done with the cleaning up." All that's left is to turn the lights off and lock the backdoor when they leave. "Why, have anything in mind?" He's very much aware they won't be alone again until Mellie goes to work in the morning.

 

Stensland cleared his throat a little, he wasn’t exactly great at being sexy or flirty but he just wanted to make Clyde feel as amazing as he could. “I remember saying something about that shot you gave me... something along the lines of maybe later?”

 

"You did," Clyde murmurs reaching out and pulling Stens closer by his waist. 

 

Stensland stands between Clyde’s legs for a moment, he’s nervous but wants to do this. He’s also slightly excited at the thought and leans down to kiss his lover. Clyde welcomes the kiss, guiding Stensland down into his lap for the sake of a better angle and the weight of him across his thighs.

 

Stensland is easily moved onto Clyde’s lap, moving to cup Clyde’s jaw and stroking his thumbs over the skin as he kept kissing him. He was sure every time he started he simply couldn’t stop, Clyde was too addictive to give up in any way with Stensland only moving back to take a little breath.

 

"God, you're beautiful." It feels naughty this, hiding away in his office with intentions to christen it. Clyde wouldn't have it any other way. With his good hand he sets out to unbutton their shirts, fumbling around between kisses and making slow progress. 

 

Stensland can’t help but giggle at their impatience, moving back and standing up so he could take his shirt off. He felt like he was stripping for Clyde, feeling even filthier as he built up the courage to sink to his knees in front of the man.

 

When Stens gets up Clyde is quick to strip his own shirt and easily distracted again by the half naked ginger kneeling between his legs.  _ Holy shit _ . He wasn't entirely sure they'd actually be doing this, he figured they'd probably end up rubbing off on each other again, too eager to do much else. Reminding himself to breathe Clyde takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm down a little, it wouldn't do to come the second Stens puts a hand on him which he might just anyway with a view like this.

 

Stens also has to concentrate for a moment, he needs to pull himself together and try to remember the tiny bit he knows. If anything he’s hoping Clyde will help guide him with what feels good too and once the courage is built up, Stensland moves to get Clyde’s jeans down.

 

"You know you don't have to do this," Clyde figures he should say it seeing how nervous Stensland looks as he wrestles Clyde's belt open, his fly zipped down shortly thereafter. They could switch places if Stens would prefer that and he says as much before he completely loses the ability to form sentences.

 

“I want to do this, trust me that I won’t do anything I don’t want.” Stensland smiles, he really does love the effect he can have on the man and he happily gets his pants and boxers down the rest of the way. Once Clyde is exposed, Stens has to take a moment to remember what he’s meant to be doing and finally moves forward slightly.

 

He'd thought being touched by Stensland would be as good as it got, but now that he has warm breath brushing over his most intimate parts he's not so sure anymore. The view is mesmerizing, and he can't keep himself from touching, stroking Stens' face, tracing down his brow, over a cheekbone and down to the soft, pink lips.

 

He’s not skilled and he’s not totally confident but Stensland moves forward and does what simply feels right. The taste at first is surprising, he’s not expecting it to be so... alright. It’s not disgusting and he closes his eyes as he tries to follow instinct and what he thinks would feel good on himself.

 

The second Stens' mouth is on him Clyde suddenly understands all the hype about this particular act, why every man he's ever know always brags about getting blown. It's the best he's ever felt and he immediately decides he'll be returning the favour, he wants to make Stensland feel this good too.

 

He tries to read all of Clyde’s reactions, repeating whatever gets the loudest moans and finding he honestly loves pleasuring Clyde. His hands rest on thick thighs, rubbing softly as he uses his mouth as best he can.

 

It doesn't take much before Clyde is frantically tapping Stens' shoulder in warning, it would be rude of him not to. Besides they didn't discuss this before they started and he's not sure what the etiquette is in this situation. If there is any at all. 

 

Stensland wasn’t sure if he was meant to pull back, he knew it would only end up being messy so instead he remained where he was. He swallowed what he could without gagging, pulling back and having the cheek to look almost coy after what he had just done. 

 

Clyde is sure his office must be on another plane of existence, somewhere where the only thing that exists is happiness and pleasure, and Stens is the angel who lives there. "You didn't have to do that," he mutters through the haze, trying valiantly to regain his focus so they can switch places. 

 

Stensland can only laugh, turning to kiss Clyde’s thigh ever so softly. “I told you I want to, I wanted to do that.” 

 

It takes a few minutes until Clyde’s legs no longer feel like jelly and he's confident he'll remain upright when he stands up. He does just that, yanking his pants back up and directing Stensland into the chair after pulling him into a hungry kiss that only makes him appreciate Stens more for swallowing since that's not a great taste clinging to his tongue.

 

Stensland is admittedly shocked by the kiss, figuring Clyde would get cleaned up and they would head back so he’s surprised again when he’s sat in the chair. 

 

“Clyde...”

 

"I want to," he reassures Stens as he kneels down, he really has no idea what the fuck he's doing past getting Stensland's pants off and knowing to not use teeth. He'll just have to take it slow and gentle, feel his way through it and try not to gag. He's grateful to find it just tastes like clean skin and salt for the most part, the warm weight on his tongue strangely intoxicating.

 

Stensland understands why Clyde could barely keep it together, he had experienced this once before, but with a man he had such a connection with... it was pure bliss. He even reached down to stroke through Clyde's thick hair and didn’t bother to hold back any sounds he wanted to make since no one was around.

 

At every noise he draws out of his boyfriend his confidence rises little by little until he's built up somewhat of a rhythm, using his hand to cover what he can't take yet. The whole thing is wet and messy, but it might be his favourite thing they've done yet and he hopes Stens will let him do this again so he can learn to take all of him eventually.

 

Instead of tapping Clyde’s shoulder like he’s intending to Stensland only gives a louder moan in warning and tugs on his hair rather hard. He feels incredible, knowing the man he loves wants to pleasure him in such a way only making each feeling that bit more intense. 

 

Clyde chokes at the bitter taste flooding his mouth, taken by surprise despite the warning. How Stensland swallowed his he'll never know. Spitting it out might be rude, but he's sure Stens won't judge him for it as he sacrifices the washrag he'd stuffed in his back pocket.

 

Stensland is red faced when he looks down, feeling embarrassed at how Clyde reacted and he chewed his lip before tucking himself away quickly. “I’m sorry I, I should have pulled back.”

 

"Not your fault, I didn't know what it'd taste like." He'd never been curious enough to try his own finding the act somewhat filthy, but he's happy he brought Stensland off like that with only one minor mishap. 

 

Stensland didn’t mind the taste so much but he couldn’t complain, Clyde didn’t have to do that for him at all and he was still blushing furiously as he looked down at the man. “I’m still sorry... it’s getting late too we should probably head back.”

 

"I'll let you come on my face next time," Clyde blushes furiously at what he's just said, but he means it. Guys like that, right? 

 

Stensland almost falls backwards out of the chair and has to pull himself forward to stand up after that comment. “Clyde...” he can’t stop blushing and he really does want to do that but there’s something so lewd about hearing it said out loud. 

 

For a second Clyde thinks he might have done something wrong, that he shouldn't have said that. Maybe people don't do that in real life.  _ Shit _ . 

 

Stensland finally manages to pull himself together though, moving forward and stroking over Clyde’s cheek with a little grin. “Only if you like it messy.”

 

Clyde lets out a relieved sigh, thank god he didn't fuck it up. He likes the thought of doing that for Stensland, getting marked up and claimed. If he hadn't already gotten off three times today he'd be happy to partake in a fourth right away, instead he settles for raising himself enough to steal a kiss. 

 

Stens pulls Clyde up properly, kissing him softly again before leaning into a warm hug. “I do love you Clyde, but we really should get back I’m really tired.”

 

Humming his agreement Clyde finally clambers up off the floor, dragging Stens along. The car ride home is spent in comfortable silence, radio providing white noise in the background. Flopping into bed feels great after such a long day, as exhausted and satisfied as they both are. A good night's sleep sounds like just the thing.

 

It really was a perfect night, they’re both exhausted now though and Stensland happily falls into bed and sleeps deeply. He barely moves away from Clyde, things seem like perhaps they won’t be too bad now, like they could be openly happy together in this small town.


	13. Here we go Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I almost forgot to post this, but I made it. (In my timezone at least)
> 
> Enjoy!

Clyde wakes feeling the emotional after effects of the day before, everything catching up to him in a confusing rush that leaves him overwhelmed. To combat the feeling he turns to watch Stensland, letting it wash over him until it subsides and he can go back to sleep for a little while longer safe in the knowledge that it'll all be ok. 

****

Stensland barely moves himself, even when Clyde shifts lazily beside him. He’s content and feels so safe here knowing he will never let go of Clyde, not until the man got sick of him at least, which would hopefully be never.

****

The second time Clyde he wakes up to his phone ringing and he just knows this can't possibly be good, phone calls this early are never good, let alone when it’s concerning Clyde. He answers with a sleepy grumble only to find he was right, 

****

"You'll want to see this, Boss." Is the only thing said down the phone but that’s enough.  _ Well shit. _ He was naïve to think they wouldn't have any trouble just because last night went so well, now he'll need to invest in some paint and a new window. It's a decidedly not great start to the day but he’s more concerned about how Stensland is going to take this news after the man was already so worried about ruining what Clyde had. 

****

Stensland woke when the phone rang but didn’t hear what was said, as he tried to shake off the sleep he blinked a few times at Clyde and sighing when he saw the look on his face which truly said more than enough. 

****

“What happened?”

****

"Looks like we'll be doing some painting at the bar," Clyde sighs, struggling not to let the feeling of defeat take over. Climbing out of bed he pulls on the first clean clothes he can find, running a comb through his hair and clipping it back, that'll have to do. Some deodorant and toothpaste later he's about as ready as he has the motivation to be. "You should probably stay here with Sookie." It's ridiculous really, wanting to protect Stensland like this when he knows he won't stop him should he want to come with and see the nasty slurs decorating his bar. 

****

“Me  _ and _ Sookie are coming with you, I can’t just let you go and deal with it on your own.” Stensland gets up and ruffles his hair into something sort of decent and tugs on sweatpants and a vest knowing he would probably end up covered in some sort of mess thanks to his natural proclivity for being clumsy. “It’s not fair.” 

****

"We knew this might happen Stens," It was inevitable, too good to be true that everyone would be alright with having an out gay couple running around especially in these parts, but Clyde was still more concerned about Stensland. 

****

“I know, I know but it shouldn’t.” He wanted to say it wouldn’t be like that in the city but he kept his mouth shut instead knowing they had other things to focus on. He followed Clyde out so they could grab a much needed coffee before heading to try and fix up the bar. Coffee consumed they're about as ready as they can be to face whatever awaits them at Duck Tape. 

****

The damage is visible almost as soon as the bar is within view, slurs drawn in big bright letters decorating every wall and it seems the closer they get the worse it is. Three of the windows are broken, that seems like the worst of it until to Clyde until he’s standing on the porch looking down at a dead, bloodied possum killed just to send a sick message. 

****

Stensland is in complete shock when he sees it all, holding Sookie in his arms and reading the slurs until he can’t see them because of the tears in his eyes. He wants to be brave but every word hurts, the damage hurts and he is properly crying before he can stop himself. 

****

Clyde turns his back, everything combined becoming too painful to look at, he can't do much more besides sink down onto the steps and put his head into his hands. He never should have said a word, should have kept it to himself and pretended he was normal. 

****

Stensland in return feels just as guilty, he feels awful, he can’t stop crying because he knows this is his fault he should have left Clyde well alone instead of ruining his livelihood like this. He cuddles Sookie like she’s going to help but all he can do is sob into her fur. This never would have happened if it wasn’t for him, he had ruined it all. 

****

“I’m s-so sorry, I’m sorry...” Stensland's sobbed apologies are what pull Clyde out of it, or at least sets him on the right path. His body feels like lead as he drags himself up so he can pull Stens and Sookie into his arms, the bar can be fixed, it's just a building, an inanimate object, his family will always come first. 

****

"Don't cry, darling, It ain't your fault." Truth of the matter is, there's nowhere they can go where they won't find people that want to hurt them for no reason at all.

****

“It is… it wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me.” He gave a small sob, leaning against Clyde's shoulder. “I came along and now it’s all a mess and I’m so s-sorry.”

****

"it's just a bar and I'd rather have you," Clyde tries his best to comfort him despite the situation, using his prosthetic to stroke up and down Stensland's back while his flesh hand makes an effort to wipe the tears from his cheeks. 

****

“This is what you always wanted, it shouldn’t be like this because of me.” Stensland couldn’t stop himself now he had started, holding onto Clyde with one arm as the other held a squirming Sookie between them.

****

"It ain't more important than you," Clyde whispers, pressing a kiss to Stensland's brow. People can attack his bar all they like, he'll just keep fixing it, and put up cameras if it becomes necessary, they can hate all they want, but it won't ever change how much he loves his boyfriend. 

****

Those words of comfort only makes Stens cry even harder, pressing his face to Clyde’s shoulder and sniffling against his shirt. “It’s your life Clyde.” Right now, money is the last thing on his mind,

****

 "And I'll just fix it back up however many times I have to." Behind them the door creaks, probably Jason who called him about the bar's makeover but Clyde ignores him for now. "I love you, and this ain't your fault, you hear?" He wishes he had the power to make everything alright again, then he could just woosh away ever last sliver of doubt in Stensland's mind.

****

“I love you too,” Stensland’s voice is soft, he’s still so sad and probably will be for a long time after this, he’s an emotional person as it is and Clyde’s bar was ruined and it was completely Stensland’s fault and it wasn’t suddenly going to stop hurting. For now though he at least steps back, letting out a sigh as a pathetic attempt of composure. “We should start cleaning up.”

****

"Bar's been needing a coat of paint anyway," Clyde tries to make light of it so maybe it won't seem as bad as it really is but it falls flat. When he turns to look Jason is watching them from the steps, waiting to fill them in on the details. 

****

Stensland moves away a little more, still cuddling Sookie so he could listen to Jason though his mind was wondering. He was truly wondering if it would be better if he left... if he stayed in the city when they went back but perhaps it was too late now he had already outed Clyde.

****

The damage was mostly contained to the outside of the building, thankfully, all that's made it inside is a few bricks with more slurs written on them. If only they knew who did it, they could maybe get something done, Clyde doesn't consider himself above paying them a visit should he have to. Still, that's a last resort, the police should come first, so that's who they call though Clyde can’t imagine they would do much. 

****

Stensland had put Sookie in one of the crates so she doesn’t run around and possibly hurt herself on broken glass, plus they can keep an eye on her there. He got started on sweeping up the majority of broken glass while Clyde calls the police, unable to stop himself Stensland finds himself speaking his mind.

****

“You know the police won’t care right?”

****

"I know, but we gotta report it," he can't afford to get in trouble right now, not when they have the FBI breathing down their necks just waiting for one little speck of evidence that could put Jimmy at the scene of the crime and thus arrest them all. They're safe on that, he knows, but he'd still rather not take any risks when it comes to his freedom. Not now when he has so much to live for on the outside.

****

“Suppose... you got insurance?” Stensland wonders if they have to wait for the police to arrive before they can start properly cleaning up so stops and goes to get a soda from behind the bar. “Is anything missing?”

****

"I got insurance, nothing is missing, as far as I can tell they ain't been inside." All the doors and locks are in one piece as well as the safe in his office. "Jason took pictures of it all too."

****

“Right so uh should I, I’ll start sweeping up the glass again and you can double check to make sure nothing was taken?” 

****

A quick inventory reaffirms it, this was nothing more than hate. The police aren't likely to do shit about it, especially considering his record so this is all up to them to fix. It probably shouldn't be too hard to figure out who was involved, Mellie has a firm grip on the grapevine and Earl has a tendency to know just about everything that's going on within a twenty mile radius, it's only a matter of time before they figure out who's guilty.

****

“So? Anything missing?”

****

"Nope, everything's where it's supposed to be." Thank god for that. "You alright?" Stepping up to Stensland Clyde pulls him into a hug, just wanting to hold him close for a while, take in how grateful he is that they're both unhurt. Just the thought that they could have come after them instead of the bar is deeply upsetting. 

****

Stensland shook his head before he hid his face against Clyde's chest, “Honestly no, I’m not alright... I’m, I’m scared.”

****

"I won't let nobody hurt you." Clyde'll do anything to keep that from happening, and he'll raise hell if it does.

****

“I’m scared for you as well, it’s not fair, it’s not fair I’m scared because of who I am.”

****

"It ain't." It never was, Clyde has let that fear control him his whole life. That has to stop, right now. They have every right to be here, to live unbothered and at peace. People have no business hurting them when they themselves aren't hurting anybody by being in love. 

****

Stensland hugged Clyde tighter, just trying to find a bit of comfort, and takes slow measured breaths. Even the smell of Clyde calmed him down and he wiped his eyes when he looked back up ever the emotional one, “I’m sorry, I know I’m being too dramatic...”

****

"I like your drama." Stensland's cheek is wet and salty when he kisses it, flushed from crying. If he could get his hands on those responsible they'd be the ones crying, he'd make sure of it because no one hurts Stens,  _ no one _ .

****

“It’s not fair you have to deal with me on top of all of this.” Stensland sniffed and moved back, finishing the soda and taking a deep breath before he went back to cleaning since it was clear the police weren’t in a hurry and he desperately needed something to distract himself with.

****

"You ain't a chore Stens." It's clear Stensland is trying to avoid this conversation, Clyde won’t let him, not this time. Stepping into his path and grabbing the broom is a stupidly aggressive move he realises a little too late. "I love you and I'll do anything to keep you safe." If those bastards can get away with wrecking his bar there's no saying what he can get away with in return, hell, he set a car on fire right outside this bar and never heard a peep about it.

****

Stensland let go of the broom trying not to flinch with how Clyde sounded so passionate about what was going on, “Clyde, I’m also scared of what you’re going to do. I don’t care if you think you can get away with it, I don’t want you to leave me again. What would I do if you went back to prison?”

****

"I won't let them get away with this, If I don't do something they'll keep coming back and you know as well as me that the cops don't care." He toys with the idea of telling Stens about every illegal thing he's done and gotten away with, it's not an impressive record, but it's something. "'Sides it ain't like I'm planning to molotov their house, I just want them to know I know they did it." Chances are they'll be too scared to come back if they've been caught once.

****

“Just, I don’t know Clyde just be careful. I guess I can’t stop you from doing anything.” He gave a shrug and stepped back, playing with his hands feeling at a complete loss.

****

"You can come with, if you'd like?" The likelihood of Stensland saying yes isn’t great, but Clyde figures he should offer anyway.

****

“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea, I should just take sookie home. We can come back later to paint when the windows are boarded up after the police come and do nothing.”

****

Just like Stensland said, the cops show up and do nothing but take a few pictures and ask some questions. To be fair to them there isn't much they can do, but they could at least keep their looks to themselves once they realise what's happened and why. For now, the best he can do himself is slowly type out a message on their facebook page that they'll be closed until further notice and ask if anyone knows anything about it. Now all that's left to do is damage control. 

****

Stensland ends up staying at the bar sitting at a table with Sookie, giving her some bottled water and babying her to find some kind of comfort. He’s still so hurt and he just wants to go back home, he’s starting to miss the city again too, a selfish part of him hopes Clyde falls in love with it when they visit.

****

Boarding the windows up is a quick affair, Jason having gone out to buy paint and plywood while they handled the clean up, now that they're stood outside looking at the boarded up bar Clyde almost can't take it, it makes him feel sick to see all his hard work debased for no good reason at all. He was hoping they could be done with all this hate and wishes they could just pack up and leave, but he can't let them win, not like this. Maybe someday he'll be able to turn his back on Boone County, but that's a ways away yet. 

****

"Can you drive?" Clyde looks at Stensland hopefully, he's not sure if he could now that everything is catching up to him, putting him behind the wheel when he feels like puking probably isn't the best of ideas.

****

“Yeah I mean it’s been a while... but I think I’ll be fine.” Stensland follows Clyde to the car, feeling like a dark cloud was hanging over them both as he put Sookie in the back seat with a sigh.

****

Handing over the keys feel like some sort of defeat, but he knows Stens won't judge him for being out of it when he's seen him in worse places. It's strange being in the passenger seat of his own car, he's not sure if he's ever been in this seat for as long as he's had the damn thing. He’s never had to.

****

The drive back is slow and quiet, Stensland just trying to concentrate on driving to keep his mind from everything else. He’s still quiet when they get back, taking their pup out into the garden feeling melancholy. 

****

Clyde watches Stensland slip out the backdoor with Sookie thinking he ought to leave him alone for a while, they both need the breathing room. Mellie's couch isn't the most comfortable, old and worn as it is, but it feels like sinking down into a cloud. Stretching out as best he can in the limited space he stares at the ceiling trying to calm his spinning mind and stay on the ground, though he knows he's barely holding on for the moment. He feels lost for lack of a better word, almost like he's shrunk until everything towers above him. 

****

Stensland sits quietly on the porch for a while, he doesn’t know how long but it’s long enough to watch the sun to start setting. When it does cools down he finally goes back inside, sitting next to Clyde on the sofa with Sookie in his lap. 

****

“I’m sorry.”

****

"What for?" Clyde gives Sookie a jealous glance wishing he could take her pace in Stensland's lap, either that or get black out drunk, anything to block out his buzzing mind.

****

“I didn’t mean to be... like that. You, you know it here, I’m just an outsider I shouldn’t I mean it’s not my place to get involved.”

****

"You're part of this family now, I won't do anything if you don't want me to," it pains him to say it, but he's had time to think and calm down, he still wants revenge and he’ll get it, just maybe in a less illegal way.

****

“I can’t really stop you from doing anything.” He was right, if Clyde wanted revenge he could get it there was nothing Stensland could do truly.

****

"You can if you want to, all you gotta do is say it." Hauling himself into something reminiscent of an upright position Clyde leans himself up against Stens' side, just wanting to feel something solid and breathing at his side. 

****

Stensland just shook his head softly, he wasn’t going to stop Clyde, he didn’t want to get involved, he wasn’t sure he even had the energy to do so. Instead he just put his arm around his boyfriend the best he could, turning to kiss his head. 

****

Clyde sighs, nuzzling into Stensland's shoulder and reaching up to rub Sookie's back, the dozing pup letting out an adorable yawn. There's nothing he wouldn't do for these two. Meeting Stensland has really changed his life for the better, enough so that he's no longer sure how he ever lived without him. 

****

It’s peaceful for a short while, until Stensland feels his insecurity eating away at him yet again feeling like that won’t be something he could so easily get over. “You still love me right? Even, even after all of that?”

****

"You could shoot me and I'd still love you," Clyde mumbles into a shoulder. Stensland sighs and kisses the top of his head again, 

****

“I don’t ever want you to feel like you need to stop doing something just because of me. I can’t dictate your life but there are consequences to every decision. I want you to remember that.”

****

"I won't do anything stupid," Nothing that would put him back in prison at least. No cauliflower plans.

****

“I’m not being like this because I want to control you, I just... I’m so fucking scared you’re going to go back to prison. I’m terrified I’m going to lose you.”

****

"I ain't going nowheres, I promise," he could really use a stiff drink right about now, something to settle his stomach enough to eat even if food is the last thing on his mind. 

****

Stensland held him a little bit tighter and kissed him softly again. “I really love you, I do.” 

****

Clyde smiles, slumping even further until he's nearly back to being horizontal, letting Stensland take as much of his weight as he dares. It wouldn't do if he crushed the one guy crazy enough to love him. They stay like that until Mellie comes thundering in, slamming the door with murder in her eyes, a fire that dampens when she sees them piled onto the sofa. 

****

"Thank god you boys are alright." Clyde figured she'd be in the know soon enough. 

****

Stensland is busy stroking Clyde's hair, finding the action calming as he looked up at Mellie when she came in managing a small smile. “Yeah... yeah we’re fine. Physically anyway.”

****

"When I find out who did this they gonna regret they was ever born." Maybe Clyde won't have to do anything at all. "Y'all just stay right there and I'll fix you up something to eat." Food, the answer to everything as the Logans see it. Well, most everything. 

****

Stensland wanted to protest, he didn’t understand why they were so intent on revenge but it was clear things worked different down here. Instead he kept quiet, slowly stroking Clyde’s hair, wondering what the man was thinking.

****

It's not long before Mellie sets down a couple of generous sandwiches before them, Clyde's stomach turning unpleasantly at the thought of eating. He forces himself to anyway, not wanting to tip Stens and Mellie off to how out of it he actually feels. The whole time he stays where he is, slumped against Stensland's side, sneaking Sookie bites of his sandwich and hoping nobody notices just how much. 

****

Stensland in contrast eats the entire thing, he’s surprised he does but he wasn’t exactly thinking about it, instead just eating what was put in front of him. When they were all done the silence felt heavy, like they had all been completely worn down by what happened.

****

"I'll take tomorrow off, help you repaint the bar," Mellie breaks the silence, standing with a heavy sigh she collects their plates and disappears into the kitchen. Clyde turns his head into Stensland's shoulder in lieu of an answer, trying to ignore how awful he feels and failing terribly. 

****

Stensland finally sighs, looking at Clyde. “How about a beer and then bed? I think we need it.”

****

A beer sounds nice, though he'd prefer something stronger. The temptation of getting drunk is enough the have him drag himself up off the couch and into the kitchen where Mellie is texting furiously with her own beer in hand. He finds what he's looking for in the designated liquor cabinet, pouring himself a double whiskey and getting a beer from the fridge for Stensland before returning to the couch. One glass isn't going to do a whole lot, but it might just give him enough of a buzz to help put things to rest for the night. 

****

Stensland happily accepts the beer but seeing Clyde with the whiskey just makes him feel terribly bad again. He doesn’t even know what to do because everything he says seems to make things worse. “Tell me what to do Clyde, I... I don’t know what to do to help.” 

****

They're in for a long night, Clyde knows that by feeling, stress, anxiety, and alcohol isn't a great mix and it'll be a miracle if he sleeps through until morning so he figures he ought to give a fair warning. So he does, lays it out plain and simple, “I can sleep out here if you'd prefer," he offers at the end, at least if he's on the couch Stens won't have to deal with him later.

****

“What? No, why would you do that?” Stensland was a bit confused by the statement, he was aware Clyde wasn’t feeling great and that he could have nightmares but it wasn’t going to make him push the man away. “I want you to be next to me.”

****

"Then you sleep on my side in case I get sick." It's happened before and with the way he's feeling it might happen again and he'd rather not puke on Stensland if he can help it, or have to crawl over him to get out. The whiskey burns just right on the way down, settling uncomfortably in his belly. 

****

Stensland just gave a nod yet he couldn’t help but ask, “Do you not want to sleep next to me? I would understand if you didn’t.”

****

"I'm scared I'll hurt you." There's nowhere else he'd like to sleep other than next to Stensland, but it's not worth it if he gets hurt. If only he knew what would happen, how bad it'll be.

****

“You know I don’t care about that Clyde, I just... I want to know if you  _ want _ to sleep next to me.” Stensland was feeling tremendously insecure right now and wasn’t exactly sure what would help chase that away.

****

"Of course I want to." There's no one else who can make him feel as safe as Stensland does. Stensland nods in response, putting his arm around Clyde’s shoulders to pull him close and kiss his cheek.

****

“Then I’ll sleep on your side if you want me to. Make sure you take some water to put on the bedside table.” Downing the rest of his whiskey with a grimace Clyde goes to replace the tumbler with a tall glass of water that he brings to their room figuring Stens will follow when he's ready. Getting into bed feels like coming home, a safe space from everything outside that'll hopefully lull him to sleep before too long and loosen the tightness in his chest. 

****

Stensland finishes his beer but takes his time with it giving Clyde peace to settle down, making sure Sookie is settled in the kitchen before he goes to use the bathroom. Once he feels composed enough Stensland goes to join Clyde in bed, lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. 

****

“Can I hold you?” Instead of answering Clyde scoots over until he can put his head on Stens' chest, listening to the heartbeat he finds there, letting it calm him. 

****

The day has left him exhausted in every possible way, unsettled, scared, and tired. It's blessedly easy to fall asleep under it all, to just drift off into the welcoming darkness he knows will turn against him soon enough. Clyde doesn't often have nightmares unrelated to Iraq, but now he's trapped in a loop of watching faceless shadows closing in on an unaware Stensland, wanting so desperately to run over, call out, anything. There's no voice in his throat, something coiling tight around his body, forcing him to watch and scream silently as the shadows tear Stensland apart over and over again. This is all his fault, Stensland would have been safe if he'd just kept his big mouth shut from the start, he should have known better. Stensland doesn't deserve this.

****

At first it’s quiet, creeping up slowly until he feels Clyde starting to twitch next to him which slowly wakes him up. Stensland tries to keep calm for now knowing it’s simply a nightmare, gently moving to give Clyde some space and quietly calling his name to see if he can rouse him from the dream. 

****

When he hears Stensland call out to him his panic crests, the cries turning more desperate as the shadows rip into his flesh, pulling him apart until the screaming stops and all he sees is blood. Clyde wakes with a panicked gasp, sitting bolt upright as red swims before his eyes making him dizzy and disoriented. 

****

“Clyde, Clyde, love, it’s okay, listen to me. I’m here.” Stensland didn’t want to touch Clyde, he didn’t want to scare or jolt him so he just carefully sat up himself and tried to ignore the way his heart was racing. 

****

Clyde startles at the voice, whipping around to see where it came from trying to focus in on the blurred shape next to him. Heart hammering in his chest and gasping for breath he finally zeroes in on the fluff of ginger, Stensland. He's here, he's okay. Clumsily he reaches out to touch, feeling for blood and injuries, patting him down as best as he can. 

****

Stensland can’t begin to understand what Clyde is doing but he takes it as an okay to touch. After a moment he speaks softly and reaches out to stroke back Clyde’s slightly damp hair, “You’re okay, it was just another nightmare.” 

****

Clyde’s voice is still lost to him so he lets himself collapse into Stens, tucking his sweat sticky face into the crook of his neck, using his hand to feel out a pulse. It's fast but it's there, a strong beat he can use to calm down. When he feels less like throwing up and more grounded in reality he draws his legs up and hooks them over Stens' thighs, wishing he would shrink so he could properly crawl into his lap and just curl up. 

****

Stensland moves so he’s sitting with his back to the headboard, his arms around Clyde’s torso and holding him the best he can with his size, trying to give the man as much comfort as possible. He even ends up rocking him slightly, turning to kiss his hair despite the sweat, he knows Clyde needs all of the consolation he can get and Stensland wants to give it.

****

It takes Clyde an embarrassingly long time to gather himself and return to some semblance of normality by which point he's slipped down far enough to lay his head just under Stensland's collarbone, counting the heartbeats while the steady rhythm of his breaths lull him into a light sleep. 

****

Stensland himself barely moves unless it’s just to adjust the rocking or the soft stroking of Clyde’s back until he hears the man sleeping again. He isn’t in the most comfortable position but right now his main priority is making sure Clyde is okay.

****

This time Clyde wakes to Stensland adjusting his position, a much more pleasant rousing. He can't have been out long, but he's already feeling a little stiff from his hunched position letting out a soft groan as he straightens out his back. 

****

"'m sorry," he mumbles after a while shuffling down the bed until he can rest his head on Stensland's thigh instead.

****

“Shh Clyde, it’s okay.” Stensland moves his hand down, gently stroking at Clyde’s hair after he manoeuvres a pillow behind his back so he doesn’t have to move again. “Get some more rest.” 

****

It's so nice this, Clyde thinks just being able to cling to someone for comfort instead of pacing bald patches into the carpet. Having his hair stroked might be the best part of it, a throwback to his childhood while his mother was still alive to do it for him. A tickle of a memory reminds him of something, "Tell me one of them bedtime stories?" Now would be the time for it, if ever. 

****

Stensland has to take a minute to think, to remember their previous conversation before he smiles to himself. He wants to indulge Clyde so he chooses one of his old favourites, he’s a bit hazy on details but remembers most of it enough to fill in the blanks, thankfully it’s not too long. Admittedly it’s not the same as the way his mother used to tell them but Stensland enjoys telling the story. He likes it when he remembers another little detail, still stroking Clyde’s hair as he speaks softly. 

****

Clyde listens intently to the little story, closing his eyes and trying to imagine it as Stens brings the words to life. By the end of it, he’s on the cusp of falling asleep again easily letting it consume him safe in the knowledge that Stensland is looking after him.

****

They remain where they are and Stens makes sure Clyde goes back to sleep, leaning his head back and closing his own eyes. It’s not exactly easy sleeping half sitting up, but he does it to make sure Clyde gets what he needs.

****

After that Clyde’s slumber is deep and painless though he wakes feeling like he's been run over by a bulldozer a couple of times, glad he has nowhere to be at the moment. Once last night returns to him he feels guilty about how Stensland has had to spend the night just so Clyde could use him as a pillow.

****

"I'm sorry," he mumbles again when Stensland stirs beneath him, placing a soft kiss on his thigh to punctuate the apology. 

****

Stensland just hums softly as he tries to wake up a little bit, forcing his tired eyes open he still manages to give a small smile. “Did you have any more dreams?”

****

"No." A blessing, If only he could sleep like that every night.

****

“Good, that’s good.” His words are punctuated with a yawn, his hand still in Clyde’s hair as Stensland ends up closing his eyes again just for a moment. 

****

Clyde would like to stay in bed longer, but his bladder disagrees urging him to move. Once he's relieved himself he detours through the kitchen where Mellie is inhaling a bowl of cereal to collect Sookie and bring her back to bed with him for a lazy morning.

****

Stensland takes that chance to lie down properly, grunting as he stretches out his cramped back and tries to get properly comfortable this time after a few big stretches. When Clyde returns he’s happy to let Sookie lie on his stomach and rub her ears as he looked at his partner. 

****

“What time is it?”

****

"Somewhere around ten," is his best estimate going by how awake Mellie looked. He'd like to snuggle back up to Stensland, but Clyde figures the man might need a break so keeps his distance, settling back down with some room between them.

****

“Need to go paint the bar.” Stensland blinks a few times, trying to pull himself together as he pets Sookie. He’s kind of regretting lying back down though, feeling like he needs to catch up on a lot of sleep. “And get cameras...” 

****

Clyde groans in the negative, going back to face what's on the bar is the last thing he wants right now, just the thought of it has opened the door to let his anxiety creep back in. 

****

Stensland let out a heavy sigh, reaching out to urge Clyde to come closer. “A couple more hours okay?” 

****

Gladly taking the invitation he scoots over until he's tucked up against Stens' side, Sookie giving him a curious sniff and lick once he's close enough.

****

He slowly rubs Clyde’s shoulder, fighting so hard to keep himself awake so he can comfort his partner to the best of his ability. “I love you, clyde.”

****

"Get some sleep, darling." Just having the opportunity to lie like this is enough for Clyde, besides they'll both need the energy if they're going to deal with the bar today. Stealing a kiss for good measure, he tucks them all in as well as he can, burrowing down into the sheets ready to get a couple hours more himself. 

****

Stensland certainly wasn’t going to argue with that, he was exhausted and happily passed straight out with Sookie having moved until she was cuddled up to his head on the pillow.

****

For Clyde it takes a while longer to fall asleep, too preoccupied with watching Stensland drift off and feeling a little less guilty now that they'll both be getting some much needed rest.

****

Eventually they do have to get up and face the day. Duck Tape looks no better today than it had yesterday, still defaced and boarded up, at least nothing new has been added over night. There's only one thing to do and that's to pick a can of paint and a brush and get to it. 

****

Mellie goes straight to the worst words, sparing them the pain of having to deal with it a second time. It’s not exactly a quick job and it sours the mood again having to face all of the damage once more. Stensland just gets on with it though, until he’s damp with sweat and has to go and sit on the front step, wiping his face on his t-shirt, but he would much rather get it done so they don’t have to constantly be reminded of what happened. 

****

It takes them hours to cover up one wall, but at least now the worst of it is hidden under a fresh layer of paint, and all of them under a layer of sweat. The sun is beating down hard and Clyde is feeling increasingly sticky eventually resorting to pulling his shirt off entirely because Stensland looks like he's in need of a distraction while Mellie is inside to get them cold drinks.

Stens was admittedly feeling queasy because of the work and the heat but he still gave a smile when he watched Clyde. He could always admire him at least and he let out a soft little sigh as he admired his boyfriend; the next thing he knew he was keeling over and blacking out on the step.


	14. Please Drop the Soap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy

Shit!  _ Oh fuck, fuck, fuck! _ Clyde rushes over to the steps where Stensland is sprawled out, everything else happening fades into the background to make space for his panic as he hovers over his boyfriend.

****

"Stensland!" There's no response and when he puts a hand to Stens' forehead its dry and hot. Heatstroke. He should have been paying more attention. Inside it's cooler, thank god, Mellie emerging from the kitchen when he comes bursting through the door. She takes one look at Stensland before turning on her heel and heading straight for the freezer while Clyde carries Stens into the breakroom, putting him down on the worn sofa and turning on every fan in the room to try and get him cooled down.

****

It takes a little while for Stensland to come back around once his body temperature started to come down a little, he feels so groggy and before he can even figure out where he is he’s bringing up the remnants of the breakfast he had before they came out. He feels so embarrassed when he finally manages to breathe properly after messing up the floor, looking up at Clyde who looked terrified. 

****

“S-sorry...”

****

"Shit," he should have thought to bring a bucket, "Don't worry about it." The floor is linoleum anyway, easy to clean up. "You oughta said something when you wasn't feeling well," Clyde admonishes gently, bringing over the glass of ice water Mellie had brought before stepping out to call the doctor. 

****

Stensland took the water he was given, feeling a little bit shaky but managed to sip it as he looked up at Mellie looking a little like a kicked puppy. “It’s only heatstroke, I’ve, it’s happened before, I don’t want any fuss.”

****

"Shut up and let us worry." Heatstroke can be pretty serious, it's not something that ought to be belittled and brushed aside. 

****

Stens just sighed softly this wasn’t a fight he was going to win, going back to very slowly sipping the water. He did feel better for being indoors and finally he looked back down, “I, I should clean that up...”

****

"I'll take care of it, Just drink your water." Clyde pipes up as he comes back in, cleaning up is quick and easy, plus it gives him something to do while they wait for the doctor to arrive.

****

Stensland feels like such an idiot, he’s just got in the way yet again by not being careful enough when he knew this could have been avoided, “I’m sorry.”

****

"What for? Ain't none of this your fault." Sitting down next to Stens' hip Clyde runs his hand through that sweaty, ginger hair, both as a gesture of comfort and to feel for any damage. "I'm the one who keeps taking my clothes off in front of you," he jokes weakly. Stensland manages a soft laugh at that, looking at Clyde with slightly out of focus eyes. 

****

“You’re too hot.”

****

"At least I didn't bend down this time," he teases. Though, had their roles been reversed and he'd been treated to such a show from Stensland he'd be the one knocked out cold.

****

“Oh no, no bleeding this time.” He smiled softly again, finally reaching out and touching Clyde’s shoulder. “I need something sugary, even a soda, it helps afterwards.”

****

"Mel?" Clyde looks hopefully at his sister, not wanting to leave Stensland's side more than he has to. Nodding she goes to get something from the fridge behind the bar returning with a can of soda and the doctor on her tail before too long. 

****

Stensland sighed heavily when the doctor arrived, giving Clyde a look that said  _ ‘we’ll talk later’ _ . He let himself be checked over, hearing exactly what he was expecting and being told to do what he was planning on doing anyway, rest, all in all a wasted trip for the doctor. “That was completely unnecessary.”

****

"I don't care if it was." He trusts Stensland to know what he's talking about, but it eases his mind to have a professional opinion to back it up.

****

“Yeah and I don’t have medical insurance. I didn’t mean to worry you and I’m sorry for not resting earlier but you need to trust me when I say I’m alright.”

****

"It'll go on mine." Stens is family now and that means they share everything, he'd even pay out of his own pocket to make sure Stensland is alright. No price is too high.

****

“I’m honestly fine now, I should have known better with the heat here.”

****

"I'm sorry if you think I worry too much." Clyde just can't help it. What if one day something goes unchecked and he ends up losing Stensland when it could have been prevented, he's all too familiar with how quickly things can turn, how little it takes. "I'm just scared I'll lose you."

****

“You’re not gonna lose me, honestly, I’m just sensitive to the heat, I, I’m so sorry.”

****

"Don't apologise for that and I'll try to stop overreacting every time you get hurt." It'll take some time, but eventually he'll have to learn that Stens isn't a fragile china cup, he did make it through prison after all. 

****

“Did we finish the wall?”

****

"Yup, we're calling it quits for today," and tomorrow Stensland gets to sit one out if Clyde has his way. 

****

Stensland gave a little nod, “I think I need to shower...” He feels so gross and sticky, he is feeling less queasy though and starts to get up slowly.

****

"I'll take you home." Mellie will lock up for them. Offering his hand Clyde pulls Stensland up off the couch, leading him through the empty bar and out on the porch where he collects his discarded shirt, yanking it back on to avoid the pain of getting stuck to his leather seats.

****

Stensland just follows quietly, ready to get cleaned up and rest. He feels like such an idiot for letting himself get like that and especially for worrying Clyde when they both have enough on their plate. “I should have said something sooner.”

****

"Well, you'll know that for next time." If only he knew what it would take to make Stensland feel comfortable enough to speak up when something is wrong. "You know I ain't gonna judge you," not after what Stens has helped him though, "It takes time adjusting to someplace new."

****

“I, I just didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to get out of helping. I didn’t wanna have to keep resting and let you and Mellie do more of the work. It wouldn’t be fair.”

****

"Me and Mellie are used to this kinda heat, I don't want you pushing yourself too hard. If you need a break please take one." When they've reached the car Clyde takes Stens' hand pulling him close so he can kiss his forehead.

****

“I’m sorry, I will tomorrow, I promise.”

****

"Tomorrow you're taking the day off," or at least staying out of the sun. "But I reckon you won't be agreeing to that so I propose you paint me a big old rainbow that I can hang up behind the bar."

****

“I, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea...” Stensland sighed softly. “Is there nothing I can do inside the bar?”

****

"I'd like that rainbow, I ain't gonna be ashamed of who I am anymore, If people want to take offence to that they know where the door is." Clyde knows he might be going a little overboard with his show of pride, but if people think they can bully him into hiding again, they're wrong.

****

“That might be true, Clyde, but what if you’re just encouraging it to happen again?”

****

"If it does we'll have them on tape." First thing tomorrow he'll be ordering in some security cameras, if they’re stupid enough to get caught he'll know who they are, and so will the police and everyone else. 

****

“Whatever you want Clyde, it is your bar.” He couldn’t exactly protest when it wasn’t up to him at all. 

****

Clyde sighs, he can understand Stensland's reluctance in all this, being from the city he's likely more used to letting things go or avoiding them, that's something you can't do someplace small like Boone. "You gotta understand that things round here work different than in the big city, you gotta take it into your own hands."

****

“I know, I just, I’m adjusting. Surely you would find it hard after all that’s happened then ending up living somewhere completely different.” 

****

Clyde’s heart melts at the little pout Stens gives him, "You'll get used to it, darling, and when we move we can see if we find someplace closer to Charlotte, I don't mind commuting to work." It's less than an hour anyway and something of a compromise.

****

“It’s not fair if we have to travel far because of me, I’ll be okay, I’ll settle and get used to everything. I promise you don’t need to keep adjusting everything for me.”

****

"Well, It ain't fair of me to expect you to conform to me, this oughta be an equal thing," otherwise it just wouldn't be right. 

****

Stensland understood that, giving a nod. “I guess as long as it’s all within reason yeah?”

****

"We'll have plenty of time to figure it out." There's no rush, for now they should get home and take that shower, a cool shower at that.

****

“We do.” That made Stensland smile, he liked knowing that Clyde was still seeming to think of things fully long term and it made him feel so warm with reassurance. The trip home was uneventful, but Sookie is happy to see them, barking up a storm in the kitchen, Stensland is relieved to be back in their safe space. 

****

"Want company in that shower?" Clyde isn’t sure if either of them are really up for something naughty, but they're both sorely in need of a shower so they might as well combine the two and if there’s a bit of kissing he’s not one to complain. 

****

“Yes please, as long as you wash my back.” Stensland manages a smile despite Sookie licking his face like mad as he gives her a cuddle.

****

"If you do mine, it's a deal." By now they've done this enough that any shyness he might have had about the intimacy of showering together is long gone, overtaken by the comfort of sharing this with someone he loves. 

****

Stens nods, his smile widening slightly as he finally put sookie down so he could go and get cleaned up. He felt even more disgusting now he was more aware of how gross he was and was desperate to shower.

****

At the feel of the lukewarm water Clyde lets out a groan of relief, so soothing. It feels great to just stand there and get soaked, but he moves out of the way letting Stensland get under the spray too so they can both just stand there. 

****

Stensland wraps his arms around Clyde’s waist, “I dunno what I’d do without you now.”

****

"Feels like I can't remember a time where I didn't know you," Clyde admits quietly, leaning down the bit of difference between them to bury his nose in Stensland's hair.

****

“Feels likes it’s been years.” Stens closed his eyes, leaning forward enough to kiss Clyde’s chest softly. “It might sound cheesy but I can’t imagine being with anyone else, ever.”

****

"I knew pretty quick I wouldn't be able to forget you and I can't believe how lucky I've been to get to have you like this." Maybe soon, in a few months, he can go out and buy a ring, ask Stens to marry him. He wants to now and he knows that's not going to change anytime soon.

****

“Toward the end I was honestly so scared... I was scared I would be forgotten, that we would both go home and just drift apart,” Stenslannd confesses.

****

"I thought you wouldn't want me when you got out either." He'd figured Stens would move on to someone better, more mentally sound, someone in the city.

****

“I wouldn’t want anyone else.” Stensland hugged Clyde harder, hiding his face away and just reminding himself of how much he really loved Clyde. It hadn’t been long but so much had brought them together and anyone who went through so much with someone was bound to fall for them, head over heels. 

****

"You have me." Pressing a series of kisses to Stensland's head Clyde wraps his arms around that lithe body and just holds on for dear life. Nothing is ever going to come between them, he'll make damn sure of it. 

****

They end up just holding each other for a while under the water before they get around to washing, and by the time Stensland is getting out of the shower he feels much better. Of course neither of them are one-hundred percent but at least they’re less worked up as they head into the bedroom to dress, Stensland not feeling like he’s going to pass out anymore.

****

Warm, exhausted and pliant Clyde takes advantage of the empty bed and sprawls across it on his stomach so he can air dry for a few minutes. 

****

Stensland was just going to sit on the edge to dry off but he can’t resist lying down as well and letting his hand rest on the small of Clyde’s back. “Where will you get the cameras from tomorrow?”

****

"Might order in, might go up to Charlotte." Charlotte would be quicker, but it all depends on how he's feeling, and whether or not anyone would be available to drive since he figures it wouldn't be the best idea to go somewhere bigger without a license, the chances of getting pulled over are too big. Stesland hums in response, gently stroking Clyde’s back. 

****

“Would it not be best to order some in tonight? Then they can be ready for tomorrow.”

****

"Mmmm," Clyde agrees, pushing up against Stens' hand just a little, enjoying the soft touch.

****

That makes Stensland smile, seeing Clyde calming down completely like that so he keeps stroking his back slowly. “Then once that’s done and installed we can start on the second wall.”

****

"I'll see if I can't get some more people to help out," Clyde mumbles into the pillow, arching his back in a brief stretch before settling back down. Earl can probably help and he's sure if he puts out another post on the Facebook there will be plenty of folks offering a hand.

****

“That might be a good idea,” Stensland smiled softly, still stroking Clyde’s back as if he was a lazy cat. He was also indulgently feeling the muscle there, loving the shape and firmness, just taking the time to admire his partner.

****

Clyde has practically melted under the petting, all his tension leaking out through that one single touch. He could easily fall asleep like this if he's not careful, it's also stirring other things which is a good sign to put a stop to it, but no, it feels too good and he can control himself. Once he's had the thought though, his mind easily conjures up an image of Stensland spanking him when that hand crawls half an inch further on the downstroke and he has to hide his blush in the pillow and try not to laugh at it. 

****

Stensland watched Clyde intently, his hand pausing when the man hides his face wondering if he’s growing uncomfortable. He still doesn’t exactly know the limits and what the other does and doesn’t like so he’s quick to ask. “Do you want me to stop?”

****

"No, just had a thought," Clyde looks at Stensland full of mirth, barely holding back a giggle. 

****

He can’t help but smile at seeing the look on Clyde’s face, “Do I want to know?”

****

"Depends." Clyde still of the opinion that they ought to keep this day PG for their health's sake, but if Stens asks he won't lie.

****

“Depends on what? Because you look highly amused.” He smiled again, moving to lie next to Clyde and put his arm around his waist so Stensland was cuddled to his side.

****

"It ain't PG." Clyde welcomes Stens into an odd embrace, throwing his arm over him and scooting him sort of halfway underneath so he can steal a kiss without contorting his neck. 

****

“I think we’re a bit past that don’t you? Suppose you can be honest with anyone who’s had your cock in their mouth.” Stens tries to keep a straight face but ends up snorting out a laugh, shaking his head with another giggle.

****

"Well, I was thinking how we used to get spanked." Clyde had never even considered that as something he might find interesting until this moment. "Though, I reckon I'm a little too big now to get turned over anyone's knee," he giggles, leaning down the press a series of kisses along Stensland's collarbone. 

****

He gives a soft hum of content with the gentle kisses, rubbing Clyde’s waist. “I think you are definitely too big.”

****

"I'd crush you." Last time he checked he weighed upwards of two fifty, but that was before prison. "I gotta weight at least sixty more than you," he muses, Stensland might be long, but there's not much in the way of muscle, or fat, or anything really.

****

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a bit more, perhaps it’s me who should go over your knee.” He gave another soft laugh, moving so he could tug Clyde into a proper kiss.

****

"Maybe," Clyde smiles into the kiss. 

****

Stensland brushes Clyde’s hair back, kissing his forehead, smiling wide as he pulls back. “How are you feeling?”

****

"Alright, all things considered." Things are finally starting to let up a little, there's still a looming thundercloud, but the sun is shining through in places. "How 'bout you?"

****

“I’m okay, I was worried about you... you looked so sad.” Stensland kept stroking back the slowly drying hair, offering Clyde another smile.

****

"I'll be alright, it's just the first obstacle in many." They'll power through this, and keep getting stronger. The first opposition just hurts the most, but now they know what to expect and will be better prepared for what's to come.

****

“I hope not too many and not as bad as that,” Stensland sighed softly, they were both okay physically at least and that was something.

****

"It's just a matter of not letting them win, if we keep standing up for ourselves they'll grow tired of it." Whoever they are, their goal is obviously to beat them down and the can't let that happen.

****

“I trust you Clyde, I just, I’m worried you might get hurt. I love you so much.” Stensland cuddled him firmly, almost rolling on top of him.

****

"I won't." He has no intentions of starting a war he can't win, he knows better than to get involved in that kind of fight again. Rolling onto his back to better accommodate Stens, Clyde wraps his arms around his waist to hold him in place. 

****

Stensland relaxes completely on top of Clyde, closing his eyes for a moment and letting out a long slow breath. “Either way we will both have each other.”

****

"Always." Without Stensland he wouldn't be able to go through this and come out still fighting. Without Stens he wouldn't even be picking a fight. 

****

Seeing Stens close his eyes and relax Clyde takes the opportunity to look his fill, just take in all the skin on view to him, from the freckles on his sunburnt shoulders to the perky, pale butt within easy reach, because apparently everything about Stensland is cute. Feeling bold he dares to rest his hand on Stens' lower back, caressing the soft skin there.

****

Stensland keeps his eyes closed, letting out a soft sigh followed by a smile with how nice the touch felt. He really adored it and he liked how comfortable they were with each other now. 

****

Like Stensland did for him before Clyde sets a slow rhythm, stroking up the length of his spine and back, just letting himself feel and enjoy touching someone this intimately. 

****

“Feels really good...” Stensland doesn’t know if he’s getting turned on or sleepy, he finds himself letting out a yawn that ends in a soft moan. “Love you.”

****

Clyde smiles, huffing a short laugh as he keeps up the stroking soon moving on to draw patterns with his fingers using all the skin available to him. He ends up tracing swirls all the way down to that cute butt, ending his path with a heart on one cheek before switching back to the strokes. 

****

Stensland gave a little laugh, turning to kiss Clyde again and nuzzling against him. “You’re the worst.”

****

"But you love me," Clyde deadpans, punctuating with a little pinch right where he'd put the heart. 

****

Stensland actually squeaked at that, jumping slightly at the pinch before a deep flush crossed his cheeks. “I do love you even when you pinch my ass.” 

****

Clyde laughs, stroking over the area to soothe it before leaving his hand there a while, "I love you too."

****

“You’re still the worst.” Stensland gives another laugh, shuffling down so he can lie on his side facing Clyde.

****

"I'm ain’t the one with a great ass," Clyde teases rolling onto his side to face Stensland, hand creeping back around him, a perfect handful.

****

“You have the best arse.” Stensland liked how Clyde couldn’t stop touching him, it made him feel so loved and wanted. 

****

Smiling bashfully at the compliment Clyde hooks his arm around Stens’ waist to pull him close enough to kiss. Taking his time and going slow, he's had a fair amount of practice with this since they got together, but he's still rusty at best. 

****

Despite their shared inexperience Stensland still adores kissing Clyde, it always feels so perfect and if he was allowed he might actually just kiss the man forever.

****

Time flies when they're necking like teenagers, indulging in what they've missed out on and enjoying each other's bodies. In an act to get them as close as they can be Clyde tangles his legs with Stensland, wishing they could just merge together like this. 

****

Stensland stops for a moment, just so they can catch a proper breath as he smiles at Clyde. “It doesn’t matter what other people think or do when we have each other, right?”

****

"You're all I need, darling," and that's the truth, he could lose everything tomorrow and he'd be alright so long as he has Stensland.

****

“You’re all I need, and Sookie too.” He gave a little grin. 

****

Smiling Clyde nuzzles into Stensland's hand, kissing the palm a few times then moving on down that long, slender arm, up his shoulder and neck, along his jaw, ending with a soft kiss on the lips before snuggling down into Stens' embrace. 

****

That was something Stensland found incredibly sweet, something he only thought they did in the movies. He didn’t think he would get to experience it with anyone really and he sighed softly as they snuggled down. “I don't even know what time it could be.”

****

"Sun's still up," and he's yet to hear the front door so unless Mellie's learned to not slam it in the last few hours they're still alone, "We got time."

****

“Good, I don’t really wanna ever move from this bed.” Stensland knew he would be happy if every night could be like this, that Stensland would always have Clyde there for him.

****

"Me neither." Clyde would gladly stay here forever, just like this, just them with no barriers or looming threats.

****

“Though We should probably let Sookie out for a pee and give her a cuddle.”

****

"Might be a good idea." Rolling out of bed takes effort, he'd much rather stay in, but Stens is right they do need to let Sookie out so he does what's needed and gets dressed.

****

Sookie, as always, is happy to see them, not to mention happy to be let out, running circles in the yard on her stubby little legs, picking up new smells every now and then. Clyde settles down in one of the garden chairs to watch, stretching his legs out and letting the grass tickle his bare feet. 

****

Stensland pulls up the seat next to Clyde, loving the way the grass is still warm from the sun. “When are we going to start looking for a place?”

****

"How about after we've gone and picked up your stuff?" It'll give them time to settle into each other some more, so they don't rush into it any more than they already have.

****

“Yeah, I don’t wanna do it too soon. I mean I really like it here as well, so I don’t mind it taking a bit longer.”

****

"But as long as we live with Mellie you can't fuck me through the wall whenever you'd like," Clyde finishes with a smirk, hoping to see Stens turn red again. 

****

Stensland did indeed turn red and also choked a little bit at the comment, looking at Clyde with big eyes and trying to think of a response that simply wouldn’t come to him. 

****

This is fast becoming his favourite game to play, Stensland blushes so prettily and Clyde has no problem spouting filth to him as long as they're alone.  "When we get our own house we can scream the place down." 

****

Stens is half sure Clyde does this on purpose, that he loves seeing the reactions. “Is that a promise, you will make me scream?” Stensland chews on his lip a little nervously.

****

"I'll do my best," Clyde promises, "I'll even go on the Google for tips." Try to find out what goes in the real world as opposed to porn, can't be too hard. Maybe even Mellie knows a few things he could ask about.

****

“You sound so old when you say that,” Stensland laughed softly, “The Google... it’s just called Google. Just Google.” He loved the fact that Clyde was ready to try and learn for him though.

****

"I am old, you'll find aging works different around these parts." Clyde certainly feels older than his almost thirty years. "And if I can't find anything on the Google you'll just have to teach this old man how," Clyde smiles, letting Stens' laugh wash over him and end up as a flutter in his chest.

****

“I think I could give it a go, though I don’t want to give the old man a heart attack...”

****

"This old man can still run five miles before breakfast so I think we're in the clear." Clyde watches Sookie toddle over to sniff his feet, licking his toes when she finds him satisfactory before wandering off again, nose to the ground. 

****

Stensland gives another soft laugh, watching Sookie before sitting down on the grass to play with her for a while. He also knew he really needed to start training her properly, it seemed that she was doing well with toilet training though. Clyde joins them down in the grass, getting in on the game being played until he deems it time for a break, worried they'll end up with a repeat of earlier. Stensland is also ready for a drink, wanting something cold as they go inside heading straight for the fridge.

****

The rest of the day they spend in front of the TV after ordering the security cameras for the bar, for dinner Mellie brings home pizza which gets eaten in front of reruns of Dawson's Creek. It’s relaxed and perfect, Stensland is happy they are indulging him and he even ends up eating quite a bit of pizza. By the time it’s dark he’s more than ready for bed, taking Clyde’s hand and tugging him toward their room after saying goodnight to Mellie.

****

"Goodnight, boys! Have fun now you hear!" She calls after them with a cackle. 

****

“She’s terrible, I see it runs in the family.” Clyde is too distracted by Stensland undressing to pay proper attention to what's being said so he just nods along and hopes he hasn't agreed to something horrible while his boyfriend was slipping his robe off.

****

“Oh so you suddenly agree with me?” Stensland moves over, kissing him softly. Clyde hums into the kiss, pretty sure that Stens could get him to agree with most everything using this technique. 

****

Stensland likes this, he likes how pliant Clyde is and somehow it just makes him feel even more loved, that Clyde melts with every single touch as Stensland moves them to the bed.

****

Clyde goes with ease, letting Stensland direct him however he wants, sinking down onto the bed when it hits the back of his legs and pulling Stens down with him so he has easier access to that soft, pink mouth. 

****

Stensland is more than happy to lie half on top of his partner, kissing him until he doesn’t actually know how long they had been lying there without properly getting into bed. 

****

Clyde’s back is what eventually demands they lay down properly, awkwardly scooting and rolling them into a passable position with an embarrassing accompaniment from the creaky bed frame. When his head hits a pillow at last he wraps his legs around Stens' hips to keep him in place a while longer.

****

“You know we could have just got up and then moved quicker and easier?” Stensland chuckles, one hand reaching down and gently stroking over Clyde’s thigh.

****

"Don't care," Clyde mutters, huffing a laugh himself, he's not exactly thinking straight at the moment arousal simmering beneath his skin. Stensland hummed softly, still stroking over Clyde's thigh as he let his full weight rest on top of him. 

****

“‘Course you don’t.” He moved to nudge Clyde’s cheek so he could nuzzle into his neck, Stensland’s lips brushing slowly over his skin. 

****

Clyde lets out a low groan, finding it difficult to go back to being quiet when he hasn't had to for a while, there's too many other things to pay attention to, like the hand on his thigh making him wish he'd thought to undress sooner, the solid weight pressing him into the mattress, and the lips brushing against his skin. It wouldn't be right of him to not let Stens know he's enjoying it.

****

The moan admittedly surprises him, he wasn’t sure if this was actually going to lead anywhere but now he couldn’t stop himself. Stensland moved his hand further up, rubbing his hip slowly and even letting his teeth graze softly over Clyde’s neck, still trying new things that the man might enjoy.

****

Clyde melts under the attention, pushing up against Stensland in search of that little bit more, bringing his hand up to tangle his fingers in Stens' hair and laying his artificial one across his back, still unsure if his boyfriend is comfortable being touched with it. 

****

“Clyde... do you want more?” Yes, Clyde nods, whatever more is he wants it. Anything Stensland is willing to give he'll take. It brings a smile to Stensland’s face, the way Clyde is so eager for this. 

****

“I love you... I love you so much,” Stensland says it with complete honesty, finally moving down Clyde’s chest, and being slightly adventurous letting his tongue drag over one of his nipples. 

****

He's not entirely proud of the noise he makes when Stens licks his nipple, it's caught somewhere between a squeal and a gasp. He can't believe he hasn't thought to try this before, never really paying any other part of his body mind when the goal is to get off, it's a good sensation, a little spark that hits him just right.

****

The sound goes right through Stensland, making him shudder in delight and gets blood pooling in his groin. So of course he does it again, moving his tongue slowly and even closing his lips around the hardening nub to see what other amazing sounds he can pull from Clyde.

****

When Stensland sucks on it Clyde is pretty sure he could come from that alone given enough time, every little spark and shudder going to the rising heat between his legs. He really, really needs to get his shorts off as soon as possible, needs to feel Stens against every inch of his skin. With a little bit of effort he manages to wriggle his hand between them to pop the button and drag the fly down as much as he can, sighing at the relief in pressure. 

****

Stensland didn’t exactly move much to help with the undressing, too intoxicated by the reactions from Clyde. He loved how sensitive he seemed and was more than happy to move over and give the other side of Clyde’s chest the same attention, letting it all slowly build up between them to find release after a shitty day.

****

Clyde knows for a fact he's being too loud when Stensland shifts his focus to the other side of his chest, but at the moment he couldn't care less, caught up in all the new sensations. Tightening his legs around Stens' waist he rolls his hips up in search of a little friction.

****

It makes Stensland gasp when he feels Clyde moving up against him, that he’s got him in such a state he’s practically rutting, Stensland presses down in response, rocking his hips slightly as he keeps mouthing over that broad chest. Under him Clyde shudders, whining at the attention to his chest.

****

Stensland finally stops, moving back to look down at Clyde, he doesn’t say anything just dips down to kiss him for a moment. After that it’s utter want that drives him, moving to tug down Clyde’s shorts and dropping them off the side of the bed. Stensland’s hand finally wrapping around Clyde, and while he is rock hard himself he ignores it in favour of leaning back to purely admire the view as he strokes.

****

Arching up into the touch Clyde bites his arm to muffle himself, blindly reaching out to put a hand on Stensland to ground himself. He’s completely enraptured by the sight, remembering what Clyde had told him and wrapping his fingers a little bit more firmly around his length. His strokes were firm but steady, Stensland’s eyes too busy watching every reaction to focus on doing much more.

****

It's embarrassing how close he is already, how little it takes to unravel him. Stensland pauses to give the glans an experimental rub before going back to stroking just how Clyde likes it, slowly taking him apart with just his hand.

****

Just a little more is all Clyde needs, that last little push over the edge. He finds it when he rocks back against Stensland just enough to feel the hard length of him nudge against him, the knowledge that Stens is that hard for him exactly what he needs. 

****

Stensland can’t stop the moan that leaves him, he’s never thought he could feel so good just from giving pleasure and he watches raptly as Clyde finally reaches his climax. It’s an amazing sight, so gorgeous, his eyes wide as he watches every movement. 

****

Mind buzzing, Clyde tenses up, hips spasming through the electric haze that takes him over. It's perfect, and after all that's happened, exactly what he needs. When he comes back down he starts noticing the little things like the sweat beading on his skin and the hair in his eyes that he has to let go of Stensland to brush away. 

****

"What you like?" Stensland is still hot and hard against him and he feels like he should do something about that after what's been done to him, it's only fair. That and the thought of bringing his boyfriend off makes his exhausted cock give a weak twitch and make Clyde wish he was five years younger so he could go again right away. 

****

He’s still staring at Clyde, he’s so completely in love and obsessed with every little thing the man can give so it takes him a moment to realise Clyde had spoke and Stensland just shook his head. Leaning back on his knees he moves to touch himself, still looking at Clyde and suddenly making very intense eye contact as his hand works at his own hardness this time.

****

Clyde can't look away, caught up in Stensland's green eyes turned dark with arousal. Eventually he moves, sitting up so he can pulls Stens close and kiss him, feeling like he ought to do something at least.

****

He pulls Stensland down with him, uncaring of the mess being smeared between them, reversing their positions so he can sit back for a moment and just take it all in. This time he doesn't hesitate to dive down and take Stens into his mouth, looking up to see how he'll react when he sucks on the tip.

****

Stensland quickly covers his mouth with his hand, muffling a loud cry of pleasure when he’s so suddenly accosted. He has to press his hand down hard to deaden every loud moan he wants to make. Stenslands other hand goes to Clyde’s hair and grips tight, trying not to buck his hips up. 

****

Between breathing through his nose and trying to remember what he did last time that got the best results Clyde can barely concentrate on anything else, trying to take Stensland a little deeper this time. He still can't manage more than half, but he's sure with plenty of practice he'll be able to swallow all of him in no time.

****

“D-dont stop...” Stensland's encouragement helps bolster his resolve and he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and manages to squeeze another half inch into his mouth without gagging. It's not long before his jaw starts to ache, but he's determined to see this through.

****

Stensland gives a yelp of pleasure as he feels more of the heat, he’s getting so close and is desperately trying to be quiet before he ends up giving hoarse whisper of a warning. 

****

“Clyde I’m, I’m...” He managed to just tug Clyde back by his hair instead, letting his release land on his own stomach. 

****

Clyde surprises himself with a moan when Stensland pulls him off by his hair, that's new too. "Fuck," he gasps, wiping the spit from his chin and trying to catch his breath. 

****

“Holy shit...” Seeing that Stensland is more or less out of commission Clyde reaches to the floor for his discarded shirt using it to wipe the mess from their stomachs before flopping down next to Stens and trying not to think about how fucked out they both must look.

****

Stensland manages to roll over to put his arm around Clyde, giving him the softest kiss. “Love you.”

****

"I love you too," Clyde murmurs, hooking the bundled sheets with his foot and pulling them up until they're semi covered, before pulling off his arm and switching off the bedside lamp, plunging them into darkness. 

****

A couple of hours later Clyde jerks awake, remnants of panic clinging to the edge of his mind, taking a deep, shuddery breath he turns his back to Stens, staring out into the darkness of the room until sleep reclaims him. 

****

Stensland ends up jolting awake too when he feels Clyde move so suddenly, he’s about to reach out and move closer to try and comfort him but when the man turns away he lets his hand fall back to the bed. Stensland doesn’t speak, he feels stupidly hurt but doesn’t say anything and rolls over to face away knowing that Clyde probably wants the space.

****

When Clyde wakes up again he's managed to curl himself around Stensland's back again, he suspects the sticky heat between them is what roused him. The air in the room is hot and muggy, watery traces of early sunlight creeping in through the curtains. Thanking his lucky star that the bed is right beneath the window he forces the creaky old frame open to let some fresh air in. 

****

Stensland rouses when Clyde moves hearing the creak of the window, he’s sweating slightly and feeling overly sleep warm. He can’t quite figure out why because Clyde had moved away and he opened his eyes with a soft groan. “Clyde?”

****

"Morning, darling," Clyde smiles, "I wake you?" The sheets rustle as he settles back down, stretching out to rid himself of the last dredges of sleep.

****

“Yeah... are you okay?” Stensland feels a bit stupid asking, he can’t explain why but he does as he stretches out himself.

****

"I'm fine, had a nightmare, nothing too bad so I didn't want to wake you. Was thinking I'd go for a run 'fore it gets too hot," then maybe sleep a couple hours longer.

****

“Uh yeah sure... I just, I woke up when you did, I just wasn’t sure if I should say anything.”

****

"I'm sorry I woke you." Clyde nuzzles into Stensland's shoulder to apologise, leaving a trail of soft kisses down to his clavicle.

****

“I just... when you moved away, I was a bit worried is all,” He let out a soft breath and gave a little shrug. “I’m sorry I know it’s silly.”

****

"Caring ain't silly," a kiss on the cheek this time, "If I wake you anyway don't be scared to let me know."

****

“I just thought maybe you didn’t wanna be near me any more is all.” He moved to catch Clyde’s lips in a proper kiss, morning breath be damned he just needed to remind himself that Clyde did want him.

****

"I always want to be near you," Clyde whispers when they break apart, Stensland smiles softly, stroking over his cheek. 

****

“I’ll remember that, I was just a bit worried is all.” 

****

This time when Clyde climbs over Stensland to get out of bed, he takes a moment to sit across his hips, leaning down to kiss him properly, "I love you," is whispered when they're merely a hairsbreadth apart. 

****

Stensland doesn’t have to think before his hands are on Clyde’s hips, reaching up for another soft kiss. “I love you too.” 

****

Clyde could easily get distracted like this so he untangles them before too long, he needs to go on that run he's been putting off before it gets too hot. Just a short one he reassures himself, only a mile or two so he can be back here sooner rather than later.

****

“Can you let Sookie in the room? I need someone to cuddle if you’re going out on a run.”

****

"Of course, darling." 

****

Sookie is more than happy to be brought in for some cuddling, fumbling her way under the sheets to be as close as possible. It makes Clyde’s heart ache to not join them. Out in the hallway he runs into a sleepy Mellie who gives him a tired smirk before slipping back into her room. He'd forgot about that. She's going to be insufferable.

****

Stensland is more than happy to let Sookie close as Clyde heads out, her head tucked under his chin, he wished Clyde was there too but he knew the man liked to keep fit, and perhaps wanted to shake the rest of the nightmare off. Stensland ended up falling asleep again, him and Sookie moving around until he was on his back and she was sprawled across his chest.

****

It feels great running until his shirt sticks to his back, but Clyde keeps his promise to himself and doesn't go far. Stensland is asleep when he comes back, sprawled out with Sookie on his chest, he snaps a picture, setting it as his phone background while the shower heats up. 

****

Getting off in the shower has become second nature to him now, whether alone or with company. When alone it affords him the opportunity to explore some of the things Stensland has taught him, see if it's just as good when he does it to himself. It isn't. It's a spur of the moment decision that has him probing at his asshole. It's not bad, Clyde thinks, not daring to try more than one finger without something to slick the way. There must be more to it, he figures, they wouldn't be doing it in all the pornos if there wasn't, but that's for another time to explore, a day where he doesn't have Stensland and Sookie waiting for him in bed.

****

Stensland wakes up slowly now fully rested, Sookie having dribbled all over his chest he gently moves her to go shower. He’s still a bit bleary eyed as he pads into the bathroom, he doesn’t even hear the shower before he opens the door, only looking confused when he hears it as the door closes behind him, wondering why the door was open if the shower was on and it’s a few moments later a sleep addled Stens sees Clyde and his eyes go wide.

Clyde doesn't hear the door opening, lost in his own world of trying to get off when his good hand is busy so he can't grip himself. Rubbing up against his stump feels wrong, but it's the only thing he has available right now and he needs more.

****

Stensland’s mouth hangs open and his stomach churns with arousal, he almost falls over in fact, a habit that seems to follow him, totally enraptured with seeing Clyde like that he clicks the door locked behind him. He forces his legs move, getting rid of his boxers and then he speaks Clyde’s name softly to warn him before stepping into the shower. At the sound of his name Clyde jumps, finally realising he’s no longer alone.

****

"Shit!" He can't let himself get distracted like that. Thankfully it's just Stensland and not Mellie that's found him playing with his ass in the shower because he really wouldn’t ever live that down.

****

“I’ve locked the door...” Stensland moves closer, pressing a kiss to Clyde’s shoulder. “D-don’t stop...” 

****

How can he say no to that? In a moment of boldness he props his leg up on the edge of the tub to give himself better access and Stensland a better view. "You got anything slick?" So he can put on a better show than this.

****

“Only in the bedroom....” Stens tries to think on his feet for a moment before reaching out to grab the bottle of baby oil sitting on the shelf by the sink. He mentally apologises to Mellie, holding the bottle, still gobsmacked by the sight of Clyde. His cheeks are still so red, especially when he moves to pour the slippery oil over Clyde’s fingers for him, he’s sure this only happens in porn, or dreams, and he can barely form a real thought.

****

Baby oil will do, he'll just have to think up a fib if Mel asks where it went. Clyde was right, it is way better with something to ease the way, letting him fit two fingers instead of one. Bending over about as much as he dares Clyde leans his arm up against the wall for a little stability, more focused on giving a good show than getting off at this point. 

****

By the time Clyde bends over Stensland is already rock hard, Clyde having kickstarted his libido, he wants to touch but can’t move incase the moment is lost to him, but finally it’s too much. “Can I...”

****

"Please," Clyde gasps, the thought of Stensland touching him like that coaxing out a moan.

****

Stensland fumbles to cover his own fingers in the oil; they’re considerably slimmer, Stensland giving a high little moan when Clyde moves his own hand so he can press two fingers in, feeling what it’s like having a tight heat wrapped around them. 

****

Clyde didn't think it would feel much different having someone else do it now that he’s tried himself, but once his own hand is removed from the equation it becomes an entirely new experience. "More," he needs more of this, high on the feeling of handing over his body to someone he trusts.

****

“M-more?” Stensland is a bit confused, he doesn’t know what Clyde means so he settles for thrusting his fingers a little harder not sure if he was ready for another just yet. He can’t believe he’s doing this, it’s like he’s dreaming; he wouldn’t be surprised if he was.

****

"Use three." Two just isn't enough any more, he wants to feel that stretch again. If they weren't in the shower he's sure he'd have broken a sweat by now. "Please," he whines, pushing back against Stensland's hand.

****

Stens mouth hangs open, adding a bit more oil before trying three and he ends up moaning himself again at the feel of Clyde clenching around his fingers. 

****

Just like that, the stretch is perfect. Clyde is speechless, reduced to concentrating on not slipping and the feel of Stensland inside of him like this, there's only one thing that could make this more intimate and he's not sure if he should ask for that, scared Stens wouldn't want to or think him disgusting for wanting it despite their current position. 

****

Stensland is watching with complete awe, this gorgeous man is moaning at the feel of Stens touching him like this. He’s trembling and needs so much more, it’s very much a case of  _ ‘heat of the moment _ ’ as he lets out a heavy breath, nothing like he imagined their first time actually going. “Let me fuck you, please, please, Clyde...”

****

"God, yes," Clyde pants in return, just the idea of it making him twitch, "Please." He doesn’t even know exactly what he’s doing, he knows they should be using proper lubricant, that there should be a condom involved but he’d never felt such desperation.

****

Stensland himself was so eager he was rubbing his length with baby oil and pressing against Clyde before he could take a proper breath. 

****

It's perfect, like a cloudy sky clearing up and Clyde suddenly understands what all the fuss is about.  _ Fuck that feels good _ . Reaching back he fumbles for Stens' hand on his hip, holding on for dear life while Stensland sinks into him. 

****

Stensland gives a genuine sob of pleasure, he can’t believe this, it’s almost too much but he tries to hang on. The hand over his own helps ground him as he pushes in completely, saying Clyde’s name like a prayer only hoping he wasn’t hurting the man, the moans say otherwise.

****

Having Stensland inside him and plastered to his back feels like they're finally close enough, like what he's been waiting for since he realised who he is. Clyde takes a moment to breathe and adjust, just letting everything wash over him before he wriggles his hips a little in invitation.

****

The slight movement is enough for Stensland, enough for him to grip Clyde’s hips and gently rock his own. He can’t even truly believe this has happening, always having assumed he would be the one receiving to start with. Either way it feels amazing when he really starts moving his hips, that he’s so glad he woke up at just the right time to walk in on clyde.

****

Screw being quiet, he's not even sure he could right now when it sends burst of pleasure through him every time Stensland rocks into him. He can't believe he's been missing out on this for so long, but at the same time overwhelmingly happy that he waited this long. Tangling their fingers together Clyde pulls Stens' hand up to his chest wanting something to hold onto while he leans against the wall, surrounded by all that's happening in this tiny room that currently makes up his whole world.

****

Stensland Let’s Clyde take what he needs, holding onto his hand tightly. He can’t believe it feels so good, he can’t stop moaning and he knows he won’t last long at all. It would hardly be fair on Clyde if Stensland was to keep taking so he reaches around with his other hand, stroking Clyde’s length and biting his lip to try and keep as quiet as he can.

****

A few strokes of Stensland's hand is all it takes, Clyde’s orgasm taking him by storm and leaving him trembling in the aftermath as he clings to Stens' hand wanting to keep him close. 

****

Stensland couldn’t stop even if he wanted to, bucking his hips until his own climax hit him hard. He never expected this at all, Stens trembling so hard he could barely catch his breath as waves of pleasure wash over him.

****

Something in Clyde says they ought to sit down before they fall, but he's not ready to let go just yet. They stand there clutching each other until Stensland slips out by way of gravity, his come dripping down Clyde's leg, this is the part he'd expected to be unpleasant, but he finds he loves the feeling of being claimed like this, every single part of it. He belongs to Stensland now and there's no denying that. 

****

Stensland shifts, nudging Clyde and hugging him tight so they could support each other with their shaky legs. “Holy f-fuck....”

****

"That about sums it up," Clyde chuckles, shuffling around to face Stensland so he can see the aftermath in his expression. "You alright?" 

****

Stensland gives a small nod, more shocked than anything, looking up into Clyde’s eyes before giving a laugh of soft disbelief. “We, we just fucked... in the shower...”

****

"Mellie's never gonna let this go." There's no way she didn't hear anything, "So we might as well do it again next time." Not like he hasn't had to listen to her hooking up on occasion. 

****

Stensland blushed furiously, “I just assumed our first time would be in a bed.” He was still a little embarrassed but it had been so hot.

****

"We can do that too." Clyde is already eager for the next time they can do this, and in bed they can take the time to enjoy it more; and when Stens is comfortable with it maybe they could try it that way too.

****

“I just didn’t expect it at all.” Stensland laughs, biting his lip. “But... seeing you like that was just too hot.”

****

"I had no idea what I was doing, just thought I oughta try it," Clyde admits sheepishly, "You know, in case you'd ever want to do that," he snickers, Stensland sure did want to do that.

****

“Oh I, I thought maybe you’d done it before. I... I didn’t hurt you did I? I didn’t rush it too much?”

****

"No, I loved it." Running his hand through his hair Clyde shifts his stance a little, feeling the stretched out empty feeling left behind and wishing they could go again right now, but that might be a little too much to start. He'll need to recover a little for that, but perhaps tonight, depending on what the day brings, and if Stens would want to.

****

“You really did?” Stensland couldn’t help but smile softly, he liked this, loved the fact that Clyde had enjoyed everything. 

****

Clyde hums his assent, leaning down for a kiss, "But right now, I think we oughta get washed so Mellie don't get mad at us for using all the warm water too."

****

“Yeah...” Stensland is still in awe really, it seemed like everything happened fast between him and Clyde, like it was really just meant to be. 

****

Secretly he's smug about how he's reduced Stensland to this, proud of himself that he can blow someone's mind, flattered too. Stens has done nothing but reduce him to a moaning mess since they got out and it feels great to return the favour at least once. Plucking a random bottle of gel from the shelf next to the tub he sets out to clean Stensland's chest since the man himself still seems to be far off in his own world.

****

Stens gives a smile as he’s cleaned, still riding the high and enjoying every second of Clyde’s touch. It’s nice being so intimate with someone and when he’s functioning enough he moves to return the favour and clean Clyde up.

****

All of this has made Stensland lose track, he can only think about how good he feels, the smile never leaving his face while they get ready. Sookie is still sprawled across the bed, sleeping soundly while they get dressed.

****

"You better not have used all the hot water!" Mellie calls out as she wanders past on her way to the shower, "And stop fucking in my shower, you got your own dang bed," The bathroom door slams and Clyde turns red, chuckling awkwardly. 

****

Stensland looks absolutely mortified, looking up at Clyde, he rubs his face for a moment. “We should really find somewhere else... I really like Mellie but that is, it’s uh embarrassing.”

****

"She don't mean no harm," but that doesn't make it any less embarrassing. "We'll get them plane tickets today and start looking as soon as we get back." They can also take the opportunity to get most of the fucking out of the way while they're in the city, just stay in bed for a day or two.

****

“I know, I don’t wanna make you leave or anything I just, it would be nicer with our own place,” Stensland smiles, kissing Clyde’s cheek.

****

"I know, I'd like that too." He's almost sad to see that cute butt covered up, but they have work to do today. 


	15. Splish Splash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys go for a swim
> 
> Enjoy

Coffee is a godsend, without it Clyde isn’t sure he'd be able to face what's left to cover up. He directs Sookie and Stensland inside out of the sun while him and Mellie get started on the next wall. It looks like a monumental feat to cover, but it's not long before Earl shows up in his old tow truck to help, closely followed by Jolene and her husband, plus kids. When he'd put out that post on Facebook last night he hadn't expected a whole lot of people to show, but over the span of the day several do, regulars, friends and employees coming in shifts to help cover up the hate.

****

Stensland ends up working the bar in some sort of way, making sure everyone drinks water and that they also have some sodas and the occasional beer for who wants one. It’s the least he can do since Clyde is so worried he would end up collapsing again.

****

The job is a lot more pleasant when so many people are willing to lend a hand and he can step inside to watch Stensland serving drinks, looking like he belongs behind the bar. 

"Hey darling," Clyde greets, leaning over the bar top in the hopes of being served a kiss.

****

Stensland looks up, giving a little smile more than happy to lean in for a soft little kiss. “I honestly didn’t expect so many to turn up.”

****

"I guess the bar means more to some people than us being gay does." It really is an amazing turnout, enough so that he's planning on cooking up some food for those that want it, it's the least he can do to pay them back.

****

“I just wish everyone was like that.” Stensland sighed but this was better than he was expecting at least. “Is there anything else I can do?”

****

"You could help me fry up some food." Waving Stens along, Clyde heads for the kitchen, turning on the fryers and hotplate as he goes. "You any good with a knife?"

****

“I, uh, I can get by.” Stensland wasn’t very good at cooking at all. “Nothing too difficult right?”

****

"No, just some salad, onions and tomatoes." They won't bother with more than the basics. "You could always cook the burgers if you'd rather do that," best to have options he supposes, Clyde doesn't mind either way.

****

“Right yeah I think I can do that, at least I can’t burn the salad right?” Stensland smiles and while his work isn’t exactly fast he does what he can, slicing the garnishes.

****

It's nice this, cooking together, they'll have to make sure to do it more often and maybe he can teach Stens a few things. Before long they have a growing stack of burgers to assemble and serve up to whoever's hungry along with fries and hot dogs for the few kids that've been brought along.

****

“Should I go get people to come inside to eat? I think everyone should get out the sun for a little while at least, I can get some more drinks ready when I come back in,” Stensland suggests.

****

"Sure, you do that, and I'll finish up in here," Clyde smiles while stacking another burger to be added to the serving trays.

****

Stensland goes and brings everyone in, smiling and hoping they did actually like him as he led them in with the promise of food and drink. He goes behind the bar, pouring plenty of waters and some soda, bringing them out to tables feeling like it’s at least good practice. 

****

Pride washes over Clyde as he watches Stensland serving people and he can't keep himself from sneaking up behind him and whispering in his ear, "You're doing great, darling." He gives a small jump at the way Clyde snuck up on him but there was soon a wide smile on his face. 

****

“Thank you.” Stensland loved hearing Clyde call him darling, turning to give him a soft peck on the cheek then walking over to help Clyde bring out the food.

****

The whole thing is starting to remind him of a cookout, having so many people here to fill the bar with chatter, and it warms Clyde’s heart. He's missed stuff like this while he was inside and it feels great to have it now with Stensland at his side, everything being the way it ought to be.

****

The day passes by quickly, Stensland jumping in at the end to help finish off and soon the whole bar is painted thanks to the help they received. It warmed Stensland’s heart, and despite the windows still being boarded up there’s joy on his face.

****

"I always thought the bar needed a stroke of paint anyway," Clyde mutters after they've seen everybody off, happy with the day's effort.

****

Stensland gave a small laugh, it was different now, that this day had melted away all of the stress they had been feeling. “Now, I think we need to get back, get cleaned up and I can take Sookie out for a small walk.”

****

"So we can take her for a walk, you mean." Swaying on the spot Clyde knocks their shoulders together, "Unless you wanted some time alone," he hastily tags on not wanting to be too clingy.

****

“You’ve been painting all day love, I thought you might just want to relax. But I would like it if you came with me.” Stensland wasn’t even sure what he would do if he was alone with his thoughts now.

****

"I don't mind going for a walk, I could teach you a short route for later." He can't expect to spend every waking moment at Stensland's side after all, that would be ridiculous.

****

“Oh that would be lovely, thank you.” He takes Clyde’s hand and gives it a small squeeze. “You okay to drive back?”

****

"Why don't you, might as well learn the way," and he is tired, in a good way, looking forwards to crawling into bed with Stens and seeing if they're up for a repeat of this morning.

****

“Sure, Yeah.” Stensland isn’t the most confident driver but with Clyde next to him he knows it’s okay. It’s also worth getting used to again since down here you were pretty much fucked if you don’t have a car.

****

It's good to be back home, even Sookie seeming relieved to be somewhere familiar after being stuck in a bar all day, the pup eager to burn off some energy. Stensland crouches down and struggles to keep her still enough to get her into the little pink harness. Her energy is contagious though and despite the long day stens feels ready to go, happy to take Clyde’s had as they walk their girl down the street.

****

Clyde leads them around a short route, cutting across a local playground that's seen better days to shorten a path that would be twice as long if they didn't, making sure to point out a few things along the way. 

****

Sookie enjoys it, eager to explore new ground, pulling the leash in all directions as she zig zags ahead of them. Stensland has to tug a few times to keep her under control but he really enjoys walking around, seeing different things and enjoying Clyde telling him about bit more about where he lives.

****

"Jimmy dated the lady who lives in that house once and I remember I used to have a crush on her brother just ‘cause he had a car and would drive us around. He was one of them proper cowboys who'd ride bulls and broncos down at the fair, still does I think." Might have to look into that next time they set something up in the field.

****

“Just because he had a car?” Stensland couldn’t help but laugh, “Guessing he was as straight as the come? Or did you ever mention anything?”

****

"Yup, cars are hot when you're a kid, and no I never said anything, he got a wife and kids now last I heard."

****

“I never even thought about cars, just never really interested me. I always used to be besotted by people that could make me laugh.”

****

"I like that better now that I got my own car, making you laugh is my favourite thing in the world." There's nothing Clyde wouldn't do to make Stens laugh, even at his own expense. "Making you blush is my second favourite."

****

“Really your favourite thing in the world?” He paused, stopping to look at Clyde with the warmest smile. “Not even being beaten by food?”

****

"I like food, but I love you." He'd eat nothing but oatmeal for the rest of his life if it meant he got to see Stensland laugh every day.

****

“I love you too.” Stens put his hand on the back of Clyde’s neck to tug him into a sweet little kiss. 

****

It wasn't that long ago Clyde thought kissing a man in public would be the end of everything, now here is is doing just that and it feels like freedom. He really will have to ask Stensland to marry him when they've settled down proper.

****

Stensland was smiling wide again when he pulled back, seeing that Sookie and her little legs were getting tired again and he gave a little sigh. 

****

“We should head back.” Just to see if he can make Stens blush again Clyde makes sure to give him a good view as he bends down to scoop Sookie up, barely resisting the urge to wriggle his butt for extra effect.

****

He takes no shame in watching Clyde, he doesn’t think he will ever stop being attracted to him and he can’t want to get home for another proper snog at least. By the time they get back home Sookie has dozed off in Clyde’s arms, snuffling a little while they maneuver her out of her harness and into her little basket in the kitchen.

****

“She’s so fucking cute...” Stensland can’t help but coo, “I never thought my life would end up so perfect, not so content.”

****

"What about me?" Clyde pouts, giving Stensland his best puppy eyes. He achieved many things with this look alone. 

****

Stensland moved closer, lowering his voice and whispering into his ear. “You’re not cute, you’re fucking hot and I wanna do bad things to you~” Hearing that Clyde's mind immediately goes somewhere far away from this kitchen, somewhere he needs to be right this second, even if it means awkwardly walking past his sister while trying to conceal an erection.

****

Stensland is still amazed he can get such a reaction from Clyde, but then again he knows they both have a lot of catching up to do. He follows him into the bedroom, a wind of confidence filling him as he spoke trying to sound some form of sexy. “You know Clyde, I’m sure I could get you off just telling you about the things I want to do to you.”

****

"I reckon you could." They'll have to try that sometime, but right now Clyde has other things on his mind, wanting a repeat of this morning now that they have plenty of time and privacy to explore. It takes some digging through the clutter of his side table drawer to find the lube, but the half empty bottle is just where he left it. 

****

Stensland watched Clyde reach for the lube, biting his lip and his eyes went a little darker. “Again? Don’t say I’ve turned you into a monster.” He moved over and kissed him again, gripping Clyde’s waist. 

****

Leaning into the kiss Clyde tosses the lube onto the bed behind them using his now free hand to pull Stensland as close as he can get him.

****

He doesn’t actually know how long they stand kissing like that but it’s perfect, it gets Stensland really hot under the collar. He adores this, now they can take their time, that he can really explore Clyde and he can’t wait.

****

Before too long Clyde starts getting antsy, wanting to feel Stens' bare skin on his so he slides his hand up under his shirt, spreading his fingers over the warm skin he finds there. 

****

Stens lets out a slow breath, stepping back and trying to give Clyde some kind of sultry look. 

“Do you want to undress me?”

****

"You know I do." He wastes no time in getting to it, pulling Stens' shirt over his head so he can start a trail of kisses down his neck while he works open the button on his pants.

****

Stensland quickly decides that Clyde’s lips on his neck are one of his favourite things, it makes him shudder, one hand cupping the back of Clyde’s neck and the other helping him shove down his trousers.

****

Finally having Stensland naked is a blessing, all that pale skin on display for him and him alone, Clyde’s not pleased about having to take his good hand off of him to unbutton his own shirt, but it's worth it when he can lift Stens off the ground so their bare chests rub together.

****

Stensland makes a rather undignified noise when he’s picked up but it’s soon muffled when he kissed Clyde desperately. Being lifted like he was nothing was just another thing he found hot and he wraps his slim legs around Clyde's hips.

****

The bed is only a few feet to the right so the journey isn't particularly long. Making sure to avoid the discarded lube he crawls onto the bed, softly laying Stens down on the sheets and lowering himself over him, rolling their hips together a few times. His own shorts are agreeable to being shucked, well worn fabric easy to slip off and toss aside.

****

“I really do love you clyde, I love you so much,” Stensland moans softly as they press together, reaching down and squeezing Clyde's gorgeous firm ass. Clyde makes a shocked noise at the bold move, spreading his legs a little to give Stensland better access. He takes the movement of Clyde's legs as invitation and really gets his fill of feeling, with how rushed it had been this morning he wanted to enjoy it. To actually make love to Clyde like he should have done.

****

Now that he has time to think more about it, it feels strange being touched like this, good, but strange, different now that there's no rush. Hiding his face in Stensland's chest Clyde feels like he ought to do something so he shifts his hand up until he can play with one of Stens' rosy pink nipples, pinching the little bud between his fingers.

****

Stensland has to bite his lip at that, having always just ignored his chest as simply another part of his body, but now it was only getting him more aroused as Clyde rubbed over his sensitive nipples. It was enough for stens to gently push at Clyde, giving him a smile. 

****

“Lie on your back.” 

****

Clyde is quick to obey, making himself comfortable on his back, "Where you want my legs? he figures it's best to ask. A soft hum leaves Stensland as he moves over, parting Clyde's legs and pushing his knees back enough so his feet are flat on the mattress.

****

“Are you comfortable like that.” Stens leans down between his legs to give him a soft little kiss.

****

"Yup," he whispers, tilting his hips up just a little, anticipation tingling in his gut. Stensland leans back and starts with his hands at Clyde's shoulders, he really wants to feel, to run his fingers over every dip and curve of muscle as Clyde lies there. “You don’t mind do you?”

****

"No, you can touch all you like."Clyde is more than happy to lean back and let his boyfriend explore to his heart’s content, provided he gets to do the same next time they're like this.

****

That makes Stensland smile, that he can trace all of Clyde's body freely without having to rush. His fingers move slowly, starting at Clyde's neck and moving all the way down to his ankles. “You really are so handsome, I’m so lucky.” Stensland leaned down, kissing just inside Clyde's thigh and smiling as he moved back up to kiss the man properly.

****

Clyde watches Stensland explore his body, shuddering at the soft touches and humming his approval whenever he comes across a sensitive spot. When Stens has reached his middle he moves to slip his arm off with the purpose of keeping it away from all the fluids it might encounter should it stay on since from what he can gather Stensland doesn't seem to mind either way. It's a good boost to his confidence that, knowing he's loved regardless of his missing parts.

****

Stensland doesn’t stop his exploring, not until he’s semi desperate for more himself and he leans back with the lube in his hands. 

****

“Are you sure?” 

****

When he sees the lube in Stens' hand Clyde's heart skips a beat, "I'm sure," he makes no effort to mask his tone, feeling as if this is a situation in which they should both be completely honest.

****

Stensland feels nervous for some reason but he holds onto what confidence he has as he slicks up hair fingers to start preparing Clyde. This time he can take his time, make sure it feels as good as possible.

****

He tenses a little at the first finger, but Stensland has already done a fine job relaxing him so he's quick to adjust, leaning into the intrusion with a quiet moan.

****

Stensland is slow and as caring as he can be, he loves being able to watch Clyde react to the preparation like this and he leans down to kiss his leg again. “Tell me when you feel like you’re ready.”

****

"I reckon three fingers oughta do it," it felt fine this morning so it should be fine now.

****

“I just want you to tell me when you want me, love.” Stensland leaned down to kiss Clyde softly, nuzzling against him as he curled his fingers.

****

As Stens curls his fingers he brushes Clyde's prostate sending him arching off the bed for more, moaning wantonly into the kiss. Holy shit that was good. "Do that again," he needs to feel that again, he never imagined that could feel so good when his previous experience with it had been medical and humiliating. This is easily becoming very addicting.

****

Stensland had been amazed at the reaction, he didn’t intend to do that but gods he wanted to see that again. He curled his fingers within Clyde again, watching him closely and feeling his own groin throb at the sight.

****

If Stensland keeps that up this is going to be over a lot sooner than planned, can't have that no matter how good it feels. "Now, Stens, I'm ready," Clyde gasps out, pushing back against Stensland's hand in search for more

****

He moved his fingers a few more times, groaning at the way Clyde clenched around him. Stensland knew he needed more himself and was soon pressing into the man under him with a moan.

****

When Stensland is finally inside him Clyde takes a deep breath, focusing in on the feeling now that he has the time to properly enjoy it, shifting a little to adjust before wrapping his legs around Stens' waist. someday he'll have to stretch out properly and show Stensland how bendable he can be, but for now this is perfect as it is.

Stensland leans down, pressing against Clyde and hiding his face in Clyde's neck with a little moan. “It f-feels so good...”

****

"Fuck, Stens," Clyde groans, wrapping his arms around Stensland's shoulders to better cling to his boyfriend.

****

Stensland couldn’t quite believe how much he had been missing out on, now finally feeling this. He couldn’t stop all of the moans leaving him, the way his thighs trembled and he clutched onto Clyde like he could barely ground himself.

****

"You alright, darling?"  Clyde stills, waiting for Stensland to gather himself again, using the moment of respite to run his hand through Stens' hair.

****

“Yes sorry I, Christ, you feel so good.” He leaned down to kiss Clyde’s neck again, nuzzling softly before he actually pulled himself together enough to move his hips. Stensland had to move down a little bit, holding onto Clyde's thigh tight and trying to find a proper rhythm. He wanted this to be good for Clyde. He wanted it to be perfect and he rocked slow but deep as he could.

****

Clyde tilts his head away giving better access to his neck and rolls his hips down to clumsily follow Stens movements. When he moves Stensland brushes by that spot again and Clyde lets out a gasp, "Right there," he encourages, tightening his legs around Stens' waist tighter than he ought to.

****

Stensland gasps as he’s pulled closer, moving exactly how he had before and shivering at the reaction he pulled from Clyde. He can’t stop, he feels amazing and as almost an afterthought he squeezes his hand between them to touch Clyde.

****

The bed creaks softly, old frame moving with them as Stensland takes his breath away yet again. Clyde bucks up into the hand on him, chasing his orgasm while at the same time trying to hold back, not wanting it to be over too soon.

****

Stensland doesn’t have such will power, he’s trying to warn Clyde he’s close between groans and pants but he can barely string together a sentence. He just hopes his point gets across as soon Stens was reaching his climax with a whimper.

****

It's different being aware of it when Stensland comes, getting to watch him and feel him twitch inside of him, it's only the second time they've done this, but Clyde has already found his favourite part. "I love it when you do that," he groans, letting his legs down to give Stensland more room.

****

Stensland was flushed and slightly sweaty as he looked down, smiling in a way that was almost dazed. “I love you... I love everything about you.” He leaned down to give Clyde a soft little kiss, still breathing quite deeply.

****

"I'm yours, darling," Clyde smiles into the kiss, slowly stroking down Stensland's back and just enjoying the solid weight holding him down.

****

Stensland can’t keep himself from gently rubbing against Clyde, just holding him down, and while he’s not ready at all for more Stensland just adores the sensation of rocking against him. “Can I stay like this forever?”

****

"How about until I get hungry?" Clyde teases, pushing back up against Stensland to take advantage of the friction, letting himself slowly get rocked to the edge and over.

****

“That works.” Stensland bit his lip, feeling Clyde under him and his body gave a shudder in response. “You’re so perfect…”

****

"Don't hear that a lot," Clyde mumbles, the praise giving his climax another little spark to finish him off.

****

“Well it’s true.” Stensland couldn’t stop the little moan as Clyde clenched around him again, moving one hand up to stroke over his hair and kiss Clyde's jaw. 

****

Turning to intercept the kiss Clyde uses the momentum to roll them over so he can sprawl over his boyfriend, figuring Stens can take it for a little while at least, silently cursing himself for being so big. 

****

Stensland smiles into the kiss, moving to wrap his arms around Clyde's waist and cuddling him as close as he could. “I love you, I love you so much.”

****

"I love you too, you're my good luck charm," Clyde hums moving to rest his head on Stens' chest as the exhaustion of the day catches up with him. He knows he can't fall asleep like this so before he gets the chance he raises up on his elbows to look Stensland in the face, regarding him carefully before licking a long stripe up the side of his face, "You're mine now," he snorts.

****

“Ew Clyde you monster!” Stensland pulled a face but it melted into a laugh, trying to hold Clyde so he could wipe his cheek on him. “I was yours anyway!”

****

"Well, now I've staked my claim." Putting on a struggle, more for show than anything else, he lets Stensland rub his face off on him laughing all the way, "It's only fair seeing as I can feel your claim leaking out of me right now." Clyde sits up, wriggling his hips a little for emphasis, "I love it," even if it could be considered disgusting he's past caring about it.

****

That made Stensland flush again, he didn’t know why he was still acting like a blushing virgin even after how close they now were. “You’re the worst.” Stensland smiled regardless, moving up too so he could steal another kiss.

****

"I finally got to sit in your lap," Clyde muses quietly when they break apart, resting his forehead on Stens' shoulder for a moment before climbing off so Stensland can regain his circulation and full capacity of his lungs. "Sorry if I crushed you," the bed gives a creak when he flops down onto the mattress and stretches out.

****

“Hmm no you didn’t.” Stensland looks down at Clyde, reaching out and stroking over his hair and cheek, “You really love being held don’t you?”

****

"I guess I do, but I've always been told I'm too big." He hasn't sat in anyone's lap since he was thirteen because by the time he got out of juvie he was too heavy for Granny, and their father, though he loved them fiercely, wasn't a very affectionate man, until the day he died Mellie was the only one allowed on his knee. Clyde never thought much of it before he got discharged, always too busy trying to fit in, but something broke when shit got real and now it's like he's trying to make up for all those years of not being held.

****

“Well you’re never too big.” Stensland moved to wrap his arms around him. “I’ll hold you as much as you want me to Clyde, I promise that.”

****

"Promise you'll let me know if I crush you." He almost doesn't trust Stensland with that, his boyfriend way too eager to please sometimes.

****

“I’ll let you know if you crush me,” Stensland couldn’t help laughing, cuddling Clyde closer. “But I’m happy to give you anything you need, Clyde, I swear it.”

****

"In that case." It's much easier this time to drape himself over Stensland without that underlying current of guilt telling him to back off.

****

Stensland smiles wide, moving to kiss Clyde's head and rubbing his back softly. “Do you not wanna get cleaned up before we settle down?”

****

"Mmmm, maybe." He's too lazy to get up again, perfectly content to just lay there and become crusty.

****

“I can get you some wipes if you want? I just don’t want you to feel all... gross.” Stensland loves the fact clyde is too blissed out to move, nuzzling against his hair and smiling at the comforting scent of it.

****

Clyde grunts in affirmation, moving just enough to let Stensland up. "We'll have to start keeping some by the bed." Easy access since he reckons they'll be doing this a lot more in the coming days.

****

“Yeah, probably one of those mega packs,” Stensland laughs as he stretches out, “More lube too...”

****

"A litre of it," Clyde smiles, watching Stens stretch and just admiring the view, even reaching out to run his hand down his side.

****

“You plan on being very busy.” Stensland sighed softly at the touch, still grinning at the comment as he tugs on a robe so he can run to get the much needed wipes from the bathroom.

****

While Stensland is gone Clyde takes the opportunity to reach down and feel the left over slick and come smeared between his legs, smiling to himself at the evidence of their activities and wondering how Stensland feels about it. Wondering if he'll ever get sick of Clyde's neediness. 

****

Stensland just picks up the packet, it would be easy enough to replace, and heads back to the bedroom, closing the door and watching Clyde.

****

“That, is really fucking hot.” Stens walked over, kneeling on the edge of the bed and taking out some wipes. “So unless you want to get me riled up again you should clean up.”

****

"I always want to get you riled up." Clyde stops regardless, too tired to go another round right away no matter how tempting it sounds.

****

“Because you’re a terror,” Stensland grins, taking Clyde's hand to wipe the mess from that before he started to clean his partner up. He liked doing this, sometimes feeling that these gestures were even more intimate.

****

"It's fun, and in case you ain't noticed there ain't much to do around here and I like keeping busy." Leaning back Clyde lets Stensland wipe him off, they'll need a shower in the morning, but recently he's gotten quite fond of those so he doesn't mind in the slightest.

****

“I’m sure there’s plenty we can do, but I have to admit this is way more fun.”

****

"Well, there's a fair every six months, and I could always take you down to the swimming hole, hooking up there is almost a rite of passage in these parts." Something Clyde missed out on, but now that he has Stensland there are plenty of make out spots to check off.

****

“Now that does sound nice, I also wanna have a proper barbecue with people and... like you see on the TV. I’ve never done that before.”

****

"A potluck? We can do that, have Jimmy and Sadie come up here and invite all the people we know, turn it into a meet the boyfriend type of thing so I can show you off. We could have it over at Granny's place seeing as she got a bigger yard than us." It would be nice to see everyone again, see if they can't gather up any stray cousins as well.

****

“Is that what they are called? But yeah one of those, it would be nice to meet people, must be nice sometimes to have a bigger family.”

****

"Yup, sometimes it's nice, but it ain't always all sunshine and daisies." He's always had to share everything because of it, there's no room for being selfish when you have two siblings.

****

“Yeah, I mean, I guess I just don’t know much different,” Stensland shrugs, giving himself a quick wipe off so he could settle back down with Clyde. “I’d like to properly meet them though, if they’ll... you know, wanna meet me.”

****

"Well, they'll have to." If not now then later because he's not planning on letting Stens go anywhere soon. "And if they ain't nice to you they can leave." Once Stensland has settled in next to him Clyde scoots closer again, resting his head on Stens' shoulder

****

“Yeah, I just don’t wanna cause you problems with your family is all.” Stensland puts his arm around Clyde’s shoulders, holding him closer and bringing his other hand up so he can stroke the top of Clyde's arm.

****

"If they won't accept you they ain't welcome here, Mel'll second that," Clyde reassures, family isn't worth anything if they won't support you and accept you for being yourself.

****

“I love you so much Clyde, I really do,” Stensland kissed the top of his head with a smile. “I just kind of wish I had people to introduce you to, show you off...”

****

"You can show me off to that lawyer friend of yours when we go up to the city." surely Stens must know someone?

****

“I suppose Grady would like to meet you properly,” Stensland miles, “I guess my old roommate was sort of my friend but I, well we don’t really talk anymore now.”

****

"Well, now you got friends here, I know for a fact that both Earl and Jolene like you, and you even got Purple Lady into a conversation that wasn't about her church, husband, or purple, I'd say that's pretty damn impressive."

****

“Yeah, I wouldn’t say she’s my best friend,” He sniggers, kissing Clyde again. “ I know things will change, I’ll get closer to people I guess, it’s all still a big change.”

****

"I'll be here with you every step of the way, we'll find a way to make this thing good for the both of us." Clyde would do anything to make sure of that.

****

“You know all I really need is you.” Stensland kept stroking at Clyde's skin, feeling himself relaxing completely knowing he was on the verge of sleep.

****

Clyde watches Stensland in silence for a while finding it adorable how he's slowly falling asleep before closing his own eyes to follow the set example.

****

Stensland is snoring softly, sometimes snuffling by the time Clyde falls asleep and thanks to how blissed out he was Stens barely moved through the night. When he woke he was still holding onto Clyde, feeling a bit gross but happy regardless.

****

He had to wriggle from under Clyde as the man kept sleeping deeply, he didn’t mind letting him rest and Stensland tried to be as quiet as possible when he pulled on some clothes. He went to the bathroom and cleaned up a bit before heading out and right for Sookie to give her a cuddle.

****

Clyde sleeps a while longer, dragging it out until his bladder demands he get up and his stomach moans about getting fed, acting more like he hasn't seen a crumb of food in weeks instead of just hours.

****

When he hears movement from the bedroom Stensland goes in, Sookie in his arms and getting heavier by the day. “I was, uh, gonna make you breakfast but I can’t actually cook...”

****

"I like my bacon burnt," Clyde offers as consolidation, "You ain't gotta make me anything though, I don't need nothing fancy." A bowl of cereal would charm him.

****

“I can make coffee?” Stensland smiles softly, going over so he could steal a kiss, Sookie joining in by licking both of their chins.

****

"Coffee sounds great, darling," Clyde chuckles, wiping slobber off his chin. "Go on, I'll join you in a bit," once he's presentable for the general public that is.

****

“Love you.” Heading back out Sensland puts Sookie down so he could actually start the coffee, making two big mugs just the way he and Clyde liked their coffee, sitting down at the table and smiling to himself.

****

Clyde makes quick work of getting dressed, brushing his teeth, and combing his hair just enough that it no longer looks like a crows nest before joining Stensland in the kitchen and groaning in relief at the mug of coffee waiting for him. He stoops to give Stens a long kiss full of gratitude before sagging into his own chair and wrapping his hand around the warm mug, bringing it closer so he can breathe in the steam until it's cool enough to drink.

****

Stensland watches Clyde sit down, still smiling and he feels so good he’s sure he’s almost glowing. “So what’s the plan for today, my love.”

****

"Nothing." A glimpse out the window reveals clear skies to go with the glaring sunlight flooding the kitchen, "We could go to the swimming hole if you'd like?" Maybe they'll even get it for themselves if they go before work lets out, the chances are slim, but he's been feeling pretty lucky lately.

****

“Yeah, yeah I would like that actually,” Stensland grins, sipping his coffee and letting Sookie curl up on his lap as they sat together. “We can take our baby when she’s big enough.”

****

"If we're alone we could go skinny dipping." Clyde is sure he’ll never tire of seeing Stens wet and dripping, "But we oughta bring our trunks just in case."

****

“Perhaps a good idea, I do hope no one’s there though... I’ve never been skinny dipping before.” He likes the idea of it, how it feels a little bit naughty plus he can ogle Clyde while they’re at it.

****

"It's fun, we used to go in groups back in high school, pretty sure half the people I grew up with has seen my ass." And vice versa, although the nudity mostly took place after a few drinks and never right off the bat, at least not when Clyde had been present. It would be fun doing it with someone he actually wants to look at as opposed to any number of girls, or guys that would beat him bloody should he even consider it.

****

“You really do sound like you’ve had loads of fun, I guess I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff. I was kinda... well kept to myself really in school then just got on with stuff and done my own thing.”

****

"So did I for the most part, though I kept trailing after Jimmy and trying to fit in with the popular folk so I done a lot of the crazier stuff." Most of it was fun too, but as soon as Jimmy graduated and he was left on his own for three years, all of that slowed down to a trickle since it would be suspicious of him to start following Mellie and her friends around.

****

“I guess I never wanted to, the  _ ‘popular kids _ ’ grated on me. In fact I kind of hated them, I just dunno, guess I always mostly just kept to myself anyway. I was a quiet kid.”

****

"Well, I like you just fine, and there are plenty of make out spots round here for us to catch up on." Like behind the old billboard, or anywhere in the vicinity of the old camp ground where they used to throw bonfire parties.

****

“I suppose we’ll be very busy,” Stensland agrees, able to drink his coffee properly now it had cooled enough. “Why don’t we head to the lake now then come back to take Sookie for a walk?”

****

"We could bring her, but that would mean tying her to a tree and us having an audience." Clyde’s not exactly sure how adventurous Stensland will be wanting to get, or himself for that matter. Holding hands in public he's okay with, even kissing though that persistent fear still clings to him when they do, sex he's not sure about. What if they get caught? Still, there is some part of him that's always wanted to fuck or get fucked in the woods for the sake of a little adrenaline.

****

“Perhaps we can take her another time? I would like you to show me around first if that’s okay?” Stensland was kind of looking forward to even a heavy little make out session, something that he could treasure as a fun memory.

****

"I got a few things I could show you," or at least a few things he'd be happy to try if anything leads there. Finishing his coffee and dropping his mug in the sink Clyde goes about packing them something of a picnic and stacking it in Mellie's wicker basket so they can make a morning off it. "There oughta be a bag under our bed if you wanna grab some towels and our trunks," he suggests while making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

****

“Yeah sure!” Stensland is already excited, he’s doing so many things he never thought he would and it’s funny how life works out. He thought it was the end of everything when he went to prison but now things couldn’t be better, even if people didn’t like them being gay. Stensland knew that lot didn’t matter anyway and happily packed the things for him and Clyde, coming back in and shoving a couple bottles of water in the bigger bag too.

****

"Remember the sunscreen?" Clyde points out, it wouldn't do to let Stens get another burn now that the first one has almost healed.

****

“Oh yeah, got the high factor one,” Stensland smiled, proud of himself for remembering since it really would do no good for him to be burnt to a crisp. “Is there anything else we need?”

****

"We got the food and the sunscreen so I reckon not." In the hallway Clyde digs up a spare pair of sunglasses he isn't entirely sure who belongs too and offers them to Stensland before finding his own and leading the way to the car.

****

Stensland thanks him softly, he should probably get some new ones when they go to the city. He gets the things in the car, happy to sit in the passenger seat even feeling a little excited about his trip out with Clyde. “It’s like a proper date out of the movies.”

****

"There's a theater in town if you ever wanna go see something," or they could go when they're showing some old b movie and make out in the back row. 

****

“That would be nice, I just used to go see a movie on my own the rare times I did really.” Stens kept his eyes glued to the window, watching all of the scenery as they went past.

****

The trip up to the swimming hole is uneventful and Clyde mentally thanks Earl for fixing the suspension on the old Pontiac to make the ride along the old dirt roads more comfortable. What goes for a parking area up here is little more than a square of dirt and trampled grass that's blissfully empty, for now. There are more ways to get up here, but the pond is big enough that they might be able to snag one of the more secluded spots for themselves before anyone else gets here. "What kinda movies you like?"

****

“Uh, I’m not too sure really, but I think mostly romance.” He felt a bit silly admitting it, perhaps it was a bit too... gay? 

****

"I'll watch most anything, but I don't like them war films or anything too loud." Clyde’s had to walk out of action movies more than once when it turned out he couldn't handle them after all. "Romance is good, Mel always makes fun of me for liking those," in good humour, of course. No wonder she knew he was gay.

****

“We should go see one together, it can be a date,” Stensland smiled warmly, just following Clyde, assuming the man knew where he was going.

****

The path down to the pond is well worn from steady traffic over the years, it's likely always been a swimming spot, with its dirt banks and tall trees casting shade. "I'd like that," when he can glimpse the water through the trees Clyde starts looking for that lesser tread path that'll take them away from the biggest bank and down to a little alcove far enough removed from the rest that they might be able to keep this privacy.

****

Stensland looks down the other path before following Clyde, it’s like a little adventure to him, never getting to do things such as go to a swimming hole. He follows close behind, carrying the bag with the towels and looking forward to getting into the water since he’s starting to feel a touch too hot again.

****

"Look out for them roots," Clyde warns, pointing out a cluster of roots sticking out of the ground and snaking across the path in front of them. "You doing alright?" Turning to check he finds Stensland looking a little flushed from the muggy air so he stops to dig around in their picnic basket for one of the water bottles.

****

“Yeah yeah, just a bit hot.” He took the drink thankfully, they hadn’t even been walking long he just really needed to get used to the heat. Stensland drank a little of the water and caught his breath, “Thank you, I’m sure I will get better.”

****

"You'll get used to it, 'sides it ain't always this warm.”

****

“It isn’t? I thought it was like always warm down here?” Stensland put the bottle back in the bag so they could head on, eager to see this little spot Clyde was on about.

****

"We always get warm weather, but this is something of a heatwave, It's supposed to pass soon," Clyde explains, it's always hot during the summer, but this year it's like all the moisture from the coast decided to come inland and got itself trapped around the mountains. Avoiding another stray root and carefully sliding down a small incline it's only a few more steps until they breach the tree line and end up at the grassy knoll that borders the dirt shore of the calm waters.

****

“Oh, well I suppose that’s good for sure. I’m just, I don’t wanna keep complaining and then I don’t want you to keep worrying.”

****

"Complain all you like, it reminds me to check on you." Stens is like a walking alarm that sound off whenever he's not happy about something and Clyde finds that very useful at times. "Hope you don't mind bugs." It's near impossible to set foot near water without getting accosted by mosquitos when it's like this.

****

“Oh ew... loads of them? Maybe we should have had some bug spray,” Stensland twisted his face, only tripping over one root by the time they got to the spot.

****

"It's likely we'll be walking away with a few mosquito bites." the trick is not getting them in awkward places by staying in the water and covered up when out of it.

****

Stensland twisted his face again but he could try and ignore it, he supposed he could quite happily stay in the water anyway since it would also keep him cool.

****

Once the blanket is spread on the ground a safe distance from the water Clyde wastes no time in stripping off and carefully wrapping his arm up in his discarded clothes before taking a running jump off the bank and into the cool water. He's always been of the belief that it's best to plunge right in for the sake of ease.

****

Stensland can barely say anything before Clyde is nude and running for the water. His eyes go wide and he gives a soft laugh, a bit slower in taking off his own clothes and following his boyfriend’s lead, he surfaces with a loud gasp, “I didn’t think it would be that cold!”

****

"Sorry I didn't warn you," Clyde calls from a few feet further out, "Come over here and I'll warm you up," he says, even though he's wading over as he speaks.

****

Stensland moved over, it is cold but it feels so good to be in the water. It’s been a long time since he swam and soon he’s up against Clyde, moving to hold his shoulders and wrap his legs around his waist, so easy when they were in the lake.

****

With Stensland in his arms Clyde wades back out to the deeper parts, casually looking for that little edge with his toes where there's a slight drop off. He stops when he finds it, standing at the edge for a while and contemplating if it's worth it. Coming to the conclusion that they're both wet already he takes one more step, dropping them off into the dip that's caught everyone unawares at one time or another.

****

Stensland squeals when they drop, holding onto Clyde as they go under the water and come back up to the top with a laugh. “You’re terrible.”

****

"Well, now you know where this hole is," Clyde reasons with a laugh, shaking his hair out like a dog as he regains his footing on the muddy ground.

****

Stensland doesn’t let go of Clyde, but moves one hand to push back the man’s hair so it’s out of his face. “I suppose I do, now kiss me...”

****

"Yes, sir," Clyde says with mock seriousness, closing the short distance between them to capture Stensland's lips in a heated kiss.

****

Stensland is sure he will never tire of this, feeling Clyde's lips and holding onto him as they kiss like it is their first and last. He moves his own lips down, across Clyde's neck and back up again ending with a small grin. “I love you.”

****

Clyde tilts his head to make room, adjusting his hold on Stensland, "I love you too, darling," he mutters in between kisses. 

****

Stensland moaned softly, he loved this so much and couldn’t stop nuzzling against Clyde and kissing him. It was only when they needed to catch a proper breath he let go and floated back in the water. 

****

“This is really so perfect.”

****

"I always loved being out here 'cause I could just float on my back and watch the clouds passing by." Clyde does just that, letting the water hold him up, today there are no clouds, just blue skies and glaring sun, it's not long before has to stand up again, feeling like he might go blind if he doesn't.

****

Stensland swims around Clyde, he can’t even remember the last time he got to swim but he never forgot. He even dips his head under the water again when he starts feeling the warmth on his face again, his freckles now coming out in full force.

****

As Stens makes a second pass Clyde runs his hand down his smooth back like you would a ray at the aquarium, he prefers Stens. Much softer and full of those cute freckles.

****

A sigh is let out at the soft touch, moving back over and standing on the slight back Stensland gives a soft smile. “I think I could stay here forever.”

****

"You'll get wrinkly, I'll still love you, but you better not be touching me with them pruny fingers," Clyde teases, wading over so he can wrap Stens up in a wet hug.

****

“Mmm would my pruny fingers not turn you on?” Stensland snorted out a small laugh, wrapping his arms around Clyde and letting their foreheads rest together. “I’d also rather be pruny than eaten alive by mosquitos.”

****

"Everything about you turns me on." Keeping one ear on their surroundings Clyde closes his eyes so he can properly enjoy the moment.

****

Stensland moves down slightly so he can rest his chin on Clyde's shoulder, just barely above the water and he closes his own eyes. He’s not sure he’s ever actually known peace like it, how calm Stens feels is nothing drugs could have given him and it’s all thanks to Clyde.

****

Feeling bold Clyde lets his arms slip lower until his hand is resting on Stens' soft bottom, giving the cheek a light squeeze. "A perfect handful."

****

“I think you’re a little bit obsessed with grabbing my ass.” Stensland doesn’t move though, instead still holding onto Clyde and just enjoying the quiet intimacy they had in that very moment.

****

"Past your face it's my favourite part." Clyde gives it another firm squeeze before moving his hand up to Stensland's lower back.

****

“Have you ranked my body parts.” Stensland looks up, giving Clyde a teasing smile, “Where does my mouth rank?”

****

"I like all of your face, I love how soft your mouth is, how pink," Clyde steals a quick peck, "But I think your eyes are my favourite," they'd charmed him almost right away.

Stensland feels like he’s really in a romantic movie right now, this life... was never something he imagined and now a gorgeous man was holding him and praising his eyes. “My eyes... honestly mine was your hair,” Stens laughs feeling a bit embarrassed about it, “I wanted to touch it right away, then I think I was kind of done for when I noticed how warm your eyes were.”

****

"I keep it long to cover my ears, I just look plain dumb when it's short," his ears stick out too much and his nose looks bigger without something to offset it. 

****

Stensland sighed softly, reaching up to tuck one side of Clyde's hair behind an ear and giving a smile. “I don’t think you look dumb at all, I love every part of you.” He kissed his nose, then pressed his lips to every mole on Clyde's face. “Every little bit.”

****

Stensland is likely the first person to tell him that without hiding amusement and Clyde immediately resolves to find a picture off him from when he enlisted so they can both laugh at the skinny kid with a buzzcut, looking more like the victim of some disease than a soldier. 

****

"I also love your hands," Clyde tries to draw the attention away from himself again, this shouldn't be about his insecurities, they ought to be having fun.

****

That makes Stensland smile again, rubbing his hands over Clyde's shoulders. “Good, because I love touching you.”

****

Clyde smiles, ducking his head as if he's expecting his hair to fall forward to shield his face, forgetting for a moment that it's wet and slicked back. "They're so much more delicate than mine."

****

Stensland moved to cup Clyde's chin, making him look back up and stroking over his cheek. “That just means we’re a good fit. Perhaps mine are delicate but yours are strong, we compliment each other.

****

"I guess we do." They've both messed up plenty in their lives, but now they get a second chance with each other.

****

“Do you... think we aren’t?” Stensland frowned a little, Clyde seemed so unsure and he would love to know what was going on in that head of his.

****

"If I were to go back to my roots, I'd say God sent you for me, but I'm pretty sure God don't care about us folk, so now I'd say it was fate that had you walk into my cell that day. I've never been this lucky before." The universe must be trying to make it up to both of them somehow. He's almost afraid to say it, but what other explanation is there for him meeting his soulmate in a rural prison.

****

“Even if it wasn’t fate and it was just chance... then I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.” Stensland hugged him tight, “I’ve never been this lucky either, I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life.”

****

"Stop it or you'll make me cry," Clyde smiles, rocking them back and forth on the spot for a little while.

****

“I’m sorry, I don’t want you to cry but it is true. I love you so much.” Stensland was sure he could have been lulled to sleep right there, the rocking was so gentle and there was only the sounds of the lake and the birds around them.

****

Clyde is busy fighting the temptation of dunking them again when his stomach gives of a loud growl effectively breaking the moment. He can't do much, but laugh. That's what you get for skipping breakfast, he supposes.

****

Stensland is jolted a little by the laugh, rolling his eyes and smiling at Clyde. “We best go and eat something then, and in turn be eaten by bugs...”

****

"I'll protect you," for Stensland he'd smack all the mosquitoes in the world if he could.

****

Stensland laughed at the mental image of Clyde chasing bugs away from him and he smiled, “I will just cover up it’s okay.” He pushed back from Clyde, swimming toward the slope to the bank.

****

Clyde follows, wading out of the cool water and digging their towels out of the bag so they can at least cover the important parts should the blood suckers come calling. Stensland is easily wrapped in the towel, going over to sit on the blanket to dry off a little bit before they are. “At least you dry off quicker when it’s this warm.”

****

"But you end up looking like a cotton ball from all the humidity," at least he does. 

****

The sandwiches are still intact, even if the peanut butter is a little softer than it ought to be, and Clyde happily scarfs down his share. 

****

Stensland of course takes his time a little more, it’s not too bad and there’s not a horrific amount of bugs that he had imagined in his mind.

****

By the end of their breakfast, Clyde has swatted a grand total of four mosquitos, not nearly as many as he’d like. In order to let the food settle a little he spreads out on the blanket, staring up at the canopy and watching a slight breeze rustle through the green leaves before turning to watch Stensland instead.

****

Stensland is still sitting up, looking around and simply living in the moment, something he never used to take the time to do. He feels completely at peace, Clyde next to him making it all that much more perfect.

****

They stay there for a while, basking in the sun until a joyful scream reaches them through the trees followed by a splash of water. They're no longer completely alone then, but Clyde doesn't mind so long as they get to keep this little alcove to themselves.

Stensland actually jumped at the shout, getting a small fright and laughing softly. “Perhaps we should put the trunks on... just in case?”

****

"Or we could go back in the water." Not like they're close by, no one is going to see them down here unless they come looking.

****

“We could.” Stensland is the first one up this time, giving Clyde a wink as he drops his towel and runs to jump in the water. It’s still so cold but after being in the sun for a while it’s more refreshing.

****

With a smile and a laugh Clyde follows, more or less tripping into the water after his boyfriend. "What you say we get us a pond at out house?" That way they can go swimming as often as they'd like and not have to worry about being interrupted.

****

“We could do that?” Stensland moves over to Clyde right away, kissing his cheek. “I would like that, even if it’s a small one.”

****

"Sure we could, Earl could dig us one if there ain't one there already." Then all they have to do is line it and make sure there's filtration. "Then you could be one of them sirens, seduce me into the water," granted it wouldn't take much, all Stens would have to do is bat his lashes and give him a smile.

****

“Oh? You into role play?” Stensland giggles, swimming backwards away from Clyde before crooking his fingers for Clyde to come follow him.

****

"I don't know, but I reckon we could find out," there's a whole lot he doesn't know yet. Clyde follows obediently keeping his eyes trained on the prize ahead, that coy smile shining like a beacon for him to home in on.

****

Stensland moved back a little further when Clyde got closer, before surging forward to kiss him deeply, holding on tightly. Clyde laughs into the kiss, stumbling a little in the muddy ground before replying with enthusiasm, sucking on Stensland's bottom lip before diving right back in.

****

He couldn’t help the noise he made, every time they made out like this Stensland was reminded of how much he adored kissing Clyde. He could do it forever, his hands rubbing over Clyde's shoulders. 

****

That little noise sends a shiver down Clyde's spine, hearing Stens' enjoyment never fails to turn him on. Wanting to hear that noise again he puts all his newly learned skills to the test, going as far as he dares to go.

****

Stensland lets out another soft little moan, pulling back with a look of arousal on his face but he bites his lip. “What if someone sees us Clyde...” he knew it was a bit of a thrill but he wanted to know that the man was serious about perhaps... going further out here.

****

"They won't see anything below the surface." If someone does see them they'll be faced with two guys making out and not be able to prove anything else is going on. "But if you'd like we could hide in the bushes." Might give them a few scratches that, but it's more secluded, there's even a few hanging out over the bank. 

****

“I don’t think I have the patience to move.” Stensland hasn’t done so many exciting things as he has with Clyde in his life and he wants to make up for all the things he missed out on. That includes messing around in a lake like a couple of high schoolers. 

****

Nerves light up in Clyde’s gut alongside the arousal, it's just as exciting as he imagined it to be, the prospect of getting caught or being seen lending an edge to it. "Then we'll stay right here." He pulls Stens right up close, slipping his hand between them to tease them both up.

****

Despite the coldness of the water around them the arousal wins over, his body adjusting to the temperature, Stensland hardening under Clyde's touch. “I would let you do anything to me no matter where we were...”

****

"Careful, I might take you up on that." It's certainly a tempting offer, next they'll have to go up to that necking spot and see if they can't manage to get off in the car.

****

“I, I mean it,” Stensland moans softly, moving to press his lips to Clyde's neck so he doesn’t make any sounds that might get them caught.

****

"How you feel about fucking in the car next time?" Clyde whispers into Stens' ear, wrapping his hand around the both of them as well as he can.

****

Stensland whimpers, giving a small nod and letting out a breath that tickled over Clyde's ear as he moved to whisper softly. “If, if we do that I wanna be able to ride you...”

****

Clyde groans, nodding enthusiastically, already imagining how it will feel to have Stensland bouncing in his lap. Taking his hand away he pushes his thigh between Stens' legs finding it easier to rub up against each other like this.

****

Stensland holds onto Clyde, following his motions and just rubbing up against him under the water. “I, I never thought I’d find someone who I could never keep my hands off…”

****

Before they met Clyde had figured the odds of him dying a virgin were pretty good, then he started hoping that really wouldn't be the case, now they have so much to catch up on it feels like they’ll never stop fucking. Every time is just as intoxicating as the first and he wouldn't be surprised if they keep going until they're both too tired to get it up again. But that's then, now he's too busy feeling the slide of Stensland's skin against his as they rut together like dogs in heat.

****

Stensland couldn’t even guess how long they were pressed together like that, rubbing up against each other and each as his breaths grew heavier. “I... Oh Clyde...” He can’t do anything but hold on tighter, his fingers digging into Clyde’s shoulders until he shuddered with release.

****

Feeling Stensland twitching against him sends a shiver down Clyde’s spine, hips stuttering as he hurries to catch up. He comes, choking back a moan that would have alerted anyone in the vicinity, clinging to Stensland until the last tremor has gone through them and he's started to come back down rubbing lazily against Stens' hip to draw it out as long as he can.

****

Stensland is slowly regaining his breath, his fingers finally relaxing a little bit from digging into Clyde’s shoulders. “I don’t think I could ever get enough of you...”

****

"When we head up to the city next week we can spend an entire day just fucking in the hotel room," or two. Up there there won't be anyone to interrupt them. 

****

Stensland flushed deeply at that despite what they had just done, “Are you planning on ruining me completely?”

****

"Maybe just wear you out," Clyde smirks, "I like you too much to ruin you."

****

Stensland gave a little giggle, kissing over Clyde's cheeks and jaw. “Well doesn’t that make me feel special?”

****

"Ain't like I'll ever finds someone else who'll love me," Clyde sighs, "Not that I want to," he hastily adds on before Stens gets the wrong idea. "You're perfect.”

****

“I’m sure there’s been people who loved you, I just don’t think you’ve noticed.” He stroked down the side of Clyde’s face, letting his fingers rub over his chin. “But I don’t want anyone else to love you, because you’re mine.”

****

"All yours, darling," Clyde agrees, leaning down for a kiss, happy to get lost in Stens' warmth. 

****

Stensland completely loses track of time as they splash about in the lake, it was only when he actually felt hungry again did he think it was getting late. “We should probably head back now, take Sookie out for a walk.”

****

"Right." Like Stensland Clyde had been off in his own little world, but now that he tunes in he can hear more people along the main bank and he reckons Stens is right and they ought to be going before somebody sees them like this.

****

“I’ve had a perfect time, honestly thank you for this.” Stensland kissed Clyde softly, stroking back his slowly drying hair.

****

"We can come back here anytime you like." Hell, Clyde would gladly live here in a little tent if that'd make Stensland happy. Back on the shore they dry off quickly, keeping a careful eye on the path should anyone come down it. No one does so Clyde drapes the towel over his shoulders, choosing to wait with his shirt until they get back to the car and his hair has stopped dripping.

****

Stensland does the same, he’s sure other people would too as it’s clear the lake is quite a popular spot for a bit of swimming. On the way back to the car he takes his time, sipping water, eventually Stensland gets into the passenger seat without incident, much more aware of the heat now. The ride back home is uneventful, radio playing in the background as they head back through town and towards the suburbs.


	16. Popping Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at the end, it's been a long journey, and it's been fun. Thank you all for sticking around to see it through.
> 
> Enjoy!

Stensland had barely realised how much time had gone by, the bar was up and running again thanks to help from people he had ended up becoming friends with. He was beyond happy with Clyde, still completely in love and now he was excited to go to the city. It was going to be a nice romantic break for them in a way too, the hotel was lovely and once they had collected Stensland’s things they could have the rest of the time to their self.

****

Richmond is probably the biggest city Clyde has been too, it's nice, loud, but nice. Stensland seems to be much more in his element as well, looking more at home on the busy sidewalk than he ever has in Boone, something Clyde hopes might change given some time. "We got a plan for this?" he asks once they've dumped their luggage in the hotel room and set out to find somewhere to eat.

****

“Uh well the plan really was to just go to my shitty flat, get the things I need, and I guess we could go take in some sights while we’re here?” Stensland took Clyde's hand as soon as they stepped outside, looking around and realising what area they were in. 

****

“Oh there’s a place down here I’ve always wanted to try, the food is meant to be really good.”

****

"You're the local so I'll just follow your lead." Clyde won't deny he's feeling a little out of place here, he always has anywhere there's a higher population than ten-thousand and the buildings start going above five floors. 

****

Stensland gave Clyde's hand a squeeze, looking over at him with a soft smile. “You okay? I was thinking we should probably eat and get an early night.”

****

"I just don't like being somewhere I can't keep an eye on everything." Controlled environments are what's best for his psyche, but he can get used to this as well given a little time. "I feel safe with you though."

****

“Well we can see if we could get a table near a corner or somewhere you can see everything? Then head back to the hotel.” Stensland feels bad for dragging Clyde with him now, the city can be a bit much from someone who grew up in a place like Boone, and then there’s Clyde's PTSD on top of that.

****

"I just gotta get used to it is all, I'll be fine, but I'd appreciate having my back to a wall." That way there won't be any strangers coming up behind him and he'll have more control of his surroundings. "It also helps that I can focus on you," Clyde smiles, swinging their arms back and forth a few times.

****

Stensland can’t help but smile, giving a small nod. “Sure, if we can’t sit there we could always take it back to the hotel?” Stensland brings Clyde's hand up, kissing the back of it.

****

"I would like to treat you to dinner though." Clydee feels like that's sort of his responsibility until Stensland can save up some, that and he'd like to spoil his man as much as he's allowed.

****

By the time the restaurant is in view the roaring traffic and constant noise around them has started to fade into the background making it easier for Clyde to relax and just enjoy the moment.

****

Stensland still doesn’t let go of Clyde’s hand when they head in, looking around he’s glad it’s quiet and asks politely for a specific table which they are happy to give. “Should we have a drink with our dinner?”

****

"Neither of us are driving so I'll take a beer." Nothing stronger though, best not to get drunk here for obvious reasons.

****

Stens nods in agreement, getting the same and looking over the menu. “I’ve wanted to come here so long I don’t know what to try.”

****

"We could come back tomorrow, and I ain't picky so I'll eat whatever and you can try mine too," Clyde offers while browsing through the menu, they really do have a lot of appetizing options. 

****

Stensland grins at that, being able to try new things, he finally settles on what he wants, even choosing a starter but he assumed what he didn’t eat Clyde would happily finish off.

****

While waiting for their food Clyde takes the opportunity to play footsie, knocking his boots against Stens feet before inching the toe up his calf and back down. While not having even been sure footsie was actually a thing Stensland really enjoyed the closeness, having Clyde always wanting some form of contact made him feel that bit more special. As they waited for the drinks Stensland also reached to take Clyde's hand and stroked slowly over his fingers.

****

It's refreshing being able to do something like this without anyone giving them a second glance, like nothing they're doing is out of the ordinary and worth getting mad about. It's freeing. Clyde smiles bashfully, not being able to help himself when he looks around the room in search of anything negative directed at them before twining their fingers together.

Even when their drinks come Stensland is reluctant to let go of Clyde's hand but he does, leaning back he raised his glass a little toward Clyde, “To us? Finally starting a new chapter.”

****

"To love," Clyde toasts while raising his pint, "May we keep being this lucky," he smiles despite that ever present sense of impending disaster he carries with him, something is bound to happen, but for now they can pretend otherwise and enjoy life for what it is.

****

“Well I have you so I don’t think any other kind of luck is going to top that,” Stensland murmurs, taking a sip from his beer and giving a sigh of appreciation. It’s not as nice as the cocktails Clyde make but it’s good, and he’s in a great mood which makes it that much better.

****

Clyde considers going off on his family curse spiel, but remembering the face Mellie makes whenever he gets going on that is enough to stop him. There's no need to let out all the crazy yet when Stensland has already put up with so much of it, so instead he takes a drink of his beer and leans back into his seat, settling in to watch Stens smile and be happy.

****

The dinner really is delicious, Stensland enjoying every minute and letting Clyde finish off his meal before they head out to take the short walk back to the hotel. Now it’s growing dark, many more lights on and Stensland smiles, though he does notice he can’t see the stars as well in the city. “We could put a movie on when we get back?”

****

"You can do that in hotels?" The nicest hotel Clyde has ever been must have been a motel that put chocolates on the pillows.

****

“Well Yeah sure, it would only be like a basic movie channel but they’ll have one,” Stensland smiled, “If it’s rubbish we can keep ourselves occupied.”

****

"I'm sure we can think of a few things to do," now that they have complete privacy. 

****

He rubbed over Clyde's fingers, giving a soft smile. They knew they had the time and the privacy to explore each other a bit more but Stensland was happy even just cuddling and kissing Clyde as long as the man was close.

****

"You can bend me over anywhere you'd like and I'll do the same to you next round," Clyde whispers, "I also believe I said I'd let you come on my face that one time," a quick kiss and he's pulling back with a smirk, glancing around the sidewalk to ensure their illusion of privacy.

****

Stensland couldn’t stop the noise that left him, it wasn’t even describable but perhaps somewhere between an aroused groan and surprised gasp. “You beast.” Stensland had become quite fond of that nickname for Clyde, especially since it seemed to be so true.

****

Clyde laughs, hurrying them along down the street, that noise having hit him in the right spot and made him eager to get back. "Does that make you my Beauty?"

****

“Not if it means you’re going to start singing to me.” He gives a cheeky grin, giving Clyde's shoulder a nudge which barely had any effect.

****

"You don't like my singing?" Music has never been much of a talent of his, but he can get along well enough, if a little tone deaf in places. "I can serenade you all night," he teases, nudging back, clearing his throat and preparing as if to belt out a tune.

****

“Don’t you dare!” Stensland giggles, moving closer so he can drape Clyde's arm around his shoulders. “If you’re gonna serenade me, then it’s going to be for me only.”

****

"If it's that kind of serenade you like you know just how to make me sing." Clyde tightens his grip a little, pulling Stensland flush against his side.

****

Stensland puts his arm around Clyde's waist, holding on so they can walk the rest of the way pressed side to side. He doesn’t even move until they are in the elevator of the hotel going up to their room, only turning to give Clyde a sweet little kiss.

****

Clyde hums his approval, glancing behind them into the mirrored wall of the lift, his heart fluttering at the sight there. Smiling he takes it in, seeing how they look together, like Beauty and the Beast.

****

“What you smiling at?” Stensland finds it sweet how Clyde looks so soppy in that moment, turning to follow his gaze and returning the smile in the mirror. “We’re perfect together aren’t we?”

****

"We are," leaning down Clyde places a few kisses at the nape of Stens' neck, nuzzling into the soft hair there. He could stay like this forever.

****

Stensland gave a little sigh that melted into a soft laugh, his neck was always so sensitive. He kept close to Clyde as they went out, opening their room door and this time launching himself at Clyde as soon as the door was closed behind them. Stensland kissed him firmly, holding on and closing his eyes.

****

Clyde stumbles back from the sudden assault, laughing into the kiss and picking Stensland up to carry him further in. He tips them over when they reach the bed, suddenly acutely aware of where they are when the frame doesn't creak, effectively solidifying their privacy. "What you like?" there are too many options for him to decide, all the things he'd like to do stumbling around his head like a herd of cats and he can't decide on what he'd like best.

****

Stensland laughs softly at the look on Clyde's face, stroking down his arm and taking his hand, holding it above his head as Stensland kisses him deeply again. “It seems that there’s too many things we could possibly do.”

****

"We got all night and then some," Clyde arches up briefly pressing their bodies together and uses his artificial hand to grab Stens' waist, the mechanics whirring quietly in his effort to hold Stensland close. "We could just pick one end and get started."

****

Stens gave a little grin, licking his lips and he could feel the flush rising already with what he was going to say. “I think it’s about time I felt those thick fingers of yours.”

****

"You trust me to do that?" Clyde looks at Stensland with awe, searching his face for any indication that he's joking and finding nothing.

****

“Clyde I trust you with my life and I’ve, I’ve been wanting to for a while... even if it’s just you know, uh, just your fingers.” A shyness suddenly came over Stensland, “If you want to…”

****

"If I want to? By god do I want to, I just hope I can make it as good for you as you do for me." It's one thing doing it to himself, at least that way he can feel if it hurts, doing it to Stens makes him nervous, but he'd still like to make his boyfriend feel good in any way he can. "We'll be needing the slick," getting out from under Stensland is the last thing he wants at the moment, but the lube is still in his toiletries bag and they won't get far without it

****

“I promise to tell you if it doesn’t feel good, Clyde, I just... I've been thinking about it for longer than we’ve been together...” his cheeks went crimson, “I just, uh, I like your fingers.”

****

"Which ones?" Clyde teases flipping Stensland onto the bed and slipping onto the floor to start looking for the lube, it's right where he left it in it's little plastic baggie and he makes a note to buy some more next time he's at the Walmart.

****

“Clyde.” Stensland flushed with the question, he could be so terrible sometimes. “You know what I mean...” As Stensland is left on the bed he takes the moment to undress. 

****

While he's down by the luggage Clyde carefully puts aside his arm to keep it safe from any bodily fluids before turning to find a naked Stensland ready and waiting. He's certain he's never moved faster, practically launching himself onto the bed.

****

He gives a laugh at how fast Clyde is on him, wrapping his legs around his waist even quite enjoying the fact he was totally nude while Clyde was still partly dressed. “I can never get enough of you Clyde.”

****

"Good 'cause I don't think I'll ever be done," he starts laying a path of kisses down Stens' neck, preparing to suck a new bruise into it since the old one has faded. "There's just too much of you to love, darling."

****

That made Stensland feel warm, he loved the soft name made only better by the soft kisses. It felt beyond good and he stroked over Clyde's shoulder. “I adore you.”

****

Clyde hums into Stens' neck finally settling on a spot where the mark should just about peek over the collar of a t-shirt and nibbles the skin there, sucking a red bruise while his hand explores other things. Once he's satisfied with the mark he lets his mouth follow his hand trailing over a smooth stomach and down to Stensland's cock so he can tease it to full attention with his tongue.

****

As always Stensland can’t keep quiet but this time it doesn’t seem to matter, the walls aren’t thin and he’s enjoying it too much to bother. He also likes Clyde knowing how good he feels, the man’s mouth easily working him to hardness.

****

Clyde pulls back before too long, not wanting this to be over before they can get into the thick of things. Sitting up he nearly tears off a few buttons in his haste to get undressed, needing to feel bare skin against his own.

****

Stensland leans forward to tug at the fastening of Clyde's jeans, wanting to feel him now. As strange as it seems he adores Clyde's cock, he loves knowing how he can get Clyde hard without even touching him.

****

As soon as Clyde has his pants off Stensland is pulling him down, groaning quietly at the sensation of their bodies pressing together. “Love you so much.” Clyde rolls his hips a few times, groaning at the feel of them rubbing against each other like this. "Gimmie a hand with this?" he'd rather not make a mess with the lube.

****

Stensland smiles, taking the bottle and gently nudging Clyde back, he bites his lip as he softly takes the man’s hand and slicks his fingers. It almost feels even more intimate doing this for Clyde than what he’s about to do to Stensland, it just feels special. 

****

Clyde is pretty sure he's never seen anything hotter in all his life, the vision of Stensland spread out for him, trusting him to do this right, is intoxicating. To start he only touches, feeling the soft skin there and spreading the lube before carefully pushing one finger past the rim and letting it sink all the way in as Stens relaxes around him, "This alright?"

****

The noise Stensland makes was honestly embarrassing, Clyde's finger felt thicker than he imagined but it felt so nice. He had done this before on his own of course, but now he understood why Clyde enjoyed it so much when Stensland was doing it.

****

“It feels perfect..” Careful to be gentle Clydee moves his finger around until he finds what he's looking for and presses down on the little bundle of nerves while making sure to take in Stensland's every reaction.

****

Stensland chokes at the sensation, holding onto Clyde's arm with a moan. It’s a bit more intense than he could have imagined with Clyde touching him like that but it’s perfect. It’s amazing and he gives a bit of encouragement.

****

Before long he's slipping in a second finger, making sure to press down on Stens' prostate every now and again as he stretches him out, feeling his own desperation grow by the second. "You're so gorgeous like this, darling," Clyde can't help but praise the angel spread out for him, "I want to make you feel so good."

****

“You, you are~” Stensland’s voice is strained, holding onto Clyde's shoulders as he is worked open. It feels incredible and he can’t imagine why they haven’t done this sooner, though Stensland supposed he wanted to make it feel more special by waiting.

Clyde takes his time, wanting to make absolutely sure that he won't hurt Stensland, using the opportunity to cover his boyfriend with kisses while his hand is busy. He even remembers to lick a stripe up Stens' neck, remembering how he'd liked that before.

****

“Clyde, I... I need you... please...” Stensland whimpers, his fingers digging into Clyde's shoulders as the impatience really got to him.

****

Clyde draws it out just a little while longer, trying to get Stens a little closer to the edge since he knows he himself likely won't last long. Reaching for the lube Clyde pours some on himself, probably more than needed, but better safe than sorry, spreading it with his hand before lining up and pushing in inch by inch into that tight heat.

****

Stensland isn’t quiet usually by any means, but now he’s sure the entire hotel can hear him as Clyde pushed into him finally. It feels incredibly, it’s slightly sore but the fact he’s so worked up and Clyde is so careful negates that completely.

****

Bottoming out Clyde stops for a moment, "Alright?" he asks, leaving time for Stensland to adjust and for him to get a grip on himself lest this be over before it even starts.

****

“I, oh god it feels so so good,” He stuttered his words, holding onto Clyde’s waist as tight as he possibly could. “I just need a... a moment.”

****

Hearing that bolsters his confidence and he gets comfortable, settling down onto his elbows to wait for Stens to give him permission to move.

****

Stensland moved to kiss over Clyde's cheeks and neck, giving himself a distraction. “I never thought it would feel so good... I don’t think I’ll last long when you start moving.”

****

"Me neither," Clyde sheepishly admits, trying desperately to think of anything other than how tight and warm Stensland feels around him.

****

“Perhaps we should have, uh, should have saved this for round two...” Stensland wants to laugh but can only moan softly when they shifted ever so slightly.

****

"There's always round three." They've got all night if that's what it takes and Clyde is more than willing to go as many times as he's able.

****

“Are you trying to ruin me?” Stensland groans, moving his hands to properly grip Clyde’s shoulders. “Perhaps you could pin me to the bed and have me however you like.”

****

"Would you like that?" Feeling like they've waited long enough Clyde pulls almost all the way out before pushing back in, keeping the pace slow and steady, careful not to hurt Stensland.

****

“Y-Yes... oh gods, I’d love that.” Stensland wraps his legs around Clyde's waist, making it easier for the man by rocking up and meeting the thrusts as much as he could.

****

Clyde can't keep his pace for long, devolving into more urgent thrusts as he starts getting closer, but at least trying to keep some sort of rhythm. "Whatever you like, darling," he grunts, grabbing hold of Stens' thigh and leaning back a little for the sake of better leverage.

****

That position right there makes Stensland shout in pleasure, Clyde is hitting all the right spots and it isn’t long before Stensland is climaxing untouched for the first time in his life.

****

Watching his boyfriend come apart like that is the most erotic thing Clyde has ever seen and he comes with a surprised squeak when Stens bears down on him. Pressing their hips together Clyde ruts through his orgasm feeling like his entire body is throbbing with it. "Sorry..." he trails off, not even sure if he should apologize, but feeling like he might just as well since he didn't ask if he could come in Stensland's ass first.

****

Stensland moans softly, feeling Clyde throbbing inside him was like something he could never have imagined and his own cock gave a pathetic twitch as he shuddered with pleasure. “You... why are you sorry that that was amazing.”

****

"Should have asked first." Just because he likes something, it's not a given that Stens will too. Well, it's too late to ask now and Stensland doesn't seem to mind so he gives a couple more thrusts before he goes too soft and has to pull out. 

****

Stensland lets out a little grunt as Clyde moves, shuddering as he finally slips out, “That was perfect.”

****

"Give me 20 minutes and I can go again," Clyde chuckles, flopping down next to Stensland to catch his breath and recharge. 

****

Stensland rolled onto his side, putting his arm over Clyde's waist and not even wanting to go clean up. “Well maybe in 20 minutes I can ride you until you’re shouting my name.”

****

"I like the sound of that," their neighbours might not, but that's their problem. "Then I can do the same tomorrow," if they're both still functional, that is.

****

“We’re barely gonna be able to walk when we get back.” Stensland laughed, “I mean gods, Clyde you’re so big...”

****

"I am? I guess I never put much thought into it." Clyde gives himself a thoughtful poke, grimacing at the leftover lube turning sticky. "Don't make no difference anyhow so long as it keeps working."

****

“True, that is true but it feels amazing.” Stensland blushed, kissing Clyde's shoulder. “I love you so much, Clyde.”

****

"I love you too, darling." Using one arm he drags Stensland closer to him placing a soft kiss on his forehead when he's within reach. "And while we're on this particular subject, do you think I oughta shave? It's difficult doing it with one hand and I've cut myself more than I like to admit, but I know a lot of folks don't like a lot of hair down there." It's an awkward question at best, but one that he's been thinking about for a while and can't come to a proper conclusion on so he might as well ask right out.

****

Stensland frowns a little, finding it a slightly odd question. “Shave? No, I, uh, I don’t think... I’ve never even considered it. It’s never bothered me,” He smiles reassuringly and even reaches down to touch the hair between Clyde’s legs. “I like it, I think it would be strange shaved... do you want me to shave?”

****

"No, I like that you're ginger all over." Reaching over he ruffles Stensland's hair, "Copper top," he supplies with a smile. 

****

Stensland giggles at the ruffle, moving his hand back up to stroke over Clyde's chest. “Well that settles it, no uncomfortable shaving,” grinning he leans over and plants a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek.

****

"Thank the lord." He'd been dreading maybe needing to ask for help if it came to that. "Want to see if there's anything on while we recharge?" Clyde nods at the tv not really expecting there to be much worth watching, but maybe something to distract them a little while.

****

“Hmm yeah, even if it’s background noise while I just admire my handsome boyfriend.” 

****

Clyde doesn't think he'll ever stop blushing at being called handsome so he makes a half hearted attempt to hide it by crawling down the bed and giving Stensland an entirely different view while he reaches for the tv remote on the desk. 

****

Stensland hums softly as he watches Clyde, unable to stop himself from following and planting a firm kiss on his ass. “The best arse in the world.” 

****

Clyde makes an entirely embarrassing noise when Stens kisses him, nearly losing his balance in surprise and barely saving himself from a painful meeting with the floor.

****

A laugh is pulled from Stensland who tries to grab Clyde to stop him from toppling over completely. “Sorry!” 

****

Stens' laugh is infectious enough to pull Clyde in once he's safely back on the bed, stifling his giggles with a pillow. "I guess you could say I put the ass in assassin," he snorts not even remotely ashamed of his repertoire of bad jokes.

****

“That May be the worst one yet,” Stensland laughs regardless, finally getting up to go at least wipe most of the mess from his ass, feeling sticky with fluids.

****

Clyde sees no point in arguing instead turning the tv on to start flicking through the channels until he finds something that looks decent enough. There's no keeping the smile off his face though, pleased that his horrible jokes make Stensland laugh when no one else finds him even remotely funny. 

****

When Stensland returns he brings over a drink of water for the both of them, settling back down next to Clyde and tugging the blanket over their legs. “It was kinda nice having a quiet bed...”

****

"Yup, no more raised brows over breakfast." Mellie has become alarmingly proficient in making the most out of nothing in the name of embarrassing them when they've been louder than needed.

****

“We’ll be able to be as loud as we want when we have our own place,” Stens smiled, stroking back Clyde's hair. “If it’s somewhere quiet I might even let you fuck me oh the porch.”

****

"I like the sound of that." The tv is easily ignored in favour kissing his boyfriend. "I'll make you scream so loud," he pinches a nipple. "We could even do it 'neath the stars, spread out a blanket and spend the night taking turns."

****

Stensland actually squeaks when his nipple is pinched, licking his lips and giving Clyde a grin. “You’re so romantic, wanting to fuck me under the stars...”

****

Chuckling Clyde gives the nipple a second pinch, rolling the little nub between his fingers, "Only the best for you, darling."

****

This time Stensland gave a soft little moan, closing his eyes again and letting out a sigh. “I would let you do whatever you wanted to me clyde.”

****

"That goes both ways," Clyde smiles moving his hand to Stens' other nipple so he can lick the one closest to him, biting it until it gains a rosy red flush.

****

Stensland squirms under him, letting out soft little pants. “I never really knew that could feel so good either...”

****

They've only just started really, exploring and discovering new things as they go. "I love how I can make you feel good," Clyde whispers, shifting so he can roll Stensland on top of him for better access to his chest.

****

They move fluidly together, Stensland settling easily on top of Clyde with a smile. “You always make me feel good, I want you to feel good in return.”

****

"Then you can bend me over first thing in the morning," he places a few more kisses to Stensland's chest, "but first, I believe you said something about riding me until I scream?"

****

The flush reaches Stensland’s neck this time, biting his lip he moves so he’s straddling Clyde’s waist. “I think I did...” This time he took Clyde’s hand, adding more lubricant to the fingers himself and moving it between his legs. Despite having just been fucked Stensland knows he still needs a little more warming up before he can take Clyde again.

****

Clyde hums at the feeling of Stensland's warmth closing around his fingers. "You're so pretty like this," he coos, wishing he still had two hands so he could touch more of the skin on display for him.

****

“I’ll look prettier when I’m sitting on your cock,” Stensland blushed furiously, he wasn’t the best at dirty talk and he doesn’t even know why he tried when all it did was very clearly embarrass him.

****

Clyde lets out a low, rumbling groan, cock twitching at the visual Stens has just given him. Wanting, needing Stensland to know how turned on he is he bucks his hips up just enough for his erection to nudge that pert ass.

****

Stensland’s lips part at the rock of hips, he hadn’t expected that reaction from his pathetic attempt at dirty talk and he loves that he can get that reaction from Clyde. It makes him even more desperate to feel the man again, to try and see if Stensland really could get Clyde to shout his name. It didn’t take long for him to grow impatient, having relaxed enough, Stensland’s need taking over as he pushed Clyde’s hand away so he could take what he needed.

****

There's no muffling the sound he makes when Stens seats himself and that tight heat envelops him, he's glad this is their second round or he might have come already. "You were right," he says, absently wiping his hand off on the sheets so he won't smear lube all over Stensland when he moves to grip his hip.

****

A long moan leaves Stensland as he sinks down, feeling stuffed full,he bites his lip to try and compose himself for a moment. He breathes steadily, leaning forward so he can rest his hands on Clyde's broad chest. “Y-you feel so good in me~”

****

"I ain't screaming yet," Clyde challenges, giving a few sharp thrusts up, he suspects it won't be long until he is. Changing his grip again he reaches back up to Stensland's nipples rubbing his palm over the left one.

****

“I haven’t even started...” Stensland collects himself, his own hands moving over Clyde's chest as he sits back and pinches at Clyde's nipples instead. He gently tugs and rubs for a few moments, lifting his hips and finally starting to fuck himself on Clyde.

****

When Stensland starts playing with his chest Clyde arches off the bed with a moan,  _ fuck _ , Stens has him there. He decides then to lay back and leave this up to his boyfriend, settling his hand on a freckled thigh instead.

****

That was when Stensland started moving in earnest, keeping his hands on Clyde's chest and working over his pecs and nipples as he rolled his hips. It was easier focusing on Clyde so he didn’t lose himself too soon, able to keep a steady pace for now.

****

Clyde just leans back and enjoys the show, trying his best to just give himself over to the pleasure, his noise level increasing steadily.

****

Stensland loves the way Clyde sounds, how the deep rumbling moans send a shudder of pleasure through him. It makes him moan himself, giving Clyde’s nipples a last firm pinch he leans back to change the angle.

****

He can't get over how beautiful Stensland looks bouncing in his lap like this, red hair flopping with the movement and falling into disarray. Following the flush of Stens' body Clyde takes it all in, from his darkened eyes to the pink cock jutting out from between his legs occasionally bouncing off of Clyde's stomach. 

****

“Touch me... Clyde please touch me.” Stensland has a sheen of sweat on his face and chest from the way he’s moving his body, making him pant and moan as he rides Clyde. He feels like he’s just taking what he needs and it sends a little thrill through him, the way Clyde is entirely his.

****

"Fuck, Stens," Clyde moans, he's so close to the edge himself. Doing as he's bid he wraps his hand around Stens' cock, stroking firmly and smearing the few drops of precome gathered at the head down the shaft. 

****

Stenswland keens at the way he’s touched, now adventurously leaning further back and pushing his legs further apart so he could really put on a show for Clyde.

****

When Stensland leans back Clyde has just enough presence of mind to bend his legs so he won't fall if he loses his balance. Sweat slick, out of breath, and desperate to come he snaps his hips up to meet Stens', losing himself in the pressure building in his groin. 

****

That gets an even louder moan from Stensland, unable to say anything at all before he’s tensing and reaching his climax again. He makes a mess of Clyde's stomach, yet he doesn’t stop moving, in spite of his thighs trembling with the strain.

****

Clyde strokes him through the orgasm, only letting go when Stens starts whining at the sensitivity.  He's so close, he can feel himself dancing at the very edge and all it takes is a few more thrusts before he's screaming Stensland's name as promised. 

****

Stensland gasps loudly as he hears Clyde shout, it’s perfect and his body gives one last shudder at the feeling of Clyde reaching his climax. 

****

Coming back down Clyde feels like his bones are turning to mush, body heavy with blissed out exhaustion. He's at a loss for things to say so he settles for dragging Stens down so he can wrap his arms around him and hold on. 

****

“I love you so damn much,” Stensland sighs, resting his head on Clyde’s shoulder

****

"You alright?" It's easy falling into a rhythm, stroking Stensland's back as they regain their breaths and cool off.

****

“Yeah, fuck, more than alright...” Stensland is still panting, feeling full and content with the way Clyde was softening inside him.

****

"Good, good," Clyde mumbles, closing his eyes for a moment. They ought to clean up before they pass out, he thinks, trying to find the energy to move enough to wipe the worst off with the top sheet, mentally apologising to whoever has to change them tomorrow.

****

Stensland grumbles a little as Clyde starts shifting, closing his eyes and becoming a dead weight on top of Clyde for a moment so he can have a few seconds more of just enjoying the moment. Tomorrow they can take advantage of the spacious shower with its safety handrail, but for now he's content to just close his eyes and let Clyde’s steady breathing and the tv lull him to sleep.

****

For once in his life Clyde wakes feeling well rested, if a little sore, his phone says it just past nine am which seems as good a time as any to wake up. He slips out of bed to clean up, taking some extra time to stretch out and warm up until his body is elastic and pliant, eager to show Stens just how much he can bend.

****

Stensland himself wakes up a little slower, finally opening his eyes and seeing Clyde moving around. “What’re you doing?” He yawns as he moves to flop on his back, stretching out with a little groan.

****

"Limbering up," Clyde explains while rising from one stretch and slipping into the next, he's no gymnast, by any means, and it's been a while since he's done this, but he's determined to wrap his ankles around his ears for Stensland at least once. 

****

He shuffles over to the edge of the bed, watching Clyde with a gentle sigh. “Well don’t stop for my sake.”

****

Clyde smiles softly to himself at Stens' interest, contorting himself into increasingly difficult positions until the burn in his muscles eases up and he's starting to feel less like almost thirty and more like twenty three again. Maybe he should take up yoga to make this easier in the future? 

****

Stensland hums softly as he watches, Clyde really is gorgeous, and strong, and more flexible than Stensland could have imagined and it makes him bite his lip as he watches. “You’re good at this...”

****

"I used to be better." Back when he was at his physical peak, he's gone soft since he came back, but Stens' appreciation of him makes him want to regain what mass he's lost.

****

"Still good though, you're so strong." Stensland's eyes were practically hearts and while he didn't even know how it was possible he still managed to fall in love with Clyde a little more every day.

****

"There, that’s good enough that you can fold me however you like, and if I keep this up I might learn to do the splits," Clyde tries his best to waggle his eyebrows, but it more than likely doesn't work as well as he'd hoped, all the same he still climbs back onto the bed to drape himself over his boyfriend. 

****

Stensland laughs softly, wrapping his arms around Clyde's waist and licking his lips. “It’s good to know I can have my way with you.”

****

"Whenever you like, darling," he puts on his thickest drawl and deepest timbre, the one he saves for particularly annoying out of towners, or in this case for the sake of charm. 

****

Never in his life did Stensland think someone’s voice could make him moan, but here he was looking at Clyde with wide eyes. “Speak to me like that again.”

****

"You like that, sweetheart?" Nuzzling into Stens' neck Clyde places a kiss on the mark he left yesterday, laving at the purpling bruise with his tongue. 

****

Stensland gives another soft moan, moving so clyde can have free reign over his neck. “I do like it, I love it...”

****

Clyde giggles at the reaction, finding infinitely amusing that the voice he modeled after Junior Brown is turning his boyfriend on like this, but happy that it's doing something all the same. "That's mighty useful to know in case we ever do it over the phone."

****

“I, I suppose.” Stensland flushes deeply, closing his eyes. “Is it... it is weird that I like that?”

****

"Nope, you like what you like, ain't no weirder than me being a lapdog." There are worse things they could be into and he knows it, some of the things he's heard about from patrons ought to be punishable offences. Breathing deep Clyde lays a path of kisses up to Stens's ear and behind it so he can nuzzle into his messy hair.

****

“I think you’re a bit big to be a lapdog,” Stensland chuckles, kissing Clyde’s cheek and glad that he doesn’t think him weird for it at least.

****

"More like a horse," Clyde agrees, "A Clydesdale." He's always wondered if his name was a prediction.

****

“I don’t even know what kind they are but I’m sure they must be very handsome animals if they share a name with the most handsome man.”

****

"They got long faces and big ears too," and a wide ass, but he figures Stens has already caught on to that similarity.

****

Stensland rolled his eyes, stroking back Clyde's hair and kissing his nose. “I dunno why you put yourself down like that, I think you’re perfect including every mole and hair.” He kissed over Clyde's cheek and jaw, one hand rubbing the man’s shoulder.

****

"I guess it's become a habit." It's all too easy to pick out all your other faults when he had one big one he thought made him unlovable. Stensland proved him wrong on that one, something he's very grateful for so he shows his gratitude with a deep kiss. The kiss earns another soft little moan and he moves them with nudges so they are facing each other on the bed. 

****

“Well it’s a habit I hope to break.” Stensland insists

****

"Then you'll just have to tell me how pretty I am every day," Clyde teases with a smile, hooking a leg around Stens' hip to keep him close

****

“I think I can certainly manage that since it’s true.” Stensland moved closer, rubbing over Clyde's thigh and massaging the muscle there slowly. “I really don’t wanna get out of bed...”

****

"Then don't, ain't like we're on a schedule," they've got time. "Why'd you think I took the time to stretch out?"

****

“Oh...” Stensland bit his lip. “You’re going to have me exhausted before we even get to my old flat.”

****

"You can ride on my back." He'd gladly carry Stensland anywhere if it meant they could keep this up as long as they have the opportunity.

****

“I’m sure that would be a sight.” He laughed at the idea of Clyde carrying him everywhere, though he quite likes the thought, he also likes knowing Clyde is strong enough to do so.

****

"Anything for you, darling," Clyde smiles stroking his hand down Stens' side and back up, "Hell, we could even put you on roller-skates and you can just hold onto my belt."

****

“Now that just sounds dangerous,” Stensland laughs again, moving to roll Clyde onto his back, loving the way the man easily moved for him. Stensland settled his weight on top of Clyde, smiling down at him softly. “So is this just a small sex holiday?”

****

"All pleasure I hope," Clyde leers, spreading his legs so Stensland can settle more comfortably against him.

****

“Oh I think that can certainly be arranged.” Stensland let his lips move over Clyde's neck, slowly moving down to kiss over his broad chest, one of his favourite things about Clyde.

****

Clyde hums, basking in the little spots of heat that rise where Stensland's lips make contact. "That's nice," he mumbles, going limp so Stens can arrange him however he likes.

****

Stensland smiles to himself, shifting Clyde only a little so he can settle further down between his legs so he's able to reach the entirety of his chest. Once he's there he's settled, moving his lips and tongue slowly over the skin, taking his time before he finally takes a nipple between his lips and rubs his tongue over the nub.

****

A whimper sips out of him at the little burst of pleasure that blooms across his chest, back arching to push them closer together, his cock starting to show interest in the proceedings.

****

with a hand on his stomach Stensland stops Clyde from moving too much, he didn't want to rush this at all, and even wanted to see if he could have Clyde begging for him.

****

Clyde whines at the restriction, but stays his hips all the same, Stens must have a plan and far be it for him to ruin it by coming too fast. His Stamina has improved somewhat since the first time, and since they got off twice just hours ago he ought to be able to last a little while longer at least.

****

"That's it." Stensland isn't sure why he said that but he rolls with it, stroking over Cylde's stomach and going back to laving his chest with attention, even leaving a few love bites along the way.

****

Clyde alternates between groans of frustration, sighs of content, and a few gasps and moans mingled in as Stensland does what can only be described as worshipping his chest. It's a struggle to keep his hips grounded and resist rubbing up against Stens' soft stomach, he just hopes it'll all pay off later.

****

Only when Clyde's nipples are reddened and slightly swollen with the attention does Stensland move down slowly. He then turns his attention to Clyde's stomach, using his tongue and lips across the firm abs.

****

The air feels cool and prickling on his chest, adding an additional sensation to cloud his mind while Stensland continues his slow path down. Clyde's muscles twitch in response to the attention and he wants so badly to tangle his hand in that fiery hair, but has to settle for the sheets instead, crumpling the cotton in his fist.

****

Stensland is honestly being completely self indulgent with the way he moves so slowly, tasing as much skin as he possibly can. When he moves further down he also bypasses Clyde's crotch and skips to give his thighs the same attention.

****

Clyde groans in protest when Stensland skips the part of him that craves his attention the most, he's rock hard and dripping and Stens is not the least bit bothered by it.

****

The groan only encouraged Stensland to tease even more, to kiss and lick up the inside of Clyde's thighs. He pushed them further apart, sucking another mark into the very sensitive skin there before pausing to look up at clyde. “Is there something you want love?”

****

"You know damn well what I want, you danged tease," he snaps with affection, spreading his legs further as an incentive in the hopes hat Stens might finally touch him.

****

“Well tell me, Clyde, tell me what you want.” Stensland licked a long stripe up the inside of Clyde's thigh, even letting his nose nudge his sack.

****

"I would like some part of you inside me," he's not picky at this point, "Please," he tacks on at the end since good manners have always helped him out before.

“Hmm a finger? My cock?” Stensland was flushed himself with the words, he wanted to try and get Clyde as riled up as he could. To see if his words could also have the same effects.

“My tongue?”

****

"People do that?" Clyde can't help the surprise that overtakes him, he'd thought that wasn't something that happened in real life. Still there's no denying the surge of arousal that spikes through him at the thought of Stensland touching him like that.

****

Stensland gave a nod as if he was the expert, when in reality he had just been reading a lot of sex blogs when he found a few spare moments. Things written by real people for him to try instead of watching porn.

****

“Not if you don’t want to.” Stensland rubbed over Clyde's hip, wanting to try everything with the man but also never wanting to push a boundary.

****

"I thought they only did that in the pornos," Clyde admits. "But I did wash up this morning so I suppose I wouldn't be opposed to having a go." He's clean and if Stensland is willing they might as well try it out, see if there's anything to it.

****

“Porn isn’t exactly reliable but I’ve done some reading, I want to do things for you.” Stensland sighs softly, moving up and pressing a kiss to his shaft.

****

"I'd like to try it," Clyde affirms, if either of them don't like it, it would be easy to stop and leave that behind in favour of something else.

****

Stensland rubs his hands over Clyde's thighs again and hints for Clyde to part them further and lift up. “It’s a good job you stretched.” He feels nervous, giving a little giggle as he kisses the inside of Clyde’s thigh. A few moments later he moves forward, just trying to put into actions what he read in the blog.

****

At the first touch of tongue Clyde makes a decidedly unmanly noise and tries not to think too hard about where that tongue is. He's ever grateful his arms are busy holding his legs up or he might have torn the sheets instead of just gripping his own thigh hard enough to leave a red imprint when he lets up again.

****

Stensland takes the sound as a very good sign, moaning deep at the reaction he had drawn from Clyde just by using his tongue. He gets pleasure knowing he’s drawing pleasure from Clyde, making sure he’s doing exactly what it said in the blog.

****

Clyde shudders at Stensland’s moan, hot breath brushing over his hole and making it clench. It's almost hard to believe Stens would enjoy doing this, but that sound says otherwise and makes it easier for him to relax into it now that he knows they're both having a good time.

****

Now they’re both hard, and it’s taking all Stensland has not to hump the mattress with the gorgeous sounds Clyde is making. It makes him feel special that he can do this, eventually working in a single finger as he looks up at Clyde from between his legs.

****

After so long that one finger feels amazing, it's not enough, but it is one step closer. Clyde pushes back on Stens' hand, silently begging for more while also pretty sure he might come if Stensland touches his prostate right now. He figures it's fair to warn Stensland of this so the fun won't be over too soon.

****

Stensland takes note of how much he’s wound Clyde up, giving himself a self satisfied grin as he moved back and sits up between Clyde's legs. “Pass me the lube, love.” He withdraws his finger, giving Clyde a small moment to collect himself.

****

Reaching for the bottle Clydee nearly fumbles it off the side table in his haste to get Stensland inside of him before practically throwing it at his boyfriend.

****

Thanks to the throw Stens can barely catch it but he manages, giving Clyde a soft smile. “You’re so eager...” He still doesn’t rush, taking his time and working Clyde open as slowly as he can without pushing him too far.

****

"Tease," Clyde repeats going back to holding his legs out of the way and trying not to fuck himself on Stensland's fingers.

****

“It would seem you like that though.” Stensland thrust his fingers in slowly, using his other hand to give Clyde a firm stroke just to take the edge off for the moment. “I’m just enjoying my gorgeous partner.”

****

Clyde’s desperation is growing with the slow pace and he nearly sobs when Stensland touches him so briefly, hips bucking up in search for more. "Please."

****

“Please? Please what? Do you want to cum? Or do you want me inside?” Stensland gives another firm stroke then stills his movements all together.

****

"Please fuck me," he's past caring about how he sounds the only thing that matters is finally getting Stensland's cock inside of him in some way before he dies of neglect.

****

That was exactly what made Stensland melt, Clyde sounding so desperate and asking for more, the way there was a whine in his voice. It made Stensland eager to please, moving to finally give Clyde exactly what he wanted.

****

Clyde sobs when Stensland finally presses into him, the feeling of being filled sending sparks through his entire body until his toes curl and he's arching off the bed.

****

Stensland presses Clyde back down, resting his weight on top of him and kissing him slowly. “I love you so much, I love you.” He rocked his hips slowly, feeling Clyde's trapped cock twitch between them with every slow thrust.

****

A string of whimpers and sobs leave him with each thrust, it just feels so damn good, like every nerve in his body is on fire. Clyde is sure he'll come the second Stens finds his prostate and he has a feeling he might go blind from it.

****

Both of them can only desperately hold onto each other with each movement, Stensland shifting his hips slightly so he can thrust at an angle wanting to make Clyde feel like he hasn’t felt before. He wants to see the man completely come apart under him and also loves that he has the ability to make it happen.

****

To help with the angle Clyde hooks his legs over Stens' shoulders, lifting his hips just that little bit more. He was right, it only takes two more thrusts once Stensland has hit the right spot before he's screaming his completion, tensing when his orgasm crests and blooms through his whole body, vision greying out along the edges.

****

Stensland can’t stop swearing when he feels Clyde reach his climax, the way it takes over his body and he almost growls with the sensation of Clyde tensing around him. He couldn’t stop now even if his life depended on it, working Clyde through his orgasm until he reached his own with a desperate moan.

****

Coming back down he's acutely aware of every little thing, it's like he can feel every thread in the sheets rubbing against his back, but what draws his attention the most is the heat of Stensland's body where they're pressed together, how he's twitching inside him as he comes.

****

Stensland himself is muttering soft praise, telling Clyde how gorgeous he was and how much he loved him as he slowly came down from the blissful high.

****

He could cry if he wasn't so fucked out, still reeling from the most powerful orgasms he's ever had. "I think I'm blind," Clyde mutters after a while, letting his legs slide off Stens' shoulders so he can wait for his bones to turn solid again, "Did I die?" Better ask just in case.

****

“No you didn’t,” Stensland can’t help but smile, stroking over Clyde's cheek. “You’re not blind either my love.”

****

"Are you sure?" Clyde turns his head to press a kiss to Stensland's palm leaning into the touch and trying to catch his breath.

****

“I’m sure you just have your eyes closed,” He gave a soft laugh, moving to rest his head on Clyde's shoulder.

****

"Mmmm, you're right," Clyde agrees, cracking his eyes open to watch Stensland get comfortable. "Pretty sure you might have to carry me around instead though, my legs feel like jell-o."

****

“I think we can take some time to recover before we have to do anything.” Stensland moved back with a soft little groan, flopping to the side with a huff of breath. “You’re so perfect.”

****

"Me? You're the one who just made me come so hard I thought I'd gone blind," if anyone of them is perfect it's Stensland.

****

Another softly giggle and Stensland is kissing Clyde gently, stroking back his hair. “I’m glad I can make you feel so good.”

****

"You always make me feel good, darling," he's sure no one else could compare. "I love you like crazy," he states, snuggling up against Stens' side.

****

“Good because you’re not getting rid of me.” Stensland is very happy to cuddle Clyde, pulling him a bit closer and stroking his hair.

****

Hearing that brings a wave of joy with it and Clyde lets out a pleased sigh pulling himself on top of Stensland so he can stare at his boyfriend from real up close. "God, I wanna marry you," he blurts out before he can restrain it and keep the thought to himself, it's too soon to ask a question like that, but it's out there now.

****

Stensland’s mouth hangs open, they had just had mindblowing sex and Clyde said he wanted to  _ marry him _ . He couldn’t believe it was true, looking like he was in complete shock. “Is is that you... are you asking me?”

****

"I didn't mean to yet, I was gon wait a while, but yeah, I guess I am asking you to take me down the aisle," Clyde had had a plan and this wasn't it, he doesn't even have a ring yet, but if Stensland says yes they can go out and buy one today.

****

“You want me to marry you.” Stensland’s eyes watered up before he could stop them, he was a crier and now it was gonna come on in full force. “I wanna marry you, I want to, yes!” He gave an ugly sob followed by a laugh at what a state he must look as he pulled Clyde into the tightest possible hug.

****

_ Yes _ , Stensland said  _ yes _ . They're getting married, holy shit they're getting married! Tears of joy well up in his eyes, turning his laugh thick and wet as he clings to his fiance for dear life. "I swear I'll buy you a ring today," Clyde fumbles out eventually.

****

Stensland feels ridiculous for how much he’s crying but he can’t stop it, not so long ago he thought his life was over as he went to prison and now he’s going to be getting married to the love of his life. “I don’t need a ring, I have everything I need right here.”

****

"Mellie'll kill me if I don't get you one," Clyde laughs, raining kisses over Stensland's tear streaked face. Fuck, his heart is still racing, pure bliss coursing through his veins as he's trying to get a hold on what's just happened and think up a way to break the news.

****

“You’re gonna be all salty.” Stensland sniffles and gives a little laugh, trying to wipe most of the mess from his face. “You can get me a ring from the dollar store and I would love it, oh my god, Clyde... you want me to marry you. For real?”

****

"I'm gonna get you a ring from a jewelry store and get down on one knee like I oughta," he insists. "You're the only one I want to spend my life with."

****

“Clyde if you do that I will cry again and embarrass you.” Stensland holds onto Clyde like he can’t possibly let go, and right now he really can’t he feels like he could just fall apart with sheer joy.

****

"What makes you think I won't cry too?" Clyde is sure he will and then they'll both be crying in public, with their luck they'd go viral and he won't have to come out to Jimmy.

****

Stensland laughs, “We are a right pair aren’t we? I love you so much. I love you.”

****

"I reckon we were made for each other," Clyde muses with a soft smile. Or at least Stensland was made for him, he's sure, who else would love him like this in spite of his missing and broken parts? "You're my lucky charm that broke the family curse," he's yet to talk Stens' ear off about that, not wanting to scare him off, but now that they're getting hitched he supposes it wouldn't be too bad to share his own superstitions.

****

“You think you have a family curse?” Stensland looks more curious than anything, rubbing over Clyde's arm. “Now what makes you think that?”

****

"How we've had shit luck for at least three generations, Papa lost his diamond, my aunt her big win lottery ticket, my folks died, Jimmy blew his knee out and lost his chance at the NFL, and I lost my hand on the way to the airfield to go home, not to mention the queer part of it," which he's starting to think less and less of as part as the curse. "It's a right miracle that the heist went as good as it did and I reckon that was 'cause I had you waiting for me."

****

“That’s not a curse, being gay, it’s just who you are. It’s just part of you, and I don’t think it’s a curse everyone is cursed if you think of it that way but think of the good things. Mellie is amazing, you survived without your arm, Jimmy can still walk, and we met.”

****

"That's true, don't change that streak of bad luck though, but I'm hoping that's over now, that's of course providing my brother don't get mad at me for marrying a man."

****

“If he does that’s his problem, it’s not bad luck, it’s someone being bigoted. There isn’t a curse Clyde, shit happens to everyone and sometimes you’ve just got to focus on what you have.”

****

"I got a lot of evidence on this, it can't all be a coincidence," Clyde protests, but all the same, curse or no, he still had just enough luck to have Stensland come stumbling into his life.

****

“There are more coincidences than we can imagine, plus I don’t think you’re cursed,” Stensland smiled softly, stroking over Clyde's cheek, “I love you.”

****

"Ain't like anybody else ever believed me either," Clyde says with a mock offended huff that devolves into a giggle, folding his arms across Stensland's chest so he has a place to rest his chin. "Let's just send him a picture of the ring once you're wearing one." At least that way if Jimmy gets salty about it they won't be face to face.

****

“Well if that’s what you want to do, it doesn’t really matter what people think because we’re getting married.” Stensland smiles as wide as he can, “I’m not wearing a dress though.”

****

"I don't mind wearing it," Clyde snorts into Stensland's chest, the image of himself in a stretched out wedding dress now burned into his mind.

****

Stensland laughs at the image too, shaking his head. “Perhaps we should stick to suits... oh my god. Clyde, we have to plan a wedding.”

****

"We got time, darling, there ain't no rush." They ought to focus on getting their own place first, letting Sookie grow up a little so she can be the ring bearer, they've got all the time in the world ahead of them.

****

“I never thought I would ever have to do that... I, uh, I dreamed about it a little bit but wow... we get to pick colours and clothes and everything.”

****

"Well, once Jimmy says it's safe, we'll have plenty of money to make it exactly how we'd like." There'll be enough leftover after buying a house to pay for their wedding and honeymoon, he'll do anything it takes to get Stensland his dream wedding.

****

“Oh yeah I, I, uh, keep forgetting about that. I mean I would still like to save some of my own money... it just makes it feel special.”

****

"Whatever you like, darling," Clyde concedes, finding it perfectly understandable that Stensland doesn't want a whole lot to do with the money they stole. Mindful of his weight he slides off of Stensland to lay pressed up against his side instead an idea rattling around in his head.

****

"I'd still like to get you a ring, but would you wear my dog tags too?" That would mean more to him than any ring could, the only time he's spent without them since they were issued was his time at Monroe.

****

“Your dog tags? Clyde I... you really want me to wear them?” Stensland knew it was special, he knew that it would mean a lot and he felt the tears welling up again. “Of course I will, of course.”

****

Smiling Clyde pulls the chain over his head, immediately feeling naked without them, but comforted to know they'll be with Stensland. "Don't you cry now, darling," he steals a wet kiss as he slips his tags around Stens neck, feeling a surge of love at seeing them laid out on his boyfriend’s chest.

****

“I can’t stop it, you’re just you’re so amazing. I love you. I love you and I wanna do you proud.” Stensland kissed him softly, holding the tags in his hands.

****

"You already make me proud, you're the strongest man I know." And that's the truth whether Stensland believes him or not, nobody can go through what he did and come out mostly unscathed without that strength.

****

Stensland lets out a soft laugh at that, shaking his head. “I’m not that strong... I guess maybe I’m just a little bit stubborn when I have to be. I wouldn’t have made it through that place if it wasn’t for you Clyde.”

****

"Well, now you got me for life so I reckon we'll both be okay."

****

“I think we will be.”


End file.
